Washington, DC—Special Prosecutor, Robert Mueller, the man assigned to investigate President Trump’s possible obstruction of justice, was last seen reluctantly entering a limousine outside of the downtown DC Hooters on 7th Street. Eye-witnesses claim several of Trump’s security detail surrounded Mueller, while mindlessly chanting “make a America great again” over and over again. One passerby claims Mr. Mueller was shoved into the backseat before the car sped off toward the Hooters in nearby Mantua.

Donald Trump told the press the story is, “Preposterous” and “ridiculous” and every other synonym for preposterous that the president seemed to be reading verbatim from a pocket thesaurus. President Trump reminded the press there are a number of Trump security copycat groups roaming the streets. “Most are just trying to make America great again, but only some of them are on the payroll. I can assure that I did not tell Senator Graham that Mueller was ‘sleeping with the fishes’ or ‘playing Jimmy Hoffa’. Those comments were taken out of context and, at the time, I was actually referring to what I would like to do to James Comey. Who is a different person, is much taller, and has black hair. It’s not the same hit, essentially.”

Sean Spicer later told the Discord, “It was a Roget’s Thesaurus as the president is trying to gradually expand his vocabulary and prepare for his presidential GED test.”