Tweet Heaven—According to several reliable archangel sources, God’s patience and enthusiasm for the new U.S. administration is waning. Evangelical poster-child Pat Robertson spoke with the supreme being this morning for over an hour on the phone. Since that discussion, Robertson is preparing to either make a retraction of his earlier statement, namely how ‘Trump is God’s candidate’, or he will be announcing his new career in the food service industry. Fingers crossed, heathens!

God issued a recent tweet that has yet to be verified as genuine, but is still worthy of discussion:

If this is truly a tweet from the Lord, he is expanding his regrets beyond that of his initial support for the Trump presidency. Is he losing faith in the U.S. political system or mankind as a whole? Many fear the Supreme Being is increasingly likely to go all Sodom and Gomorrah on our asses. Was God’s initial Trump-love solely based on his comments on abortion, particularly the part about punishing women? Sources claim God is into that sort of thing. 50 Shades of Pray?

Satan issued two politically relevant tweets today, penned in the fiery abyss itself:

So God’s omnipresent but not omnipotent? Hah! #ConsiderMovingSouth.

And,

Your deathcare bill can stil pass, Ryan, call me. Can still do, bigly! Just ask McConnell #SCOTUSdiablo. Oh, & your friend Ayn says, hi! #AtlasBuggered.

What’s also of note is how God is less popular on twitter than many Hollywood actors, television personalities and even some political pundits. God may not be dead, as Nietzsche has asserted, but he’s barely managed a million twitter followers. #AtheismYuuuge.

Oh, and anyone who makes fun of The Discord’s twitter following will be untweeted. You can untweet someone, right?