About a year ago, Pokey McDooris wrote an article championing the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.  Either these guys have tanked even more, or Pokey got a hold of some unusually strong pot that week. Hydropundits? During my last trip to Las Vegas, I had to listen to Rush Limbaugh between Kingman, AZ and Boulder City, NV—a long stretch of highway not dissimilar in appearance to the moon. I lost the signal twice, hit search, and immediately found those invisible airwaves crackling with Rush. I couldn’t really find any common ground, though.  And I was actually trying to find some for the first hundred-miles or so.  It’s lonely on the moon. I felt like that dog from Chevy Chase’s Vacation. “He probably kept up for a mile or so…” (sniffle).  Limbaugh was shamelessly trying to rewrite history and defend the indefensible.   Overall, his “views” showed an astounding lack of insight.  Everything was painted…and a really off color.  There’s the act of painting the actual stars in the night sky (realism) then there’s Van Gogh’s version of the night sky (impressionism) and then there’s Limbaugh’s view, where you just vomit on the canvas at night and hope for the best (host-depressionism). 

The other day Glenn Beck over on Fox News said, “Progressives are all about evolution,” as if that’s a bad thing. Sure I want to evolve.  Things have evolved for quite some time on this planet, until cable news came along.  I’ll tell you what, Glenn, you stay out my evolution and I’ll try to stay out of your stagnation.  Sound fair and balanced?  Yeah, well you don’t…  Of course, I do have more respect for Mr. Magoo, aka, Glenn Beck, than I do for Lush Bimbo.  Beck saw this collapse coming almost as soon as I did.  And he also at least tries to remind everyone—to the chagrin of his handlers—that this is not just a Dem created collapse.  But Project Fox has reached maximum velocity, so many initiates now only hear what they want to hear (see: A Crank and his Blog with Don Johnson).  But someone needs to review Glenn’s work before he pulls out that chalk board.  He sounds like he’s hitting on certain valid points at times, but the overall impression, well, a certain character from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland comes to mind.  He’s just plain mad (hint: not the angry connotation). 

This may come as a surprise to you, but I am not that politically savvy, nor do I—as the Crank rightly points out—know squat about economics.  I just have the ability to see things objectively, which in today’s world can make you akin to a Nostradamus of your time.  I am miles ahead of the “leading thinkers” of this Tea Party movement, and that’s more of a slam on them than any praise for me. The problems this country faces are not going to be solved by handing power back over to those most culpable for our demise.  But any good integralist should be more understanding of all views.  I know, I know…I need to be a little more tolerant of all perspectives, even stupid ones.  I will meditate on this.  Stupid perspectives.  OK, I need to work on this.  Breathe…breathe…breathe. OK, I will start a Crankitude list to remind myself of the beauty and wonder of all of my fellow Americans—stupid perspectives.  

All right, let’s try to reach some common ground.  Beck and I agree on the preservation of the Constitution. The Constitution was designed to protect my progress and your lack thereof.  I also, like Glenn, have increasing sympathy for certain nutso conspiracy theories.  Beyond that, I’m having a hard time following your, ahem, logic.  I think you’re doing important work; I just want someone connecting the dots that isn’t sniffing so much at the magic markers, is all.  On most nights, Beck’s train of thought resembles the end of that Silver Streak movie.  I agree, the shadow side of green (certain liberals) might well do some damage to the Constitution, in the guise of an enlightened view.  I am particularly worried about the 1^st and 2^nd Amendments.    Sure most liberals have moved from an ethno to a world-centric perspective, but this does not mean they have all, or even any, of the answers to today’s problems.  Two words, Jimmy Carter.  We need to find a way to move into the 21^st century without destroying ourselves.  The worst of the green perspective (liberals), doesn’t care if our economy and our society tanks, even irreparably so.  A certain level of collapse is imminent, but I am hoping we eventually re-emerge with innovation leading the way.  Like at Toyota, which seems to be breaking away from the pack (literally).  But I’m not holding my breath (though with conditions in the Valley today, I probably should).  America needs to show the world that a country can successfully shift to alternate fuel sources and make money in the process.  The liberal pluralists and eco-terrorists of the world don’t understand that by destroying ourselves, it won’t stop the rest of the world from polluting.

The Crank keeps implying that the Tea Party and I have a lot of similar complaints.  This may be true, but, on their current trajectory, the Tea Party will only succeed in returning Republicans to office in the mid-terms and beyond.  All the cheerleaders, for the right and left, are embarrassments at this point.  Olbermann on MSNBC talked about the culture of corruption when the Republicans were in charge, and rightly so, and now Hannity is talking about the culture of corruption on the left, and rightly so.  But to say it’s an individual aisle side issue (IASI) is staggering in 2010.  Throw the bums out should have a much broader meaning in the 21^st century.  You can not limit corruption and stupidity to one side of the aisle at this point, unless you are corrupt and stupid.  Ooops, some name calling again.  I mean, Neuronically deficient.

 You know what we should do?  Kick all of those Dems out of office and get some GOP folks back in there.  My ass hasn’t stopped hurting yet since the last time the republicans were in orifice…but this time is going to be different, baby.  Apparently, it takes an average of seven times to leave an abusive relationship—unless we’re talking about political parties, in which case, add some zeros. 

I can see their campaign slogans now:  This time things are going to be different, honey.  Honest.  Vote R in the mid-terms.

It’s time for the Transcosmetic Party!  It’s time to embrace reason, or at least take reason out for a movie and some ice cream.  I hope reason isn’t wearing one of those difficult bra clasps. God, I hate those.  I still have nightmares…

If you think the last presidential election was swayed by advertising and the almighty dollar (I donated a five spot), just wait to see what the future holds.  America’s Court Jesters, aka the Supreme Court, recently made a ruling that will change the face of politics forever—and not in a Botox, cheek-tuck kind of way.  These Jesters sing for the King and Queen with coats they borrowed from James Dean.  The SCOTUS decision allows corporations limitless advertisements for their handpicked candidates.  The move was actually defended by the likes of Mitch (cognitive age decline) McConnell.  “Our Democracy, Inc. depends upon free speech^®, not just for some but for all^™.”

This is not free speech for all.  It’s a golden megaphone for the rich.  This country of the people, for the people, will now just buy the damn people.  Enters America, Inc.  After all, money talks and the Daily Discord doesn’t have any (your advertisement here).  If we did, we could back our hand chosen candidate with unlimited spending to spread his or her gospel.  With enough money we could have a President Zano or a King Shaman (Don’t worry, we’re not that crazy).  Heck, I could be the next Elvis with the right campaign manager.  Well, at least the old, fat sequin-covered version. 

Free speech is not the freedom to spend unlimited money to drown out all other voices.  That’s our job.  For example, Ron Paul was ignored by Fox News around election time, because he didn’t parrot their talking points. If they had championed him, he might have won.  Does a third party have a platform or any real chance in America?  If the Tea Party doesn’t get in line with the bat shit right, soon, the plug will be pulled.  And this huge movement will be marginalized and ignored, like Mick Zano.

Exxon Mobil has unlimited cash, therefore they have unlimited speech.  Dave Atsal’s has only $3.55 and a rickety bar stool from which to preach his common sense.  If Dave yells at the bar and then stumbles into the woods will anyone hear him fall? 

Post the SCOTUS decision, we’re going to have corporate puppets instead of public officials representing us. Thank you, Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Kennedy for this.  The same Yahoo^™s on the right yelling the loudest about fascism are backing the most fascist trends. 

Supporting my beliefs, Justice Stevens wrote “in context of the election to public office, the distinction between corporate and human speakers is significant.  They cannot vote or run for office.  Because they may be managed and controlled by nonresidents, their interests may conflict in fundamental respects with the interests of eligible voters.” 

Justice Scalia countered with this statement, “Release the flying monkeys!”

People have the right to speech, but corporations don’t. Sure, anyone has the right to say stuff in the good old US of A, but it doesn’t grant you an automatic platform. Hey, maybe I can have my bar stool raised?  I could expand my fiefdom of influence clear to the pool table.  Next time you walk downtown and hear that guy yelling “Sinner repent: the end is near,” you should stop and listen, because some similar nuts are now getting that golden megaphone (and it’s going to be very hard to keep walking).  The only thing worse than a religious nut shouting in your ear, is a corporate interest nut shouting in your ear.  Where’s my golden megaphone, damn it?  I want one.  Sure I’d hock the bitch to buy booze, but I’m a bad example (almost regardless of the subject matter). But does a Japanese company with some U.S. holdings (or for that matter a Chinese company holding most of the U.S.) have the same interest as you and I? 

Justice John Paul Stevens, appointed by Republican Gerald Ford, denounced the ruling as a dangerous rejection of common sense.

Stevens said, “While our democracy is imperfect, few outside the majority of this court would have thought its flaws included a dearth of corporate money in politics.” He continued, “the court’s ruling threatens to undermine the integrity of elected institutions across the nation.” 

I believe we could almost declare the winner of our next election now.  I can see it already…our next president King might be Rex W. Tillerson, head of Exxon Mobil.  Prop the bitch up and save us some time and headaches.  So Justices, get practicing on all of your cartwheels, juggling, and singing acts for the return of the king.  Oh, and according to a February Washington Post-ABC News poll, 85% of all Americans are opposed to this ruling.  Tell me those lobbyists aren’t already busy.

The Crank had a postscript with his last feature, and, though it pains me to admit it, he’s right.  I’ve been a little bitchy in my posts lately—using more colorful metaphors and the like.  I have come up with some more politically correct compromises: instead of Teabaggers, Tea Party members will hence forth be referred to as the “democratically disabled”.  And I never should have called my Governor a bitch.  From now on such politicians will be referred to as the “legislaturally challenged”.  Even the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity do not deserve the title of “assholes”, so from now on they will be referred to as “suffering from pervasive partisanship disorder (PPD)”.

Having said that, the Crank needs to realize there is often more than two choices in life.  I put up two reasonable posts about how everybody sucks and you start ranting about my liberal agenda?  I’m an integralist.  Granted, a low functioning one prone to fits of, as the Crank puts it, bouts of verbal diarrhea, but I have figured out the big picture as it pertains to a wide range of subjects.  For example, ask me anything about the original Planet of the Apes movies.   Go ahead…I dare you.

Just because “the politicizing of global warming will be its own undoing” (Pokey and Zano, 2004), doesn’t mean shit isn’t happening.  Yes, people politicized global warming right on cue, and, yes, it is very wrong to do so.  People who falsify science on either side should be strung up, because they are attacking the truth itself.  But, as for most of those other “warmers” of yours, what’s worse?  Someone trying to make money off of saving the planet or someone trying to make money off of its destruction?  Both are wrong, but it’s another case of wrong and wronger (Hint: you tend to side with wronger). Fox News will show you a picture of a man catching a fish and say, “See? There’s still fish in the ocean.  What the hell are you worried about?”  That’s about the level of all their arguments.  Let’s be clear here:  Fox was right about the surge in Iraq (though I would still debate that). But they have been, and will continue to be, wrong on just about every other major issue of our time.  Oh, wait, they’re also right about overspending too—you know, the money spent by Dems to avoid the Bush depression.

A recent UK study just found our oceans more acidic than any time in the last 65 million years.  If you don’t believe this study, how about believing your own eyes?  There’s a continent-sized pile of plastic debris in the middle of the Pacific.  Our oceans are in trouble, and when someone comes up with a dumb idea to save the world (Dems), the only thing worse than said dumb idea is not even recognizing the problem (Republicans).  I personally know people from Alaska.  They can’t see Russia from there, but they can see the glaciers disappearing in their backyard.  Hey, maybe Palin could see Russia because all that weird icy white stuff is no longer impeding her view?  The glaciers are retreating even faster than your reason.  As I write this article another 78k chunk is preparing to drift into shipping lanes.  Do I know why the glaciers are disappearing?  Do I claim too?  For the last fifteen years, the warming has not been significant, or, probably more accurately, less significant……So?  These are mega trends that I never claimed to understand.  But glaciers are melting and if the ocean currents stop outright, the fun is really going to begin.  It’s only been a little over a century of this industrial global assault and, in that geological blink, we have seen so many noticeable changes that I can assure you we are nearing a tipping point.  Of course, soon might be a thousand years from now, but, you know what….it’s going to be a lot sooner than that.  I wrote an article on global warming recently.  I posted four main points:

1. there are earthly cycles that we don’t fully understand,

2. man’s impact on this phenomenally complex system is not fully understood

3. pollution = bad

4. strange things certainly are afoot at the Circle K (change is happening, and not that Obama shit)

I try to speak in objective truths, not in subjective partisanese, which is why very few of your attacks find their target.  We are speaking different languages and I, for one, am OK with that.  You talk about the advent of the 24/7 news cycle and how it is educating real America.  My main point has always been: you are not informed; you are programmed—programmed to illicit certain responses, like Pavlov’s blogs.  Regurgitating a falsehood, no matter how many times, is still a falsehood.  Let’s pretend for a moment that I don’t care about your stock options and your assets;  if you take shortsighted financial gains out of the equation, the Fox arguments disappear faster than Tiger’s sponsors.   

Bill Maher (from a green perspective, not mine) said on Larry King last week that the Palin folks are “Unreachable”.  They’ve essentially drank so much of the Fox Kool-Aid that a return to reason is highly unlikely.  Sadly, I understand the sentiment.  I pick on the tea party in the hopes that they really do distance themselves from both parties.  But right now, Sarah Palin is encouraging them to pick a party.  Geeh, I wonder which one she has in mind? I watched their recent convention.  In order to have a movement, you can’t keep being on the wrong side of about every issue.  You need to have some understanding of what’s wrong with this country, what actually got us here, and what might actually fix the problems.  And, sorry, but the fact that this predominately republican group formed twelve minutes after Obama came into office and then bitched about how fucked up the whole place is, well…it’s a tad suspect.

However, I am happy to say I disagree with Bill Maher.  Ron Paul just trounced all over the Straw Polls last week where Palin netted about 6%.  This is a shift away from D and R.  It’s a shift toward a man who, rightly, called out the GOP as the disgrace it is.  It’s hope! If you recall, I supported Ron Paul because of all the money he was sure to throw toward social services.  Hah!  Oh, and I grew up in a republican household, Mr. Crank, but they are now thankfully independent.  They yanked the Fox Matrix cords out of their skulls long ago.  They haven’t changed their political views; they just know shit when they smell it.

Back in 2008, I obviously did not support Ron Paul for my own interests.  Sure he would decimate Medicaid and Medicare, but one could hope he would not cut critical services.  It’s a balance.  We need fiscal conservatism, but a smart, thoughtful version.  Meeting the basic needs of a society is not socialism.  Certainly some socialist ideals can be, and have successfully been, injected into our society (where the right is wrong), but certain social projects must end before bankrupting our nation, or enabling its citizens (where the left is wrong).  Try running that deli of yours in a community without any social programs.  When I talk about gutting critical services, I’m talking about insurance for kids and medications for the severely mentally ill; I’m not talking about NAMBLA here.  Having ERs and jails choked with loons, not to mention the associated crime sprees, won’t help any state’s economy.  When it costs more money to not do something, you aren’t saving anything.  I am running out of ways to explain this.  Maybe semaphore next time.

Besides, if America can’t do anything for its most vulnerable populations, then, sorry, it just aint that great.  And, let’s face it, it aint that great—but more because of your voting record than mine.  You want to go back to 2005?  When we were invading the wrong country and blowing economic bubbles?  Lowering taxes for the rich while waging two wars?  But that had nothing to do with collapse…..right.  You remember, that fuzzy warm period when doubling the deficit didn’t matter?  Or did you prefer the part when we were diligently gutting the rule of law?  The Justice Dept just cleared one of its own of being a war criminal (Hint: the rule of law is still very broken).

Yoo is a war criminal by every definition of war criminal since the Magna Carta. 

On a good note, Obama at least seems to have a few integral moments.  I’m proud of him for meeting with the Dalai Lama, but disappointed he is refusing to meet with the Ghetto Shaman.  Obama’s mutual respect and mutual goal stuff is welcome over Incurious George’s inept imperialism.  The message I took from 9/11 was this: “holy shit, in a few years we’re going to have suitcase nukes.  If the international community doesn’t learn how to work together a little better, it’s all over.”  Instead, Republicans of the time took a completely delusional and antithetical approach.  Fear, isolation, and bombs for freedom! 

But, make no mistake, Iran will be Obama’s biggest test.  It will define his foreign policy score card.  And it will be the hardest decision in some time.  Not as easy as the Cheney’s of the world would like us to think—then again, they don’t like to think, which shows in their “work.”

Thankfully the republicans paid for what they did to us over the last two election cycles and, now, even the very heart of the neococoon is moving toward someone who despises the Fox News All Stars nearly as much as I do.  Know hope.

And, Crank, don’t be the last one holding the Kool-Aid… 

Zano, you make your living by doing very necessary and commendable things that you hope and pray the Government will eventually pay you for. If you aren’t employed by someone making bombs or bombers (or, in your case, Costco-sized medicinal marijuana outlets), you have relied too heavily on the Lib/Dem faction of Americana for your daily ration of beer and snausages. You’ve based your likes or dislikes of politicians on how much of the taxpayer’s money will be given to your little project. That’s how we differ. I was brought up in a household that rated anyone by the total amount of deli food you could purchase from our little project. A deli, for those living in the southwest, or in space, is a place you can buy wholesome ready-to-eat real actual formerly living things type food, in a non-nationwide-chain format.  A place owned and operated by someone who actually knows how to cook.  Our income depended on the money that the citizens had to spend, after Uncle Sam had sucked his ration of vitamin “B” from our collective carotids. Uh, that’s the way I thought capitalism was supposed to woik. Granted, your way is healthier, but ours is way more fun…

We have both been brought up with a long line of lying shitheads in government telling us all what’s good for us. We were at a disadvantage when info only came from three channels of “Network News.”  People are a lot more informed now amidst the 24/7 news cycle and the internet. Contrary to your opinion, weez can all makes up r minds on such Govmint stuff.  You no longer have to be “ivy league edjumucated,” or, as in your case, five year Beer Pong league edjumnacated, to have an inteligunt opinyun on sumtin. We gapped tooth Nascar types have now realized that the liberals among us are in fact misguided on most subjects, including seeing no discernable need for humility. Take socialism,  please (insert ta dum-dum here).  Europe is now starting to see that, as Margaret “EuroBrain” Thatcher once said, in a voice not unlike the late great Graham Chapman doing his British lady impression: “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” Greece has run out, and Portugal, Spain and even that European “Government of the Month Club” in Italy are next (except in Italy, you get bailed out if you cute and have nice boobs, er…and don’t hit the Prime Minister in the face with a statue).  Point being, it is a much failed experiment, and it’s time to put that little group of beakers and test tubes in a drawer somewhere and forget where ya put’um. The Euro Bank will, of course, make the same stupid mistake our glorious leaders made.  It will bail them all out. I guess that “Too Big to Fail” means countries too (or in Greece’s case, other guy’s asses).

Equality is the word I hate most. The only place I want “equality” is in the eyes of the law. We are inherently un-equal as a race, and to pretend we are is just so much cow pies. We should be reveling in our inequities, not trying to hide them as we morph into some kind of Dr. Moreau lab experiment gone wrong. I do not wish to be equal. Equal “equals” boredom. To paraphrase Captain Kirk, “I love my inequity. My inequity makes me who I am!”  Then, I believe, he kissed some green chick.

We all seemed to have survived the year 2005 well enough. Why is it so wrong to want to reduce our spending to that level, which is the year we took in the same money as we will this year? Inflation has amounted to nothing, thanks to the cheap money the Fed has made available with its near zero interest rates. Here in Arizona, we actually have LESS people than we had in oh-five. There was a massive “run for the border” when our economy tanked (which had nothing to do with a dead Chihuahua). I guess we must have added real important-type-thingies to account for the added expenditures; we just can name any of them. Oops, there’s that pesky Collective Alzheimer’s again.

With “Climategate”, it is now known that the world organization that is supposed to keep track of global temperatures has actually reduced the number of sensors from some 6500 to around 1500. All the ones that “went Elvis” were ones in much cooler environs. The lead scientist hisself was quoted over the weekend as saying that there was no discernable rise in temps in over the last 15 years. If we noodlers (someone with a heavy southern accent who fishes by jumping in the water and catching fishies with their bare hands) had not raised such a stink about the cost of Crap-N-Turd, we all would be paying someone big bucks for a failed theory. Oh, but wait grasshopper, that is what it was all about! These “scientists” (and fat ex Vice Presidents) make loads of money from us little unimportant tax payers for lying to us. Kinda like what you say Fox is doing with us. Oh, but wait, er, they were right, weren’t they?

What the Tea Party is all about is exactly what you SAY you want. You, like all the other Libs, have made up your mind what they are about from your buddies over at

MSNBC. They don’t much like or trust either party. Hell, they don’t much trust each other! Anyone of the current Politicos from any part of the animal kingdom that aligns themselves with the Tea Party is doing so to try to save their political asses (or Elephants, as it were) having actually read the writing on their Facebook wall.

Zano, listening to you is just like listening to Glen Beck very late at night. You both make it very hard for me to sleep.

Drill Baby Drill

Crank