Tweet Tower—Donald Trump announced his decision today to appoint Swamp Thing to head the Department of Homeland Security. Many are already calling into question Swamp Thing’s lack of related experience, or the lack of any employment history whatsoever since a laboratory explosion forced him to reside in a nearby swamp in 1972. In a rare comment former President Barack Obama told the Discord, “Let’s set a side for a moment the question as to whether or not Swamp Thing is prepared to execute the duties and responsibilities of this key position, but how did this president ignore the obvious optics?”

Senator John Q. Republican said, “My concern is that Swamp Thing is a vegan. I will not put the safety of this country into the hands of a man not constantly stuffing his face with pork chops and T-bones. I would trust Hannibal Lechter over some green hipster living off the grid.”

President Trump was quick to dispel any criticism. “Swamp Thing has spent his whole life protecting his swamp from supernatural terroristic threats. So who better than him for this job? I thought, why not just let him expand the swamp that he is already protecting to include me and my family?”