There’s been a lot of hate speech directed at the Ebola Virus lately, and I think it’s time for people to stand up for the rights of the Unrepresented Parasiticals. We Americans are so human-centric, talking about containing the Ebola, fighting Ebola, and eradicating Ebola. We’re arming doctors, who seem to know no borders. They are nothing but mercenaries who should pick on someone their own size. The question I want all of you anthropomorphs to consider is this: doesn’t the Ebola Virus have rights to?

Who are we to pass policies of genocide against this virus simply because it’s different than us? Simply because we don’t understand it? Too many Americans have Germicidal tendencies. Citizens of the United States are always looking for a scapegoat so that we can avoid the real problems threatening mankind, like climate change.

How much climate change do you think Ebola is responsible for? None, zip, zero. Truth be told, Ebola fights climate change, and since all scientists agree that Climate Change is the most dangerous threat to our national security, we oughta be investing in the further the spread of Ebola. We should all do our duty as citizens of the planet and fly to Africa and lick an infected Liberian. Traviralocity? The Ebola virus is actually Mother Nature’s defense mechanism against the real virus of those carbon exhaling homo-sapiens.

So now everybody’s jumping on the bandwagon to wipe out Ebola, but who will speak for the viruses? Where’s the ACLU on this one?

“No eradication without representation!”

Who are these hatemongers who suggest that people with Ebola should be banned from flying on planes or riding on buses? This is human racism.

I commend the President for not restricting flights for the Ebola Virus. He has not caved-in to the hate mongers who want to take away the rights of the contagious diseases. It’s time that he passes an executive order granting a pathway to citizenship for all contagious diseases. We can call it, Germnesty. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Crow is delicious. Mmmm, crow. I predicted the Dems would hang onto the Senate, or would at least make it an interesting fight. Welcome to my wrongness. I reckon’ed at least two republican candidates would self-disqualify themselves with gaffes to keep this thing tight. And, yes, ya’ll have to use words like ‘reckoned’ now. Not sure of the spelling or where that doohickey goes but don’t worry, in the face of encroaching illiteracy, I’m pushing my own Stand Your Grammar laws. But fair is fair, we must congratulate the winners—all one percent of them.

I have to admit the GOP played it smart. Search the Discord and you will never find GOP and smart in the same article, until now. But they opted for nearly no: debates, questions, or interviews. They stuck with their strengths, aka the prerecorded-attack-ad-only-model (PAAOM). Still, to be a good sport I called guru Nate Silver to congratulate him. He told me to stop calling.

Conventional wisdom suggests republicans are tacking to the center to pick candidates more electable in general elections. I call bullshit on this theory. Conventional wisdom, right or left, is an oxymoron. Sure republicans lied to gain some votes and, of course they scared the shit out of old people, but there’s no way they will govern to the center. My republican radicalization theory (RRT) remains intact. Besides, shit comes out of old people way too easily in the first place. Have you ever been to a nursing…oh, I’m being told all nursing home funding was cut.

Sure holding the Senate was an uphill battle, but did I underestimate the Fox News Effect? Hell no, in fact, this powerful force of misinformation is a large part of why I blog. I just hope the jig will eventually be up. You can’t live in an alternate universe forever (a Beautiful Blind?).

Fun Fact: an estimated 37% of the people who voted in the midterms were over 60:

“That’s a staggeringly high percentage of the vote for the over-60s. If anyone doubts the potency of Fox News’ relentless campaign to remind anyone over 50 that the world is coming undone and Obama is entirely the reason, then those numbers should be definitive.”

—Andrew Sullivan

I agree, the shit I’ve been talking about for years is “definitive”. For these midterms I was just hoping to hasten the Republican’s inevitable demise. There’s really no way forward until The GOP’s power is sufficiently diminished. Trust me on this one. Having more of these kooks around Capitol Hill is not going to help.

Cynicism Alert:

Dear Zano,

Having more republicans in office will greatly increase Discord stats.

Pierce Winslow

P.S. Oh, and no more words over two syllables, Zano. The people have articulated, I mean spokeicated. Shit.

Sure I got this one wrong but I was just trying to show some chutzpah. Wait, I’m being told republicans cut funding for chutzpah. Okay, I was showing, uh… I’m being told moxie met the chopping block, too. Please tell me they didn’t do anything to spunk! Actually, that’s okay:

“I hate spunk.”

—Lou Grant

The ambivalence of young voters did not go unnoticed in my town. But young people are never going to give a shit, the real story is what happened to our old people. Their brains—organs usually associated with something called wisdom—have been completely hijacked by the Koch Brothers. It makes me want to run into traffic screaming:

They’re Here! They’re Already Among Us! You’re Next! Invasion of the Brain Snatchers?

Kidding, all pods must be purchased through Monsanto and, believe you me, nothing alive is ever going to pop out of that shit. So our greatest generation will go out as pod people, nice. I’m not really mad at these frightened Foxeteers. I’m more concerned about why we have all these old scared fucks in the first place. It’s those puppet masters that I’d like to call to the carpet.

[‘Lying like a rug’ joke omitted by the editor]

Post the election the Washington Post asked: Where Did Obama Go Wrong? Sullivan thinks the article, like the entire republican paradigm, is crapola:

“For me, the most persuasive answer to the question was the botched roll-out of healthcare.gov. No one else can be blamed for this, and it hit the president’s ratings like a ten-ton truck, as well it might. October 2013 is when his disapproval rating first clearly topped the approval rating with some daylight and stayed there. And the fall of 2013 was also when he pivoted away from striking Syria – which brought a chorus of disapproval from the Washington bigwigs and, of course, the GOP.”

—Andrew Sullivan

I think the whole Obama is the worst president ever premise is complete bullshit. Sure lots of people believe it, but lots of people also watch reality television. Republicans invented a bunch of scandals, the kind people should only be able to come up with where pot is legal, and then they added Obama’s failures, mostly caused by Congress obstructionism, and presto. Sullivan is saying the one thing he really botched, the rollout of the ACA, was catastrophic. I agree, but how is that possible? The worst thing for our worst president ever was delaying something republicans didn’t want anyway? …huh?

Summary Alert:

Worst Presidential Blunders:

Barack Obama  =  The rollout delay of Obamacare due to Healthcare.gov glitches. (approximately 90 days)

George W. Bush  =  Uh, I don’t have that kind of time, but suffice to say his Medicare Supplement-D program also had a delay due to website issues.

(approximately 90 days)

Dear Republicans,

Whereas Bush’s Medicare-D program was wholly unfunded and contributed to a global economic collapse, Obamacare has actually reduced the deficit.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. Hey, so maybe republicans are right; we should be mad about the delayed rollout! Damn you, Obama!

I didn’t even know the actual timeline of the Bush delay thing until researching that joke…Oh, and the Medicare-D rollout thing never made Bush’s top 100 fuck ups, but don’t be Obama and try that shit.

So what the hell are you people talking about? Oh, I forgot, it doesn’t matter. The alternate reality I’ve been talking about for over a decade is sadly becoming my reality:

So now a special liberal-bashing rant for those who didn’t vote:

(I know fear is always going to be a better motivator, but you still deserve some scrutiny)

I respectfully ask that all the potheads who didn’t vote put out your joints. Likewise all the married gays should now turn in your marriage licenses. And all those millions now insured under Obamacare must drop your policies and the same goes for those covered under Medicaid expansion.

And to those last few union holdouts, good riddance. Move to a right-to-work state and in a decade you too can earn one sick day! To those fighting for clean energies, sorry you didn’t vote, but meanwhile enjoy fossil fuels. Don’t worry, you will be fossils soon enough.  For all those making minimum wage, enjoy more of that magic for years to come. But don’t worry, shit’s going to trickledown. Oh, and let’s not forget the ladies earning 85 cents on the dollar. Maybe you deserve only 75? And to all those stupid ass animals who didn’t vote, welcome to the sixth extinction. Oh, you can’t vote? Well, the rest of you could and chose not to. You didn’t vote because you didn’t think things were that bad, or that the midterms don’t matter, but what you are actually doing is allowing a group wholly detached from reality to govern.

Good luck with that.

The Constitution of the Divided States of ‘Murica is akin to The Bible, in that republicans worship it despite a nearly complete inability to understand any of the meaningful bits. Thou shalt not Teabag? I believe, post 9/11, the Constitution died. Rest In Parchment? My message then, to anyone who would listen, was this: the 2008 presidential election signaled a shift from an inauguration to a coronation, so forgive me if constitutional indiscretions seem passé. Post 9/11 our checks and balances collapsed at the feet of an imperial presidency and, yes Pokey, I make no apologies for showing some relief in the fact our current monarch has an IQ above that of a turnip. I realize this is an affront to those citizens of Turnipsylvania.

The collapse of our Constitutional rights came, not at the hands of the Dems but at the hands of those constitution-lovin’-dipshits among us (CLDs), although I will admit expansions and the institutionalization of executive powers have occurred under Obama, here. There are inherent costs in having the likes of the Tea Party and Sean Hannity champion this important document, aka, I’m starting to miss it already.

Despite his modus propagandi, Hannity and his ilk would have fared much better in 1930s Germany than colonial America. Founding Faterland? I know this doesn’t register with you, Pokey, but the GOP remains the major stumbling block of our time. This phenomenon I keep covering will also be a key focus of history and will likely play heavily into our pending collapse. Future bloggers will marvel at this profound shit-show amidst the so-called Age of Information, thus my endless Comical Cyclical Redundancies (CCRs). Bad Meme rising?

I remember what my father said after 9/11, “Don’t ever bring your girlfriend back to this house! She stole all of your mother’s pain medication again!”

Wait, uh, that other thing he said after 9/11:

 “As bad a day as this was, the problem will be our response.”

—Papa Zano, September 12th, 2001 (or thereabouts)

I shared my father’s concern at the time—that chick really was bad news. But remember, Glenn Beck had some important thoughts on 9/12 as well, after he sniffed some glue. These days the difference between prophetic or pathetic comes down to your political affiliation. This is why nothing you predict will likely come to pass, Pokey. You live in an alternate political reality.

It’s funny to hear Pokey defending the Constitution when circa 2003 to 2006 he had a hard time wrapping his head around what was happening. Essentially post 9/11 Bush looked at the Bill of Rights and said, naaah. But, hey, those are only the first ten amendments of that Constitution thingie, right?

“Amendments? Who needs amendments to the Constitution? Why mess with perfection?”

—John Q. Republican

I don’t want to rehash this shit, suffice to say essentially at some point post 9/11 Bush politicized the Justice Department and soon after big bro could read your mail, your email, and listen to your phone conversations (all without a warrant). They could then pick you up, detain you without due process, torture you (abroad and then eventually here) all for the low low price of just declaring you an “enemy combatant”. No trial necessary, but on the bright side Bush eventually did learn how to say and spell “combatant” properly which does make it constitutional—ish. If that weren’t disturbing enough, there’s even evidence Cheney had secret prisons, here, and was working on a secret police.

I also remember arguing with you one night many year ago—one of our most heated arguments ever, in fact—at Ye Old College Diner in State College, PA. It happened just after Zeno’s Pub closed for the night… Fine, they threw us out. But this conversation has been pokeyphrased and the names have been changed to protect the delinquent:

Pokey: They’re not picking Americans up off the street without a warrant and torturing them.

Zano: Yes they are.

Pokey: Name one person. One person!

Zano: Jose Padilla! JOSE PADILLA!!

(A guy from Brooklyn who we now know was tortured to the point of irreversible mental illness.)

Obama: Zano’s right, we tortured some folks.

Zano: Hey, while you’re here, Mr. President, can you pick up the tab?

Obama: I think we should all share the burden equally.

Pokey: There he goes again.

Forgive me, Pokey, if I’m not as concerned about a guy elected twice on the issue of expanding healthcare coverage to more Americans and then…uh, he expands healthcare coverage to more Americans. Wrong, maybe, but comparatively?

As I’ve said before I wish the republicans had focused on the individual mandate instead of all those senseless appeals. Opportunity lost. In the 21st century there is no opportunity the Republican Party hasn’t squandered, thus the Dems lingering shot in the midterms. This should be a blow out—at least historically—but control of the Senate remains a tossup because one group remains dangerously incompetent.

Oh, and the Supremes have ruled your biggest beef with Obamacare Constitutional. I agree with you, though, it’s a stretch. Most people who own shit have to pay for garbage, or property tax or a slew of other things, but I agree asking the terminally disenfranchised to pay for their emergency room visits—well, there are plenty of alternatives. How about instead of allowing insurance companies to make one thousand percent profit, let’s knock that down a point or two? That should more than cover this relatively small tab for those poor peeps just out of the Medicaid Expansion range. Meanwhile, you say healthcare coverage is not an inalienable right, so pay the fine or sign the Zano waiver and forgo any emergency room visits. Your choice.

Pokey: What’s that I hear?

Zano: That Pokey is the sweet sound of freedom, aka, you bleeding out in the ER lobby.

Good luck with that.  What I want to see rolled back is Bush’s expansion of executive power, in particular surveillance of Americans, arrests of Americans without due process, torture, and the ability of the president to wage war without congressional approval. These are very important points. We do have a similar understanding of the Constitution, we don’t have a similar idea on the fix. You want Mr. Smith to go to Washington, only your Mr. Smith is Ted Cruz and he can’t find Washington, or his own ass with both hands. The Tea People voted for Bush, twice, and are so detached from reality that even W himself has reservations about their obstructionism, their partisanship and their approach.  Republican thought is already at the edge of the solar system so the Tea Party’s ideology is beyond our current technology’s ability to even map, or:

I think this is an accurate ideological map.

I know your brand’s complete descent into madness is “besides the point” but I couldn’t disagree more…well, I could but I might strain something. I don’t know how you propose to restore shit. We shredded the Constitution and the Bill Of Rights almost unanimously during a nebulous, forever War on Error. I understood even then how future leaders would likely expand, not roll back these powers. Meanwhile, your views are inherently contradictory, Pokey. You want freedom, the freedom to follow a set of specific religious tenants.

“Like religion, conservatives demand strict obedience from all members of society making it incompatible with democracy or a free society. For the past four-and-a-half years, Americans have been besieged by an axis of fundamentalist groups who exemplify anti-democratic ideology and between corporatists, evangelical fundamentalists, and conservatives, the nation risks drifting toward fascism and if not thwarted spells the end of American democracy.”

—Politicus, USA

I know I’ve said this before, but I attended an official Tea Party Express rally…uh, only because I thought the bus said Tea/Espresso. Sad but true, full story here. This group is wholly incapable of getting elected and, your God help us if they do. These people have no understanding of the Constitution or recent history.

We currently have only two choices in this country, dumb and dumber, and at the moment I’ll take dumb.  I don’t think I’m giving dumb a free pass, I simply have a host of other criticisms based on reality. Sadly, these so-called libertarians on your side of the aisle are totally under the control of the super-rich. Makes sense. But that’s okay, because they think libertarians are people who like to read in that place with all the books. They’re terminally misinformed at this point and their prognosis is poor.  This is continually driven home for me after each and every news cycle.

The Constitution is a great framework, but it’s open to interpretation. It was designed to be a living document that grows with the times. That’s why our judicial system can reverse-engineer it through legalese to forever come up with a ruling that’s exactly in tune with their personal ideology. It’s not some infallible document handed down in tablet from to Noah at the top of Mount Rushmore. See? And you said I never read the Bible.

I think you missed the point when it mattered, over a decade ago. But we do need a group that emerges who can champion the restoration of the rule of law. Dems are not up for the task and our other two choices are unconscionable.

You and I have a different idea of the nature of the constitution. The purpose of the constitution is to ensure the defense the individual against the government. Our forefathers broke away from the King of England to create a republic that recognized that all individuals were endowed by their creator with inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. All powers not granted specifically to the federal gov’t fall to the state. All powers not granted specifically to the Fed or State fall to the local gov’t and all powers not granted specifically to any gov’t fall to The Daily Discord.

The Obama administration began in 2008 in an economic crisis—I’m sure you agree so far—when a bipartisan agreement granted the federal gov’t the power to spend trillions of dollars to stimulate the economy. This action was constitutionally controversial, but because both major political parties agreed and convinced the vast majority of citizens of the crisis, it was passed without serious constitutional challenge. I couldn’t and can’t argue with it. Then came Universal Healthcare, the largest gov’t legislation in the history of our nation.  I think, if I’m wrong, name something bigger. [Winslow’s note: Um, federal income tax?] (Wait, I retract that question to avoid another feeble attempt at humor.) But the size and scope of universal healthcare is monstrous and the real problem came when the administration and Congressional Democrats rushed the 2,000 page legislation through Congress with no bipartisan support. The law made people, like yours truly, legally mandated to purchase healthcare.

Where in the constitution is there any suggestion that the federal government has such power to force an individual to purchase health insurance? Thus the Tea Party was founded, with my support, to put a stop to this obvious constitutional violation called Obamacare. The Tea Party, with the rallying cry of constitutional limitations on the federal gov’t, made a strong showing in the 2010 election. Then the Obama administration, rather than declaring war against radical Islam, turned a blind eye allowing Jihadists to rape and impregnate Christians with future Jihadists. This has been instituted as any person with a Muslim dad is not permitted to leave Islam. Wait, didn’t President Obama have a Muslim dad? Hold on… I think Donald Trump is calling. So the Obama Administration decided instead to attack “his real enemies” the Tea Party and limited government groups.

Since Obamacare has become the law of the land, the executive branch has changed the law without going to Congress at least twenty times, including:

1.) A one year delay of the requirement that employers must report to their employees on their W-2 forms the full cost of their employer-provided healthcare (Jan. 1 2012).

2.) Administration ordered an advance draw on funds from a Medicare bonus program in order to provide extra payments to Medicare Advance plans, in an effort to temporarily forestall cuts in benefits and therefore delay early exodus on MA plans from the program (April 19, 2012).

3.) Federal exchanges for small businesses that will not be ready by the 2014 statutory deadline, delayed to 2015.

4.) Employer mandate delay (July 2, 2013) 5) Congressional opt-out offer employer contributions to members of Congress and their staff when they purchase insurance on the exchange created by the ACA a subsidy the law does not permit. (Sept. 30, 2013) 6) delay of individual mandate.

Where does the Constitution give the President the executive authority to ignore the separation of powers by revising laws? President Obama’s answer, “In a normal environment it would have been easier to call up the speaker and say, you know what, this is a tweak that doesn’t change the essence of the law, but we’re not in a normal atmosphere around here when it comes to Obamacare so I’ll just rewrite the law myself.” That’s obviously unconstitutional. You know it is, Zano. Obama’s stance is yours, “Republicans don’t understand. They’re dangerously ignorant. Meanwhile, the President has to violate the constitution in order to do what he knows is best.”

It’s not a matter of the Democrats are better than the Republicans. It’s a matter of principle–constitutional principles that I know and directly ‘feel’ being violated right now as we speak. You give him a pass, because, “He’s better than the alternative.”

How am I’m wrong?

“Anyone who would choose a little security in exchange for a little liberty deserves neither and will lose both.”

—Benjamin Franklin

Whereas history tends to repeat itself, one necessary element in this process is the time required to forget shit. Typically there are decades or even centuries between identical historical blunders (IHBs) as that’s how the whole eventually-shit-is-cyclical thing is supposed to work. But Republicans are like that guy who gets three DUIs in a 24hr period and then decides to drive to a bar. They’re insisting on F-ing everything up again, not in 2050, but by the end of their next news cycle. Quantdumb?

As we approach the midterms, the GOP’s warp-speed idiocy maximization project (WSIMP) is percolating nicely. Regardless of what you think of Barack Obama, it does not somehow vindicate the W shit-show. According to our local alternate universe, all this country needs is a return to a Bush-style economic plan and a Bush-style foreign policy. I’m not making this up…What’s the worst that could happen? And the far right is somehow becoming the authority on issues again, which is disturbing if you’re forced to live on Earth.

                               

“So the party that was primarily responsible for the years of grinding, bankrupting war, a descent into torture, and an evisceration of many core liberties is now regarded as superior to the man originally tasked with trying to recover from that experience?”

—Andrew Sullivan

This week the Wall Street Journal brings us this gem:

“Real median household income rebounded smartly in the middle of the last decade. That rebound occurred after the Bush tax cuts on capital income and marginal income-tax rates became law in 2003. What’s needed now is a return to policies that put growth as the country’s highest economic priority.”

Smartly? A Bush policy ended smartly? Is this supposed to be followed by canned laughter? If this guy worked for The Discord I’d fire him. Hey, that’s it! Maybe Fox News had a canned laughter machine but they cut funding for it…that would make their segments make more sense—ish.

Dear Wall Street Journal dude, waaaay more jobs were created under Clinton and he approached this problem from the exact opposite direction. There’s no evidence Bush’s tactics created jobs, none. It did create a global economic recession; I do seem to remember something about that…or:

Meanwhile, now that all economic indicators are improving, our President is slipping even further in the polls. Obama-hate is at an all-time high, higher than even Bush or Clinton, here. Am I missing something? Fox News would say yes, but that’s your first clue I’m not. Obama is beating Reagan on private job growth, here, and overall unemployment is way down, here. All economic criteria are improving, final, so I guess it’s time to F shit up again. Why can’t we connect good news with approval ratings anymore?

Dear Foxeteers,

History will judge Obama’s predecessor much, much more harshly. Funny thing about scholars and historians, they tend to be scholarly and historical.  But luck on your next bullshit news cycle.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. And you’re supposed to wait a few decades before making the same mistakes. History is supposed to be cyclical, not news-cyclical. And some of you may now want to look up the word predecessor.

But now that we’re starting another trillion dollar campaign in the Middle East we can recreate the circumstances that existed just prior to the last economic collapse. Awesome! If that’s not cool enough, there are also calls to return to a more Bush-style foreign policy, and by that I mean Obama should invade Ebola.

How did we track from chicken hawk to war weary and then back again to chicken hawk in five minutes? In the republican universe, the Iraq War was essentially all but won until Obama managed to botch the withdrawal which sent the Middle East into a tailspin. And now the right feels somehow vindicated because of Panetta and a growing laundry list foreign affairs complainers.

Hint of the Day:

No one that discusses ISIS has the same idea how we should handle this situation. There are no two identical plans in or outside of Washington. Why? Because there are no good answers, unless you build a time machine and….hmmm, Bush or Bin Laden? 

Yes, Pokey, Obama should have gone to Congress for his little ISIS venture, but I understand the desire to keep the buffoons out of it, especially when the buffoons go, uh, we don’t want a vote, keep us out of it, here. Well, we elected them—okay, not really—they were gerrymandered into their positions by Constitution-loving voter suppressors (CLVS). That makes sense. Besides, it’s legal. Today on NPR General Wesley Clark reminded us how Bush’s requests to wage war on terror were too broad. Giving the executive branch the ability to unilaterally wage war was a mistake—one of many as it turns out.

“In retrospect, what the country needed was a radical break from the Bush/Cheney national security policies: A reestablishment of American moral integrity; a rejection of decision-making based on fear (of terrorism, or of political blowback); a reassertion of the international laws of war; and a national reckoning. Instead, the hopes for any change are slim.”

—Dan Froomkin

In the same article, Froomkin blames Obama for institutionalizing Bush-era atrocities. Pokey recently uttered a similar sentiment, but I don’t think it’s a fair estimation.

As I’ve already said Alert:

Obama was never going to restore the rule of law, in fact, it was naïve to think he would. When Cheney told Obama, “You need to use these new tools to combat terror” and, “You’ll thank me some day” (paraphrased). The implication was, Oh, and if we get hit again and you role this shit back, history will nail you to the fucking wall, bitch, which is probably the only relevant thing Dick Cheney ever said.

But there’s no defense for defending torturers, which is Obama’s true failing, here. Obama should be impeached for this and Bush should hang. But the truth has no place on Fox News, so the only real argument for impeachment will remain on a spoof news site…BENGHAZI!!

Besides the aforementioned torture part, if I were in Obama’s shoes I would have done most of the same things. Does it fly in the face of the Constitution? Sure. Should we be concerned? Yes…especially if we are ever shortsighted enough to hand these tools back over to republicans. They would then use them to torture walruses for colluding with Al Gore on Climate Change and then nuke Canada.

“He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.”

—George Orwell (snagged from a Sean McElwee feature)

There is no event republicans can’t spin and there is no lesson from history too basic for them to misinterpret. We are currently losing this game called reality to a pack of crazy, no-nothing sociopaths. We cannot let this happen. The future you save may be your own.

“Rage, rage against the lying of the right!”

—Dylan Zano

Vintage musings on multiverse theory here.