Then we realized SPAM was all we were really getting…
The Oracle Of Miami: Why Rubio Is Still A Rube
by Mick Zano •
Why complain, republicans? You got it pretty good. Your Senators from places like Montana and South Dakota carry the same weight as their counterparts in New York and California. Then, when population does matter, you’ve gerrymandered every district into oblivion. Nice. Oh, and you won the Senate because no one save the old, white and angry even votes in the midterms. This week your current frontrunner broke the Politifact Meter, which isn’t easy to do as it’s a cartoon image. The less your candidates mention the truth, the higher they poll. Good work if you can get it. Even your spiritual leader has no idea what the hell you people are doing, so where does this false confidence come from? Most people have to garner a series of successes before they gain such confidence. Republicans remain forever sure of their next predictions and their next policies despite having a track record that makes Fat Albert look like Usain Bolt.
The Only Thing To Stop A Bad Guy With A Gun Is A Voter Registration Card
by Mr. Sherman •
When This Pig Is Dumped By A Frog Her Revenge Is Priceless
by Mr. Sherman •
#AllLivesMatter : The Slide Show
by Mr. Sherman •
Stephen Hawking Endorses Bernie, Wait…Who Is That? Holy Shit!
by Mr. Sherman •
Apology XVX: I Am Going To Fix This Or My Pseudonym Isn’t Pierce Winslow
by Pierce Winslow •
Recently The Discord has fallen below its usual high level of journalistic excellence. As CEO I have identified the problem as the general weed availability in the Flagstaff area. Too much or too little has yet to be determined. In our recent Putin Syria coverage, we implied the Russian fighter was the adversary from Rocky II when actually he was from Rocky IV. On a similar note, I don’t know what XVX even means numerically. We have had so many apologies over the years I can no long count that high in roman numerals. I believe Rocky XVX fought Cthulhu, right? I would fire Zano, but in the past this has only proven to further Miltonize him. On a related note, I want my stapler back.
In retrospect, I should have sent Alex Bone to the Vikings Lives Matter rally instead of Cokie McGrath…
Trump Represents The Self-Harming Phase Of The Grand Old Psyche
by Mick Zano •
I think the GOP is self-harming again, which may require an inpatient hospitalization. When one self-harms, it initially provides feelings of relief, but ultimately it’s going to leave a mark. Donald Trump is that mark. He represents their anger, primarily with themselves. He is their collective cry for help. The Donald is their way of blowing off some steam and regulating their—who am I kidding? Self-harming teenage girls are more stable than these buffoons. Oh, and I found a test for Borderline Personality Disorder. Do you want to guess how our 21st century republicans fare? Yep, we’re talking the Full Lohan.
“If The GOP were a flock of birds they would all be heading toward the nearest wind farm, backwards—while turd-bombing random vehicles.”
How Fahrvergnugan To The Other Side?
by Mr. Sherman •
Is The Pope Finally Cleaning House?
by Mr. Sherman •
Don’t let the floor hit you on the ass on the way out. Actually, Boehner isn’t the devil, it’s going to be the next guy. Today he’s just a little horny.
Jeb Remains In Chateau Bow Wow: Trump Beating Him Even In Florida
by Mr. Sherman •
God Pulls Plug On Cruz Candidacy
by Mick Zano •
Heaven—God is reportedly “furious” with Senator Ted Cruz’s recent political antics. As Cruz delivered a speech on the virtues of clean Tar Sands earlier today, God disrupted the proceedings with a blinding flash of Photoshopped light. God then commanded: “Thou shalt retire from politics indefinitely!” The almighty later told reporters he was not impressed with the Texas Senator’s recent debate performance or his fantasy football picks. God then sent an official Notice of Tablet to Cruz Headquarters, certified mail, within the required time frames.
Pope In Sabbath Shirt Faked: This Discord Image Proven Real!
by Mr. Sherman •
Yogi Berra, Best Known For His Antics In Jellystone Park, Is Dead At 90
by Mr. Sherman •
Ineptotism: The Acorn Doesn’t Fall Far From The Bush
by Mick Zano •
After Greg Sent Zano Funny Image This Is What Happened
by Mick Zano •
Putin Explains Involvement in Syria: “I’m Just Getting In Some Target Practice”
by Mick Zano •
Damascus, SY—The global community is questioning the motives and the implications of Russia’s increased military involvement in Syria. Russia and Syria have always had strong ties but now Russian President Vladimir Putin is building a military base in the heart of Damascus. When asked if there is more to Putin’s strategy than simply combating ISIS, Putin shrugged, “I have so few political adversaries left I haven’t kill—uh, beaten at the polls—that I’ve decided on a little Hunger Games, Moscow-style.”
After answering several questions Putin mounted his dragon stead, Ivan, and is headed to Syria for victims. When asked about the name Ivan, Putin said, “I have named him Ivan Drago. He was the boxer from Rocky II also known as Death From Above. Remember that? In the Russian version of this movie he knocks Rocky Balboa’s head clean off the top of his spine. It’s epic and a more accurate outcome.”
