The rightwing media is demanding Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s entire team be replaced with people who show no bias toward President Ass-Clown Hitler. According to the Institute For People Who Think & Stuff, accomplishing such a feat may prove difficult given the context of our current political reality. Finding enough unbiased intelligent life-forms who still support the president seems unlikely at this time, so pro-Trump factions are suggesting the search for unbiased life be expanded to include quadrants beyond the boundary of our known solar system.

Sean Hannity of Fox News said, “We need to find wholly apolitical life-forms, perhaps created in a lab somewhere by conservative scientists. I don’t care how they do it, but if any member of the future Mueller team has ever uttered even a micro-tweet against our savior, *cough* president, then it’s Guantanamo time. Speaking of the future, maybe we could time travel to find unbiased professionals. And by time travel I mean to the past, of course *cough*.”

Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Gift Shop, said, “Finding life in the Universe of any kind is challenging enough, let alone life forms that don’t think Trump is an idiot. Nearly all liberals think Trump is an idiot and even most people across the planet think he’s an idiot. Heck, even a high percentage of Trump’s own cabinet members have called him an idiot. We wanted to employ some pre-bacteria like substance discovered on a passing asteroid, but then we found anti-Trump statements posted on its social media sites. The asteroid, Oumuamua, which is Hawaiian for Damn, we have way too many vowels out here, may yet prove helpful in pointing us toward unbiased political life-forms somewhere in the vastness of space.”

Earlier today the president tweeted: