Pikeville, KY—Earlier today Congressman Jeff Stilton (R-KY) was involved in what many are calling a mindless PR stunt. The two term politician swam in a pile of coal outside of the Blankenship Coal Hole to prove to the American people once and for all that coal is safe for any and all activities. Representative Stilton said, “I swam in coal, my daddy swam in coal, and my daddy’s daddy owns Kohl’s. Right now a company is trying to turn an important, historic Kentucky coal mine into a wind-powered eye sore. We coal people do all of our stuff deep underground, so you don’t have to be burdened with giant freaky fans and the like. Besides, do you know how many hot sexbots had to die so they could make those wind farm monstrosities? A lot #SaveTheSexBots.”

President Trump weighed in today in the form of a presidential tweet:

Congressman Stilton told the Discord today, “I love coal and so should you. In fact, why don’t you and your kids visit the Anthracite Museum this weekend. The price of admission comes with a tasty lignite sandwich as well as all the ice cream coals you can eat. Mmmm. *cough*. That was a cough to convey an awkward moment, not a cough suggesting that I might be developing lung cancer. *cough*. That one I’m not really sure.”