Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Trump Now Calling His ‘Obama Founder of ISIS’ Comment ‘A Pun’

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Youngstown, OH—During a key foreign policy speech this week, presumptive republican nominee Donald Trump referred to the sitting president as the “founder of ISIS”. Initially Mr. Trump defended his statement as did many prominent republicans familiar with the delusional arts. The Donald then changed tact by downgrading his remarks to a form of sarcasm. When it was explained how sarcasm implies wit or irony and that his statement was neither, Mr. Trump replied, “I meant a pun. It’s a Yuuge pun! Or what’s it called when a word is spelled the same way backward?” Mr. Trump was then explained that the palindrome for ISIS is SISI, which is not particular funny and somewhat plagiaristic.

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Driving Miss Crazy: Will Trump Trigger GOP Reform Or Is This An Extinction Level Event?

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lochtrumpML
Sorry Republicans, but the DNC was a fairly impressive display. It delivered what the RNC never could, complete sentences. It was a shame how Putin and friends stole the libs mojo right before Act 1. Cossack Thunder? Oh, and I saw my first Hillary bumper sticker the other day! It was on the back of a limo, followed by a fleet of other limos …in Philadelphia …during the convention. Well, at least Hillary is ready for Hillary. One down, 57 million to go! I’d say she has two votes in the bag, but Bill always cheats when you leave him alone for five minutes. Proposition 69? If The GOP continues to get worse at math, maybe she can win the presidency with fewer electoral college votes. We’ll just tell Donald it’s like golf, the lowest score wins. No matter what happens in November, I remain proud of our current President. I know a lot of folks will be glad to see the Obamas go, but eventually you will come to realize how the highest office in the land demands a thoughtful/intelligent person. Kidding, Republicans are to realization as Cthulhu is to mindfulness.

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Beach Closed After Sharks Found Feeding Off Carcass of Republican Party

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 GOPbreachclosingML
Laguna Beach, CA—The republican party became stranded in shallow waters earlier today and was quickly surrounded by sharks and devoured. Witnesses claim the political party became confused and seemed disoriented. One witnesses states, “The GOP was babbling to itself and then blundered into the water, while shouting obscenities directed at a flock of seagulls.” The 80s band Flock of Seagulls, best known for the song I ran, was unavailable for comment.

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Republicans Fondly Recount That 24 Hr Period When Trump Didn’t Say Anything Really Stupid

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It seemed like only yesterday Trump was on point, because, well, it was only yesterday. The day before this gaffe-free-anomaly he was attacking babies and doubling-down on his criticism of the father of a fallen soldier. Today, back on course, Trump called for the assassination of his political opponent. No wonder he’s so fond of Putin. If they ever got married how would they pull off a reception with both KGB and KKK in attendance? Luckily Putin is staunchly homophobic and probably has his male lovers killed. Hey, but maybe if this doesn’t work out they can still be poison pen pals?

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Dear GOP, It’s Just Dissonance Now: Cognitive Dissonance Implies Thought

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trumpmaxLet’s downgrade all Republican cognitive thought distortions to simply distortions as cognition has little to do with it. Today’s GOP is so far from the truth even Fox Mulder is like, “Damn, that’s some crazy conspiracy shit.” The closest they ever get to reality is the coveted half-truth. The half-truth is out there? The nonsense espoused at the recent RNC is proof that logic no longer has a place amidst this Angry Mob of Misinformed ‘Muricans. AMMM radio?

Sure the GOP would argue its relevance, but if you are still processing information accurately then how come you’re always wrong?  ….or, more accurately, wronger? Vote for the tyrant for freedom! End taxes to pay down the deficit! No safety net for wellbeing! No unions for the worker! Unnecessary wars to victory! No regs for the rapture! With this approach to reality, how are we ever going to pay for Herr Trump’s annexation of Canada? Wait… I think what the GOP is doing might actually be a form of thought, just the opposite. Noruens? How about contra-cognitions? …no? Reverse politistalsis?

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Trump Threatening To Pull Japan’s Defense: “Except During A Godzilla Thing”

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hqdefaultNew York, NY—Donald J. Trump is once again defending his controversial comments today. During an interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace, Mr. Trump attempted to defend his earlier comments regarding the U.S.’s ongoing defense of our NATO allies. “Take Japan,” said Trump. “I used to be in the protection racquet and you pay for that. Everyone pays for that. Back in school you were protected in exchange for your lunch money, but for a whole country the price goes up. I admit we should help in the case of a Godzilla thing. That’s more of a humanitarian crisis. We do have to ask ourselves, though, why does Godzilla only attack Tokyo? It’s their capital. That overgrown GEICO spokesperson is trying to tell us something. What did the Japanese do to piss him off? Godzilla is not going to take any crap. There’s no crap with Godzilla, which is why there’s a place for him in my cabinet. It’s a big cabinet, gold-plated too. Maybe Japan needs to be a little more like Godzilla and a little less like those other monsters always getting their asses kicked. Japan is the loser monster and rules are rules. And the rules are the loser monster has to give me their lunch money.”

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