Buckingham Palace—CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow, is “as surprised as anyone” after learning he was able to purchase jolly old England for just under the estimated worth of the Daily Discord.com. Winslow told reporters today, “I actually took a page from Zano, I know, weird. We need to know the conservative position on everything so we can adopt the exact opposite strategy. With crisis comes opportunity, or in this case a once sovereign nation.” Winslow then went on to say, “The sun never sets on The Discord empire!” and then recited a highly inappropriate version of Churchill’s speech, before being dragged away by the authorities.
England’s Prime Minister, David Cameron, called to congratulate The Daily Discord today on their recent purchase. He declined, however, an invitation to join The Discord’s Naked Newcastle Naughty-Bits barcrawl. “I think I will leave that dubious honor to my replacement. In fact, I was actually planning to stick around until October, but now I’m planning my own rather hastened retreat. I’m calling it Optimus Primexit. Get it? Hah!”
Here’s Pokey’s 
Four Enclosed Walls, AZ—We all have our share of bad luck, or in my case waking up in the morning. Sometimes during the worst of times housing can be the cause of your problems. Or you are having the worst of times because you have no housing. Or maybe your housing is having the worst of times. Whichever it is, housing can be a challenge, especially for single people. Don’t worry, you’ll get through these hard times and then you’ll land yourself in a steady relationship and things will get much much worse.
