A long time ago during an allegation far, far away—Darth Caedus is citing the forcible kiss planted on his mother’s lips during Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back as the impetus behind his father’s eventual slaying. The Sith Lord told the Discord, “The so called ‘light’ side of the force is fraught with actual force against princesses. Han Solo was kissing her without permission and C3PO was always grabbing my mom’s ass. Heck, I don’t even want tell you what that Wookie did during episode VI. Pig! Speaking of pigs, those pig gaurds from Return of the Jedi were pretty damn frisky as well. My mother once said being chained to Jabba the Hutt was preferable to the intergalactic grope-fest that occurred each day on the set.”

President Donald Trump was quick to condemn the cast of Star Wars:

The White House is since denying reports that Chalmun’s Cantina on Mos Eisley refused to issue Trump’s company a gambling license due to his ongoing dealings with Jabba the Hutt, the Weequay pirates, and the dreaded Mandalorians.

In an exclusive Discord interview, Yoda admitted, “Cop a good feel, I sometimes must. Embarrassed, I am.”

In related inappropriate Star Wars news:

Discord’s Unofficial Star Wars Trailer Brings More Controversy