Damascus, SY—War ravaged Syria is trying to make an economic comeback in 2017. Part of this daring rebound involves exporting gravel to countries in need of gravel. In a recent speech Syrian President Bashar al-Assad told the world he was “growing more confident by the day that my country’s economic prospects are looking up.” President al-Assad added, “You should always look up when visiting Syria as debris is constantly falling from the roof tops. Besides that, I am very pleased with recent economic indicators. Long before Trump I promised to make Syria Gravel Again. Oh, and to celebrate Ramadan this year I personally sent tons of Ramen noodles to all of our major cities. I’m calling it Ramendan. Get it? Ha! And, boy, do we have a shit-load of gravel! And it’s all 100% authentic Syrian gravel, chock full of history nuggets.”

Many countries are supporting al-Assad’s new found interest in his economy, in fact, many Syrian allies across the region are giving free advertising space for his initiative. A recent commercial that aired across the Middle East shows al-Assad climbing up out of a pit of gravel, dusting himself off and saying, “Syrian gravel is the finest gravel for the best prices. Use Syrian gravel for all of your landscaping, driveway, and drainage needs. Remember, each bag of Syrian gravel is made with love and bombs. For no additional charge each bag will also contain small bone fragments of my countrymen, so remember أنقاض الله, Gravel is Great!”

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