Benghazi is truly Obama’s biggest scandal. No shit. On a scale of one to ten, it nearly reaches the scale. After 472 Benghazi headlines all I learned is that republicans are equally culpable. And, yes, headline #473 brought me back to this lousy topic: Did Hillary Clinton’s Globetrotting Ways Contribute to Benghazi Disaster?

In a word, NO. In two words Umm, NO. In haiku form…I don’t do haikus, but if I did it would be 3-lines and 17-syllables of NO. Um, I guess I do do haikus (wait, Editor telling me DO DO is a NO NO). How about in Zano cartoon form?

Dear Fox News,

As for Benghazi, none of your hundreds of headlines over the last 16-months have had any relevance whatsoever to the planet Earth or its inhabitants.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. Although, Several Fox Anchors Injured during Latest Benghazi Bombshell was pretty impressive. Oh wait, I’m being told I made that one up.

Their audience wants blood and doesn’t care much about the particulars. And it’s not like they do retractions….ever. I did some digging this week in something called The Google to get to the bottom of this intriguing scandal once and for all.

So let’s go back in time, cue squiggly flashback sequence, and then take it away Mr. Milbank:

“For fiscal 2013, the GOP-controlled House proposed spending $1.934 billion for the State Department’s Worldwide Security Protection program — well below the $2.15 billion requested by the Obama administration. House Republicans cut the administration’s request for embassy security funding by $128 million in fiscal 2011 and $331 million in fiscal 2012.”

—Dana Milbank, October 2012.

Then…

“Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned that Republicans’ proposed cuts to her department would be ‘detrimental to America’s national security’ — a charge Republicans rejected.”

—Dana Milbank, same article.

It didn’t take over a year to get to the truth. It took about ten minutes in a place called the Monte Vista, with a nice IPA resting comfortably to my right.

So let me get this straight, after underfunding said facility, The GOP turned Benghazi into a year-plus-long Obama and Hillary slam session poor embassy security? Really? I knew republicans had blocked funding but I didn’t know the details were so damning. Do the words, what the fuck are you people talking about, ring a bell? It should. I’ve been covering your alternate reality for years now.

Summary Alert:

U.S. Embassies have been attacked on average once every two months for the last twenty years and this trend is likely to continue. Admittedly, this one is different…um, in that The GOP chose to underfund this embassy and then asked an endless chain of bullshit questions about for well over a year…er, while neglecting to ever mention the whole we-totally-chose-to-underfund-that-shit part.

If you have to rate all of Obama’s bullshit scandals, more people did die during this bullshit scandal. No one died during Solyndra or the IRS (which is still not linked to Obama in anyway) and only one person died during Fast and Furious. I think his Porsche hit a tree.

Dear GOP,

More people died during any given Bush scandal during the ten minutes it took Zano to research Benghazi.

Sincerely,

Reality

I agree this was a bad day for the Obama Administration, four people died. But, apparently, tens of thousands of people who died during a Bush lie/war is not a scandal, but five people dying can be broken out into numerous “fun size” scandals. See? Liberals could have made thousands of scandals, but instead chose to remain too fixated on something called facts.

I liked Kevin Drum’s coverage on the now debunked 60-minutes piece in his Yet Another Benghazi Story Falls Apart.

So now that the truth has been revealed—okay, we knew it all along—how about we pin it on those responsible? Here’s the headlines Fox News neglected to mention because they reside in an alternate universe. Will science discover the GOP particle? Is their world comprised of dork matter?

Why Did Republicans Block Embassy Security Funds?

Is Chris Stevens’ Blood on Republican Hands?

Clinton Warned Them! Why Wouldn’t The GOP Listen!

No Spending Cuts Until GOP Explains Benghazi Failure

Did Obama Ignore Bigfoot Benghazi Sightings?

Hint, anything going horribly wrong in our country can probably be attributed to a republican policy. This trick works every time, like magic. The only ones who haven’t figured this out yet…um, I’ll give you one hint.

My first story on Benghazi here. I have learned nothing since that story, well, except the GOP has more culpability. Hint: dangerous parts of the world are dangerous. Deep stuff.

I wanted the investigation too, not as a blame game but keep our embassies safer. The republicans want scandals, so the more who die the better. My joke headlines—the ones that often involve Bigfoot—can’t reach the levels of absurdity that Fox News has reached on this subject.

Here’s some real ones:

One Year Later, Families Have Few Answers on Benghazi Attack

Let me ‘splain: there are terrorists in Libya who hate America and during a vacuum of power the GOP didn’t want to fund the security of such facilities so one was overrun by extremists and everyone died. Does that help?

CBS May Drop Benghazi-Gate Bomb on Team Obama Sunday Night on 60 Minutes

Oh, it was a bomb all right, a career ending bomb. As it turns out that Guy too Full of Shit for even Fox News was, in fact, full of shit.

Fox News: “We Stand By Our Reporting On Benghazi”

…which, besides the above statement, consists of a series of headlines in the guise of questions that have since proven meaningless. The usual.

Cheney: Benghazi ‘one of the worst incidents that I can recall’

I recall differently, sir. (Hint: 9/11/12 would have marked the least deadly/eventful day of the Bush Administration.) Of course math is just another liberal talking point.

Here’s my answer to Cheney:

Is Cheney Lying or Suffering from Alzheimers?

Check out the Daily Banter’s The 13 Benghazi’s That Happened on Bush’s Watch Without a Peep. Back during the Bush years we didn’t have time to cover this shit, we had real scandals to contend with. Maybe next time the republicans are in power, oh that’s right, there’s not going to be a next time—at least if I have anything to blog about it. Meanwhile, here’s the real story: Fox’s Fixation on Benghazi.

Fox is not concerned with the truth, and it shows in their…er, shows. Do you know what Steve Douchey said the morning after CBS aired their eventually debunked Benghazi story? He said something like, “Why has the main stream media only started to cover this now? We’ve known about this for months!” Okay, so you knew a pack of lies to be true and you were covering said lies as truth? Okay. Can that be worked into the logo?

Fox News Lie, Blather, Repeat

How about this headline:

Doocy Makes Dookie Again

I don’t think Congress can ultimately impose sanctions on Iran, but it wouldn’t be for lack of trying. With patriots like these who needs Al-Qaeda? The GOP was against this deal even before they knew any of the details, which many are calling beyond a knee-jerk response. So let’s just shorten it to beyond jerks.

Republicans want only one thing, to destroy Obama’s legacy regardless of the consequences. They truly believe everything he is doing is wrong for our country (hint: you’re thinking of Bush). Palin said last week, “I honestly can’t think of one of Obama’s policies that’s working.” She should have stopped after the word “think”. Now if Congress were to work with this President on the issue of sanctions (Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!!!)

“Nominated for The Discord’s Funniest Joke Award 2013.”

—Pierce Winslow, CEO

Seriously. Should Iran fail to comply and then Congress threatened sanctions at the end of this six month period, it could be an effective good cop/bad cop approach. But solving Iran’s nuclear program has nothing to do with this for the Nut-n-yahoos of the world. What?

My guess is this: the base of the base of Congress will try to impose sanctions right now in an effort to derail any of Obama and Kerry’s efforts. The GOP will also stick to the script by continuing to ratchet up the negative rhetoric each step of the way, regardless of the actual negotiation points or the deal itself. Hey, maybe then McCain can have a proper encore for his Beach Boy’s magic?

“And Iran, Iran so bomb away.”

—Flock of Assholes?

I don’t personally care what all the people who got Iraq wrong think about Iran. In a perfect world the neocons would have already been run out of Dodge, or been run over by one. It’s staggering how the right keeps asking the opinion of people who suck at prognosticating, or:

“This guy’s never gotten anything right, I’m curious what he has to say about this topic.”

—Fox News

But could Congress still screw everything up? Brooks doesn’t see much light:

“Any congressional efforts to completely eliminate the president’s foreign-affairs discretion could lead to a constitutional showdown, which Congress would almost certainly lose. If Congress passed new sanctions legislation that the president believed would undermine the deal with Iran, he could veto it; if Congress mustered up the two-thirds majority needed to overcome a veto, the president could simply refuse to implement the sanctions.”

—Rosa Brooks, Foreign Policy

The initial GOP reaction of the Iran deal was covered by The Dish.

“Dana Milbank destroys Ari Fleischer this morning – and deservedly so. Fleischer’s instant reaction to even the news of an agreement – without any knowledge of its details – was to denounce it. Dana calls the faster-than-a-jerking-knee response ‘mindless.’ And how could one argue against that? To denounce something before you even know what it is … well, what else do you call it?”

—Andrew Sullivan

Then Sullivan lambasts the GOP. I love it when he lambasts:

“It is an attitude – a nasty, belligerent, impulsive attitude, the kind of attitude that gave us the Iraq war and Abu Ghraib, and made the world less, rather than more safe. Or consider Syria. The GOP was determined to stop a military strike and also denounced the UN-Russian deal to secure and destroy Syria’s WMDs! So that’s a no and a no. And the last no was to a policy that has been remarkably successful in ending a major source of WMD worry in the region. They opposed a policy that made Israel more secure.”

—Andrew Sullivan

As Sullivan insists The GOP remains the party of no, no, no, no, no, no, and no. Wasn’t that a Zombie’s song? Do you think someday it will dawn on The GOP just how much they suck? I’m guessing: Tell her no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…. How about, It’s the Time of the Season for Bombing? I got a million of ‘em. Okay, not really, I’m already out of Zombie songs. Oh, wait, one more:

“She’s really not there.”

—Mick Zano’s Sarah Palin Zombie joke

Drum weighed in on Netanyahu’s predictable and pointless opinion:

“Given an attitude like that, who’s going to take him seriously? Nobody. Add to that an unending string of personal affronts against President Obama, and it’s a credit to Obama’s self-control that he’s still willing to talk to Netanyahu at all. Obama has been endlessly accommodating toward Netanyahu’s interests, and it’s gotten him nothing in return but condescending lectures and blunt dismissals.”

—Kevin Drum

The GOP hangs on Netanyahu’s every word, because they’re just as radically misguided. Thankfully Obama no longer gives a shit what the neocons think. I like what Mick Zano had to say about this over on The Discord.

“I don’t know how the Syria or the Iran thing is going to go down, but amen we have someone with a brain pursuing all the alternatives. In the context of what he came into and what he has managed to accomplish despite this endless sea of patriotic anarchists remains nothing short of remarkable.”

—Mick Zano

Hey, I wonder if that link leads right here? When I think about you I link to myself.

“Sorry, this post is getting too silly. Now get on with it!”

—Graham Chapman

Fine. Thus far I give full points to Obama on Syria and Iran, operative words, thus far. But I can smell good stuff-a-coming, or a nuclear holocaust. I’m sure it’s one of the two. This is not going to be easy. The republicans are correct on one point, Iran is not trustworthy. Everything we do in that region of the world is fraught with danger, yet a military strike on Iran would likely be the worst case scenario…you know, what they want to try first.

Post Bush’s infamous strategery any larger military campaigns, land wars, or outright regiment changes are no longer realistic options in the Middle East. Meanwhile, the Obama Model—complete with diplomacy, strategic military engagements, and intelligence coordination—has worked amazingly well, at least comparatively.

Summary Alert:

The best and nearly only tool we have left in our arsenal is diplomacy, so, of course, the republicans don’t want to talk about it.

Tell her no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

We are all living in the same country, during the same period in history, and yet during the Age of Information we remain completely unable to agree on even the most basic issues of our time. Doesn’t that bother anyone? Meanwhile, a republican’s arsenal consists of either breaking shit or graciously offering common sense solutions…involving unicorns.

“Should we go with magical thinking today or outright sabotage in the name of democracy?”

—John Q. Republican

During this crucial period in history—at least in the realm of foreign policy—Obama rates nothing short of a 17^th level wizard. Dumbledem? Gandalf the Blue? No? I’ll work on that one, but someday soon our 44^th President will be recognized for his foreign policy prowess (FPP). Okay, how about today? Apparently a viable first step has just been struck in Iran! I will refrain from another told-you-so moment—like hell I will, here. I realize many republicans will attack any diplomatic approach, to which I say, amen.

Republicans understand foreign policy in these simple steps:

1. Bomb
2. Occupy
3. Fuck up said occupation
4. Wait until a competent Dem shows up on cleanup
5. Repeat

The GOP has sailed quietly between our worst president in history to our worst Speaker of the House in history. And by quietly I mean Olyphant in a Faberge’ egg factory in certain Latvian mall approaching the speed of sound…kind of quietly. In their world this is called Winning!

I don’t think we need your opinion on foreign policy. Oh, who am I kidding? We do, so we can always remember to do the opposite. For the majority of the Bush years The GOP failed to recognize the gross incompetence of that administration and now, always consistent, they can’t identify an administration with a more sensible and effective approach. Have I mentioned Obama has accomplished 10x as much with 10x as little money?

We really do live on two different planets. If men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, liberals are from Earth and republicans are from Pluto (which, incidentally, has been downgraded recently. Coincidence?).

Here is a list of what The GOP considers some of the leading issues of our time:

1. Obamacare (an attempt to regulate real America through death panels)

2. Our failure to defend Benghazi (aka the real 9/11. So let me be the first to say, Benghazi was an inside job!)

3. The move to a European-style socialism (for some examples Google: happiest countries on planet), scary stuff

4. High unemployment (hey, I tried to open all those hemp stands)

5. Our growing deficits and the endless imaginary money being pumped into the economy

6. Our endangered 2nd Amendment (said the criminally insane person legally wielding the Uzi in the bar)

7. Immigrants forever changing real America (one lawn at a time)

8. Securing our borders (solved in two parts: 1. By building the Great Wall of Stupid and then 2. By creating the pathway back to Mexico)

9. A variety of Christian tainted social issues (CTSI) and, of course, abortion rights.

Did any of you throw up in your mouth a little?

Here are my concerns, in no particular order:

1. The Patriot Act (which led to unregulated drone strikes, The NSA, The Associated Press scandals)

2. Our ever growing deficit and the endless imaginary money being pumped into the economy

3. Our inability/incompetence to move to greener energies [Kermit joke omitted by the editor]

4. The War in Iraq (more importantly all future chicken hawk/neo-conic ventures. Can you say WWIII?)

5. The impact of Global Warming, mass extinctions, and our dying oceans

6. Out of control healthcare and college tuition costs (finally one is being glitchily addressed)

7. The disparity of wealth (all wealth shifting to about six people)

8. Population growth and the genetically modified moguls who will feed us (all hail, Monsanto!)

These are all major problems that are occurring, right now. Each of them have huge implications for our personal freedoms as well as our collective future, aka, almost none are covered on Fox. This list should be our focus, but instead we’re glued to stories of selective outrage and bullshit.

You could also add the money we’re wasting on the War on Drugs to my list. My related post here. Or, our decision to torture prisoners and the terrible impact it has had on our international affairs and our credibility. In my personal life I relegate torture to the third date or beyond, provided we’ve established an agreed upon ‘safe’ word.

As for the republican’s list, no one is going to be talking about Obamacare a year from now…oh, who am I kidding? It will likely be covered for two years, assuming it has twice the longevity of a bullshit scandal (see: IRS or Benghazi).

My shit will become increasingly pressing and their shit, not so much. Granted, republicans have identified our long term deficits as a problem, but their solution is to have a depression (see: The Ryan Plan). Besides, deficits will stop being covered under the Christie Administration—so we can resume Operation Ignore Debt (OID) like magic. David Coppafeel? Fox rarely mentioned Bush’s or Reagan’s out-of-control spending, because back then it was simply the sweet cost of freedom.

You see, in the republican realms of all-or-none thinking our deficits are 100% attributed to Fannie Freddie, which is 100% a Dem created problem, and we can only reduce our deficits through 100% austerity and tax cut measures through a 100% nullification of all things Obama.

This isn’t 100% wrong, but as usual it’s pretty damn close.

In order to stave off a double dip recession we need a balanced approach of tax cuts and revenues, thus my advocacy for Simpson-Bowls. A very fair 10 (cuts) to 1 (taxes) deal was blocked by the Winning brigade last July. Motley Screw?

Cutting carbon emissions and shifting to green energies is another ratio that we must address. We could start by ending the use of coal within ten years. If you are currently employed by the coal industry, please update your resumes. Hint: solar is the future (see: Germany, or better yet my post). Does that mean oil ends tomorrow? In their world, yes, because it’s always either or. You’re either with us or against us, taxes or cuts, bombing or not bombing, socialism or capitalism.

And, of course, climate change or climate stability. It’s not slightly happening or maybe happening on Tuesdays only (which is my theory). Not happening is an interesting choice when one considers the severity of the consequences of getting this one wrong and something I like to call “data.”

Foxeteers will invariably support oil, nuclear, and coal “just for the meantime.” There’s still a few species left on the planet, so just for the meantime. Then they systematically thwart or mock any attempts at moving greenward. For them pollution and global warming are liberal talking points. Yeah, well tell that to Al Gore, who…uh…gets polluted every night and talks about global warming.

Since most of our biggest problems don’t even exist to republicans, we can’t move toward the solution phase of anything! Reality involves ratios and percentages, but reality has become the enemy of the right. We need to start discussing these and we need to do everything in our power to marginalize and ignore our reality-devoid republican friends. Regardless of the problem, they are simply not part of the solution. It’s going to make things harder, of course, but we must increase political sanctions until the GOP tears down all of their fake scandal factories…oh, sorry.

Anyway, I say we get back to using ratios, percentages, and realistic strategies to address the problems our nation is facing. And let’s leave the GOP home with a nice ball and some glitter—supervised, of course.

Dear lame stream media, please stop suggesting shit to republicans. Pushing Chris Christie on them or encouraging a more moderate path for their party will only make them run harder and further to the right. There’s no point in trying to…oh, I get it! Brilliant! Proceed Governor.

As I’ve said, at this point I actually want the tea party to thrive because it could well mark the end of The GOP. Something unfixable, like my old Chrysler K car, must die. But, no matter what happens, we’re missing the real issue here: ninja porn. Okay, the other real issue: the fact the Foxeteers out there will continue to stomp their feet and vote on a whole host of meaningless issues.

Example of the day, the government’s allocation for:

The War on Christmas  =  25 Dollars (you’re next Rudolf!)

The War on Drugs  =  1 Trillion (which is an epic fail, yet the next trillion is being printed)

As a pretty good prognosticator I believe we are truly at a crossroads. The great divergence has ended and we are now experiencing the rise of the rest. So I make my predictions within the context of an ongoing American decline. That doesn’t necessarily mean the end of America, but rough waters are certainly ahead for a variety of reasons. If we elect Dems for the next several election cycles I believe we will muddle along and navigate this potentially volatile period of human history reasonably well. But, should a republican return to office in the near future, it’s going to be a quick trip to Shitsville—which I believe was also a Monkees’ song. There is a middle way, of course, called the Christie path and this would look different still, but….um…:

“Sure Chris Christie is more electable in a general election, but I don’t think he has a Sno-Balls’ chance in his pantry of making it through the primaries.”

—Mick Zano

The GOP has chosen the road of maximum suckage, which I believe was also a movie with Emilio Estevez. Lloyd Green begs to differ over at The Beast. No, Lloyd I’m pretty sure it was Emilio Estevez.

Meanwhile, here’s Frum on RHINO watch:

“They look to Speaker Boehner and Leader McConnell to fend off the crazies in the caucus, but they did not understand that those leaders’ strategy for ‘fending off’ the crazies consisted of abject appeasement of the crazies.”

—David Frum

I still believe those few surviving moderates on the right are spooked worse than a pedestrian in front of Lindsay Lohan’s car. But can the GOP once again galvanize into a country ending force, or will they continue to try to destroy America from the sidelines? It’s not that Obamacare could fail and end our country as we know it, it’s that such a failure could lead to a GOP resurgence…er, which would then end our country as we know it. That is not hyperbole. This is not one of my ‘crawling out onto a limb’ moments. For me it’s a no Boehner.

Realistically, I don’t think even the failure of the ACA can save The GOP. Never underestimate their incompetence.

Sullivan over on The Dish is covering the Chris Christie phenomenon as if it will have some impact on these folks. It won’t. All-or-none thinking is just that. They can’t relate to Christie because he sometimes strays into the realms of coherence.

“The Tea Party has proved to be a double-edged sword that now threatens those goals more than it aids them. A pushback has clearly begun.”

—Bruce Bartlett

Drum also wonders if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel:

“(I) have spent virtually this entire period convinced that Republicans couldn’t possibly get any more conservative than they already were. We’ve been wrong every single time so far, so I’d take this time with a grain of salt too.”

—Kevin Drum

I’m afraid that light Drum is hoping for is a train. Common wisdom suggests The GOP will eventually have their “aha” moment and tack back to center. Naaah. Again, I have never put my money on their reasonableness. Hint, it’s why I tend to get shit right. In fact, Maddow attributes the recent Louisiana Tea Party loss not to some centrist shift but to a late endorsement by Duck Dynasty.

Look at that chart again. These people are not going to suddenly become pragmatic and centrist. They’re heading toward the Batshit cave at warped speed.

Unless you consider the damage the GOP can do from the minority, the republicans are irrelevant. I realize this is shocking news to a full-fledged Foxeteer, but when you drive facts, science and history out of your tent as it turns out you’re left with:

But don’t worry, Cletus is endorsing Ted Cruz so you should be good. The GOP types of today will never understand conventional wisdom because they are neither conventional nor wise.

“The Tea Party is the most destructive force in American politics today. Over the last few weeks, it has demonstrated again that its intent is not to shake up the establishment but to burn down the village. As a Democrat, I disagree with its policy positions, but its policy positions alone are not what make the Tea Party so dangerous. What makes the Tea Party dangerous is its members’ willful disregard for the most basic tenets of American democracy.”

—Jon Favreau, The Daily Beast

A few weeks ago, the day of our pending default, the majority of the republicans in the House voted to end the American way of life. So my prediction regarding how close to the edge these bozos were willing to bring us was eerily accurate. Amen for the senate. Yet last week Sullivan got all kumbaya:

“We’d love to hear from you about bridging the gap. That goes for Republicans engaging Democrats as well, of course. And it also goes for myself.”

—Andrew Sullivan

Bridging the gap was my theme and my hope at the advent of the Daily Discord. I knew, even then, we were becoming way too polarized. Here’s a 2008 article and an excerpt:

“You can’t ignore that lines are being drawn, in some cases battle lines. Folks are becoming more entrenched and polarized than ever. Even your run-of-the-mill moderates understand that if we hand the keys to Rush Limbaugh or to Michael Moore, we are simply going to crash this car called America into different trees.”

—Mick Zano

It’s not that I’ve changed my views, I’ve just given up on bridging any gaps. The inability of the GOP to process anything outside of their ongoing false narrative makes any attempt at reasoning with them…er, like trying to convince the House to stop trying to repeal Obamacare.

“Essentially I had to deal with 8-years of Bush and now 8-years of a sickening brand of borderline treasonous obstructionism, while on parole and therefor sober.”

—Mick Zano

Those looming trees I mentioned back in 2008 look very different today. Obama is a pragmatist, not a crazy liberal, so the tree looming in our headlights is surely of the Cruz variety. Thus the main theme of my posts.

Oh, and before I sign off, regarding the death of our filibuster today:

Dear GOP,

I liked the filibuster. It’s a shame you idiots broke the damn thing.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. To have the justification for an all-out balls-to-the-walls nullification party, you needed to attack someone who never got anything right, like our 43^rd president for instance. Don’t remember him? His name rhymes with tush.