Tweet Tower—Against the advice of all of his advisors, President Trump has booked Justin Timberlake for a gala next January at Mar-a-Lago to celebrate his own administration’s halftime show. The move has drawn tripartisan criticism, which is a first, and even the stoically silent special investigator, Bob Mueller, has broken his silence and suggested the president go with Rihanna.

Justin Timberlake told the president he would be honored to perform, but only if he can do a nipplegate revival theme, in honor of the infamous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show of 2004. He told the president he wants his backup dancers to actually dress up like giant nipples. President Trump said there was plenty of time to work out the details, but that he would have the full cooperation of Trump’s Gold Ivanka Clone Strippers.

For critics of last Sunday’s halftime show, Timberlake said, “Hey, I love Prince, but just be glad I didn’t go with my parody of When Doves Cry. This is what it sounds like when farts fly, ptthhht, pththt, ptthh pttth. I was going to do go full armpit raspberry for the chorus. Maybe I will save that one for The Donald.”

A discord blast from the past:
Janet Jackson Brings Wardrobe Malfunction to a Whole New Level