CIA Warns Trump About Disparaging The Intelligence Community: “Remember What We Did To Kennedy”
by Mick Zano •
CIA Headquarters—CIA director John Brennan took offense to Trump’s recent comment comparing the U.S. intelligence community to Nazi Germany. He warned the President-elect, “The CIA is not going to put up with your bullshit, mister. Someone had the same little chat with JFK.” He then called the recent disparaging remarks aimed at the intelligence community as “bigly dumb” and “wanktankerous”. The CIA Director then later admitted he made up the last word at a bar, during happy hour, at his favorite pub. Once sober, Brennan told the press his comments were still appropriate and later added, “Even the wanktankerous part.”
Ringling Bros. Closing Its Doors Forever: “Sorry, Folks, The Circus Is Moving Into The White House”
by Mick Zano •
Oz—After much ado about show biz, the oldest and most famous circus of all time will end all performances in May of 2017. Chairman and CEO Kenneth Feld explains, “I made the difficult business decision that Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus cannot continue under a Trump Administration. We have elephants, they are elephants. We have clowns, they are clowns. We can’t balance our budget anymore, and they never could, yada yada. Granted Republicans are a little more akin to a theater of the bizarre, but this industry has become like mass-producing those hobo-clown collectibles, sad and redundant.”
Breaking: FBI Director James Comey Colluded With Hillary Clinton On Benghazi From Kenya!
by Mick Zano •
Hear Ye, Hear Ye: Let The Coronation Of King Ass-Clown Hitler Commence …Bigly
by Mick Zano •
This goes for the Democratic Congress as well! Big Discord is watching.A Doddering Biden Accidentally Reveals Executive Branch Puppets To Alien Overlords
by Mick Zano •
Washington, DC—Vice President Joe Biden spilled the beans earlier today on a galactic scale. UFOlogists have waited a long time for the government’s full extraterrestrial disclosure. What happened today was both validating and terrifying for UFO enthusiasts across the globe. A reporter from The Daily Discord asked the Vice President, “If our system of checks and balances do fail under Trump, is there any stopping him?” Biden responded, “Look, if Trump screws up bad enough I have no doubt that the Galacian High Council will intervene, with ray guns and shit.”
As I’m Stepping Into The TwiRight Zone
by Mick Zano •
The incoming administration will thrust our nation into one of the darker corners of The TwiRight Zone. The historical two punch resembles bookends: on one side we have 9/11, or more accurately our piss poor reaction to it, and on the other we have President Donald J. Trump. This election hit me harder than 9/11 as The Donald personifies our nation’s ideological, educational and developmental deficiencies. The Underachievables? Post 9/11, we watched W. gut our foreign policy safeguards, suspend habeas corpus, torture some folks, and then created the Orwellianesque NSA and drone program we enjoy today. Thoughtful discretion ruled for the last eight years, but now we are handing these expanded powers to a man child with an even more expanded ego. The Donald aims to finish what Incurious George started, so check please! And balances please! Kidding, those will become harder to find than a water filter in Flint, Michigan under Trump’s new EPA pick. David Frum and others believe our Constitutional firewalls will hold. They are wrong. Trump will rule like a strong man, well, a strong man with a brain-eating bacteria. Trumptofuccus? Somewhere President Samuel Adams is rolling over in his brewery.
Ghosts Of Our Founding Fathers Embark For England
by Mick Zano •
Plymouth, MA—Much to the relief of our Founding Fathers, the ghost of King George III has graciously accepted their spirits back into the bosom of mother England. The group hopes to reach the Cardiff shipyards before the inauguration of Donald J. Trump on January 19th. The group’s initial request for soul citizenship in 2004 was denied, but now the ghost of King George has had a change of heart. The King released a statement today. “Having those sniveling upstarts come crawling back kind of eases the blow of the whole Brexit thing. We’re going to make them haunt the Duchess of York, and that British wanker in charge of the Deepwater Horizon.”
The agenda for day two involves peasant skeet shooting.
It Always Takes A Batman To Take Out A Joker