Neuroscientist Behind Deja Vu Breakthrough Nagged By Feeling He Aready Discovered It

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 dejavumlNeuroscientists believe they have discovered the underpinnings of the phenomenon known as déjà vu. This happens when an individual gets the sensation an experience has already occurred. Unfortunately for one scientist, finding the answer has proven anything but rewarding. Dr. Stanley Whittle explains, “Déjà vu has always fascinated me. Not only the strange word and those even stranger dohickeys over two of the letters, but all the other really fun brain stuff. Essentially, it involves the conflict-checking region of the frontal lobes, but once this region is over-stimulated, well, it’s like biting the inside of your mouth. It keeps being triggered. Didn’t you just ask me that?”

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Trump Unwilling To Back Off Claim That He Is Unwilling To Back Off Claims

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CNN’s Anderson Cooper asked Donald Trump today why he never seems to back down, even after an obvious gaffe. Mr. Cooper pointed out how lately the republican nominee seems to be constantly waffling, pivoting and offending, minus any accountability. Mr. Trump responded, “I don’t think that’s true. It’s not true. I can be accountable when necessary. Most of the time I am simply evolving from a correct position to an even more correct position. The best position. I have walked so much shit back in the last few weeks, Anderson, people are calling me a moonwalking ninja. Or maybe I just Tweeted that.”

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Is The GOP Too Ignorant To Save Itself?

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OSOrepublicanpartyMLSure it’s been fun watching the Republican establishment squirm to defend the indefensible, but I continue to question the viability of this not-so Grand Old Party. I just want them to go away at this point. I know, I know, that sounds a bit extreme, but so are they. Nearly half our country is reaching a dangerous level of political ineptitude. How do these so-called ‘staunch   constitutionalists’ continue to perpetrate the most egregious affronts to our civil liberties? Republicans championed the roll back of Dodd-Frank, the Voters Right Act, the Patriot Act, and Citizens United. And, in their spare time, they continue to chip away at women’s rights. These guys are to the Constitution as mold is to bread. Fox & Fungi?

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Narcissism: I’m Doing It Right

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narcissismTrumpMLIn the 21st century, the ‘Me’ generation is clearly pitted against our sociopathic CEOs and politicians. Yikes. Who does one root for in this egocentric Drudge match? It’s like watching Katy Perry and Russell Brand at a couples retreat in Aleppo, during an airstrike. Today, citizens across the political spectrum are constantly attempting to out-douche one another. If you’re the CEO of a company, you’re sick of all the entitled attitudes. After all, you earned that 100K bonus this quarter by gutting employee benefits. The rise of the ego is increasingly present in the workplace from entry level to executive management, but there are clear differences between liberal narcissism and the republican version. I’m quick to cover conservative shortcomings, but in some ways the liberal flavor is equally skewed. Think about it, libs want to end hunger, obtain world peace, while maintaining a clean ecosystem. The problem in lies how they want to accomplish these feats (via their mad Del Taco, deep-fry skills?). I see the increasing plight of both the CEO and the Sander’s supporter. It’s unscrupulous vs unconscious. It’s tough to pick sides when it’s Sunni vs Shiite. We are better than this, people! Remember, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘Team America’ …except that one.
*Huffington Post just released an article on narcissism right before mine. Bastards! Of course, Mine is better but that sounds a little…
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The DEA Is A Rogue Agency: Which Sadly Has Nothing To Do With X-Men

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Here’s a homework assignment for those disenfranchised Sanders supporters among us. Besides learning how to count delegates correctly, I want you all to direct your youthful angst toward a certain government agency. It’s called the Drug Enforcement Agency. They are the ones shooting your dog and arresting your loved ones for harmless substances. Crack lives matter! Look, even I do retractions and I am just a spoof news satirist, which I believe means I worship Clown Satan (sorry, I never studied). So who is the 2016 Gold Medal winner for lack of retractions? You guessed it, the DEA. After five years of legal proceedings, marijuana will remain a Schedule 1 substance. Ballistic does not begin to capture the adjectives swirling around my head right now, so let’s add the DEA to the coveted Hall Of Things That No Longer Serve A Purpose. Recap: you lost the War on Drugs, badly, and now let’s add your stunning loss to the War on Reason. They should be part of John Oliver’s How Is This Still A Thing?
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Trump Now Calling His ‘Obama Founder of ISIS’ Comment ‘A Pun’

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Youngstown, OH—During a key foreign policy speech this week, presumptive republican nominee Donald Trump referred to the sitting president as the “founder of ISIS”. Initially Mr. Trump defended his statement as did many prominent republicans familiar with the delusional arts. The Donald then changed tact by downgrading his remarks to a form of sarcasm. When it was explained how sarcasm implies wit or irony and that his statement was neither, Mr. Trump replied, “I meant a pun. It’s a Yuuge pun! Or what’s it called when a word is spelled the same way backward?” Mr. Trump was then explained that the palindrome for ISIS is SISI, which is not particular funny and somewhat plagiaristic.

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