Tweet Tower—President Trump is finally shifting to center. He has a plan to pitch some political compromises in the hopes of luring democrats toward his nefarious agenda. The President wants to utilize green energies to increase our military prowess and expand our nuclear arsenal. Trump said, “Just think if nuclear bombs could be created more efficiently, like by wind power. I think that’s something both sides of the aisle can really duck behind. I see a shining beacon on a hill, it’s a military research base powered by solar energy. I see another light on the horizon! Oh, shit …head to the bunkers.”

The Defense Department is totally on board with a greener thumb for our military projects and establishments. Defense Secretary General Mattis said, “Think about a fleet of solar powered nuclear submarines, well, you know, for when they surface. We might even get Area 51 green. Hey, that would mean green energy could help us reverse-engineer the weapon systems of little green men. Who knows, maybe extraterrestrials are environmentalists? Heck, I might even thaw one out and ask it.”

Donald Trump said, “Little Rocket Man, meet my completely sustainable and biodegradable apocalypse. Winning!”

*I really wanted to Photoshop solar panels on the USS Nimitz, but my lunch break is over #Losing!