Tent City—Under the new Trump budget, funding for the Department of Housing And Urban Development is being drastically cut. HUD Secretary Ben Carson told the press today, “We are still focusing on housing for the poor, but just not of the four-walls-one-roof variety. We will be moving toward a block grant model, which blocks the grants from poor people and shifts them to the rich. It’s all part of the president’s new Dooh Nibor initiative. Think about that one… But we are going to make sure the domicile-impaired get hooked up with some really good real estate people and financial advisors, for a fee of course. We want to help them sign onto a mortgage then our friends on Wall Street can step-in and work their repackaging magic. There’s also some concern about those folks who are homeless and suffer from addiction or mentally illness. I can assure you these folks will still be eligible for all the same supportive services, well, until the behavioral health cuts kick-in next month.”
President Trump told the press today, “These budget cuts are important for society. They’re important. These cuts will build character, which is good because my infrastructure bill isn’t going build a lousy hotdog stand. In my new plan, Section-8 housing and other rent subsidies are gone. They’re gone. Look, Klinger over at that Korean M*A*S*H unit got on section-8 just for dressing up like a girl. The Trump administration is not going to pay for men to dress up like women. Except that one time over at the Moscow Hotel, but …uh, don’t release that shit, Vlad! You promised me! We have an agreement. Iyay illway otnay enforceyay the sanctions, K?”
The White House insists that their new budget will bring down Federal costs associated with low income housing, even if it clogs up every emergency room in the country and slams the American taxpayer with trillions more in higher average service-delivery costs. Secretary Carson is reassuring existing participants that the new budget cuts will not further impact those already homeless, and that all dead people are exempt from these programmatic changes. Mostly.
