Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I was in a public restroom stall the other day and the guy next to me was humming that song, the one that goes, “I hear the secrets that you keep when you’re talking in your sleep.” I found the whole thing deeply disturbing. Do you think I need therapy or something?

The Mad Hoopster

Dear MH,

…or something. Who am I Dr. fucking Phil? Look, you should never take a dump in a public restroom; that’s why God gave us the alley.

The Ghetto Shaman