Yes, this is my foreign policy for Demmies. Whatever the hell the Obama Doctrine is, can we keep it? …or at least rent to own? If there is anyone who wants to retry the Bush Doctrine in 2016, how about we book you a Fallujah special? It’s sort of a Motel-6 after the blast. Most rooms come with a fire—not a fireplace, just a fire. We’ll leave the fight on for ya’.

Yes, I’m climbing out onto Obama’s rickety foreign policy limb, but why is this limb rickety? (Isn’t that a gin drink?) This limb should be of the Muir Redwood variety, but even some Dems are distancing themselves from Obama—faster than the NRA from their Climb a Clock Tower Tuesday promotional, which was at least better than their all-you-can-skeet buffet.

Do you remember when Romney was running? He said, “Obama is making error after error on every key foreign policy issues… Look, this is a failed presidency.” Yet Romney couldn’t really articulate anything meaningful on the subject, nor could he explain where the Bushies had erred—in either of his presidential runs—not because he was playing some party line, he really didn’t seem to know.

The Fox News Effect Protecting our politicians from reality since 1996

I think Mitch McConnell actually said Obama’s foreign policy failed in January of 2008, while he was still unloading his stuff from the presidential U-Haul. That was part of Obama’s first scandal, Fast & Fragile, wherein Michelle never really labeled stuff adequately and just threw shit into boxes.

Someone on the right gets it:

“Foreign policy, the interventionist critics claim, has no place for nuance or realism. You are either for us or against us. No middle ground is acceptable. The Wilsonian ideologues must have democracy worldwide now and damn all obstacles to that utopia. I say sharpen your knives, because the battle once begun will not end easily.”

—Rand Paul

Rand Paul has some foreign policy sense, which disqualifies him from becoming the republican nominee in 2016. As Todd Aiken reminds us, when someone’s got a brain, “The GOP has a way of shutting that whole thing down.” Did you see their last convention? Did you see what just happened in Mississippi? It seems that system is working well. Perhaps too well.

Sorry, I love that. I gotta have some fun. But it’s no surprise republicans are giving Rand Paul a hard time. The GOP is now only taking applications from those who promise to:

1. Amplify the disparity of wealth domestically, and:
2. Rule the rest of the world with an iron fist.

(You know, part Hoover part Hitler.)

Why am I constantly forced to defend competence? Oh yeah, this is opposite world. Today’s average congressman D or R make our 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate look insightful. Don’t remember who that was? (Hint: I can see her blouse from here.)

But damn our President for muddling! He’s muddling! Sure the plans Obama is putting into motion are gradually yielding fruit, but he’s muddling. Americans don’t muddle. They act swiftly and decisively, against the wrong country.

Look, Obama learned from Libya (his Iraq), which had no loss of American lives and cost about 12 bucks. But he factored Libya into his algorithm when dealing with Syria. Yes, liberals have algorithms and republicans rely on Roger Ailesgebra or Drudge Nuggets. Okay, I made that up, just like they do.

What almost no one in this country seems to understand, or even mention, is that since sanctions began Syria has handed over an estimated 90% of their WMDs…uh, which had no loss of American lives and cost about 12 bucks.

“Wait, so he accomplishes shit without killing lots of Americans and endangering our economy? That’s un-American.”

—John Q. Republican

P.S. Impeach!

I think I kind of nailed this one via a funny little post, here. Look, if you take out these despots things will continue to unravel. There ha never been any good answers in the Middle East. I don’t want to drone on about this, pardon the bomb, but the worst case scenario seems to involve broader military campaigns—you know, the GOP’s only strategy. (Hint: The GOP always employs the worst strategy. See: list of GOP 21^st century successes.)

“Actually try Googling that shit. Nothing comes up.”

—Captain Obvious.

Besides:

“An era of American primacy has finished, and the many, many smart people among us understand this. These Americans are able to see their nation in historical terms.”

—Patrick L. Smith

This is the reality of our collective future; Bush simply hastened things a bit. I would like to blame it all on him, but I’m not an all-or-none thinker like my friends on the right. The world has been falling apart for a long time, a trend that certainly accelerated post 9/11. Our neocons have taught us, and the world, just how incapable we are at intervening anywhere. What would republicans actually have done between 2008 and 2014? I have never seen a group blather on about nothing for so long since my last existential Meetup group.

Reality Check:

“Obama is battling a knee-jerk sentiment in Washington in which the only kind of international leadership that means anything is the use of military force.”

—Fareed Zakaria

“Just because we have the best hammer does not mean that every problem is a nail.”

—Barack Obama

Fareed then quoted a similar sentiment from Eisenhower’s exit and feels this may capture the essence of the Obama Doctrine.

“I’ll tell you what leadership is… It’s persuasion — and conciliation — and education — and patience. It’s long, slow, tough work. That’s the only kind of leadership I know — or believe in — or will practice.”

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

Bingo. I understood Bush’s blunders during each tragic misstep because, like My Pet Goat, he was a pretty easy read. Obama is smart, so it’s much harder to glean all of his longer term strategies. I remain cautiously optimistic that Obama, with what he was given, is moving us toward a new era in the best manner possible. History will likely agree, or:

“I have always been impressed with Obama’s ability to navigate these foreign minefields. Republicans, on the other hand, tend to just kick every rock…with their dicks (Cheney joke omitted by the editor). Thankfully our president can reassess, change in the moment and weigh options in real time…w/ Bill Maher.”

—Mick Zano

So, once again, on behalf of those few of us still residing in a place I like to call reality, thank you, Mr. President!

And as for our republican friends, I’m sure you had other ideas for this time period…um, because you have no idea.

Whereas the list of Obama created scandals are exaggerated or biased (see: Benghazi), the list of atrocities perpetrated by republicans remain profoundly disturbing (see: climate change denial). It’s profound enough for me to use an adverb, against my better judgment. Most posts go against my better judgment…fine, I don’t have a better judgment. But do you remember when only Glenn Beck was crazy and the rest of the GOP had some sense of perspective and reason? Yeah, me neither.

But the ongoing and pervasive obstructionism of our president by the right has had a real negative impact on his accomplishments, his approval rating and his ability to govern. Is this a cop out? Is this an excuse? Hardly. Behind nearly all of our problems rests either republican policies or obstructionism. And reality is apparently passé these days—which was fine that one weekend in Amsterdam, or so they tell me—but not so much for our political world. Holland stopped selling illicit substances to non-residents after my visit, by the way. Coincidence? I thought peeing in the Penis Fountain made perfect sense at the time. And the collateral damage created by our 21st century republicans far exceeds my Eupropeeing vacation. Sorry.

But breaking stuff and creating an alternate reality is paying off:

“It’s all fairly remarkable. McConnell (Mitch R-K) has correctly grasped that if you sabotage the government, most voters won’t really know how or why it happened. They’ll just know that things are a mess and they’ll get peevish about it. And when they look around for someone to blame, it will be the party in power.”

—Kevin Drum

This is how not being right, ever, can get you back into power. Offer nothing in the way of meaningful policies and the masses will elect you anyway, just as long as you F things up sufficiently enough when you’re not in power. It’s the magic of our broken system and the cynical nature of today’s republicans. The Ghetto Shaman had a similar “let’s just break shit” approach over at Kelly’s Pub, but I guess only the GOP can get away with such tactics. Where is an ideological bouncer when you need one? Go home, republicans. You’re drunk.

“There are many differences between the extreme right and the extreme left, perhaps most importantly that the extreme right has a much closer relationship with powerful Republicans than the extreme left has with powerful Democrats. When you find a crazy thing a liberal said, chances are it’s an obscure professor somewhere, or a blogger with twelve readers, or a random person at a protest. The crazy people on the right, in contrast, are often influential media figures or even members of Congress, people with real influence and power.”

—Paul Waldmen

Regular Zano readers (RZR) heard this before, but Waldmen then points out how even the craziest variety of liberals—as misguided or unrealistic as their individual approach may be—are usually trying to do something for the greater good. This is simply not the case on the right. They remain greedy, selfish, and uncomfortably closer to power…uh, like when Mr. Burns moved his mansion next door to his nuclear facility.

“However loopy, bigoted, incompetent, or detached from the realities of economic life the Republican Party may be, it is always just one recession away from regaining political power. It is therefore of the highest importance that sane, non-sociopathic people regain some influence within the party for when that day arrives.”

—Jonathon Chait

Does Chait have a point or is this the definition of political nihilism? I feel the GOP deserves nothing accept our scorn. Obama’s talk today on foreign policy gives some insight into what adults do with power. He’s navigating some tricky waters as opposed to occupying the wrong country. It was a great eulogy for our neocons. May they rest in…er, may they rest. I think the essence of their upside down priorities over the last two decades is captured in Cheney 1% doctrine. Remember that?

“One percent chance there’s a terrorist somewhere and let’s blow shit up. But a 90% chance the earth is dying. Naaah, we need more data. So, uhh, who can we bomb again?”

—John Q. Republican

P.S. And what’s data?

Sadly, events on Earth have nothing to do with our current political reality:

“More Americans say they trust Democrats than Republicans on the ‘main problems the nation faces over the next few years’ as well as a number of key policy issues, including the economy, health care and immigration.”

—Brendan Nyhan, Dems have Advantage on Issues but it won’t Help Them in Nov.

Is that depressing, or what? I could add about twenty items to that. How about this one: No Connection to Reality Clear Advantage for GOP. Sounds like a Discord headline.

Dems historically blow off the midterms, while the right remains organized and motivated. Yeah, they’re mad about something and they spend every news cycle articulating their disgust….well, articulate isn’t the best word. How about Ozzy Osbourne off his meds with a burrito stuffed in his mouth? Yeah, like that. Although the Tea Party is listing to port…uh, starboard, it will still likely cost several seats in the general elections and stupidity may well cost the GOP a few more, which could change this Senate landslide. Besides, I refuse to lose hope. I have a good track record in the face of adversity. Just read the Dutch Police report. I am no stranger to shimming out onto some rickety limbs. Did anyone hear something crack? It sounded like a stick? Wow, I’m kind of far up this time. I can almost see reality from here. No easy trick these days.