Hipsters

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Tony Ballz

A hipster will put up fliers for his band’s show but the location won’t be on it because if you’re cool enough you’ll know where the show is. When a hipster wants to “rock out”, he’ll put on Franz Ferdinand instead of the Stooges. A hipster will have zero CDs by Elvis Presley, but at least one by ABBA. A hipster always makes sure the lyrics to whatever he’s playing aren’t offensive to his girlfriend, even if he doesn’t have one.

A hipster will dislike something not because of the thing itself, but because of the low coolness level of the people who do like it. Examples:

Heavy metal/hard rock – Metalheads are easy to mock, and no hipster wants to be mistaken for one. A hipster wouldn’t be caught dead listening to Kyuss or The Melvins, but High on Fire and Boris and Sunn O))) and Mastodon are OK (even though they’re all highly derivative of the first two) because they have a little indie sprinkled on them. My Morning Jacket’s music is obviously rooted in 1970’s stadium/Southern rock like Lynyrd Skynyrd (tres unhip) but the group hails from Louisville, which is cool because Slint were from there and Louisville isn’t REALLY the South.

Country – Same as metal. NO hipster wants to be mistaken for a redneck. Outlaw country like Merle Haggard is hip, if only just to have one album prominently displayed that is never listened to and cost a dollar. Johnny Cash is hip because he had a photo taken of him flipping the bird and got busted for drugs and recorded songs by Nick Cave and Danzig, but no one knows who Charlie Rich is.

Hipsters LOVE tortured artists and tragic dead guys. Townes Van Zandt is lionized not only for his spectacular songwriting, but because his life was such a mess. No hipster gives a damn about John Prine because he’s still breathing and there’s not a lot of good stories about how he ruined the lives of his friends and family.

Speaking of dead, Nick Drake’s stuff is nice but it’s barely a pimple compared to the incredible music his buddy John Martyn made in the same time period. Of course, Drake was painfully shy, battled depression, and killed himself at 23 (extremely hip) while Martyn was extroverted, a chipper fellow to the end despite having half a leg amputated, and died of being old (BOR-ing). Nick Drake’s hipness even survived a Volkswagen commercial, but only because he was already dead.

The Fall were probably a better band than Joy Division, but … dead guy. You won’t see a hipster wearing any of The Fall’s LP designs on a t-shirt. The point of a hipster’s t-shirt is to advertise his hipness, not to champion obscure groups that girls don’t care about. That’s the parvenu of record collector scum, who are basically hipsters without sex lives.

It’s hip to like The Beatles, but not their solo stuff. It’s hip to like The Rolling Stones, but only from 1968-1972. It’s hip to like The Beach Boys, but not the cars and surfing songs.

Fifteen years ago, it was the opposite of hip to like Bruce Springsteen. Now it’s the epitome, and so is acting like you knew he was cool all along. I used to dare people I could find a Springsteen song in their CD collection and then make a beeline grab for MTV Unplugged by 10,000 Maniacs (because everybody had it) and point to “Because The Night.”

“Oh, I LOVE that song!”

Maybe I did my little part to make The Boss hip to these cretins. You’re welcome, Bruce.
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From Common Core to Common CAIR

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Pokey McDooris

There’s been a noticeable change in the content of textbooks used in American public schools in relationship to Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. Over the past twenty years, Islam has been increasingly shown in a positive light, while Christianity and Judaism have been ignored or shown in a negative one. Is this change based on the objective findings of genuine history or on the basis of political pressure? Libviticus?

I think we know the answer to this. Coincidently (or not) the speech of our government leaders have also shown Islam in a more positive light (as a peace-loving religion), while showing Christianity and Judaism in a negative light. Don’t forget about the Crusades, Christian slave owners, and those who cling to God and guns. I “hope” that we can all agree that this “change” in our political dialogue has no basis in honest history but is rather totally due to a twisted version of political correctness.

“I am waging a ‘bloodless’ revolution, promoting world cultures and faiths in America’s classrooms.”

—Shabbir Marsuri (Council of Islamic Education)

“I wouldn’t want to create the impression that I wouldn’t like the government of the U.S. to be Islamic sometime in the future. But I’m not going to do anything violent to promote that. I’m going to do it through education.”

—Ibraham Hooper (of CAIR)

The American Textbook Council, founded in 1989, has studied the issue and concluded that current American textbooks:

1) Intentionally avoid showing Christianity and Judaism in a positive light.

2) Intentionally present disputed definitions and claims as established facts that shine positively on Islam.

3) Ignore or delete facts of history that cause people to view Islam negatively.

5) Avoid conflict and bloodshed in describing Islam’s “migration” into the Mediterranean world.

6) Christian behavior toward Muslims are often referred to as “violent attacks;” Christians themselves are referred to as “invaders;” while Muslim conquests of Europe are called “migrations.”

7) Islam is described as spreading smoothly without conflict, while Christian response to Muslim expansion is described as violent and genocidal.

8) Of course, the word “terrorism” is never used in relationship to Islam.

John Wood, a parent of an 11th grader at La Plata High School in Maryland, discovered that his daughter was being coerced in class to write that “Allah is the same god that is worshipped in Christianity and Judaism,” and that “the Quran is the word of Allah revealed to Mohammad in the same way that the Torah and the Gospels were revealed to Moses and the New Testament writers.” Her grades depend upon her writing that “the Prophet Mohammad was visited by the angel Gabriel and that Mohammad is the messenger of Allah and the Quran is a holy text.” She has been coerced into affirming that “There is no god but Allah.” The Thomas More Law Center has taken up the legal case against the school. Uh, but not because of that, because the school didn’t block access to The Daily Discord. Disgusting.

Throughout our nation our textbooks are watering down definitions of Jihad to mean “self-improvement by resisting temptation and evil” and Sharia to mean “a system of law promoting virtuous family life, moral conduct, and ethical business affairs.” What next? Will beheadings become part of a free and speedy weight loss program?

The future common core curriculum promises to show the Islamic influence in the American revolution, shared foundational principles between the constitution and Sharia as well as similarities between the Boston Tea Party and the 9/11 freedom fight. The transforming of our nation’s history will also include a learning about crusades as genocide. Recently uncovered quotes from our nation’s founding Imams, such as “I only regret that I have but one life to give to my Allah,” and “No education without indoctrination.” Fun filled Prayer Rug Pledge of Allegiance and Mosque Worship field trips. Students will be tickled to learn how the Prophet Mohammad was a forerunner in the Women’s Liberation movement. Recent research shows that if Mohammad were alive today he would be a militant supporter of a woman’s right to choose and same sex marriage. 

We are in a battlefield of ideas waged with our words, Zano. Our words do matter. You say they don’t. I say our words are all that matters. When a man loses his word he loses his soul. This war of ideas waged with our words points to a greater spiritual war of our soul’s eternal destiny. The truth will set us free. But, if we compromise, the Truth to appease the politically correct Kingdom’s of the World we’ll face more than some Daily Discord.
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Western Breweries Fight Drought With New Extra Dry IPA

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Western Breweries Fight Drought with new Extra Dry IPA

Carlsbad, CA—The water is about gone in California and breweries are responding to Governor Jerry Brown’s call to action. Instead of moving back east with their parents, many master brewers are thinking outside the box. Many California residents are praising brewpubs owners for their ingenuity, but others are questioning the final product.

Drought Brewing is excited to announce the release of their Arid Ale as well as a Bone-Dry Bitter. Jack Parched, the Master Brewer of H²No Brewery, said, “We’re also aging a barley wine style beer as our seasonal. I call it the Barley Drinkable.”

Dusty Mugs of Desert Fountain Brewery said, “I think we can work around this no-water issue. First off, during the growing process we’re only watering the hops with our own spit and urine. Then we kind of skip the second part of the brewing process.”

One regular of Dry-as-a-Stone Brewery said, “Hops are crunchy and spikey and very hard to swallow. Sometimes my gums bleed after a pint.  I’m going to need a dental plan.”

Others locals remain hopeful, “At my age fiber is fiber. I like it. I drink less too, as it takes me all the way until last call to finish a pint.”
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Glenn Beck and the Emperor’s New Caliphate

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Mick Zano

During my last post I never reached the Promised Land: the heralded 2nd interesting Republican prediction of the 21st century. This one comes in the form of Glenn Beck’s Caliphate. Beck’s obviously referencing a group of AM radio hosts who hope to expand their current syndicated stations to one day span from the tip of Alaska to the tip of Florida—wait, that’ll be underwater. Never mind.

The accurate Ukraine/invasion prediction was the GOP’s first interesting guess, here. I never got to the 2nd because my blogging-style remains, ahem, less than concise. I appreciate the feedback and vow to keep all of my posts shorter than the Affordable Care Act’s 11,588,500 words, mostly.

Glenn Beck predicted a Muslim Caliphate, a direct descendant of Mohammad, would soon be chosen and would rule an area from Asia through the Middle East to the western coast of Africa.

First off, I think Beck’s legit. I don’t think he’s all schtick like Ann Coulter. Sure he’s delusional, childlike and misguided, but who on the right isn’t these days? Kidding! Glenn says he’s no longer a Republican, here, which shows some insight. I watched the bit Pokey was talking about here, aka when Mr. Beck and his Magic Chalkboard warned of a Muslim Caliphate.

Saying Muslims may try to bring a huge swath of failed states under one Mullah, Ayatollah or other Religious War Clown (RWC) is about as insightful as saying pyramids are often pyramid-shaped. This has been radical Islam’s goal for centuries. My goal, equally arduous, is to decipher Republicana for those scant few nuggets of insight.

I agree that Chris Hayes on MSNBC wrongly attacked Beck for sharing his Caliphate premise. Shifting all the real estate currently amidst this jihadic turmoil under one dude would be great fun for radicals—more to kill and rape in the name of Allah.

Beck is still wrong, of course. Do you really think these folks are going to all agree on Mohammad’s proper successor? I think our sun will exhaust its hydrogen supply first. They are their own worst enemy and a lot of them will die at the hands of their brothers. Nothing will change until they move beyond their fundamentalist mindset, or at least get Netflix.

 

“While ISIS will have a tough time holding territory and governing it as a Caliphate, it can still ignite a massive sectarian bloodletting.”

—Good ol’ Buck Sexton

 

Sure, there’ll be a shit-ton of infighting, death, and carnage, but a consensus? …Middle Eastern Muslims? Hey, I know how to pick your caliphate guy: just gather in the Dome of the Rock and when the color of the smoke changes it means you burned the right infidel. What, too soon?

Whereas ISIS is making progress by calling other groups to their banner, including Boko Haram, they still have quite the uphill battle. Scaling El Capitan on greased roller-skates sounds easier. First they would have to overthrow all the existing governments. As we speak, Nigeria is fiercely battling Boko Haram and the Iraqi army is battling ISIS for Tikrit. The Shiite’s are growing their own radical groups to counter the Sunni shit-show. In the end, the whole thing’s worse than the Republican Primaries

In fact, David Petraeus just told the Washington Post our biggest long term problem in Iraq is Shiite-backed militias. And the 2nd biggest problem is when he shares this with his new mistress. I kid the General.

We’re seeing a rise in Yemen of these Shiite factions as well. While the U.S. is backing Iran in Iraq as well as the Saudis in Yemen, those two special countries are only attacking their own radical adversaries. Can things get more F-d up? Sure they can. It’s the Middle East, silly. We are amidst a long overdue Islamic civil war and Obama’s approach involves letting them spend some of their own treasure and blood while working out their “important” spiritual differences.  A Fartwa?

Oh and if a radicalized group, Shiite or Sunni or otherwise, should emerge with a real foothold in some sovereign area, the international community will start dropping bombs on their heads.

Sounds like a wonderful little venture! Where do I sign up for the cars and the women? I’m not saying they’re not overachievers, but a true Caliphate will not be chosen and the area in question will not come under one banner any time soon, if ever. And your answer to this problem is ridiculous, Mr. Poke.  Convert them to Catholicism? I’m not saying that’s not a step in the right direction, for sure, but aren’t the last few thousand years enough of a failed experiment for you? Tell you what, you supply the Mormons with the white shirt-tie combo, and I’ll fund Watchtower brochures for some Jehovah’s Witnesses. Then we can drop them in Somalia, Yemen, and Syria and we can kick back with some whiskey and place some bets, eh? White Man’s Bourbon?

In some perverse way I like the idea of ISIS calling every piece of crap in the world to their banner and then dropping a bomb on said banner. Yes, I’m not as sensitive as most liberals. Sorry if I think we have a right to be a little miffed at the group most likely to end our species. It’s not an “ugly” statement, it’s a fact. I hate it when liberals shy away from facts—such practices should be relegated to Fox Noise-types. But, we should also be proud of our American Muslims for not feeding into this tribal bullshit. As I’ve said, the answer lies in moderate Muslims, not radicalized Republicans.

Regardless, Obama needs to keep the American people appraised of the situation in the Middle East, whether or not it deviates from his main themes and strategies. This is a rare point where I agree with the Pokester. We need to strike that balance of information vs. radical recruitment.

Lest we forget, the main two marginally insightful GOP moments were uttered by Beck and Palin. This is no small point when you consider the relative mental health of your party. Pokey doesn’t seem to care that the only people who agree with him are certifiable. The right wing of any party on Earth has only one solution, war.  If a heavy branch somewhere endangers a garage roof, the all-or-none thinking right will always want to cut down all the trees in the neighborhood…or, worse yet, build an ark.

[Winslow: I’m ratting Zano out. His original submission did exceed the A.C.A’s word count by a rather wide margin.]

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The Civil Wrong Movement

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Pokey McDooris

The point from my last feature that Zano continues to ignore is how Beck recognized that “yes” radical Islam was getting out of hand. He did this as our President was doing victory dances, pulling troops out of the Middle East, and calling the Islamic radicals “the JV Team”. Obama has a host of actions that make little sense when one considers the context of the rise of a terrorist network, globally peddling their wares. Kora-Amway?

Our President encouraged the “Arab Spring” in Egypt that brought the Muslim Brotherhood to power. He invited representatives of the Muslim Brotherhood to the White House and provided them with aid. History tells us that the Muslim Brotherhood is the source of Al-Qaida, Hamas, and ISIS, and all Islamic Jihadists, but our President continues to promote a foreign policy that promotes the Muslim Brotherhood and their interests.

Oh yeah, our President and Mrs. Clinton supported the overthrow of Kaddafi, which led to the empowerment of more Islamic Jihadists. The President is encouraging a deal with Iran (Islamic Jihadists) that will encourage their empowerment in the region. And at a time when Christian persecution from Islamists is at an all-time high, this administration never, to my recollection, ever uses the term “Islamic extremists” or “Islamic radicals” or “Islamic meanies” or any other reference to Islam. Obama’s message? Muslims are all loving folks who have endured Islamophobia from insensitive conservative Christians who cling to God and guns.” And how about the term “Christian victim” or “Jewish victim?” Don’t you think it’s odd that this administration never acknowledges the religious targeting of Christians and Jews? Oh but he’s quick to mention the “black victims” and the “whitish assailants.”

That’s what stinks with this Ferguson deal being connected to the Civil Rights movement. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that enemies to our nation, such as the Muslim Brotherhood and their satellite branches, were funding this PR campaign that shows the world how “racist” the conservative Christians who cling to their guns and God are, so that they may gain support from alienated blacks within the United States. That’s a great strategy. First, strip our nation from all principled values so that our children become increasingly immoral, frustrated, and purposeless (See: Zano’s college career). Next you show the United States to be a racist satanic monster, then you recruit “Islamic terrorists” from the confused and frustrated youth within the United States.

Whether what’s going on arrives in a caliphate form or not, those individuals in the Middle East who call themselves Islamists—and who kill Christians, Jews, and even satirists—are purposefully trying to bring about Armageddon. And those who share in their worldview, whether they are united or not, are filtering into Europe as the Jews are being pushed out of Europe; and they plan on destroying Israel; and they are already organized in every state of our union. They are indoctrinating the young and the ignorant from around the world, for their message is simple and glorious: Allah wills Islam to rule the world through the might of the sword, and those who are courageous enough to wage this war for Allah will live joyfully in heaven forever, with lots of chicks, dental plans, free Wi-Fi etc. The brochure is tempting.

The way to defeat a worldview is by confronting it with a better worldview. That’s what it seems like President Obama is trying to do with his (and your) humanistic, atheistic, progressive spiritualistic hodgepodge. But the Islamists aint buying it. Humanism only emboldens Islam as they become further convinced that our hyper-secular, hyper-sexual-pornographic, hyper-liberated-abortive, hyper-technical push the button bombs, and hyper-commercial humanistic society is indeed Satanic (See: Zano’s post college career).

There are only two ways to confront the radical Islamic worldview:

1.) Truth.

Jesus Christ is not a mere prophet, but Jesus is God incarnate, and only through Christ’s sacrifice is forgiveness and redemption gained.

2.) Action.

Their military success shows them that Allah is on their side, so we must show them in no uncertain terms that Allah is not on their side.

Those who hold this “Islamic Jihadist” worldview want to bring about Armageddon/WWIII. It is a barbaric/hateful/racist worldview that realistically threatens the entire world. Meanwhile our Executive administration does not call them out for what they are. They are too busy highlighting the “evils” of our own nation in the form of: homophobia, to a war on women, to a systematic racism or highlighting an oppression of the poor.

“Evil only triumphs when good men do nothing.”

—Edmund Burke

Although, I am not in any way suggesting you’re a good man, Zano. Is that a retraction? Sorry, I’m new at this.

Oh, I kid the Zanster.

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Caliphates and Terror and Russian Bears, Oh My!

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Mick Zano

Lately I’ve been getting complaints about the length of my posts, which is better than the usual “stop blogging, asshole!” comments to which I have grown so accustomed. In the interest of compromise I came up with a short topic. Let’s discuss those scant events our conservative friends have predicted accurately in the 21st century. It’s pathetic vs. prophetic today, here in the spooflands.

There are two Republican predictions in the 21st century that deserve a closer look: Romney and Palin’s “Putin will invade the Ukraine” thing and Glenn Beck’s “Caliphate” thing. Thing 1 and Thing 2? Am I missing any? Republicans have a much longer list, but let’s relegate their usual delusions to the last paragraph, which the web designer promises to make scratch-n-sniff. But first some rare Republican Kudos! …not to be confused with the granola bar or the dog from that Stephen King movie. Hound of the Basketcases? Sorry, I couldn’t work in a King joke…oh wait, The Dud Zone? Creeps Show? Putz Semetary? I’m being told to stop.

Romney & Palin predicted Putin’s invasion of Ukraine on the premise that Obama is such a weak President that he would allow such a thing to happen. Let’s forget for a moment how the GOP-types like to announce to our enemies: A Dems charge and they’re weak! They won’t challenge you! You should invade, right now! …and they do this all in the name of patriotism. Freedumb?

I chalk this prediction up to the It-takes-one-to-know-one phenomenon and I also nominate it for the It’s-About-Friggn’-Time Award. But I don’t want to diminish their exceedingly rare good guess—uh, yes I do. Only someone sniffing glue would attempt this little annexation exercise. Vlad the Inhaler?

Since Putin’s “bold and strategic moves” the Russian economy has all but collapsed. Their ‘junk’ bonds have been knocked back to the Stone Age. The Barney Ruble? Republicans would say this is about falling oil prices, but the Kremlin itself attributes their woes to the combination of lower oil prices and sanctions, here. But what do the Russians know about their own economic situation? Only Fox knows the truth… in lie form. There’s also mounting evidence this sudden drop in crude prices was a planned Saudi/U.S. strategy here. Obama usually gets what he wants without breaking a fingernail, let alone an economy. I know this is news to people who don’t follow actual news.

Chess: you’re doing it wrong
Chess: you’re doing it wrong

A former British Ambassador to Russia agrees with my old assessment:

“Stop blogging, asshole!”

Okay, his other assessment:

“The premise that Russia has become more assertive is correct. Is this due to weakness or strength? Weakness, probably. There are growing problems with the economy, large internal problems and tensions.”

—Sir Andrew Wood, courtesy of The Guardian

Moving forward all bets are off, because Putin is as crazy as they are and we are now dealing with a wounded bear.

[Ursa Major Asshole joke removed by the editor.]

Is it any surprise that Republicans will praise a crazed warmonger bent on destroying the global economy? No, in fact, it mimics their own voting records. What do Putin and Netanyahu have in common?

“We both scrub floors. We’re both swell lookers. And neither one of us is Chinese.”

—Ma Kelly

For good measure, let’s look at the similarities between Dick Cheney, Putin and Netanyahu:

1. Their ideologies are not all that different. Even Putin shares a similar foreign policy with our Republican friends as well as a far right cultural conservatism that borders on the Full Santorum.

2. Despite all reason they remain role models for our own GOP.

3. History will judge them rather harshly, as they have all undoubtedly weakened their respective countries.

Right wing nuts never fair particularly well (See: World History) and, yet, here we goon again. Annexing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of Sean Hannity. Sorry, the cough syrup’s kicking in.

An assessment of Netanyahu’s long term negative impacts here and Putin’s pending demise here and Cheney’s—uh, if you need a link to that you’re barking up the wrong blog. Israel just voted in their own resident nut job, yet again, and it seems the far right in Europe is cozying up to Putin as well, here. A Caliphate isn’t likely but a Coulterphate?

Why would anyone admire someone like Putin? I’m talking to you, Giuliani, Mister I was only wandering the streets after 9/11 because I was dumb enough to put my command center in Tower 2? Yeah, that guy. I don’t know why the far right has such penis-envy for such a bunch of—

[Dick Cheney and Dick Nixon joke removed by the editor].

Hell, there’s a rise of radical Republicans all over the planet! That’s what I keep blogging about. It’s not just Muslims tracking right, although I admit they’ve shifted from Pat Robertson to the Full Jim Jones (FJJ). Actually they’ve always been that way, but then we decided to arm and train them. Oh, and good thinking, God, putting the oil under all the crazy people in the first place.  

[Texas joke omitted by the editor.]

Whereas it’s true I did not predict this Ukraine thing, I did accurately predict the results. Anyone living in the 21st century could have predicted this—well, by simply thinking outside of the Fox.

 Uh oh, I’m way over word count again.  So much for a short post. And I didn’t even get to everything! I guess it’s retraction time. Hey, at least I still do those. Yes, you’ll find more integrity from a spoof news blogger these days, which is another sure sign of our demise.  But more to come on Mr. Beck and the Emperor’s New Caliphate.
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Chimpanzees Now Capable of Legislating

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Chimpanzees Now Capable of Legislating

New research conducted by Primates-R-Us Laboratories suggests chimpanzees have acquired all of the necessary skills to become Congressmen. Chimpanzees learned to dress in suits while filming movies during the 1950’s – 60’s.  They have also learned to respond to anything the alpha chimpanzee is doing simply by flinging feces. Now, some primates are proficient at both flinging feces and having affairs with their interns.  Many scientists believe this is the last skill that separates primates from politicians.

Dr. Sterling Hogbein of the Hogbein Institute and Lube said, “We are watching evolution occur. In this case, it’s really more about evolutions converging as chimps are evolving and Congress is devolving. So essentially they were bound to meet.”

When asked about the comprehension of legislation, Dr. Hogbein explained, “This is no longer a requirement of Congress. Case in point, no one, Democrat or Republican, read the Affordable Care Act and it has been the law of the land for some time. The other criteria we scrutinized was the filibuster, but chimps are capable of grandstanding-style speeches with both chest thumping and feces flinging. The sheer endurance needed for an all-night filibuster simply requires the consumption of enough bananas prior to the condition stimulus.”

Upon ending the interview Dr. Hogbein added, “Good thing Republicans don’t believe in evolution because they haven’t quite mastered it yet. Oh, and what does a monkey fling across a room that sounds like Pavlov’s bell? Dung! Get it!”
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Congress Takes Aim at Last Functional Aspects of Government

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Congress Takes Aim at Last Functional Aspects of Government

Washington, DC—Senator Mitch McConnell unveiled his plan to “break the last of the shit that’s still working” while on Meat Depress earlier today.  The republican leader believes his party can accomplish this important non-task by the end of Obama’s tenor. “By not actually doing anything,” said McConnell, “and by leaving the Capitol Building mid-session, it not only increases the likelihood of a republican president in 2016, but it also increases my own hourly wage, tenfold.”

When asked about blocking Loretta Lynch’s Attorney General nomination, McConnell said, “I was prepared to support the Loretta Lynn nomination, after all, I love Coal Miner’s Daughter. Who doesn’t?  In fact, I love all things country and all things coal. But then this black woman, who can’t sing a lick, walks into the room. I was mortified.”

Our own field reporter, Cokie McGrath, explained how by not confirming the Lynch nomination, Eric Holder could remain our Attorney General indefinitely. McConnell responded, “I agree that’s unfortunate, but the only thing I like less than a black man is a black woman.”

When McGrath pointed out how, as a woman, Lynch would likely earn only 86% of Holder’s salary, McConnell said, “You’re really selling this, young lady. I admire you for that. But, by actually taking action on something, it would go against our strategy of not doing anything. It’s like one of those congressional paradoxes. We could blow up the universe or something. I watch Cosmos too, you know—just not the parts that involve science. But I’ll tell you what, let’s see if Loretta can at least sing that song she did with Conway Twitty. Remember that? She sings a tune and that might change mine, although probably not.”
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