Tweet Tower—President Donald Trump told the press today that he will get to the bottom of his administration’s latest mix-up. Soon after the president made the announcement he would be releasing the CIA’s secret JFK files, a staffer accessed the National Archives and released the as yet undisclosed assassination files of Colonel Sanders of KFC fame. Not only did they release this controversial footage without the franchise’s permission, but the information also included all 11 herbs and spices, as well as the top secret preparation tips for the Colonel’s famous chicken recipe.
A Republican friend of mine recently said, “We don’t need some longitudinal study to figure out a course of action, we just need basic common sense.” We need both, of course, but the Republican viewpoint rarely correlates with either. The right seems content to defy both science and practicality at each and every turn. To channel some Shakespeare, Republicans are as constant as the northern star …which I’m being told has also been dimming over the years. Beyond their endless barrage of anecdotal drivel, which equates to some form of Liberal Teacher Gives Unpatriotic Assignment!, or Illegal Beats Up Old Lady! there’s hardly a scrap of evidence to support their position on anything, domestic, foreign or otherwise. This won’t stop the ethos moles from continuing to Drudge-up contradictory factoids to sustain the Foxeteers’ fixed delusions. Op-eds of the masses? No one wants to be wrong, let alone about everything, yet here you people are …legislating all over yourselves. You’re not only totally screwing the Mooch, but you’ve moved the whole kennel right into the master suite of the White House. On that note, please stop Trumping my leg. Let’s review the short, tumultuous reign of President Drumpf.
