News & Politics

News & Politics

10 Comparisons To Help Folks Shift From ‘Spygate’ To The Cresting Constitutional Crisis (KKK)

Do you have a confused friend perseverating on Fox News-esque distractions instead of the news? Since I do, let’s call this an intervention post. I’m trying to help my friend and blogvesary shift his focus from the actions of the Feds, who rightly identified a brewing executive constitutional crisis, toward those who are perpetuating this pending disaster. My friend remains fixated on some perceived intelligence community wrongdoing in an effort to avoid this slow moving republic ending/coup/con/circus/collapse. We’re not going to do this with facts, as Republicans are immune, so let’s try some handy dandy comparisons to drive this important point home:

10. If this were middle-Earth you’d be ignoring the presence of the dark riders in the Shire only to focus on the lousy dinner special at the Green Dragon. In my friend’s defense, it’s true, the dinner special—something called ‘low tide chicken’—is tanking on middle-Yelp.

Top 10 Reasons To Confirm Kavanaugh To The Supremes

Trump’s Supreme Court appointee Brett Kavanaugh’s senate confirmation hearings are over …no questions answered. Republicans are throwing all caution, fairness, or logic to the wind to get this judge confirmed before their president is arrested or impeached (or both). This move for more power could end up coming with a hefty price tag, but Brett represents their perfect appointee. Let’s review the impressive powers of deduction behind this monumentally piss poor choice:

10. Who needs the women, minority, youth, or educated voters to win elections? (See: the Electoral College.)

9. Because one more conservative SCOTUS pick and we’ll have a gaggle.

Spygate Revisited: Hold On, Pokey, Is Your Cult Calling My Cult A Cult?

The Republicans were a cult long before the libs created their safe space version. Cult of anti-personality? In response to my blogvesary’s last post, here’s a quick historical account: Oliver North zipped it to save President Reagan, Scooter Libby zipped it to save President Cheney and Paul Manfort is now zipping it to save President Ass-clown Hitler. Our president considers Paul Manafort a “brave man” while he mulls a pardon. Trump places this creep on the same white collar pedestal he reserves for himself. And who exactly is protecting the lefties amidst this grand counter-intelligence conspiracy of yours? …a bunch of rightwing spooks? Really? This is your narrative, Charlie Brown? I know when I changed my registration from independent to Dem it was to secretly conspire against progressivism. Iran Contra-diction? Hmmm. Why don’t you ask the real question here, what exactly spooked all the spooks down in Spookville?

Discord Designs Non-evasive ‘Danger Identification Test’ To Determine Political Brain Function

Concern for our Republican friend’s ability to process information is growing throughout the scientific community. This is especially true when it comes to ones ability to identify dangers. Thanks to recent studies using MRI and brain scanning technology, science is getting ever closer to understanding the conservative brain. Too much Fox News viewing can result in an overly-worked and oversized amygdala. This important brain structure helps us identify dangers and is the part of the brain associated with survival instincts. Our perception of danger can become skewed with long term 24/7 news propaganda. A nonstop fear response results in excessive blood flow to this region that over time causes a form of political PTSD. Certain themes can trigger the amygdala shifting our perception from the mundane to the monstrous. This is why Fox-watching is now the fifth F of primal human behavior. Once the reptilian brain is activated many of the higher functions of the frontal lobes are overridden. Sound familiar? This can even happen in a polling booth. Take this simple test to see if your amygdala suffers from Fox Fatigue Syndrome (FFS). These questions get progressively harder and progressively more progressive. If at any point this test becomes too intense, turn on Fox News or your favorite AM radio station and bitch about border security, minorities or millennials before completing this important assessment tool.

Take this test today. You have the right to know!

You Are Right About The Grave Peril Our Country Faces, Zano, But Who’s Really To Blame?

In your last article you wrongly claim that I failed to answer the question about Comey throwing the election. Now, will you acknowledge I did answer the question using James Comey’s own words? He thought the appearance of bias would delegitimize Clinton’s presidency. The motivation for a person to appear unbiased is usually rooted in bias. If Comey thought Trump would have had a chance in the election, he probably would not have done it. He acknowledges that himself and we can see by Comey’s actions since Trump was elected president that he took actions solely for the purpose of derailing the Trump presidency.

Indictable Boy, They All Said

What my blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, fails to understand about the recent FBI ‘scandals’ is how our leaders have, and always will have, a little more leeway than your average Joe. A Hillary Clinton, or anyone of her stature from either political party, will never go down for a few questionable email exchanges. Whereas I cover crimes that warrant a military firing squad, my friend remains ‘laser focused’ on the equivalent of political jaywalking. I don’t want to make light of the mishandling of classified info, but I do want to make light of everything espoused by our rightwing ideologues. Case in point, almost all Republicans believe the deep-state is out for Donald J. Trump’s head, yet none of them can explain why Comey, a man at the heart of this conspiracy, tipped the election the wrong way. Reverse Spookology? No evidence of some deep-state conspiracy will be found, but a long conveyer belt of indictments are heading for team ass-clown. Does WordPress support a surprise-face emoji? …I guess not.

[Winslow: ]

Earliest Known Individually-Wrapped Cheese Discovered In The Tomb Of Tutankraftun Havarti II

Cairo, EG—The earliest-known individually-wrapped cheese slice was discovered during a recent Egyptian cheesecavation on the Giza platter. The newly unearthed tomb of Tutankraftun Havarti II also points to the existence of a ruler named Ahkenckolbyparmen III. This little-known pharaoh was apparently the first to combine parmigiano-reggiano in the same container for widespread distribution throughout the coveted Trans-Asiago Trader Joe’s route. Soon after, parmaceuticals became the scourge of the ancient world.

Is Wayne Enterprises The ‘Silent Partner’ In Musk’s Recent Tesla Gambit?

Gotham—After Elon Musk announced his desire to take Tesla private, many are wondering if he really has the 10-billion in petty cash needed to privatize his company. Musk’s recent celebrity sighting with billionaire Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises, has stoked rumors Musk has already lit the ‘Bruce Signal’. President Trump is threatening to squash any merger between the two giants based solely on all the Discord’s recent Trump-Gotham crime-boss jokes, which the president called “Fake fake News.” CEO of the Daily Discord, Pierce Winslow responded, “Fake fake news is real fake news, or my name isn’t Pierce Winslow. And it isn’t.”

The Intelligence Community’s Pro-Hillary And Anti-Trump Bias Began With James Comey

Fine, political bias from our intelligence community probably started earlier than that with John Brennan and James Clapper (under the direction of then President Obama). I have already cited many irregularities on Comey’s part, but let’s stay focused like a laser beam on Comey’s misinterpretation of the law regarding intent: “Although we did not find clear evidence that Secretary Clinton or her colleagues INTENDED to violate laws governing the handling of classified information, there is evidence that they were EXTREMELY CARELESS in their handling of very sensitive highly classified information.” Nowhere in 18 U.S.C 793 (f) of the Espionage Act which governs “grossly negligent” handling of classified information does it state that a defendant must have intended to break the law in order to be charge or found guilty.

Turkey Sold On eBay For 500 ₺

Turkey—Turkey’s President Tayyip Erdogan is reaching out to a 15-year-old young man from Carlstadt, NJ, who just purchased his country on eBay for a measly 500 ₺. Turkey continues to suffer from a major economic collapse, spurred by growing inflation and stifling tariffs. Now the country remains teetering on the brink of a full sophomoric dictatorship. In an address on turkey’s national television today, President Erdogan pleaded with the boy to: “Sell me back my country, you little shit! We can rent to own, or something.”