Oceans 11 (because our oceans go to 11)—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Casino, has put forth a controversial new theory of our ancient oceans. Dr. Hogbein believes the early Ordovician period, traditionally believed to have been dominated by giant nautiloids and hemorrhoids, was actually ruled by a giant extinct submarine known as megalasub. “These were truly giants of the deep,” said Hogbein, “Nothing could have stood a chance against a submarine that could grow to the length of 375 meters. Could you imagine if Subway served a 375 meter long sub? I can’t, thankfully.”When asked about proof of the existence of such a massive ocean dwelling machine, Hogbein points to the graph at the top of this page. “The chart speaks for itself. I would also like to point out the movie poster for the film The Hunt For Red October, which makes the submarine look really big. Look, without a proper reference meglasubs could be mistaken for normal-sized subs, even during Super Bowl parties.”

Dr. Hogbein has asked for grant money to search the Marianas Trench for any signs of these ancient sea creatures. He has started a GoFundMe page, which is still $100K shy of its targeted goal of $100K.