Quebec, CDN—President Trump apparently arrived much later to the G-7 summit than was originally reported. In fact, the U.S. representative did not attend the traditional world leader photo shoot. Instead a cardboard cutout was propped between Germany’s Angela Merkel and Canada’s Justin Trudeau at the last minute. When asked why none of the leaders leaked this information to the press, they all had a variation of the same response: “We greatly preferred the company of the cardboard cutout.” Justin Trudeau was particular incensed with the President of the United State’s behavior at the summit and wished the cardboard substitute could have “stayed the whole time.” Trudeau went on to say, “If he acts like that again, we will take certain measures. And I’m warning Mr. Trump that Canadian ‘time outs’ take place in the Yukon and involve being chained to a polar bear.”
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders is denying cardboard-gate, “The president attended all the events as scheduled, in person. This is just more fake news from the liberal media. The red area around the president’s shoes in some images is merely a new fashion statement conceived by Ivanka. The other leaders were encouraged to follow suit and, had they agreed, it might have gone a long way to reducing the risk of an escalated trade war.” Sanders went on to say, “The president was happy to attend the summit and he rarely tried to sneak off and eat McDonald’s and watch Fox News. It has been reported that the president was redirectable when his handlers followed the designated behavioral treatment plan and he never came close to getting a ‘third strike’ for the entire summit.”
The president did request that a cardboard cutout of himself attend the Women’s Empowerment Breakfast, but he was eventually talked into attending in person by his Secretary of Mistress Affairs. Trump later was caught on a hot mic saying, “I only like to empower young Russian women during certain role plays. I think Putin has the video. Did I mention he should really be here today?”
