News & Politics

News & Politics

New Rambo Reality Series Cancelled During Pilot, 22 Dead

by  • 

New Rambo Reality Series Cancelled During Pilot, 22 Dead

Los Angeles, CA—Shortly after getting the word he would not be starring in the upcoming Rambo television series, Sylvester Stallone struck out to make is his own reality television series. Only blocks from Entertainment One Studios, where the fate of the new Rambo series is being decided, Stallone opened fire on passersby. Seventeen people, including two republicans, were killed and five died later of embarrassment.

Amidst the carnage Stallone stumbled over bodies repeatedly calling, “Adrienne, Adrienne!” until he was picked up by LAPD, who later claimed, “You need a permit to shoot that many people dead on the street.”

Stallone is currently residing at the Arkham Psychiatric Hospital and is being treated for Post Theatric Stress Disorder as any explosions tend to send him flashing back to scenes from Rambo, Knighthawks, or Cobra.

“It’s like living a nightmare,” said Stallone. “Some of those movies sucked.”

Stallone’s prognosis is good and he has begun a type of exposure therapy. He is gradually being reintroduced to his movies in a more positive setting, with his therapist by his side as well as some popcorn and soda.

“The good news is he should make a full recovery,” said his therapist. “The bad news is that’s still not very good.”
Share

The Deplorable Care Act: ObamaCare 101

by  • 

Mick Zano

Republicans are derailing Obamacare! Like it needed any help. Back in the day, when I directed my blogger-wrath toward those who thought the Surge in Iraq was a good idea, I, the anti-American hippy liberal I am, still prayed it would work. And I don’t pray often, unless there’s a cop behind me or I’m providing a urine sample for my HR director.

Sure I was against the Surge, but I didn’t try to derail it. I didn’t personally go to Iraq and plant any IEDs to thwart the effort, but Republicans…?  Look, I have been pessimistic about the successful implementation of ObamaCare since its inception, here. I thought it would be difficult for a country as dysfunctional as our own to pull off such a feat but, again, I prayed it would work. Republicans? Naaah. They’re too patriotic.

I was concerned at the time, not about the concept, but about the timing. I still remember how Hillary’s Managed Care got diced up in the 90s. When our politicians got through with it, it wasn’t managed, nor was it care. And this all occurred when we had money. More importantly, at the precise moment Obama was first pushing the Affordable Care Act, I was personally on a soup line.  

No soup for you!

Actually, I was eating a lobster bisque at Brio’s, but I did have to scrutinize between Chardonnay by the glass or by the bottle. It was a tough time.

The GOP’s ObamaCare “Wisdom”:

A.) We don’t want to insure more Americans! That’s a slippery slope to giving a shit.

B.) Sure this was our idea, but when have we ever been right about anything? (Oddly, this one resonates with me.)

C.) We are content with our current business-crushing healthcare costs, minus all of that pesky competence. Yep, unless you’re the 1%, the U.S.’s healthcare system is starting to slip in every measurable category. Wait, that’s a Fox reference…never mind.

America: the Best Healthcare in the World…
America: The Best Healthcare in The World…If your name is Mitt Romney
If your name is Mitt Romney

*Oh wait, George W. Bush’s last procedure is being questioned. Check out Even U.S. Presidents Don’t Always Get The Best Health Care. Where Does That Leave The Rest of Us? See full story over on Slate Mag.

So really nevermind…

D.) We are happy to spend all of our political capital derailing a healthcare system conceived by a man who won the Oval Office, twice, running on that theme.

Got Democracy? Not so much.

E.) We will continue to ignore the other 17 countries who absolutely LOVE their universal healthcare. To find a country in the west that would rather do away with their universal healthcare system see Voyager, which has just left our solar system. Much like Republican thought, Voyager is somewhere over the Ort Cloud. Wasn’t that a Judy Garland song?

“Instead of doing anything remotely meaningful, we’re going to focus on our collective wet dream of impeaching Obama, which there’s no case for, whatsoever, outside of our own delusional world.”

—John Q. Republican

It is astounding to me that Obamcare, which was essentially conceived as a conservative healthcare cost containment solution, has been so effectively demonized. Okay, it’s not. I’ve been covering this story since the Discord gnawed through its first server. I really appreciate republicans, but they’re such socialists.

The Washington Post’s Ezra Klein thinks this is precisely why the GOP is having such a hard time coming up with their own healthcare solution, because essentially ObamaCare is their own plan. I disagree. They have always been and always will be the dupes of insurance companies, CEOs, big Pharma, and anyone else who can convince them that if they mow their mansion’s lawn just right, they can move in soon. Their plan to curb costs is to ignore the problem. They, as always, will let the one percent thrive while the rest of us flounder in COBRA land.

Summary Alert: when I don’t vote for someone I have to watch that buffoon destroy the world and then when I do vote in a president, the republicans block everything he is trying to do anyway. Lovely.

Dear Mr. Obama,

At this point you need to focus on implementing the Affordable Care Act in those states where the political environment makes it conducive and feasible to do so, aka, no square states need apply. Pick and choose your babbles.

Sincerely,

Mick Zano

P.S. Did you like the sweater?

Dear GOP,

You can’t do everything in your power to make sure something doesn’t work and then say “I told you so.” It’s similar to the GOP’s bullshit complaint #634: Obama hasn’t passed a budget! Umm, did any of them make it through high school civics class? Certainly their Congressmen haven’t.

Sincerely,

Reality

If Governor Jan Brewer didn’t show some monster cojones, the Affordable Care Act would have died in my state of Arizona as well—you know, like our freedom/economy tends to under the leadership of libertarian/fiscal conservative types. Yeah, it’s opposite world, only they haven’t figured that out yet.

But Kudos to Brewer! Meanwhile, on a national level, do what is doable, Mr. Obama. If the ACA works well in some places and lousy in others, we can do our R and D checklist….well, some of us can. I believe it will work in some places, but not so much in others. I think Ohio is a real interesting experiment. Republicans scored a huge victory by adding an amendment to their constitution that effectively blocks the ACA, here.  As usual a major victory for republicans can be translated roughly as Ohio is screwed. We will see, maybe I’ll be wrong this time ;).

Thus far those states who want this to work are farther along with its implementation. Insurance premiums have flat-lined for the first time in my adult life and many, many more people are not going to hover one illness or procedure away from ruin. 

Sorry Republican peeps, but personal responsibility ends at cancer. What you’re going to do, shoot it? Good luck with that.  Hold the phony! The Right thrives on fear. That’s it! That’s why they hate being insured. You can’t take away their fear; what would be left? Let’s just insure democrats. I wouldn’t want to upset the already edgy and think of the money we can save? It’s win-win.
Share

Smothered in Chum Snorkeling Adventures Closes Its Doors

by  • 

Smothered In Chum Snorkling Adventures Closes Its Doors

Montauk, NY—The Snell Brother’s Marina extended their deepest sympathies to the Kendrick family after Doug and Melinda Kendrick were devoured by sharks in an area of the Long Island Sound known as Plum Gut. The Coast Guard and local authorities are closing the marina for what they are calling “flagrant violations of their boating and marina manual.” The ill-fated honeymooners marked the 111th and 112th death since the marina opened last month.

The Marina’s manager, Aaron Snell, told the Discord, “We thought if we smeared our customers in snapper heads and entrails, they would get to really appreciate some of the larger, majestic sea life in this region.” Mr. Snell later added, “Incidentally, we weren’t wrong.”
Share

Foiled Again: Government Caught Transmitting to Schizophrenics

by  • 

Foiled Again: Government Caught Transmitting To Schizophrenics

Washington, DC—The Obama Administration is embarrassed over leaked information suggesting the government has tormented the severely mentally ill for many years “just for fun.” The transmission, which started in the sixties from deep within the Pentagon, has encouraged paranoid schizophrenics to try blocking these signals by donning a tinfoil hat.

Whereas President Obama admits the signal is occurring, he is denying any link between it and the makers of Reynolds Wrap.

Obama told reporters, “This was not my idea. Someone back in the day thought this would be funny. I am not condoning the practice but, had I ended this program amidst our fragile recovery, unemployment numbers would have only risen.”

When asked about WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange’s assertions, which involved the targeting of those suffering from  eating disorders with a “Fat Signal”, Obama got testy, “I personally ended Project Hand Wash for the obsessive compulsive and I completely scrapped Operation: Itsy Bitsy Spider for Arachnophobes. Look, you try spending the entire defense budget on just defense.”
Share

Huge Stone Egg Discovered Under Notre-Dame Gargoyle

by  • 

Huge Stone Egg Discovered Under Notre-Dame Gargoyle

Paris, FR—Yesterday an unexpected oddity appeared amidst the gothic spires of France’s famous Notre-Dame Cathedral.  Night watchmen were stunned to find a seventy-five pound egg resting under the gargoyle that the guards affectionately call Le Pénis.  Notre Dame’s chief of security, Louis Etienne, a man the guards also affectionately called Le Pénis, informed the Discord’s own Cokie McGrath, “This is either an elaborate hoax or a not so elaborate hoax.”  Cokie added, “Either way, we’ll know when it hatches.”
Share

Fox News Mini-Series: Our Shrinking Deficit

by  • 

Mick Zano

Okay, maybe not. The right is ignoring the fact our deficit has reached pre-collapse levels. Actually there’s two important numbers, the deficit as compared to GDP and our overall debt. The first you won’t hear mentioned on Fox News and the second you won’t hear mentioned on MSNBC. But if current projections hold true, what will Fox News focus on then? Hint: it rhymes with Hi-Dumb-Deployment.

History has shown that Dems are much more adept at helping the middle class while decreasing deficits.

I always wonder what republicans think when they see a chart like this. Then I realize they’re always ready to produce some Bachmann-style counter:

Touché republicans, touché.

Here’s another glance at Obama’s handiwork.

So why is Obama’s economic approval rating reaching Bush levels of tankage? We still have the strongest recovery in the West. There are ever more positive signs emerging, so why is everyone going nuts?

Certainly Drudge’s and Fox’s Operation: Scare the Base has had some impact on perception. This is easily done, usually by showing repeated images of a black man in the Oval Office. Sometimes I think the GOP is funded by the makers of Xanax. Still other times I turn on Fox and need to score some. There’s a connection here…speaking of which, I need to meet mine outside of the Circle-K.

Remember when I was freaking out in 2007 and warned everyone of an imminent collapse? Well, this same blogger is saying, take a deep breath. We are certainly not out of the woods yet, but if our numbers are getting better, albeit barely, and republicans are even more worried, well, do the meth. Sorry, I think there was something in my Xanies.

The GOP is never worried when they should be and always worried when they shouldn’t be. Much of my confidence stems from their unease. Republican fear has always been a clear indicator of a hope.

Just before the great recession Fox News was suggesting that everyone “keep buying shit to avoid a market slump.” I’ll never forget this because I had an entirely different take, involving a global economic collapse and eating bugs.

The GOP remains a decade or more behind the times. They’ve figured out—just this week—that parts of the Patriot Act have implications for our civil rights, and any day now I’m waiting to hear, “Hey, you know, I don’t think Iraq had anything to do with 9/11.”

Whereas I, too, am not convinced our economic numbers are as great as they seem, it’s still an improvement—at a time when I doubted improvement was even possible. Basically our overall debt is still increasing while our deficit as percentage to GDP is shrinking. Some of this is due to something the Feds call less-projected-debt (LPD), better known as semantics. And these numbers are also positively impacted by the ongoing devaluation of our currency, which remains scary. But, keep in mind, I predicted we’d be toast already. Obama is playing our last hand well. Sure he’s bluffing, but it’s a good bluff. Why do we need to bluff? (See: republican economic policies).

And, actually, I rate success by avoiding a complete collapse. I put success into the context of our ongoing decline, which I would rather see take generations than minutes. Hint: we’ve been circling the drain since W departed. Bush, the other white meathead.

Look, the Fed and the Paul Krugman’s of the world have shown much more insight during this economic crisis (this republican created crisis). They’ve done things that I can’t claim to understand, but they have fairly accurately predicted the economic impacts of their actions. The GOP…umm, has never done that, regardless of the topic.

Here’s an assessment of Obama that will make no sense to Republicans—but it will to historians.

“Obama has always been a pragmatist (not a leftist) in economics, and I’d argue that his response to the Great Recession was easily the best of any Western leader because of it. Maybe this isn’t clear now; but in the end, it will be and is already validated by the evidence. I believe that, in the end, that evidence will be critical, if Obama can deploy it effectively to make his case. And in the context of the strongest growth among Western developed countries, he can.”

—Andrew Sullivan

I will take a party any day that gets things occasional right over a bunch who can’t seem to realize they’re always wrong.
Share

Obama on Pentagon Cuts: There’s Some Really Interesting Quadrilaterals

by  • 

Obama On Pentagon Cuts: There’s Some Really Interesting Quadrilaterals

Washington, DC—To deal with the ongoing sequester cuts to the Defense Department, Barack Obama suggested they downgrade their main headquarters to a quadrilateral, something in the rhombus family.

President Obama told Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel, “It doesn’t have to be a square. Some of the quadrilateral shapes are quite intriguing.  Besides, you would never even notice unless you were flying over the Pentagon and who does that? It’s a permanent no fly zone. And you can keep calling it the Pentagon, who understands geometry anymore?”

Hagel suggested the President stop growing medical marijuana in the Rose Garden and “get real”.

An angered Obama replied, “Name one time when we needed all five walls of the Pentagon, Chuck?! I looked through all the history books and I couldn’t find one time. Hell, we could have done the downgrade right after 9/11 and saved tons on reconstruction costs. Would you rather I say pick a branch of the military to close? In that case, my vote would be the Old Navy. Those commercials, yikes.”
Share

Say It With Me Republicans: Re-Trac-Tion

by  • 

Mick Zano

The IRS “scandal” lives. Sorry, I seem to get totally sucked in every time I approach the GOP’s non-event horizon (a Barack hole?). This time I demand a retraction! Dear Fox Newsers, no one ever “refutiated” the IRS’s targeting of the Tea Party, aka, you’re new evidence is not new. But the other findings from the IRS investigation are relevant. Our next term is confirmation bias.

Say it with me everyone: Con-Fir-Ma-Tion Bi-As.

The Oxford Dictionary:Confirmation Bias (noun)

The tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories.

The Answer: Confirmation Bias
The Answer: Confirmation Bias, The Question: Why Fox News turns a profit?
The Question: Why Fox News turns a profit?

You can’t keep changing the subject or asking another fool question, or repeating what we already know to keep a scandal alive. Yeah, I’m talking to you Brent Bozo over on NewsBusters. First, you need to admit you were wrong and try to move one-flipping-iota closer to something I like to call journalism…you know, before shifting your attention crapward again.

Specifically, I want the GOP to make a retraction regarding Obama’s involvement in the IRS “scandal”. Hint: it’s not a White House scandal if the White House is not involved. Weird, I know. Keep in mind, your retraction can be submitted in prose, sonnet, haiku, or whatever format will work with your base (I would go with a limerick: there once was a man from the Potomac?).

Let’s take one liberal for example, me, I never denied that the IRS was targeting conservatives…but one more bullshit headline and I will likely approve the practice. I called bullshit when the GOP turned the story into bullshit. Hint: this usually happens somewhere amidst their first headline.

Here’s my initial comment the day the story broke:

“The IRS thing has yet to be linked to the White House. If a connection is found, Obama is in big trouble. That is not the case today, nor am I predicting a connection will be made. But that won’t stop the GOP. I can’t wait until they get desperate.” 

—Mick Zano, The Daily Discord

Dear reader,

I, Mick Zano, would like to make a retraction. I’m not nearly as excited as I originally thought I would be about the whole “can’t wait until the GOP gets desperate” thing. 

Sorry. My bad.

Zano

See how easy retractions can be? Now you try it. Here’s an example:

“Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if we’ve ever been right about anything since Reagan.”

—John Q. Republican

Here’s what happened immediately after the story broke:

Peggy Noonan called the IRS “scandal” Obama’s Watergate, Darrell Issa said the President lied, Dick Morris predicted impeachment, and Fox News—in true Iraq-was-behind-9/11-fashion—immediately implicated that the President gave the order to target the Tea Party.

Dear Bill O’Reilly and the rest of the wrong brigade, say it with me: Re-Trac-Tion:

Once again a spoof news bloggerist has shown more insight than everyone else on the Right combined. Hint: sadly, it’s not really much of an achievement. If I put in one tenth of your collective effort I could post much more damaging posts on Obama, aka, you’re not helping. You’re not competent. You’re simply a distraction.

The IRS investigation found several interesting things:

1.) The IRS targets everyone applying for tax exempt status (shocking).

2.) The numbers for those scrutinized has recently been higher for right wing groups (thus the GOP’s first headlines).

3.) The investigation found systemic problems, for sure, to the point of dysfunction in some offices. But there was little to no coordinated partisanship in amongst IRS employees.

4.) There’s still no evidence whatsoever of any mandate to target conservatives from the White House.

Here’s my prediction for how the IRS will “fix” their problem. They will increase scrutiny on progressive groups seeking tax exempt status as well. That’s it. Wow. Thanks. Soooo, I ask again. Who cares?  You’re taking one fact, which in and of itself is pretty meaningless, and extrapolating to the point of—oh, who am I kidding, one fact is improvement for these folks. Nice work everybody.

Here’s what the next Drudge headlines should look like:

Every Rock in D.C. Overturned and Still No IRS/Obama Link

IRS Investigation: Workers Not Partisan and Don’t Know Much About the Tea Party

IRS Functioning Similarly Douchey for Over a Century

Have you ever noticed the headline progression from Fox News? They typically go from fact, to extrapolated fact. Then, once all their premises are disproven, they shift to the bullshit question phase:

Do Obama’s Children Know About Their Father’s IRS Transgressions?

Will Biden Take the Fall for Obama’s IRS Mess?

“Who’s To Blame?” Demands One Asshole Republican Who Still Wants Answers

Despite the inability of the GOP to birth a retraction during the Bush years, or a relevant scandal during the Obama years……no, I think I’ll end there.

Or, on second thought, maybe here:

“The IRS Scandal Is Worse Than Watergate” —Peggy Noonan
“The IRS Scandal Is Worse Than Watergate” —Peggy Noonan Next week kids see Noonan jump an embassy in Libya
Next week kids see Noonan jump an embassy in Libya
Share

Vlad the Unfriender

by  • 

Vlad The Unfriender

Moscow, RU—Only minutes after the White House announced they would not be attending September’s scheduled mini-summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin unfriended Barack Obama on Facebook. Only hours before the social site snub, Putin posted, “Some people act like my friends, but they’re really not my friends. You’ll know what I mean soon!”

The White House did not officially comment on the unfriending or Putin’s decision to change his profile picture to a pair of mocking ass cheeks, but, hours after Putin’s actions, Obama tweeted, “Someone, who we will call Glad-I’m-queer Poopin, thinks I care if we’re friends or not on Facebook! ROTFLMAO!!!!”

Many feel these two world leaders are simply blowing off some much needed steam, but others fear these social site shenanigans could escalate.

“Sure Putin and Obama have unfriended one another,” said the Discord’s Cokie McGrath, “but neither have yet to permanently block the other. Such an act could trigger a virtual cold war that may even shatter their LinkedIn partnership, which has implications for both of their future employment opportunities. Let’s pray these two at least keep sexting in private.”
Share

GOP Moving More Conservative? Whaah?

by  • 

Mick Zano

Really? Moving further right? And here I thought some of the Foxeteers were starting to Google words like insight and reality. Oh wait, that could get you on the terrorist watch list. The good news is this: a shift to an even more radical conservatism means they will never hold power again. In that case, proceed Governor.

I recently posted an article wherein I pointed to some signs of life from the moderate republican lands, here. In retrospect, I should have known… 

Here’s the New York Times quote that triggered this rant:

“Fifty-four percent believe that party leaders need to move in a more conservative direction, while only 40 believe that they need to move in a more moderate direction.”

—Charles Blow, New York Times

Where do they find these people? And let’s reiterate that old meme, what is the matter with F-ing Kansas? When you make less sense now than during the Bush years, umm…DISBAND!!! Hint: there wasn’t supposed to be a “down” from the Bush years (Barock O’Bottom?). On a good note, this may help prove the existence of other dimensions as identified in physics’ String Theory.

I’ve given up on the GOP. We’re probably better off when they’re inventing scandals, as opposed to implementing economic policies. You see, I don’t fear stories like “guy still dead on border” or “guy still dead in Libya.” I fear these headlines:

Ryan Plan in Effect

President Cruz Inauguration

Iran Nuclear Sites Hit By Israel

U.S. Ground War in Syria

Don’t like those headlines? Then keep republicans out of office, aka, let them keep doing their thing; it’s called imploding. To me it’s a beautiful, beautiful sound—unless, of course, you’re into unnecessary wars and economic downturns—in which case, they will be missed.

Why don’t republicans spend time researching the causes and breakdowns of the 13 embassy attacks under Bush? Hint: there were twelve more of those—just think of all the bullshit headlines! Hey, as it turns out, the Middle East is Dangerous: who knew? Here’s a list of all the well-handled Bush bombings as listed by Bob Cesca here.

January 22, 2002. Calcutta, India: Gunmen associated with Harkat-ul-Jihad al-Islami attack the U.S. Consulate. Five people are killed.

June 14, 2002. Karachi, Pakistan: Suicide bomber connected with al-Qaida attacks the U.S. Consulate, killing 12 and injuring 51.

October 12, 2002. Denpasar, Indonesia: U.S. diplomatic offices bombed as part of a string of “Bali Bombings.” No fatalities.

February 28, 2003. Islamabad, Pakistan: Several gunmen fire upon the U.S. Embassy. Two people are killed.

May 12, 2003. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: Armed al-Qaida terrorists storm the diplomatic compound killing 36 people including nine Americans. The assailants committed suicide by detonating a truck bomb.

July 30, 2004. Tashkent, Uzbekistan: A suicide bomber from the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan attacks the U.S. Embassy, killing two people.

December 6, 2004. Jeddah, Saudi Arabia: Al-Qaida terrorists storm the U.S. Consulate and occupy the perimeter wall. Nine people are killed.

March 2, 2006. Karachi, Pakistan (again): Suicide bomber attacks the U.S. Consulate killing four people, including U.S. diplomat David Foy who was directly targeted by the attackers. (I wonder if Lindsey Graham or Fox News would even recognize the name “David Foy.” This is the third Karachi terrorist attack in four years on what’s considered American soil.)

September 12, 2006. Damascus, Syria: Four armed gunmen shouting “Allahu akbar” storm the U.S. Embassy using grenades, automatic weapons, a car bomb and a truck bomb. Four people are killed, 13 are wounded.

January 12, 2007. Athens, Greece: Members of a Greek terrorist group called the Revolutionary Struggle fire a rocket-propelled grenade at the U.S. Embassy. No fatalities.

March 18, 2008. Sana’a, Yemen: Members of the al-Qaida-linked Islamic Jihad of Yemen fire a mortar at the U.S. Embassy. The shot misses the embassy, but hits nearby school killing two.

July 9, 2008. Istanbul, Turkey: Four armed terrorists attack the U.S. Consulate. Six people are killed.

September 17, 2008. Sana’a, Yemen: Terrorists dressed as military officials attack the U.S. Embassy with an arsenal of weapons including RPGs and detonate two car bombs. Sixteen people are killed, including an American student and her husband (they had been married for three weeks when the attack occurred). This is the second attack on this embassy in seven months.

To be clear, for our less than insightful friends on the right, I’m not blaming Bush for all these attacks, I’m blaming the GOP for….umm, whatever hay they are trying to make out of Obama’s numero uno. We could bring these other Bush attacks under scrutiny, but my time is valuable.

Of course, if we add all the American embassy attacks in Baghdad between 2001 and 2008, even Steven-fucking-Hawking couldn’t count that high. This never even hit my radar during the Bush years, yet a single attack with four dead—in tranquil Libya—is somehow Obama’s biggest scandal? Rrrrright. Oh I get it, we needed a land war in Libya to remove Kaddafi. That would have kept the death toll down, fer sure. Do you have any idea how much money we saved having a liberal handle our foreign policy for the last five years? Of course you don’t (I defer to Hawking).

Hey, that’s it! Obama only had one attack on his watch, which allows the right to talk about it endlessly. The trick is to have something go horribly wrong every day so the scrutiny is kind of lost to the backdrop of all the bombs and the bloodshed. Well played President Bush, well played.

Here’s the fatality score card:

Embassy Deaths

Bush: 96¹

Obama: 4

War in Iraq

Bush: 5,000 +

Obama: 0²

War in Afghanistan

Bush: 575

Obama: 1,576³

Domestic Terrorism Deaths

Bush: 3,000 +

Obama: 4

1. This is minus the Baghdad embassy attacks, because I have to be at work tomorrow.

2. I’m not attributing any deaths to Obama. He didn’t support this war and he ended it quickly. All deaths are on Bush’s and Blair’s hands. Macbeth quote omitted.

3. Bush took Kabul and left the real war effort for his replacement (admittedly Obama should have bailed).

Make no mistake, something could go horribly wrong tomorrow, but to bludgeon Obama again and again on his, thus far infinitely better record sounds a bit republican… Oh, and today, as I write this post, Senator Lindsey Graham said, “Al-Qaeda is on steroids after the Benghazi attack.” Okay, so what exactly were they on when embassy attacks were more deadly and more frequent? It must have been some really potent terror-enhancing substances.

Republicanism has become an illness, one I hope never goes airborne. Their version of reality makes no sense anymore to anyone but themselves.  If we keep them out of office, there’s hope for this country, albeit not much. The damage they have done, in my opinion, remains insurmountable.

Trying to create a scandal out of some sheer force of will says more about republicans than it does our president. Back in the day we didn’t have to invent scandals. They grew naturally right from the fecund soil of republican policies. We never had to look hard, or extrapolate, or ask questions like:

Doesn’t The President Realize Libya Is A Dangerous Place?

Can We Build A Wall Along The Southern Border Of The U.S. To Keep Libyans Out?

Ambassador Killed In Libya Still Dead at This Hour

Are Illegal Libyans Mowing Your Lawn, Right Now?!

Now they’re saying CIA operatives were on the ground in Benghazi at the time of the attack. Hold the phony, it’s from CNN! Okay, let’s find out what’s up with that. It’s stunning to me that the CIA has covert overseas operations going on. What next, cops brazenly donning badges and guns in public?! It’s an outrage.

Here’s a wonderful comparison:

Cheney starting the Secret Police who could pick anyone up anywhere, American citizen or otherwise, without due process and then torture them = being a Constitution-loving American

Covert CIA operations in a fucked up part of the world sworn to secrecy for reasons of national security = impeach!

I too would like to know what the CIA was doing there and if there was an opportunity to intervene in the embassy attack. Other allegations have thus far been “refutiated”. Today this remains a bullshit witch-hunt (BWH). Hint: let’s leave scandals and the questioning of pertinent people to journalists. Hint #2: you should get some of those.

As for Benghazi, thus far the only Fox headline that proved accurate was the day of the attack:

Embassy Bombed In Libya: Four Dead.

They should have stopped there. In fact, they should just stop.

Historians have their own top 10 scandals for U.S. history and, as of yet, no Obama “scandal” seems to rate. Currently out of the top 10 scandals in U.S. history 8 involved a republican president and a mere 2 involved a democrat. And the two Ds, well, let’s put it this way:

Republican scandals = screwing the American people

Democrat scandals = screwing (just screwing)

If republicans got laid more often maybe they wouldn’t be so unhinged. Oh, and three of the top 10 occurred during the Bush years:

#1. The Downing Street Memo (2002): Don’t remember the number one scandal in U.S. history? Of course you don’t. News from that same day over on Fox was: Is Iraq Really To Blame For 9/11?

#2. NSA surveillance program (2001): Check out the vintage on this scandal. And here I thought it started last week. On that day Fox News was covering: Why Are Dems Questioning Important Tools Needed For The War On Terror?

#5 Abu Ghraib (2004): On this important day Fox News was covering Benghazi. I know weird, right? But a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger arrived in a time bubble and told them to start the diversion now. “Come with me if you want to lie.”

Nice work, George, #1 and #2. Hey, republicans are number one! Yet they still smell like number two. Sorry, just trying to reach a level of discourse they can understand.  I don’t know why torture isn’t on that list, but I’m sure it will eventually be added.

Bush never said “stop talking about my phony scandals” because, as it turns out, they weren’t phony. In fact, they were all true and many had huge implications for our civil rights, our economy and our collective future. Obama scandals, meanwhile, have huge implications for the five people who died and their families.

I have read all the info on these Obama scandals and, I’m not defending the president, I just don’t understand them. Scandals require facts, not a series of nonsensical leads or open-ended questions. Now there’s a coordinated effort to remind us each day how these bullshit scandals are not bullshit. Why would you have to do that if what you’re saying has any merit? I would say these diversions are actually impacting the functioning of our government but HAH! The republicans already took care of that.

Speaking of which, Sullivan is convinced Republican “thought” can’t exist too long outside the bubble:

“And in the end, you do actually have to leave the Fox News studios and actually do the minimal amount to keep the government actually functioning. When they get there, they fall apart. The solution? A huge effort to throw these nihilists out on their ears in 2014, or to forge some kind of alliance between the Senate and a sane bipartisan majority in the House. The latter won’t happen if Boehner wants to keep his job. The former is deemed unlikely or impossible.”

—Andrew Sullivan

Aka, good luck with that. Liberals understand we’re in a decline. At least Obama gives lip service to the actual problems we face (despite his mixed record regarding fixing things)—again, I give you dumb and dumber.

No matter how bad the liberals get, the Republicans are likely to remain infinitely worse. I believe this is by design. Keeping one group misinformed while keeping the elite fixated on the train wreck, well, it’s a great way to keep everyone’s eyes off the ball.

I for one must admit to looking like a catatonic blogger with a tick disorder. I can’t seem to divert my eyes (Republer-necking delays?). Every day they say something more outrageous and less factual than the day before.

Luckily, the GOP remains hopelessly divided between the Tea Party folks and the worst rand of libertarianism (pardon the Paul). This is my Venn Diagram-version of the state of the GOP. I believe it is accurate. Notice how someone who can link the Tea Party to reality is still sorely needed.

Zano's Venn Diagram

It’s funny because it’s true. This republican schism is a problem. I believe both sides rather tenuous relation to reality is going to make it very difficult for anything but a continued GOP-nosedive. And today I’m okay with that. We’ve reached a point of absurdity on the right, actually we reached it long ago. Republicans break shit, block any chance of a robust recovery, and then bitch about our decline. This is not just my opinion; this is how history will judge them. Actually our decline will be a stairway—steep downward steps under republican power and a continued holding pattern under the Dems. Much is unforeseen, but thus far I see no reason to think this predicted trend won’t continue—well, barring anything unforeseen like:

Was Obama Lounging By The Pool With His Cell Phone Off During The Assault On Benghazi?

Fun Fact: during 10 of the 13 embassy bombings under Bush he was clearing brush. I remember liking those times when he was clearing brush. It was so much safer for everyone as compared to when he was on the job.

Share