Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I want to meet my totem animal. How best to bring about this important spiritual encounter? Thanks ahead of time.

Flailing Spiritually

Dear FS,

Your totem animal never needs to be sought. Your totem animal is always right beside you. In fact, I can sense the bond between you and your…oh…oh dear. I hope you didn’t like those shoes. Bad totem animal!

The Ghetto Shaman

P.S. Try baking soda to get out the smell. You’re welcome.