Tweet Tower—Scientists are questioning the large amounts of energy currently emanating from Trump Tower. Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lube, told the discord today, “Profound amounts of energy are there and then gone again, as if a door is opening and then closing again. That’s when it hit me, he’s building a Stargate to avoid the pending impeachment proceedings!” When asked if there is any other evidence for a Trump Tower Stargate, Dr. Hogbein cited SG1 season 1: ep 3 and all of season 4. He also referenced the above Daily Discord image, depicting President Trump gazing into a time portal. The Daily Discord Photoshopper was unavailable for comment.

President Trump did meet with Sarah Palin earlier this week, who the president once called, “The best quitter, the best. She’s phenomenal at shirking shit. If I ever need to get out of stuff, or disappear, she’s my girl.” Did the president meet with Mrs. Palin to discuss the best way to leave this dimensional plane of existence? How much tax payer dollars will this project cost? Would any amount of money be worth sending this asshole packing?

When asked about this matter, President Trump said, “Sarah and I talked about a lot of things, like sanctions for Russia. Ha! But I am keeping the whole Stargate operation a secret. Wait, scratch that. Fine. Look, I hate El Chapo. Remember, that Mexican cartel dude who threatened me? But I admire all those cool escapes of his. So I thought if I can avoid impeachment while topping El Chapo, now that would be Yuuuge! Besides, there’s a planet out there that’s one big golf course and naked green women bring you drinks all day. Hey, but I’m not sending the pics to Putin this time. I learned my lesson.”