The Kremlin—President Donald Trump is denying allegations he met with any Russians on his trip to Moscow this week. The official word from the White House is that no meeting occurred and there’s nothing for Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller to investigate. They then added Mr. Mueller should probably just stop his investigating all together and find something more productive to do with his free time, like quilting or something. This does not match a leaked staffer’s account of the trip. The unknown staffer alleges President Trump did meet with President Putin during his formal meeting with him yesterday in Moscow, and the two did work in some light colluding over dinner, between courses.

According to the same staffer, during the meeting the president said, “I didn’t know what this word collusion even meant, but then when I found out, I was like, sure, let’s collude with Russia. Why not? I’m down …no really I’m like hanging at a 35% approval rating, so I don’t think a little collusion could hurt at this point. I’m thinking we blow some shit up so I can get my polls back up. That Trudeau has been pissing me off lately. You in, Vlad? Hey, have you seen the movie Wag the Dog? I haven’t, but whenever I talk like this people suggest I rent it on Netflix.” He then apparently asked Putin, “So what do you want to collude about today?”

Fox News has begun 24/7 coverage on how these White House leaks are undermining this president’s attempt to get our country into another unnecessary war. They are looking to General Kelly to put an end to these leaks, so our president can concentrate on putting an end to mankind.