Dear Ghetto Shaman,

Are there any Cliff Notes for enlightenment? Any shortcuts? I have read everything from Maharishi Mahesh, to Genpo Roshi, to Toltec friggin’ wisdom and I am in a spiritual wasteland, man! I’m not growing compassion, I’m growing old, I’m growing tired, I’m growing ulcers!

Gary

Dear Acid Reflux,

No one can do this for you, Gary. Gurus, meditations, the very Dharma itself can only point you in the direction. In my case that direction would be south. Try rereading chapter two of my Booty Sutras: The Sanctity of the Spank-titty. But If I tell you anymore I could actually hinder your spiritual growth. No, really, I will…

The Ghetto Shaman