Tweet Tower—President Trump announced the firing of Vincent “Vinny” Gagootz and Frankie “Knuckles” Marinelli shorty after the Washington Examiner broke the story of the discovery of a body in the Tidal Basin of the nation’s capital. President Trump is calling any connection between the pugnacious pair and the body that washed ashore during the Cherry Blossom Festival early Saturday as “Fake News.” The president told the press today, “These are not the guys who hide the bodies…obviously. We are going to miss Vinny and Knuckles around here. They’re good thugs, the best thugs. I don’t think this face *cough* I mean, this place is going to be the same without them.”

Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders said, “I have nothing further to add beyond the president’s downplaying of the incident and his denial of any obvious connection between the killing and the firings. Next question that I will refuse to answer…”

Vinny Gagootz told the press today, “I’m just hurt we were fired by tweet. We did a lot of work for Mr. Trump over the years and he’s always been happy with our ‘services’. I always thought we were a big hit. Ha! See what I did there? If anyone needs any ‘security’ help, let us know. Done dirt cheap.”