Ringling, OK—Located only twenty miles from U.S. Route 35, Ringling residents question why “no one ever stops here.” The local gift shop, travel port, and gas distribution center reports only one item sold during the entire fiscal year.

Convenience store proprietor, Fran Mullins said, “The T-shirt we sold read: What happens in Ringling …No Really, What Happens in Ringling? It’s not really a joke so much as a cry for help.”

Despite the abysmal sales, the town continues to look forward from their porch chairs. “We’re not looking back,” said Mayor Johnson. “Nothing back there anyways. We think a mural on the side of Morley’s Hardware store might help—maybe of a bustling town. It’s a ‘paint it and they will come’ kind of philosophy. We are also thinking of a traffic light, so they have to stop. We just need to pave some type of cross street, I suppose.”

Warren Morley, of Morley’s Hardware added, “There’s talk of a Panda Express opening next year. This is solely for the purpose of improving tourism, because, frankly, there’s not much demand for panda meat among locals.”