Dear dear Mikkie, First I wish to thank you and your family for a wonderful weekend. I especially enjoy the blue lips I now have from the fucking Martianic oxygen levels you  billy goats have ‘up mountain.’ “Hey Crank, what are the perfect things  for a fat, old, oxygen starved gorilla with two knee replacements to do?  I know, let’s walk a lot, eat a lot, and climb some stairs too!  Just because I usually win the argument is no reason to try to finish me off.

Your latest drivel is a milestone in all things drivel; it’s uber drivel. Fast acting uber drivel, which also sounds like something I saw on an infomercial once.  All your—uh, ummm—work, so to speak, was at least fast at getting my pump going enough to redden my lips again. Our conversation over overpriced wine and microscopic desserts was mind numbing. I am amazed you have the guts (not balls, your sister’s got balls) to print it!

Ben Quayle is correct-Obama IS the worst President in history. Not because all he has done is not correct the Bush Abominations. That’s your story.

Here is a list of fuck ups:

1. Appointing know nothing idiots to posts they know nothing about, and have no real experience in. 30 of them. In a row. All failures. Some down right dangerous. A first ASSistant that manages to infuriate more people on his own side than even I do. A Science Czar that thinks Star Trek is real (Live Long and Prozac). An economic Czarina that looks WAY too much like Fred Flintstone and is ironically sending us back to the Stone Age. A Car Czar that didn’t ever hold a real job (right out of school—a real Zano special). A Czar in charge of education who wants children in K thru 8 to be taught the wonders of homosexuality. It is the parents job to permanently fuck up their children’s outlook on sex, like your Grand mother did with me (twitch-twitch-blink-blink).
2. Treating Healthcare Reform more importantly than the current “Bush inspired” economic crisis. And then, fucking THAT up. So much so, it WILL be repealed at most, or left with no funding at the very least.
3. Taking the current crisis at the border as if it were just another political football. Uh, Mik, do you think that the fact that there is “a dry-sandy space” between Mexico and the US will deter the drug cartels from moving north? It will not. It is already happening, but you wouldn’t know it, living in the “rarified air” as you do. Oh yeah, I see them walking up to the border now, and being bounced off the ‘Mikko Force Field’, shaking their heads and returning to Mexico. Stop drinking while watching Star Wars re-runs, you are getting reality confused with fiction.
4. Having the same disease as you do, that is thinking that “if the majority of Americans do not think exactly as I, they must all be wrong, and are too ignorant to see so.” Hey you bearded human beer sponge, do you even realize how ridiculous that sounds? Probably not.
5. Watching the economies of Europe fold up like a Yugo in a wreck with a moose, all the while espousing their economies as the ‘way to go’. Weez aint blind Mikkie, weez jus’ stupid.
6. Taking the exact opposite stance to the vast majority of Americans on EVERY important subject. See items 3 & 4.
7. Because of all the above, American corporations are now sitting on three trillion dollars in their pockets, and not spending a dime, grinding any real recovery into the ground just like you did with your last three poorly maintained cars. Why? People now see the real costs of Crap & Trade, Obamacare, Repeal of the Tax Cuts, new Taxes and fees, the general cost of the interest on trillions of dineros in deficits and the general imbecile-like fascination with unions, as maybe a bad thing? His whole agenda is jobs killing. Just reviewing this shit, Winslow fired two more contributors and three more editors.

In closing Mikko, all the world is not Bush’s fault—a large portion, yes, but all, no. Realize the potential of another fuck up before it’stoo late.

Crank This.

Washington, DC—The committee of the Ms. Cretin USA pageant has announced three finalists for the coveted title of most obnoxious moron in America to…

• Sarah Palin – Ms. Cretin Alaska
• Jan Brewer – Ms. Cretin Arizona
• Sharron Angle – Ms. Cretin Nevada.

Palin, The Bard of Wasilla, was considered a shoe-in (Palinism) for the title as recently as one month ago, but recent public statements by Brewer and Angle have narrowed the gap.

Palin’s invention of the word “refudiate” was thought to be the nail in the cake (Palinism) for the former Governor’s presumed victory, but Angle’s “second amendment solution” to the problem of democratically-elected officials not in God’s favor was an astounding move.  Perhaps out of a combination of desperation and dementia, Brewer referred to most illegal aliens as drug mules.  These events, whether intentional or not, have turned this snoozer of a pageant into a sprint to the finish.

Palin has fought back via the talent competition by asserting her bilingus (Palinism) abilities, and using the term “cajones” in a sentence.  Brewer fell behind with her measured, careful response to Judge Bolton’s ruling on SB1070, but recovered quickly by addressing further comments to the honorable, Michael Bolton (yeah, yeah, we know).

Each candidate was asked to submit a 500 word essay outlining their plans for reviving the U.S. economy.  Angle’s entry consisted of a barrage of loud bangs, a muzzle flash, and a plagiarized copy of Leviticus.

Brewer’s essay titled, Degrade Demean Deport – The Final Solution veered widely off topic but increased her lead in Arizona’s gubernatorial primary by five points. Palin has asked for an extension to accomjugate (Palinism) Lynn Vincent’s busy schedule.

The final and deciding competition of the pageant will consist of a “lightning round” of ten questions from Fox News contributor and disgraced former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich.

Mr. Gingrich is expected to query Palin on such topics as…

• Appropriate situations to use the words retarded, darkie, and towel-head.
• Special circumstances where a birth certificate does not constitute proof of citizenship (Palin feels our 49^th state = rock on, but our 50^th state = radicalized Polynesians).
• The best assault rifle to use for combating the infestation of baby harp seals in the great white north. 

Brewer will face tough questioning on her proposed Arizona SB1071 which provides funding for Botox treatments to state office holders above the rank of lieutenant governor.

Gingrich is also planning a question to gauge Ms. Brewer’s moral compass by asking her to explain why it is categorically imperative to divorce a spouse once a serious illness, such as cancer or multiple sclerosis, has been diagnosed.

Ms. Angle will submit, to Gingrich, a list of questions that she is willing to answer.

“It’s absolutely necessary,” says Angle, “Newt is no friend now that he has joined the hated left-wing media.  Without my guidance, (and the Lord’s) he may forget to give me the opportunity to say, ‘send those $25 dollar donations to sharonangle.com.’”

Should Mr. Gingrich be tempted to deviate from the pre-ordained list of questions, Angle emphatically states that Newt will experience a “lightning round” of his own, blasphemer.  

So how does 70% of America end up on the wrong side of this mosque debate?  Well, I went a whole month without knocking Fox or Bush, but for this one a relapse is in order.  Fox is now trying to say that Obama is so desperate, he’s imploring Bush to help with the Great Moronic Mosque Debate of 2010 (GMMD-10).  In reality, the right has drifted so far into absurdity on this issue that Bush has actually become a shiny bright beacon of reason through which to lead lost souls back from the brink. 

Bush was able to differentiate radical Islam from moderate Islam.  But this new breed of conservatism can’t!  Bush actually did really well on this subject post 9/11.  But instead of learning anything from nearly destroying America, conservatism marches on.  They have not even tried to reform their party.  They haven’t even looked in the mirror yet, and they keep doubling down on stupidity.

Never has Beck and Cowan’s Spiral Dynamic Theory been so pronounced as during this GMDD-10 conflict.  Everyone followed the playbook to a tee. The Republican base, in lockstep with Fox News, was immediately outraged by a non-story. This is predominately blue (fundamentalism) with a good chunk of orange (entrepreneurialism) thrown in for good measure.  Also, to be clear, they represent the shadow side of both of these levels of consciousness (aka, the shittier parts).  This is the seemingly unredeemable group I call the Fighting Foxeteers.  Here’s the interesting part: if this many people get upset about something, what would you expect green (liberals) to do?  Start fracturing and splintering, of course.  Dean and Reid caved to the masses and then Obama, who thinks yellow on a good day (early integral), retreats to the green-meme for safety and for votes. 

I do appreciate their sentiment.  Many people are upset by this decision, so why build the thing?  Green is very sensitive to others, even when these others have officially flown over the cuckoo cuckoo’s nest.  End result, many liberals join the Foxeteers in true appeasement/green-meme fashion.  So you’re left with blue, orange, and half of green now against building the mosque (aka, most of America).  Wow!   And there’s how you get nearly everyone on the wrong page.  One of the only things Obama has done well thus far is to decrease Al-Qaeda’s recruitment capabilities.  And leave it to those America-loving-morons to even screw that up.  They’re only happy when the suicide bomber line raps around the building.  It makes them feel all snug and safe. 

What’s most unsettling is that now this new blue print can be used for almost any issue.  Aka, Fox wins and America loses.  I know, you thought they were on the same side. It was all the flag waving in the background—it stopped your brains. But through fear and a healthy dose of paranoia, the Foxeteers can win each and every argument.  Forty-percent will automatically believe “the programming” and, if there’s a perceived victim, green will splinter and cave on the issue as well—which is a recipe for disaster.  We need some integral thought soon, folks, or it’s time to close up shop.  If we give up our principles, we lose everything.  Whereas conservatives believe they corner the market on principles and things like the Constitution, they must understand that they champion only those aspects deemed useful to the CEOs of the world.  Everything else can be gutted on a whim; it’s all in the presentation.  Example: what better way to gut the rule of law then by calling something The Patriot Act?

I’m so torn…the Constitution is important, but I really want to be seen as patriotic.  Hmmmm.  What would Rush Limbaugh do? 

They will fool that group every time (See: all laws Cheney enacted).  The Foxeteers cheered as the Constitution burned, and they’ll do it again.  Don’t worry, they won’t take your guns.  You’ll hand them over when some future Fox commentator says, “Uncle Sam is giving out free firearm upgrades this week.”  Then you’ll dutifully place your AK47 on the cart during Operation Refitting Freedom. 

They have you all by your libertarian balls, which should not only anger your freedom-laden sensibilities, but should also inject a nice wave of homophobia into the mix.

If you lost people in the towers I can understand the high emotions this issue will evoke, but, at the end of the day, this is fabricated nonsense.  It’s the next bouncing baby ACORN.  If someone was trying to build two big Islamic domes on the spot where the buildings actually fell, you’d have a point. This is clearly not the case, so guess what?  You don’t. 

Granted, it is questionable for this Muslim group to forge ahead with their plans if 7 out of 10 Americans oppose the site.  What will their future be like if they do succeed?  They’re either doing this for a true, noble cause (religious freedom), or the red meme menace (tribalism) really is rearing its ugly head.  And, on that note, if the new mosque has ties to terrorism, shut it down through due process.  Just because Sean Hannity smears it, doesn’t mean a God damn thing.  There’s no credibility left for Fox News. For 40% of the population, credibility is apparently no longer necessary.  Hannity thinks he’s vindicated these days because the economy—the very economy he helped bring to its knees—isn’t bouncing back.  Quite a feather in your cap, Sean…quite a feather.  How’s that hopey changey stuff working out fur ya?  Do you have any idea what you people left us?  Oh, that’s right, you don’t…

 Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to bow toward Mecca (aka, Fox News headquarters). 

Our 2^nd Amendment rights remain in jeopardy.  Former Congressman and 2008 Libertarian Candidate Bob Barr wrote in his publication The Barr Code, that Justice Thomas was the only Supreme Court Justice to issue an opinion rooted in constitutional law.  Barr is wrong and can no longer do shots in my bar (pardon the gun).

I have great respect for Justice Clarence Thomas, but the basis for his opinion in McDonald v. City of Chicago, Illinois is flawed…Daily Discord flawed! And while I’m sure there was a purpose related to current events, Thomas’s opinion to invoke the 14^th Amendment creates continued opportunities for the states and municipalities to restrict the individual right to keep and bear arms.

The 2^nd Amendment is clear, concise, and straight-forward, in the same way the Ghetto Shaman is not.  The Tao of Skull F*ck*ng?  Really, people?  A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, shall not be infringed; the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.  PERIOD, END OF STORY.  But I will continue this post, regardless. 

This is the Founder’s intent, as verified by the readings of the Federalist Papers, and the SCOTUS affirmed the 2^nd amendment right as an individual right in Heller v. District of Columbia. The 4^th Amendment requires ‘probable cause’ be given ‘supported by Oath or affirmation’  before ‘The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures’ can be legally waived.

The 5^th Amendment cannot be revoked ‘without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.’ Unless it’s really cool stuff, like Gibson’s Maserati…well, before he wrecked it.

And while the Northern States may have deemed it necessary to affirm the constitutional rights of newly freed slaves, the ‘without due process of law’ clause in Section I provided the avenue for which the rights of the individual could be altered by those who write the law, namely government.

The right of the individual to keep and bear arms was intended to protect and defend all from an oppressive government and other hostile forces, foreign and Discordic.  A sensible person would claim a murderer or insane person should not have guns, but isn’t that why we have institutions such as prisons and asylums?  Isn’t that why, once convicted of a felony, a convict is forced to forfeit their constitutional rights?  It’s covered, people.  And thankfully I was both acquitted and medicated.

By arguing the 14^th Amendment somehow guarantees us 2^nd Amendment rights invokes a ‘due process’ clause by which the right to keep and bear arms can be restricted or revoked where no ‘due process’ clause existed.  On this issue, Thomas was wrong, but the question that must be asked, what was his intent?  Or is he off of his medications?