Washington—Paul Ryan is less than pleased by the premature death of Trumpcare, a healthcare system many were calling ‘irresponsible’ and ‘stupid’. Whereas Speaker Ryan remains distraught, President Trump is already shifting his focus to other things he hopes to fuck up. Ryan told the Discord today, “All I wanted to do was destroy the poor and middle class. Is that so much to ask? I had this whole bit I was going to do after it passed. I was going to say, ‘And now for something completely indifferent.’ Damn, that would have been rad.”

Paul Ryan spent the day after the non-vote getting back to his roots, aka abusing his dog and pulling the wings off bugs. The only thing he’s looking forward to now is working with Trump on a writing collaboration effort. Random House has agreed to a Trump sequel to the Art of the Deal called the Shart of the Deal.

Donald Trump told the Discord today, “When you start getting more than five hits a day I’m planning to sue your sorry asses! Kidding, you will never get more than five hits, loser! Sad.”

Fun Fact: Donald Trump’s Art of the Deal was a national best seller for Random House and the same Chief Editor, Liz Scheier, told me my books were “Extremely funny, but not marketable.” 

How the F is extremely funny not marketable! Oh, that’s right, we’re finding the same thing out here on the Discord. But call me, Liz!

Yes… dumb is the new smart, folks. Good night and good luck.