Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Live Ammo Snipe Hunt Ends Badly

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South Fork, MO—Cooter and Reeves had some city folks in town for the weekend, so they decided to round up the gang for the traditional Snipe Hunt initiation. As a result one person remains in cynical condition today after what many are calling a prank gone horribly hick. Snipe hunting enthusiasts insist tens of thousands of snipe hunting expeditions have ended without incident, but data to back these claims are lacking. Officials report the pair are facing a list of charges including, reckless endangerment, bootlegging moonshine, and hunting for snipe out of season. Meanwhile, officials have yet to clarify if the weapon at the heart of the investigation was a sniper rifle or a regular rifle used to hunt snipe.

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Drunk Teenager Falls Into Seal Den: 17 Cuddly Seals Gunned Down By Zoo-Keeper Extremists

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Cleveland, OH—High school sophomore, Josh Milgram, drank three Mad Dog 20/20s during a class field trip and decided he wanted to walk along the railing at the Cleveland Zoo’s seal enclosure. Within a few yards he fell face-first onto some rocks, directly amongst a family of ravenous seals. Mr. Milgram brandished his corn dog and began making what witnesses claim was a poor attempt at a light-saber sound effect. As the youngster started swinging his corn-dog saber the seals became restless and started barking their protests. This is when zoo officials acted and the seals were all gunned down in a hail of bullets.

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I Don’t Think Republicans Could See A Train Coming If Snidely Whiplash Tied Them To The Tracks In Front Of One

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twinkieOfLibertyHostessHere’s Pokey’s last article, dissected into tiny segments of wrongness for your enjoyment. And, yes, it will be humorous or my name isn’t Mick Zano …and it isn’t. When conservatives accidentally stumble upon the truth they always seem to claim ownership—not like scholars and gentlemen, more like cats. We can link back to who said what first, Pokey! Didn’t we have you neutered? Try utilizing the search button at the top of the website. Uh oh… I just thought of that scene from the end of Planet of the Apes:

 

Dr. Zira: What will he find out there, doctor?

Dr. Zaius: His destiny… (shudder).

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Hundreds Of Republican Superdelegates Beach Themselves Ahead Of RNC Convention

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Baja, MX—For reasons yet to be determined a massive school of Republican superdelegates beached themselves along the Baja coast earlier today. Some theorize the burden of backing Donald Trump at the Republican National Convention was simply too much for many to bear. Today’s events throw doubt as to the relative health and competence of the Grand Old Party and it raises existential questions, such as: if you tack too far right will you eventually come to water? Theories about the deaths range from a Trump suicide pact to a synchronized swimming event gone horribly wrong.

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Sanders Hires Therapist To Treat Worsening Campaign Addiction

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010716-roseann-bernie-bus-05The Sanders Campaign realizes they’re mathematically toast, but Bernie is insisting his zombie campaign continues to stagger aimlessly around the country in search of more young brains. Sanders told reporters today, “Remember those walkers from the Walking Dead? This is nothing like that. It’s a terrible analogy.” Some of Bernie’s closest advisors are admitting he really enjoys getting 27 dollars from people all over the country, so he can travel around with his wife on what he is calling a “second rallymoon”. Senator Sanders told the Discord today, “What I think we need to do is this: I will end the campaign today, if the American people promise to keep sending me more money anyway. That is a good compromise. Unlimited continued funding would be a future I can believe in.”

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