Rolla, MO—Restaurant Manager, Bob Dickson, was shocked and saddened when no one showed at his Waffle House for their special Valentine’s menu.

“We put candles on every table,” said Dickson. “We even got those mini fish bowl glass thingies from the Dollar Store for ‘em.” Upon further questioning, Dickson admitted their heart-shaped waffles looked “more like asses” and they never did switch the closed sign to open for the entire first shift.

The feedback from their regulars followed a clear pattern. It seems a lot of men suggested the Waffle House on February 14^th but the women were less than enthusiastic.

Mason explained, “The gals all responded with a similar ‘Are you f^&*ing kidding me?!’ theme. But we’re still looking at it like the glass is half full. The guys liked the idea, so we’re halfway there. You know, like that Bon Jovi song.”

When asked what song? Mason furrowed his brow. “I don’t know, but I do know the Waffle Shop is not giving up. We could cater to gay male couples. We should corner the market on that demographic for sure.”

When asked if a large gay community existed in Rolla, Mason replied, “Sure, we’re open to that kind of thing…well, in a ‘run-their-faggot-asses-out-of-town’ kind of way.”