“I am so embarrassed about this. Those tattoos on my shoulder are Henna, mom. Honest!”
North Korea Warns South Park And Springfield In Reach Of Hydrogen Bomb
by Mick Zano •
N. Korea—The Glorious Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, announced today his country has a bomb capable of annihilating several American fictional cities. Jong Un stated, “We can now take out Springfield, South Park, and Toon Town with impunity. Our delivery range and new missile system is vastly improved over the Limp Dong I and the Limp Dong (and explodes on the rocket pad) II. Gotham and Metropolis are also now at our mercy. We have watched your Avengers closely and we are prepared for any counterattack from Iron Man and his minions. My country has also not ruled out striking Narnia, Middle-Earth and the Kingdoms of Westoros. Although, I may hold off on Westoros until we find out if Jon is okay. Spoiler alert! In short, my country can blow a place like Bedrock back to the stone age!”
The General who attempted to correct Jong Un on his Flintstone faux pas was simultaneously set on fire and shot (first offense).
GOP Establishment Working Frantically To Pull Head Out Of Own Ass
by Mick Zano •
Having the establishment try to pull its head out of its own ass isn’t pretty. It’s kind of like watching Wolverine put in a contact lens, drunk. Liberals are now on the warpath and tearing up Trump rallies. Hopefully riot injuries are covered under Obamacare. Whereas I can’t condone this behavior, the score is still not “even”. Republicans have a problem with comparisons. If our worst behaved liberal citizens are on par with your presidential nominations, you’re still on the short end of the schtick. To put this into war terminology, I tend to point out the horrible actions of General Ass-Clown, while conservatives tend to highlight the behaviors of Cannon Fodder Fred. The intentions of some poorly behaved hoodlums in Chicago do not trump Trump, or any of your other not-ready-for-prime-time candidates. If libs nominated one of the violent rally hoodlums for the position of President, then it would be even. We creep what we sow. So stop planting Trumpquats!
Trump Campaign Creates Rally Signage To Alleviate Future Misunderstandings
by Mick Zano •
Jerry Springer’s Publicist Denying Discord Allegations
by Mick Zano •
Chicago, Il—Jerry Springer’s publicist, Linda Shafran, is refuting a recent Daily Discord feature. She claims her client was on business in California on March 11th and not, as The Discord feature suggests, in attendance at the infamous Chicago Trump rally. She also added the person in the above image “only looks a tiny bit like Jerry.”
The Discord staff would like to ask, which above image? One is clearly Mr. Springer. Why so quick to come to his defense? We didn’t actually believe your client was at this event, until now. How do you explain the above Photoshopped image of your client battered and bruised? Is Mr. Springer going to address Mr. Trump’s fictional criticism? Your comments raise more questions than they answer, which is fairly typical.
Click to read her full comment.
Trumpghazi? Chicago Rally Attacks Were Planned, Not The Spontaneous Protest Of A Hateful Ass-Clown
by Mick Zano •
Trump Tower—The Donald told reporters today the events at last night’s Trump rally in Chicago were planned and coordinated attacks. He believes they were not, as Hillary Clinton maintains, a spontaneous demonstration carried out by random progressive protestors. Trump believes this attack was anything but random. Trump said, “Chicago has become a vacuum of power under the Obama Administration. As a result, Illinois has become a failed state. Not to mention I hate the way they spell it. It’s weird. It’s weird. Chicago and its surrounding communities have become an ideal breeding ground for what I call progressive progressiveness. Why won’t Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama call Illinois what it is? It’s a poorly spelled, failed state. Their gross incompetence has helped to create Irrational-Shitty-Idiotic-Liberals (ISIL).”
Springer’s Inaction At Trump Rally A Blow To Chi-Town’s Credibility
by Mick Zano •
Chicago, Il—Last night Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump canceled his Chicago rally due to safety concerns. Trump was not happy with the number of protestors in the audience. The Chicago Police Department insisted they had a sufficient ratio of batons to black skulls and encouraged Trump to proceed with the event and antagonize minorities as he saw fit. After Trump canceled the rally, the ensuing chaos left the people of Chicago confused and disappointed. This iconic image captures the inaction of Chicago TV personality, Jerry Springer, not stopping a gentleman from damaging an article of Trump property (made in China).
Creepy Evangelical Snake Oil Salesman GOP’s Last Hope Of Defeating Megalomaniacal Ass-Clown
by Mick Zano •
Glenn Beck Headquarters—Deep in the heart of an undisclosed Denny’s, Glenn Beck and the rest of the League of Extra Ordinary Gentlemen assembled in a last ditch effort to save the Republican party. The Discord’s own field reporter, Cokie McGrath, was able to gain entrance to this clandestine group before the breakfast specials ended. Glenn Beck called for order by banging a ketchup bottle on the end of the table before addressing a small booth filled with Governor Rick Perry, the late Mathew Breitbart, and either ZZ-Top or three of the members of Duck Dynasty. Some had pitchforks others held lit torches. The waitress was pissed. This secret Ted-Cruz-admiration-society vowed to do everything in its power to keep the current GOP frontrunner from becoming the nominee. Shouts of “kill the monster!” abounded.
