Cleveland, OH—Trump supporter, Benjamin Meanie, is angry with the quality of the graffiti turning up on the buildings and vehicles in his city. He vows to roam the streets correcting the spelling, grammar, and even the content of any and all pro-Trump vandalism. “I support all the bigotry and hatred, but I still long for a day when our movement is not associated with ignorance. I will review all of the graffiti in my town and beyond, in the hope of eventually creating a single clear message of HATE. How can we ever get anywhere with: Hung All The Neggers! It implies our work is already done. And what exactly is a Negger anyway? We need to get our message honed and focused to laser sharp precision, before laser-targeting the chests of minorities.”
President Ass-Clown Hitler To Name First Internment Camp Trumpschwitz
by Mick Zano •
Bundy Gang To Head Government Off At The Pass & Stand With The Sioux
by Mick Zano •
Trump’s Chief Strategist Implicated As Man Behind Creepy Clown Phenomenon
by Mick Zano •
Trump Tower—A drunk Stephen Bannon reported for work today, having neglected to take off some of his costume from the previous night. Mr. Bannon’s unpredictable behavior as Trump’s new chief-strategist has sent shockwaves across the internet. Many are implicating Bannon as the force behind the creepy clown phenomenon. President-elect Ass-Clown Hitler told reporters, “Bannon is a creep and he is a clown, but that’s as far as it goes. He’s not, nor has he ever been, a creepy clown at the same time. Let’s get one thing straight, no one I am going to hire is going to be able to multitask. I get a lot of crap about not being inclusive. I like clowns. In fact, I plan to fill the White House with them. This is me being inclusive. There’s plenty of room in the GOP tent for clowns. Just as long as whatever is under all that face paint is white.”
Trump To Tour Arkham Asylum To Vet Potential Cabinet Members
by Mick Zano •
Gotham City—The nation watches in anticipation as the president-elect, Donald Trump, vets key members of his future administration. He has chosen to shift the focus of his search to Arkham, an infamous Asylum for the criminally insane. Will his cabinet include Sarah Palin, Chris Christie, Newt Gingrich, or the Penguin? Dr. Jonathan Crane, aka The Scarecrow, will be conducting Tuesday’s tour of the facility and grounds. “He should think outside the isolation room for this one,” said Dr. Crane. “I hope he considers some of the lesser known talent, hidden away deep in the bowels of this important institution. Either Atomic-Man or the Electrocutioner would be well-suited to head the Department of Energy, and both of them have pending parole hearings. Two-Face would make the perfect Secretary of State and Mr. Freeze could single handedly combat global warming, well, if you believe in that sort of thing.”
New Compelling Wonder Twins Theory Emerges To Explain Shocking Election Results
by Mick Zano •
Zuul The Gatekeeper Set To Transform Trump Into Gozer The Gozerian On Inaugration Day
by Mick Zano •
Sumer—The ancient Sumerian god, Gozer the Gozerian, is in the news again today after appearing on a rooftop building in the Big Apple. This malevolent deity known by many names, such as The Traveler, The Destructor and Sonny, is set to destroy the planet on January 20th. Zuul the Gatekeeper, and Vince Clortho, the Key Master, arrived ahead of Gozer in the shape of giant hounds. The Gozerian then asked a representative of mankind, in this case a Republican from Queens, how he would like the world to end. The god was reportedly as “surprised as anyone” that a New Yorker chose the form of Donald Trump for this grim task.
People Are Looking For Answers When This Is More Of A Summary
by Mick Zano •
Meet The New Dick ……………..Cheney
by Mick Zano •
Michael Pence is someone who’s been on the edge of my radar for a long time. This man is evil. His positions have always been a little too fire-and-brimstone for my tastes. There was a time when such beliefs were at the cutting edge of mankind’s collective consciousness …you know, like a thousand years ago. So what can we expect from the VP-elect? Lots of scandals, great scandals. The best scandals! Whereas Cheney was more of a Bond villain criminal-mastermind type, Pence will be more of the evangelical, holy warrior dropped-on-his-head-as-a-child-by-God type. Keep in mind, this group has a considerably lower IQ than the Bushies. Roll that around in your mouth for while. Actually, don’t do that. That’s probably how Ebola started.
