I must say, Zano, ninety percent of what you write has nothing to do with my articles and the other ten percent seems to involve midget porn. Back in the day, when we’d watch the McLaughlin Group, I don’t remember that being such a prominent issue in world affairs. We need to find a way to agree on the basics! On this rag, you always seem like you’re debating some fundamentalist caricature of myself. You did recently make one very important point. You identified the third reason for Trump’s appeal as the dissatisfaction of both Republicans and Democrats. At least we can agree on that. I have my own list of key problems our country faces and, no surprise, it differs from yours.
Uncategorized
I Just Ate An Entire Can of Hormel Chili: Should I Call 911 Or Poison Control?
by Mick Zano •
Voter Suppression 101: Arizona Anecdotal? My Ass
by Mick Zano •
Yes, The Discord guy didn’t get to vote in the AZ Primaries. Voting was a shit show in my state last week, even by normal Arizona “standards”. Here was the excuse:
When you changed your address, maybe you failed to fill out the voter demographic part properly.
Uh, I haven’t moved, unless you’re talking about moving from the sofa to the fridge, which is still bullshit because I have people for that. I registered as a Dem in 2008 to vote for Obama, so those claiming user-error are mistaken. They always pull this crap. This is the GOP’s Modus Operandi, who I refuse to denigrate in this post. For our Republican friends, “Modus Operandi” means “standard operating procedure.” Republicans are Constitutionalists in the same way that ISIS is a team of archeologists. Rapers of the Lost Ark? Raiders of the Lost AARP? No, seriously, this is a question… I’m trying to slam both ISIS and Republicans in the same joke. ISIS Shrugged? There you go, Zano. I knew you could do it. Let the suppression begin!
Liberal Calls For The Creation of Wild-Vote Preserves To Protect Last Conservatives
by Mick Zano •
Burlington, VT—Despite their inherent voter suppression, gerrymandering, and white privilege, one liberal is defending the actions of conservatives. Sandra Smith of Burlington is insisting we protect the ideologically-impaired among us. “Although they still wield considerable power,” said Ms. Smith, “the long term prospects for the Grand Old Party is dim. As their habitat dwindles, they will likely become even more desperate. We can not allow them to radicalize. They are already relegated to our shittiest states and our shittiest cities, where they will likely continue to frack things up.” Ms. Smith fears citizens only capable of regurgitating Fox News talking points will grow increasingly isolated and disenfranchised. Despite their confusion and questionable tactics, Smith believes the reality-impaired among us should not be discriminated against for their bigotry, religiosity, or anti-intellectual orientation.
Trump Picasso Portrait Deemed Forgery!
by Mick Zano •
Paris, FR—Shortly after Trump’s unveiling a team of experts deemed the portrait “a complete fraud.” They were immediately suspicious of Donald Trump’s claim this was a portrait painted by Picasso himself. During a press conference, The Donald made several statements that raised questions about the painting’s authenticity. “Many years ago I commissioned Picasso to complete a self-portrait of myself. He did it, because the artists love me! They love me.”
Michigan Gov. Unveils Plan To Build Titanic Brita Flinter System
by Mick Zano •
Flint, MI—Two years ago the city of Flint, Michigan shifted to a more fiscally sound and sustainable water supply. Unfortunately lead has now completely contaminated the water supply as well as the people themselves. The Governor of Michigan, Rick Snyder, is now scrambling to fix the situation and minimize the health toll. At a town hall meeting, Governor Snyder proposed the construction of a giant Brita Tower. He explained, “I have found a way to make this happen. By getting Mexicans to build this thing, we can create this important filtration unit, lower taxes, and then permanently deport the illegal workers to Lansing. It’s win win win!”
Iran Deal: For “Team Building Exercise” Kerry Suggests Dismantling Live Thermonuclear Device
by Mick Zano •
Tehran, IR—Secretary of State John Kerry suggested a team building activity designed to either build ties between Iranian and U.S. Diplomats or atomize them. The two teams split into mixed groups tasked with disarming a live nuclear warhead within the allotted time frame. Secretary Kerry told The Discord, “Most such meetings require an ice breaking exercise, but this situation required an advanced course, something that would break much more than just ice. Oh, and when I suggested we ‘split’ into two atom bomb dismantling groups, I emphasized ‘split’, get it? Get it? But no one got it. I blame the translators. My other jokes didn’t land either, but the rest of the exercise far exceeding expectations, or you would have read about it in the paper.”
Hundreds Of Syrian Immigrants Succumb To Harsh Canadian Winter
by Mick Zano •
Ottawa—Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudaeu announced today as many as 40% of the recently relocated Syrian refugees have already frozen to death. The challenge of transitioning individuals from a desert region to the great white north has proven too great for many. The Prime Minister was saddened, yet confused by the news: “We gave every one of them free season tickets to the nearest ice rink as well as all the Canadian Ice beer they could drink,” said Trudeau, “I don’t know why so many died of exposure, between periods, right by the snack bar. The real tragedy is how most of them missed what turned out to be a fantastic overtime.”
Let’s Start With Something I Appreciated About Your Last Post, Pokey: The Length
by Mick Zano •
Over the years I have been hard on all forms of fundamentalism, regardless of the particular brand. So, Mr. McDooris, I see your “the Qur’an was revealed to Muhammad” myth and raise you a “burning Bush” one (which, incidentally, should have happened due to his war crimes). Whereas I expect more from our own, you expect less and less. I guess that’s one way to never be disappointed. Blessed are the oblique? Your reasons for Trump’s ascendance are absurd. You have failed to acknowledge the fact your party is a clown car. Can’t we at least agree on that? Oh, but I did enjoy the length of your last submission. Being wrong, yet concise is a rare gift.
