Super Game XXVIIV

by Mick Zano • February 14, 2011

Las Vegas, NV–What’s better on Valentine’s Day than some old football coverage?! Somehow I am back in Vegas for the third time already in 2011, which is three more reasons Bald Tony is considering relocating. I am back at the Riviera covering this Super Game, knowing little about football and even less about roman numerals.

Why am I here, you ask? Well, Tony keeps getting free shit and when he gets free shit, he knows that’s my price. If you read Tony’s article on pizza last week, he mentioned I took this meditation detox challenge thingie…uhh, then he gets three more nights at the Riviera, free booze and food at a Super Game party, and, lo and behold, I fumble the detox challenge. Come to think of it, I don’t believe the detox gods were ever on my side, now Dionysius and Bacchus, those cats have my back (now if only they had my liver).

When Winslow heard we would be at the Super Game party at the Riviera, he insisted one of us cover the event. The bastard. I actually feel other sports are for people who don’t play hockey, but Mr. Winslow can be persuasive…in a Sith Lord kind of way.

2:10 PST – Prior to the big game, Bill O’Reilly interviewed Barak Obama. I had no idea football fans were so informed. I couldn’t hear one word over the rabble at the Queen Victoria Pub, but I’m sure it was fair and balanced.

2:16 PST – It’s time to finish our pints and head to the event. Tony decided to mess with me almost immediately. He vowed not to help me understand the game in any way. The bastard. He won’t even tell me who’s playing. The cheese-headed people wandering about lead to me believe there is a Wisconsin team involved and I thought the other team was the Dallas Cowboys …maybe because the game is being held in Dallas?! But I’m beginning to question this conclusion with all the Steelers fans milling about (have I mentioned I hate football?).

2:22 PST – My pint of liquid coverage is down. It is time to drop off the laptop in the hotel room, grab the old fashioned paper and pen, and report to the Grande Ballroom for the first pitch.

God would want us to cover this important game

2:26 PST – Neither Tony or I have any paper or any writing implements of any kind. So Bald Tony opts to take some pages out of the hotel Bible.

2:34 PST – Pens were obtained even more heretically and then back downstairs and over to the event. The line to enter the Grande Ballroom is long. I’m losing my buzz. Somewhere Jim Morrison is singing your ballroom days are over, baby.

3:23 PST – Did she sing “twilight’s last reaming?” Hmmm. In retrospect it would have been better to live tweet this bitch.

3:31 PST – Announcer states, Packers v Steelers, as if you needed another reminder. OK, so it’s the Packers v the Steelers. Now we’re getting somewhere.

3:35 PST – Thank god the game started, the buffet line is finally clearing.

4:25 PST – At critical point in the action I called fellow Discordian, and avid Steeler fan, Dave Atsals, and told him, “Stop everything you’re doing! I need a picture of Michele Bachman with a penis on her head for an article that posts tomorrow!” Heh, heh.

4:26 PST – People in the immediate vicinity seem perplexed why I shouted “penis on Michele Bachman’s head” into my cell phone.

4:47 PST – Beware of free invitations. Here’s my view during the 7th inning stretch.

4:55 PST – Something just happened. No more guacamole at the bean dip bar!

5:00 PST – Discovered something important and switched from Bud Light from the server to rum and cokes over at the bar.

5:15 PST – Something is happening in the game, but I just tried to use the stirrer as a straw. No liquid has emerged despite my best efforts.

????? – In the end the team with the yellow pants won.

????? – Some minor damages back in the hotel room. Don’t tell Tony…

The next day it was tough to figure out this picture. Not sure, exactly. It was either part of the half time show, or there was something in the bean dip that shouldn’t have been.

by Mick Zano • February 13, 2011

by Mick Zano • February 12, 2011

Dumbledore Remains Headmaster Despite Prolonged Muggle Uprising

Hogwarts, ?—The Muggle protestors turned increasingly violent this week outside of Hogwarts School of Wizardry. Despite two weeks of protesting, the school’s headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, refuses to relinquish command. The entire grounds are full of thousands of angry Muggles—with the exception of one area where a particularly menacing tree has already claimed the lives of several protestors.

Muggles, or non magical folk, have been gathering in ever greater numbers to voice their discontent with all things magical. Sparked by the uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt, ordinary people from all over have ramped up their demonstrations against the school, a place deemed the epicenter of all enchantments.

Known to some as the Stalin of Sorcery, Dumbledore is considered a despotic demon, a tyrannical thaumatist, and several other impressive synonyms by these amassing, thesaurus-savvy revolutionaries.

One woman carried a sign reading, “I should be head of the Ministry of Muggles!” Another had a sign equating Dumbledore with Hitler, while still others were burning an effigy of R.K. Rowling.

Dumbledore addressed the press today: “Whereas it is normally forbidden to use magic in the presence of Muggles, this time I am prepared to make an exception.”

Dumbledore has given the crowd until midnight tonight to disperse or he is releasing the Dementors.

The Discord’s own Cokie McGrath has not been seen since her attempt to interview one of the said Dementors.

by The Ghetto Shaman • February 11, 2011

Dear Ghetto Shaman,

What is the deal with the movie 127 Hours? It felt like it took that long to end. It could have been summed up as drank my own pee and gnawed off my own arm. Besides, wouldn’t drinking your own pee only make you more dehydrated?

James

Irwin, PA

Dear James,

That is not what concerns me. When one drinks his or her own pee a sacrifice to Yig is required to liberate the soul and ascend to the spirit world. Perhaps even more disturbing, you should only gnaw of your own arm when you wake up draped over a female of the Coyote Ugly variety.

The Ghetto Shaman

P.S. As many enlightened beings are aware, when one has carnal encounters with someone truly hideous, reaching Double Coyote status, it is customary to gnaw off your second arm so that it never happens again.

by The Crank • February 10, 2011

The guys in the white hats finally won out over the guys with the black hats. Good has triumphed over evil, yet again. No, I ain’t talking about the final score, per se. I am talking about three particular players that had a lot to do with the score. And, believe it or not, one of these players wasn’t even in the game.

My hat is off to Aaron Rodgers, for many reasons—not the least of which was sitting around in Green Bay, Wisconsin for many years (which I’m sure has its redeeming qualities, like cold, and snow, and wet, and, boring, and, well, being so chock full of northiness). He was probably told years ago by the powers that be that he should be content to hang around for a “little bit.” You see, he was the heir to Brett Faaaaahv-re (beans and a dry Chianti).

“How long can he last?” they said.

“One more season and he’s finished,” they said.

“Any day now” they said.

Yeah, well, that picture of Brett in his basement was getting older by the second.

So he sat around with his thumb up his ass, clip board in the other hand, waiting for Brett to die, for he knew he wasn’t leaving under normal circumstances. Finally the day came. The clouds parted, a light shown upon Aaron as the angelic choir sang. He was now in charge. Little did he know that Mr. Sexting should have quit then. Aaron was sure to be LMAO and LOL and even a little OMG. We all found out that Mr. Look-up-to-me-for-I-am-holier-than-thou was just another rich boy with more money than IQ points—complete with a last name that few can pronounce. Oh, and less respect for women than he has for his Wrangler Jeans. He was now an official member of the Should-have-quit-while-I-was-ahead Idiots Club.

After working his ass off, who does Aaron end up against in the Super Bowl? Why, Mr. Perp hisself, Big Ben Where’s-da-white-women-at’ Roethlisberger. With even mo money and less IQ than Brett, poor Aaron must have been asking “Why God?” Even ex-Steelers quarterbacks and chrome dome Terry Bradshaw have no use for him, and even said so. When Born Again ex-Cardinal’s quarterback Kurt Warner said that Ben was not Hall of Fame material, we all knew his reasoning.

He was the one chosen to beat this juggernaut called the Steelers. And he was the one to show Mr. Sexting that he spent one too fucking many seasons as a quarterback. And “the perp” had his ass handed to him on a silver platter. For those things, I am glad.

Oh, but perhaps more importantly, the commercials all sucked. $3M for 30 seconds? That’s more than Jolie charges (or so I’m told). The Discord only sends me a case of Coke once a year for endless entertainment? By the way…where’s my Coke this year, Winslow?

These companies should have rolled the money into cigars and smoked them for all the business these commercials will bring in. Madison Avenue at its finest. They are all more interested in the Clio Awards than what happens as a result of their follies.

Which brings me to my biggest pet peeve—no it’s not Zano this time. No cheerleaders? Really? What Mensa member made that decision? This is home to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and I gotta watch the dance of the drunken John Goodman’s?

“Let’s just show all the fat drunk guys with their naked frozen bellies painted…yeah, that should do the trick.” Hurp Durp.

Most watched TV show of all time?! Good. More people need to see good triumph over evil. Kinda’ like the opposite of Washington DC. I think from now on, in order to get a multimillion dollar contract, the players should have an IQ test. And we need to enforce the current clauses in these contracts with more than just a slap on the ass.

Crank

by Mick Zano • February 9, 2011

Although they admit, “the reaming part was a nice touch”

by Mick Zano • February 8, 2011

47 Hobbits Missing while Working on Google Middle-Earth Project

Hobbiton—47 hobbits are missing and presumed dead after Google sent hundreds of unarmed Shire folk into the wilds of middle-Earth to draw the surroundings of each and every path. The ambitious plan was to cover all the land from the Grey Mountains to Mordor. Despite being nearly five years into the project, only an estimated two percent of middle-Earth has been captured in their Path View.

The partially eaten remains of Bimbo Boffin of Bugger Downs was found in a tree north of Bree, and the torn and bloodied clothing of Friskycoot Titgroper of Hobbiton was found in a warg den in the heart of the Misty Mountains.

“We sincerely hope the rest of the Hobbits all make it back safe and sound,” said Google CEO, Larry Page. “We only went with Hobbits after the Riders of Rohan and the men of Gondor told us to piss off.”

Page went on to extend his deepest sympathies to the families of those devoured.

Page also told reporters, “Google is sending people to help find the other 45 missing Hobbits and that all Path View activity has been suspended until a better strategy, one that doesn’t involve Hobbits in any way, can be developed.”

by Bald Tony • February 7, 2011

Las Vegas, NV—Just a few short weeks ago, the Cosmopolitan opened on the Las Vegas Strip, and, of course, the Discord was there to cover it. Of all the neat and wonderful things to discover and enjoy in this newest Strip casino, the biggest surprise turned out to be the pizza place. I have been sworn not to tell anyone where it is. It has no name. Seriously…think of it as the world’s first speakcheesy. No, they’re not allowed to use that line.

It’s not listed on any of the hotel directory maps nor is it mentioned anywhere on the website, and the powers that be are very serious about not telling anyone where in the Cosmopolitan this little slice of New York resides. It’s already hailed as one of Vegas’ finest slices. All I can tell you is it’s located somewhere between the first floor casino and the rooftop pool. And it’s not just any pizza joint; it’s perhaps the best pizza this side of the Bellagio (an impressive several hundred yards away).

Mick Zano and I started the pizza hunt on the first floor, going from place to place, moving only by sense of smell. We did find it, eventually, on an undisclosed floor in said hotel casino. On the way inside, I made the mistake of telling Zano about how no one is allowed to tell anyone where this place is. Never do this.

A security guard came right over and said, very seriously, “Sir, we have a security breach and I’m going to need to ask you a few questions: why are you telling this man how to find this place and How are we going to keep this a secret if you tell people about it right in front of the place?”

The hotel guard was originally a New Yorker himself. He doesn’t work at the pizza place, but he already loves it. He then made Zano swear not to say anything to anyone about this establishment’s whereabouts. Zano, who can lie through his teeth with the best of them, said “sure.”

You may be wondering why Zano is already back in Vegas. You see, he decided to take this 28 day meditation/detox challenge thing, and where else would one want to kick off a quest toward spiritual harmony and cleansing than Las Vegas? I think Las Vegas is Spanish for The Enlightened Gambler. Did I mention Zano’s an idiot? I think, in retrospect, he’s going to need to detox from his first detox weekend.

The secret entrance to the Cosmopolitan's secret pizzaria

After the guard walked away, Zano snapped this shot of the entrance. If you notice there is no name and no sign. The squares you see lining the entranceway are a variety of album covers. I can now honestly say I’ve been to a pizzeria in the desert with no name.

The pizza gets solid marks, the dough definitely wins as New York style. Zano, another once and future New Yorker, agreed. He had a little problem with cheese to sauce ratio, but otherwise gave it a thumbs up as well.

Through hard hitting investigative journalism, I uncovered a secret of the secret pizza shop. They mix sourdough from San Francisco—which, yes, costs a lot of dough—with their own east coast dough. Of course, the exact ratio is on par with the Colonel’s secret recipe and then just rinse, lather, repeat and voila, New York style pizza in the Mojave desert.

Oh, and the pizza boxes are like the Beatle’s White Album, no hints there. I will consider letting people in on the secret location, for a price…

The roof pool at the Cosmopolitan Casino in Las Vegas

As for the rest of the resort, it was more Mick Zano’s type of place, especially the roof top pool area which has pool tables, ping pong, and plenty places to lounge—not every space devoted to separating you from your money. You could order a drink, plug in a laptop, and chill by the pool. It didn’t hurt having bikini clad babes frolicking in January. The place is unlike any other resort in Vegas because activities other than gambling are encouraged…even (gasp) outdoor areas! This place is making a statement: we fucking do things differently here at the Cosmopolitan. Coincidentally, this is how all the help greets you as you enter.

by Mick Zano • February 6, 2011

Vince Shlomi of ShamWow Fame’s Infomercial Mix Up. Dan Rooney, owner of the Steelers, said "We're embarassed, even more so than by Reed, Holmes, and Rothlisburger."

Dan Rooney, owner of the Steelers, said “We’re embarassed, even more so than by Reed, Holmes, and Rothlisburger.”

by Mick Zano • February 5, 2011

Last Day in Office Mubarak to be Entombed in Great Pyramid of Giza

Cairo, EG—In lieu of exile, President Mubarak has chosen to be placed in the King’s Chamber, located in the heart of the Great Pyramid of Giza, surrounded by family, friends, and his cabinet.

“This is not about me,” said Mubarak, “But the Great Pyramid of Mubarak does have a nice ring to it, eh?”

“I don’t want to cause a fuss,” continued Mubarak. “So let my legacy show I was a man of compromise. Look, King Tut got one and he ruled less than a decade, pussy. I should get three pyramids by that math! It’s not like I’m asking to be put up over in the Valley of the Kings or something. The rent over there is ridiculous.”

To ease the transition, the U.S. has offered to put Mubarak up in the Luxor in Vegas, but the President is adamant about remaining in Egypt.

“Exile is not what it is used to be,” said Mubarak. “No, I think that me, the Great Pyramid, a flat screen, a fridge, and some cold ones and I’ll be good to go.”

If his demands are met, he plans to restore the Internet to Egypt on his last day in office,.

“Oh, but Ethernet cable will need to be run for sure,” added Mubarak. “According to my IT guys, WiFi will be virtually impossible under six-million tons of limestone.”

by Mick Zano • February 4, 2011

Dear Ghetto Shaman,

You give your readers very little insight into your personal life, for instance, what do you do with your free time?

Clay R.

Muncie, IN

Dear Clay,

If my readers had any insight they wouldn’t be visiting this site, but, fine…ahhhh, this week I got stoned, went to Egypt, and punched Anderson Cooper in the face a few times, the usual.

The Ghetto Shaman

by Mick Zano • February 3, 2011

I never much cared for the top ten type list thingies, of course, on a related note, Humor Links.com has The Discord handily beating The Onion, but, then again, only eight people voted this month and seven of them were me. This post is critical of RockSong.com’s top 500 classic rock songs of all time. Just to set the record straight, I only pointed out the things that reeeaallly pissed me off…

There was only one pre-established rule for this little jaunt into the world of rock & roll, I tried to leave The Beatles out of it. Granted, I don’t always agree with the Fab Four’s deification, but seeing as how they invented the shit and all… I know, I know, I’m part of the problem—a view shared by professors, bosses, ex-girlfriends, and law enforcement officials throughout my life—but, sorry, The Beatles are the real untouchables, except maybe Ringo. Oh, and I left Phil Collins out as well; I picked on him way too much in this recent gem.

Let’s start out with the thing that jumped out at me first. It involves the band REM. Or is it R.E.M? Are they an acronym? I don’t even know. If they are, I would go with Really Easily Mimicked. My cover band learned how to do Stand in about 15 minutes and we don’t even play instruments. When I saw REM’s Losing My Religion ranked 74 out of 500 (er, that’s #74 out of rocks best of the best), I almost lost my lunch. Oh, that’s me in the corner, alright…I’m puking. It’s the end of the top 500 has we know it, and I don’t really feel fine.

Leonard Bernstein!

Van Halen’s Jump came in it at #64? Will you still be sending me a Valentine? Oh, right, leave The Beatles out of this… But Jump? I think every song on Diamond Dave’s solo album from hell, beats friggin’ Jump! Remember what songs Jump jumped over on this extravaganza: Joe Walsh’s Rocky Mountain Way comes to mind, not to mention almost every Doors song known to man. Really? If David Lee Roth were alive to see this, he would… Oh, sorry Dave.

Paul McCartney Baby I’m Amazed is ranked 70th… Hey, Paul, maybe I’m amazed you can… Oh wait…is he covered under the no fucking with Beatles clause (NFingw/BC)? Hmmm.

Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire made the cut. I know, miscategorized to all get out, but who complains when that song comes on in a bar? It’s about the only country song that deserves to be there! Love is a burning thing…especially with what’ser name. It burns, burns, burns…so I went to the clinic. And as for love, I soon became a cynic. I’m pretty sure those are the lyrics. Holy shit! I am at a bar called Cuvee writing this piece and the guy is playing Ring of Fire live, right now. Technically, I was working ahead of this part but only by a couple of paragraphs.

OK, this next live song is Black Water, a Doobie song, not the movie, which…wait for it, happens to come in at #205. Wow, this is very interactive (well, for me).

The Bee Gees’ Staying Alive came in at #167. Now this one is in the wrong category…AND THERE IS NO REASON IN DISCO, AND ON EARTH, FOR THIS ATROCITY!! Have I mentioned this shit is higher than Rocky Mountain Way?

“I’d like to hear some funky Dixie land, pretty momma gonna take me by the hand.” Oh, and Staying Alive beat this Doobie’s song.

Back to the post. Michael Jackson’s Beat It came in at #156. Admittedly, MJ’s philosophy got me through some dry spells in college, but really? 156???

This might seem like a small point, but Golden Earring’s Radar Love (#71) should not beat their Twilight Zone by this much (#499). Rod Serling is turning over in his grave—well , that might be for other reasons. Mwahahahhaha!

Oh, my god…this dude just lost me. He’s singing Over the F-ing Rainbow. I’m not making this up. I’m going to take a wild stab and say this song is not one of rock & roll’s top 500. I think I’ll save myself the Google search. He just went over the rainbow, alright…not to mention over the cuckoo’s nest. Sure I’ll be singing along with you, dude, after about ten more beers, but only if you’re buying.

I’m not so proud of the fact CCR’s version of Proud Mary checked in at #22. Let’s be clear here, it’s not because I don’t like CCR, frankly, it’s about the only song of theirs I don’t like…and it’s a cover! I have two words for you RockSong.com people, Born on the Bayou (the two little words don’t count).

One of the biggest disappointments in this top ten list thingie is this: over the years, Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb has moved down to #61? Sixty one? Sure Pink isn’t well…after reading that.

OK, this guy playing live hasn’t gotten more than a clap or two for the whole set and everyone is now clapping for some Over the Rainbow. Actually isn’t that verb? It is the way I do it. Well, time to finish my beer. Even when I was a kid I always thought, All Along the Watchtower and Baba O’Reilly beat out Layla and Stairway to Heaven, now they are even further apart—in the wrong direction! This paragraph is further proof of the Flynn Effect. Of course, Stairway came in at number one, as if it’s some unbreakable rule. Again, I love Zep, but come on…

Abba’s Dancing Queen was in there, but I refuse to say where, because each time I think about it a little vomit kicks up into my throat. Mama Mia, alright! Ultimately, my chief complaint comes down to this: where the hell are The Monkees in this R&R soiree?! I am no longer a believer.

by Mick Zano • February 2, 2011

Ozzy understandably nervous meeting the ‘Big Guy’

by Mick Zano • February 1, 2011

Ruperteiser Scrooge: A Post Christmas Carol Post

New York, NY—Upon hearing of yet another study supporting the notion Fox News is not journalism, the Supreme Being acted. Many feel Fox has reached absurd levels of misinformation, and that they are a joke, a joke designed to strike Discord at the heart… OK, this does sound like us, but hear us out. Regardless, the powers that be saw fit to send three journalistic ghosts to Rupert Murdoch’s mansion in an attempt to change the CEO of Fox’s evil ways. Or at least that was the plan.

Neighbors report hearing the sound of chains dragging and clanging, and some haunting cries before the spectral form of Walter Cronkite came bolting from the residence like a banshee.

“He seemed very distraught,” said a neighbor, who witnessed the incident but asked to remain anonymous. “It wasn’t the usual “my life ended tragically” kind of thing. This was more of an ‘it just happened, sheer terror egress’ kind of thing. I’ve never seen a ghost look so upset.”

The effectiveness of the visit remains in question at this hour, but Cronkite allegedly texted the Ghosts of Journalism Present and Journalism Future right after the episode. The full text, though initially classified, was released on WikiLeaks:

OMG! Murdoch is f-ing nuts. Abort! Rendezvous at Olbermann’s place

XOXO

Whereas the majority of the text message is self explanatory, the XOXO remains disturbing to many who knew Cronkite personally and never suspected he was so touchy-feely.

by The Crank • January 31, 2011

It seems as though the powers that be in New York decided to wrongly arrest over 120 honest Italian-American businessmen for so-called organized crime connections. Thanks to the New York Village Voice here are some of those patriots:

VINCENT AULISI, also known as “The Vet” due to his love for animals.

GIOVANNI VELLA, also known as “John Vella,” “Mousey” and “Little John” named after a hero from Robin Hood.

DENNIS DELUCIA, also known as “Fat Dennis,” aka “Little Dennis” aka “the Beard”. Church every Sunday with the kids.

LUIGI MANOCCHIO, also known as “Baby Shacks,” aka “The Old Man,” aka “the Professor.” He loved Gilligan’s Island (perhaps too much)

ANTHONY DURSO, also known as “Baby Fat Larry” aka “BFL.” Still a kid at heart

JOHN HARTMANN, also known as “Lumpy,” aka “Fatty” aka “Fats” with a heart as big as his stomach.

Etc and so forth. Now, seeing as how the real criminals of this country are not honest businessmen from Canarsie Brooklyn, but reside or work in Washington D.C. The list of the top twenty nicknames are as follows:

Barack “Obozo” Obama for embezzling 3 trillion dollars from his employer
Joe “Joey Trenchmouth” Biden for single handedly raising healthcare costs by having to have his foot surgically removed from his mouth daily at the ER (so would it be single footedly?)
Rahm “Deadfish” Emmanuel for protection rackets (also not wanted in Chicago)
Nancy “Nancy Botox” Pelosi for sheer stupidity
House Majority Leader John “Johnny Fake & Bake” Boehner for crying under the influence
Representative Barney “Backdoor Barney” Frank for prostitution
Senator John “The Cryptkeeper” McCain for talking out of both sides off his mouth
Secretary Hillary “hairyleggs” aka “pant suit” Clinton
Secretary Janet “The Dikenator” Napolitano for lying on her resume
Attorney General Eric “Mr. Winfrey” Holder for high treason
Newt “Geico” Gingrich for bad hair
Senator Joe “Joey Switchhitter” Leiberman for being invariably wrong on both sides of the aisle
Press Secretary Robert “Smuggy Bear” Gibbs for truth stretching
Senior Advisor David “Trust Me” Axelrod for lying to his employers (us)
Secretary of The Treasury Timothy “Timmy Tax Shelter” Geithner for tax evasion
Secretary Of Education Arne “Short eyes” Duncan for pedophilia
Representative Anthony “Tony Ticked Off” Weiner for insulting his Jewish heritage and other hate crimes
Karl “Connie Chrome Dome” Rove for blinding low flying aircraft
Richard “Dickey Shotgun” Cheney, the ringleader of this crime family
Federal Chairman Ben “Benny Big Pockets” Bernanke (guess)

by Mick Zano • January 30, 2011

You should see what they did to the Denny’s

by Mick Zano • January 29, 2011

Cairo, EG—From the beginning, the Ghetto Shaman World Tour (GSWT) was plagued with problems. The recent upheaval in Egypt was the last camel straw. Following citizen uprisings in Tunisia, Algeria, and Yemen, civil unrest in Jordan and the Kurdish section of Syria, and now Egypt, Daily Discord CEO, Pierce Winslow said “enough is enough.”

“It’s no coincidence all this political unrest spawned within days of each of the Ghetto Shaman’s tour stops,” said Winslow. “I’m all for stirring the pot, but I don’t want the Discord’s GSWT to become the Franz Ferdinand of World War III. Besides, I told the bastard not to do the Egg a Radical Muslim Cleric Day bit. Moron.”

While not confirmed, reports suggest Winslow received a threatening phone call from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. It’s also been reported “Mossad” was mentioned several times during the call.

Homeland Security states it will not lower the current threat level until the Shaman is safely back in his sweat lodge.