Yeah, I’m done placating the rabble.  Debating a Foxeteer is an oxymoron (hint: I’m the oxy).  Normally I can relate to any given society’s rabble, but today the Homer Simpsons of the world are in complete lockstep with the C. Montgomery Burnses of the world.  Our country doesn’t even have a proper rabble anymore!  The Tea Partiers, those angry Homers, are actually morphing into Smitherses, with one important exception…Smithers knew he was Mr. Burns’ bitch.

I’m the new rabble, damn it, and I’m about to release my own flying Transcosmetic monkeys! So how does one get all the Homers of the world to agree with all the Mr. Burnses of the world on every issue, every time?  Apparently Rupert Murdoch started by gradually shifting all of his media outlets toward a single message.  Soylent Green, it’s people!  OK, not that message, but the premise involves keeping the rich richer and keeping the wealth funneling to approximately seven people—all the while rallying against the dangers of socialism. But they can’t pull that off, it’s ridiculous.  Oh, but they have.  This has been my clarion call; it’s the story within the story of our time.  We do need a revolution, it’s just they started the wrong one.  Your average Foxeteer is now trained to ignore the intruder entering the living room and will, instead, immediately start barking at a nearby lamp. They always misidentify the worst culprits and attack the ACORNS of the world.  Here’s the breakdown:

• Government is the worst! So let’s blindly support Wall Street.
• Obama is the worst!  So let’s elect the next Bush.
• Socialism is the worst! So let’s ignore neo-fascism and the dismantling of the rule of law.
• MSNBC is the worst! So let’s watch something fair and balanced.
• George Soros is the worst!  So let’s support the Koch Brothers.
• Some Global Warming data is doctored!  So gut regs and embrace pollution.
• Educated people are cunning and shifty!  So let’s elect a dumb person.
• Unions got greedy!  So our corporate overlords are demanding our return to the sweat shop.
• Obama’s deficits are the worst!  So let’s not raise the debt ceiling and default as a country.

This is the ideology on the right.  I’m not making this up.  This is what all Foxeteers hold as gospel.  I know the dangers on both sides of the equation and can rate them objectively. But if you look up ‘objective’ in the new Conservative Dictionary, it says: See any Fox News Talking Point.   I’m not saying the left side is wonderful, never have, but the right side of the equation is simply sicker on almost every issue.  And to stay sicker than the Dems must be no easy trick.  I still wonder what happens when a Foxeteer tries to decipher that other column.  I’m thinking it immediately transforms into a variation of Pig Latin, upportsay oxfay ewsnay

If you can’t identify which column has been more damaging to all of us…umm, you’ve missed a few memos.  And when our stocks dive next week you’ll have missed yet another one.   Can’t we all agree over the last decade, Wall Street greed has been at least as damaging to our lives as our Government?  that someone who broke us, Bush, is more culpable than someone who failed to fix us, Obama? That Adolph Hitler’s ideology is a tad nastier than Karl Marx’s? That retaining our AAA bond status is better than downgrading to Portugal?

No, we can’t even agree on these basic facts any more, because the programming runs deep.  Bush’s torture, secret prisons, and expanded executive power are overlooked so all hostility can be directed at the “monster” trying to insure more people.  An estimated 7% of our fiscal problem was the Stimulus, so let’s ignore that other 93%.   Well, that’s not fair…they’ll also look at that Fannie and Freddie number.  They add up the Dem parts real good.  Actually I think Bachmann multiplies them.  So the right will take a Hitler over a Marx any day.  And Marx is someone I could at least kickback and have a beer with.  Aren’t we supposed to elect people we want to have a beer with?  Enjoy your Seig-Ale, dipshits.

Debating a Foxeteer anymore is pointless, which is why I have officially stopped.  They are a veritable army of thought distortions.  We are two countries.  To summarize, I have spent three years trying to understand the Crank’s positions, while he has spent three years misrepresenting mine.

One side can’t agree on anything and the other side is invariably wrong on everything.  Thus I give you, dumb and dumber—one unorganized and the other delusional, or as Alan Grayson aptly called them, “the weenies and meanies.” 

Today the weenies are not nearly as dangerous as the meanies, because ‘weenie’ implies a certain flaccidity.  So let’s keep an eye on those meanies, shall we?  They have proven themselves to be the most dangerous barriers to progress.  Take the debt ceiling debacle, I have made my predictions and they will likely prove accurate regardless of which door we choose.  My predictions seem to work in the real world, while the right’s predictions…not so much.  They think as soon as we default as a country, we’ll be fine!   Hell, I shouldn’t even be addressing the rabble anymore.  Oh, I’m being told I can’t. Mr. Burns has required them to disrobe and report to the harness area. 

People had their chance to protest and they decided to be even more moronic than our Government.  Are even poorer choices really going to save us?  If you can’t look into Michele Bachmann’s eyes and think anti-psychotic medication then…OK, maybe that’s just me. 

Look, I realize we’re mired in this awful system (a system we can’t seem to break out of) but, sorry, we can’t just gut everything by next Tuesday without some serious shit hitting the fan. 

And why hasn’t anyone focused on the fact 40% of our country is…hmm, well, you can’t call them uninformed (that wouldn’t be news), but they’re deliberately misinformed.  That’s it.  They’re all misinformed by unscrupulous Mr. Burns types.  This is huge! As I have said, Hitler used a similar tactic quite effectively in the early 40s.  No.  I am not calling you Nazis…Nazis were smart. 

Hey, I have an idea.  Instead of taking a vote on every political decision facing this country (hint: you’re the least likely faction who should be considering such a strategy), let’s take surveys from those professionals who are actually experts on the subject.  What a concept!  Why is no one, on either side, doing that?  Conspiracy theory anyone?  Each group will only talk to those “experts” who already support their position.  

As for those surveys, why not take a survey like this: 86 out of 100 economists think defaulting next week is a bad idea.  Is that so f-ing difficult?  That’s probably about right too, but why do I have to guess?  Do I really care what a hundred Crank’s think?  Even for my own global warming posts, if we really wanted to know the truth, shouldn’t we be asking what X-amount of climatologists think?  Some data is doctored, some suspicious, who do we ask to sort through this…Glenn Beck?  Frankly, I don’t care what a Foxetologist thinks, because thinking is not their forte. 

Let me explain the depth of their delusion.  I say, “I don’t really know what the fuck is happening with the climate.”  This is translated as “you’re wrong, global warming is a hoax.”  Get the point?  About 40% of our population won’t get that last point.  They’ve made up their minds.  After being spoon-fed nonstop propaganda, they think they know everything.   Ill-informed unite, form of Tea Bag. 

This is what we’re currently getting from the media:

Poll 1: 90% of everyone who watches Sean Hannity thinks Sean is right.

Poll 2: 90% of everyone who watches Rachel Maddow thinks Rachel is right. 

Wow, that’s really helpful.  As for the Foxaganda watch, Sully is finally there.  It took him a while:

The difference is that even biased media outlets of any type tend to draw the line at disseminating untruths and never correcting them (as Jon Stewart has amply demonstrated). That’s why I don’t put Fox in the category of biased media. It is, rather, propaganda, which is always indifferent to the truth, because its ultimate allegiance is to power.

—Andrew Sullivan

I had originally broken down the responsibility for our collective demise to 65% R and 35% D. That’s about as kind as I could be to Bushies.  History will likely be a tad harsher, but my numbers will shift to about 80% R if we default on Tuesday.  Eighty percent…and they’re angry?   Sorry, it’s been tough to focus on those liberal shortcomings because, just when you do, the right tries to default the country.  I guess they need attention.   They need something.  Bush was President on November of 2008, when we all lost our shirts, now the same loonies are forcing the double dip?  Hang on, a double dip will validate another one of my predictions.  Whoo hoo!  Bring it.  Oh, that’s right, being correct about shit doesn’t mean anything anymore.  So much for the consolation prize.  Isn’t the Right supposed to be filled with the greedy, money hungry types?  Yeah, lower the country’s bond rating, that’ll help.

A final note to the Foxeteers:

I have decided to give up pseudo-journalism to pursue a life of transcendental meditation.  Your points five years ago, or five years from now, are about as equally noxious and inaccurate.  Only you refuse to look back and learn anything from your mistakes, so this Zen-journalism or living in the wrong is interesting…er, if you’re the Ghetto Shaman.    As I continue to warn our country about potential pitfalls and as you all continue to encourage us to jump in feet first, uh, well…did I mention I’m resuming a life of meditation?  Ohmmmmmmm.

So just follow the Foxeteers into the pit.  It’ll be fine.  Ohmmmmm.  All tension is a reflection of internal struggles projected onto the outside world.  Ohmmmmmmm.  Oh, shit!  Never mind that shit…Mr. Burns is releasing the flying Medveds.   

Let me get this straight, Roger Clemens was doping, but his only actual charge was lying under oath to Congress.  Umm, lying to Congress?  Isn’t that kind of like using magic against Voldemort?  I mean, Congress lies constantly.  This is the only language they understand.  If his deceit is proven in a court of law, maybe Clemens should be forced to represent Texas in the House of Representatives for a two-year term.  Call it perjury duty. 

Many journalists and bloggers are coming to this chump’s aid, but even they are missing the main point.  How can Congress judge anyone on matters of truth anymore?  It’s like letting Casey Anthony open a daycare center.  Truth be told, I have not been following this Clemens case—mainly because it was cutting into my drinking time—but I don’t get the purpose of this witch hunt.  I didn’t like the guy either.  Back in the day, he was too good.  When a pitcher is really good, it actually makes baseball an even duller sport (no easy trick).  I would rather get a root canal than watch a so-called “perfect game.”  You know what I call a perfect game?  Hockey. 

Most of our elected representatives make statements ranging from slight exaggerations to boldfaced lies.   This is now the norm.  Isn’t using performance enhancing drugs the norm for baseball players?  Hmm, so if ball players are doing what they do, then why is Clemens in trouble?  Maybe because lying is acting too much like a politician.   A little politician prevarication parroting, perhaps?  Sometimes alliteration is fun!  Sadly, this is not one of those times.

How dare Congress admonish a creepy baseball doper for refusing to throw himself under the bus during his own investigation.  When did the last politician come clean before his goose was officially cooked?  Clinton?  Edwards? Weiner?  No, they all lie until there is irrefutable evidence against them and then, when all else fails, they spin.  So it should be the norm to address politicians in the two languages they understand, spin or falsehoods (which is also a great party game).

This is what the next person should say when stuck in a similar predicament:

Sorry Mr. Chairman—of the shallow, on-the-take prickwads—but I do not recognize this committee as an institution even remotely rooted in what I would call the truth.  And, since I don’t recognize any of you as anything but a bunch of political primates, I’m going to pound on my chest and fling feces around the room (which is also great at parties).  I do this in honor of the so-called “people’s work” you have since reduced to a sideshow sham of a farce.

It’s very rare to hear anyone in our government truly speaking from the heart anymore.  Talking out of their arse, sure, but the heart?  Neither D nor R has a genuine bone left in their bodies.  They don’t have anything driving them but their own re-elections, except maybe Senator Larry “Wide-Stance” Craig (oh, no you didn’t!). 

If we don’t change the Constitution to create some one-and-done terms for key positions in our government, we’re in real trouble.  I know, I know, occasionally we will lose a competent statesman, but, sorry, they’re now the exception, not the rule.  Re-election is too much of a distraction and the cash for re-election could be better spent…like on the Ghetto Shaman’s Barely Legal Kundilini Cruise, for instance.  

This is why the Tea Party is seeking the common man. This much I understand about them.  I get the premise.  We need a Mr. Smith to go to Washington.  Meanwhile, all we get is a Mr. Smith & Wesson goes to my local AZ bar.  I actually think Congress’ 17% approval rating is a bit high.  They’re an embarrassment and they’re doing far more damage than any cheating ball player ever will. 

So hear ye, hear ye:  All baseball players should stop doping and politicians should start!  In fact, I am sending Clemens’ doctor over to the Capitol Building with a syringe full of manhood as we speak.

You want to save some money on the deficit?  Lying to Congress should be a fine—a fine that goes directly to the deficit—and then Congress should have to pay twice as much for lying twice as many times.  They should pay triple if the investigation is deemed stupid (like this one).  Charge all of the bastards sitting on the committee to the subcommittee as well. 

Think of the revenues from sex scandals.  For each politician’s infidelity, all their alimony should go to the deficit.  Don’t worry; the spouse will do fine on Springer.  And, finally, every time FactCheck.com catches a politician in a lie it’s a $10,000 fine for a Congressman, a $20,000 fine for a Senator, and a $100,000 fine for the President.  We will all be out of debt by…hey, we’re already out of debt!  See how well that can work?  We can change the trajectory of the deficit without gutting critical services?  Naah, I’m just kidding, cut it all…we’re screwed either way.  Sorry, I’m in a mood—more of a morose, melancholy malaise, really.

(I’m being told to stop.)

Collapsing Shack, AZ—Last night, the undead rallied in front of the White House in a bid for unliving free of persecution, prejudice, and violence.  The walking dead, many carrying signs smeared with blood and gore, were unable to comment.

Former President Nixon was willing to spill his guts, literally, “Uuuuuugggggghhhhhhptht.” 

After dodging the teeth of numerous Walkers, I did manage to track down a vampire willing to speak for the group. I sipped the oddest tasting Merlot with him while hordes of zombies banged their fists against the outside of his darkened trailer.

“If the White House doesn’t meet our demands by sundown, we will wreak havoc on the worlds of men.”

When I asked the spokesman, known only as The Kahn, what these demands were, he said, “We want the right to be able to walk down the streets without our heads being blown off or some wannabe-hero driving a stake through our hearts.  We also want a zombie housing assistance program. Do you know what happens when you die? People just start living in your home. And then who gets the flack for staggering around town all day, yeah, zombies—hardly fair when their houses are stolen, is it?  And don’t get me started on the Death Tax.”

“Zombies also want to be able to date the living,” continued Khan.  “This dating only other breathers is a discrimination that runs deep within your species.  As far as my people go, we just want you all to admit that vampires are superior to mere mortals and your laws do not apply…take my life insurance policy, for example.  Anyway, in return for letting us do whatever we wish, we promise not to enslave your race to harvest blood.”

Kahn was really nice. He even helped me escape the zombies on the way back. It was so romantic how he held me as he leapt over their snapping teeth. I loved the way the wind caressed his bald Nosferatu head.  He was so handsome.

Then I found Jack Primus on the north side of the mall trying to defend a toppled school bus full of kindergartners. A ghoul had a small girl by the ankle and was dragging her out of the bus until its head exploded into paste when Jack’s sledge hammer hit it.

“Do you have a minute, Jack?” I asked.

“Not really—a little busy here.”

“So I take it this means you are not in support of the Undead Freedom Act?”

“These Nezzoroth bastards will never get my vote, just my hammer to the face, and maybe one of my girlfriends now and then. A bloody X on a ballot does not a vote make.”

“Girlfriend?” I asked.

“No,” he replied.  “Palin’s Undead Registration Bill is a sad attempt to find enough undead ghouls to win an election.”

Jack kept asking me to help save the children, but I have to meet the Discord’s deadline or Zano won’t feed me his family’s scraps behind the dumpster. So naturally I pressed on—Friday is fried chicken night and sometimes they leave the skin!

I caught up with Imhotep, who was on the western side of the mall, looking on at the proceedings in disgust.

“This is all mindless politics. Republicans are using zombies to help raise the dead ceiling, or some such, vampires want to be treated fairly, and Elvis wants to move back into Graceland. All meaningless, of course, for soon I will rule!  My darkness will sweep like an evil tide over your puny world.  Soon you will all become my slaves, pets, and in some cases my furniture.”

After I got his business card, I asked him when he planned to start his campaign for world domination.

“As soon as I find the Mystic Jars of Nyrloarlethep and get a hold of a good tailor. You’d be surprised how many men are hitting on me with this skirt.  Sometimes it’s a fine line between master vampire and Goth chick.”

“Especially in this neighborhood,” I added helpfully.

I thanked Khan but knew I had one final stop to make. I found Senator McCain in one of his eight or nine houses; somehow I managed to pick the right one.  He agreed to an interview after I helped him escape a mob of hungry corpses.  Oh, and I told him I worked for the Koch Brothers.  On a side note, I’m willing to do anything for an interview, but I swear whatever Russell Crow claims I did for him in the back of that cab is a lie!

“These ‘Life Impaired’ things aren’t U.S. citizens,” said McCain.  “They don’t work, they don’t pay taxes, and they certainly shouldn’t be allowed to vote.  I think they would be happier in California.  Now if we could teach them to kill terrorists or pat down people at airports—”

“Without eating their brains,” I added.

“Right.  If we could control the dead like Aragon did in that Harry Potter movie. Heck, if we could have raised the dead back in Nam, I might have…”

Obviously this is a complex situation when even people in the same party don’t agree or can’t stop eating one another. This isn’t an issue you can bury, because they keep digging themselves out. In some ways that’s true freedom, isn’t it?  It’s what our forefather’s would have wanted.  I know, I asked one of them earlier. But in the end, we have to ask ourselves, what would Conan do?”

“Or Leno,” added Zano.

No, no, the other Conan…tell you what, I’ll see you in the sword aisle, folks.

Once again, the Crank has reduced all eternal truths into someone else’s stock options. So everything is wrong in my last post, eh? Let’s assume he’s right for a moment, ha ha ha hahahaa.  Sorry, that was funny.  Mr. Crank, you have a singular ability to misrepresent all of my positions and points.  Some would call that consistency; I call it something else.

As I mentioned in my last post, and many others, global warming has been politicized and to some degree fudged.  So I’m wrong about that?  But if that’s wrong, then you must be wrong when you mentioned that very point.  But if you’re wrong and I’m right about being wrong, er, you must be…wow.

Oh, and my statement from Ken Wilber, “The data just isn’t there to support global warming” must be wrong too, which means the facts do exist, so you’re wrong and I’m vindicated somehow, right?  I’m right for being wrong…right?

I also relayed in my last post this possible ice age scenario:

Stage 1: Polar ice caps melt

Stage 2: Oceans lose salinity (salt)

Stage 3: Ocean currents stop

Stage 4: No warm water currents circulating = ice age

Wrong again.  Sean Hannity was right!  Damn, I’m going to kick my 7th grade science teacher’s ass.  He’s old now, so I should be able to do it. Damn you Mcgraw-Hill textbooks and your pathetic over reliance on the scientific method!

I have had the same basic themes throughout my climate change posts.  Here’s a recap from my first post on the subject.  For those of you who already clicked on that thing, sorry, it’s right here:

1) There are Earthly cycles we don’t fully understand.

2) Man’s impact on this phenomenally complex system is not fully understood.

These first two can be treated as one. So if I’m wrong on this, Mr. Crank, then we fully understand these Earthly cycles.  Wow, it’s amazing what you can learn by watching Fox & Friends.  For instance, last week I learned I can reach my flat screen with a focused stream of vomit.

3) Pollution = Bad.

My mind is officially blown.  You’ve outdone yourself, Mr. Crank.  You think you know something and then pollution forms a protective ring around the Earth, in essence, saving us from those harmful UV rays.  So give a hoot and keep polluting. Wow, Crank, you really…forget it…I can’t do this.  If you go line by line from my last warming post, which I sadly did, here’s the crux: I don’t really claim to know what’s happening with the climate, or even how to fix it, but at least I understand that something’s happening.  My three global warming posts are essentially a list of what we do know thus far and some common sensical advice for the future.  Yet, everything is wrong?  So we can’t even agree on the basics?

Have you ever wondered if your blogversary is huffing carb cleaner?

I had two more pages of this shit, which, to save our last few readers, I tore out of my hard drive with a pair of forceps.  You’re welcome.  So there’s no Pacific garbage patch, Crank?  We’re not overfishing our oceans, Crank?  The coral reefs are healthy, Crank?  We’re not heading for a high period of solar activity, Crank?  Bush didn’t roll back forty-years of EPA regs?  Sanjaya should have won American Idol, Crank?

Hey, I got it!  Let’s try looking at every potentially subjective line from my post.  He couldn’t possibly mean all of my—well, actually, I don’t know what the fuck he means.  Do you?  But let’s look at every point that can be argued:

Found three potentially subjective quotes from my last, totally wrong post!

1) “Republicans don’t and won’t give a shit until it impacts their stock options, which is certainly part of why people with foresight think they’re dangerously shortsighted—the rest involves Sarah ‘the British are Irish’ Palin.”

Actually, you’re right, Crank. This Paul Revere/Palin joke from my other post is much funnier.

2) “Hearing you, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity espouse wisdom on the subject of Earth Science is kind of like getting your medical advice from Dr. Demento (which I do…so bad example). But Dr. D, am I really going to need to have my dead puppies Yankoviched?”

Maybe bringing up Weird Al just muddied the debate. I’ll give you a point here as well (that’s two!).

3) “When have you, Mr. Crank, ever left even the faintest hint you might be wrong about something? I haven’t seen it…well, I’ve seen the results…but, don’t worry, your defense mechanisms are cleaning up your messes, almost instantly, through the magic of cognitive dissonance.”

You started off your last post saying everything in my last post was wrong, soooo I think I’ll stand by this one.

Whew. You know what would have been easier?  If you would just take off your Foxeteer filter, Mr. Crank, which seems to hinder blood flow to the brain, maybe then we can discuss a whole bunch of topics based on something I like to call reality.

I have understood for years there’s a difference of opinion about how warm it’s actually getting in the last decade. Of course, NASA says it’s the warmest decade on record, but for that article you have to go way back to last Saturday.  And, as for your own backyard, you only need look at Phoenix’s record breaking 118º last week (with cloud cover).  I know, history is a bitch…actually a single instance is meaningless.  It’s a Drudge tactic, but at least I know when I’m employing one.

Sure, some say there’s been a halt in the century-long warming trend.  This is the Crank channeling Sean I-Never-Studied Hannity again.  In Earth time, even if there is a decade long lull in an otherwise century-long increase in temperature…ummm, how do you ignore the other 90-year trend?  That’s a metaphor for the Foxeteers.  This should be their mission statement:

Fox News: let’s focus on that one flimsy shred-of-a-fact that supports our tenuous ill-advised position and repeat it ad infinitum.

I think I can coin a new phrase debating the Crank, selective cognition.  Yes, American Psychological Association, you can use it, but only if you defer my student loans.   Shit…it exists.  Damn you Google!

The Crank plan is this: America, please don’t lead on this issue, wait for China and India to address pollution control in the hopes that ever-thickening ring of pollution around our planet will stave off further global warming—er, which according to you doesn’t exist.  That’s quite a position.  Oh, and if attempting to save the planet is gap-toothed stooped, what’s not even trying?  Hmmm.  That gap is getting bigger, Cleetus.  Sorry, but I’ll take my chances with less pollution, Einstein.  Roll them dice, baby! Come on protective pollution cloud.

Check out this outrageous Stuart Davis dialogue with his clone: Foothill in the mouth .  It mentions both arguments and that pollution shield back in 2005.  Yes, what I remember in 2005 is apparently news to the Crank today.

The main points of my last article did little to dent the Crank’s inherent programming, so let’s put this into a Crank-worthy analogy (CWA): the evil educated and liberal professor on Gilligan’s Island says, “We need to leave the island now.  The volcano is going to erupt and drown us all in lava!”

Really, the professor understands it’s probably the ash, not the lava, that will get them, but he’s trying to encourage the Skipper and Gilligan to stop whatever they’re doing on that hammock and start toward the exits in the quickest possible fashion.  I have condemned the doctoring and politicizing of global warming, but a few bad apples do not change the main premise of the episode: the volcano is erupting.  So picture Gilligan taking a fifty from Thurston Howell III and fanning Lovey as the pyroclastic cloud hits.  Great job, Crank.  You could have gotten a hundred if you had only agreed to feed her grapes.

Don’t worry, I don’t really understand that either.  But according to the Foxeteers (and by proxy, the Crank), no scientists are right, no media is right, and no statistics are right—yet the Crank has figured everything out through the power of Greyskull.  What a Heman Master of the Universe!  So what do you base any of your conclusions on then, Sparky?  Probably those few scientists, media, and statistics that support your position.  

We can’t even have a rational conversation about anything anymore, which is also why we might default next week as a nation.  Thanks.  Nicely done.  What do you do for your next trick?  Wait, I don’t want to know.

For a related example, one has to go all the way back to today when a CNN reporter tried correcting a Teabagger: 

CNN reporter: “Umm, but raising the debt ceiling is about money we’ve already spent.” 

Teabagger congress someone: “No it isn’t.”

Why didn’t that reporter just bitch slap him with his microphone?  Why stand there and let people misunderstand the basics?  We can’t even agree on basic facts anymore because the Foxeteers don’t know any.

It’s like people calling Obama a liar all week for saying, “Hey, if we default we might not be able to pay for shit like social security.”

The Right: Liar!  There’s plenty of money to pay for social security.

The Zano: Er, well what about paying our military personnel?

The Right: Liar! There’s plenty of money to pay the military. 

The Zano: Umm, where’s that microphone?  The point is we need to pay them both at the same time, you morons.  How do Foxeteers fall for this shit?  It’s a like playing that shell game with one shell and they keep picking a nearby lamp.

As I have said before, I am a tard when it comes to the economy, so what the hell are they? In nearly ten years, one of the only valid points the Foxeteers have even identified is our deficit issues.  Apparently, if our deficit dollars were all stacked on top of one another the pile would reach the stratosphere.  And they’re now very proud of themselves for identifying this tower of debt.  Ummm, it reaches to the stratosphere, dude?  Very observant.  And this is the only good thing we can say about the Foxeteers? In the last decade?  It’s like a kid bringing a dead animal into the house shouting, “Look at this! Look at this!”  I never thought I’d have to say this to nearly forty percent of our population but, “Put that thing down, wash your hands, and go play.”  You really should all go play, because you’re no help whatsoever, and I’m only saying this because you haven’t been any help since I’ve been interested in politics.  So go play.  It’s all right.  As a matter of fact, don’t vote.  You can vote in your world.  Heck, maybe in that other dimension your arguments will actually make sense.

I’m kidding, of course, it wouldn’t make sense there either!