Spoof News

Satire at its finest.

Nikki Haley Warns UN “Additional U.S. Bombs Ready” Should Any More Trump Allegations Surface

by Mick Zano • April 15, 2018

New York, NY—Ambassador Nikki Haley minced no words to the United Nation’s on Monday, as that’s her boss’s job. She did warn the 193-member General Assembly that the U.S. is prepared for a second wave of bombing raids on Syrian targets. She said, “To be clear, the United States is prepared to take unilateral action should the Coalition of the Vaguely Interested lose further interest. It wouldn’t really be unilateral, if you think about it, when all fifty states would be involved. And we will take these actions, immediately, if any more #MeToo shit comes within a mile of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

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by Mick Zano • April 12, 2018

Rome, IT—Many are voicing their concern with the decision to “upgrade” Michelangelo’s work The Creation of Adam, which adorns the ceiling of Rome’s famous Sistine Chapel. The painting now depicts President Donald Trump and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan in the role of God and Adam. These changes took place shortly after the announcement of Ryan’s pending retirement. Those in Italy who really strive for a balanced budget seem happy with the move, but others are claiming the priceless work has been irreparable defaced.

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by Mick Zano • April 10, 2018

Tweet Tower—With crisis comes opportunity and with Trump comes enough crises to employee an estimated 1.1 million crisis acting Americans (CAA). The White House is downplaying the negative implications of this aspect of the jobs report and instead remains focused on the overall low unemployment figures. Critics are pointing to the fact that endless acute situations, which only create temporary employment for young liberals, are less than helpful. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, “How does this help the average American? I am depressed. We need a troupe of professional liberal whiners and protestors about as much as we need another six weeks of this damnable winter #KillPhil.”

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by Mick Zano • April 9, 2018

New York, NY—Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton was spotted moments before a fire erupted on the 50th floor of the Trump Tower high-rise, killing one tenant and injuring five Russian spies. The NYC Fire Department said, “The fire was under control about 9:00 PM, which is more than I can say for our President, who spent the night tweeting through the hallways and insisting that no one turn on the building’s five sprinklers to avoid further water damage. The cause of the fire has been ruled ‘Benghazi-like’ and may have been caused by lasers mounted to the end of our former Secretary of State’s fingers.”

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by Mick Zano • April 7, 2018

Key West, FL—Saturday afternoon a picture of Special Counsel Robert Mueller surfaced on Facebook. The picture depicts Mueller kicking back on a fishing boat with a check-in pin that suggests the image was taken in Key West, Florida. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, “Come on! I don’t care how much he likes fishing, he had to know how bad the optics would look! So who took the picture, Comey or McCabe? Did he tag them on FB? When did he fish, and what did he fish for? Let’s call this one Saltwater-gate.”

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by Mick Zano • April 4, 2018

Kissimmee, FL—Armed teachers, armed security guards and see-through backpacks are all on the menu for the state of Florida as administrators wrestle with the challenges of keeping children safe at school. Students are fighting back as they are concerned the balance of power has been unnecessarily stacked against them. Head of the Student Council, Brad Perkins, said, “History is fraught with imbalances of power that trigger a justifiable response. Sorry about the use of the word ‘trigger’; it was a cheap shot. Anyway, we want to be ready for any and all contingencies: crazy guards, strict teachers, radicals, lone gunman, bullies, alt-right types or Methodists.”

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by Mick Zano • April 3, 2018

Tweet Tower—President Trump announced the firing of Vincent “Vinny” Gagootz and Frankie “Knuckles” Marinelli shorty after the Washington Examiner broke the story of the discovery of a body in the Tidal Basin of the nation’s capital. President Trump is calling any connection between the pugnacious pair and the body that washed ashore during the Cherry Blossom Festival early Saturday as “Fake News.” The president told the press today, “These are not the guys who hide the bodies…obviously. We are going to miss Vinny and Knuckles around here. They’re good thugs, the best thugs. I don’t think this face *cough* I mean, this place is going to be the same without them.”

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by Mick Zano • April 1, 2018

Pyongyang, NK—A recent North Korean defector, Ji Sung, suggested all of his country’s microphones are hooked up to “the same crappy-assed karaoke machine.” The defector was able to successfully cross the DMZ between North and South Koreas last month and met yesterday with a prominent Seoul journalist. During the interview Sung said, “After each press conference Kim Jong Un dimmed the lights and then sung either Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline or Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls. And, wow, our glorious leader is a lousy singer. But we all had to clap and raise our lighters, under pain of death. I won’t miss that shit.”

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by Mick Zano • March 29, 2018

Palm Beach, FL—President Donald Trump is reportedly “furious” with the news of the current trajectory of the Chinese space station, the Tiangong-1. Current data from both the China National Space Administration and NASA estimates the decaying orbit of the doomed space lab will end on April 1st directly over Trump’s prized resort, Mar-a-Lago. The Chinese government is maintaining their story that this is an “uncontrolled re-entry” and later added the word, “Oopsies”.

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by Mick Zano • March 28, 2018

Kemerovo, RU—Despite instructions written clearly on an index card in ALL CAPS, President Donald Trump congratulated President Putin today for the Winter Cherry Mall fire that claimed 64 Russian lives. The mall fire, which equates to a series of errors including the disabling of the public announcement system and a number of blocked emergency exit, is currently a national disgrace. Present and former diplomats alike were aghast at Trump’s comments and are calling them “insensitive” and “really dumb.”

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