Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Trump Unveils Potential Border Wall Prototypes!

by Mick Zano • October 4, 2017

Tweet Tower—President Trump was all smiles today as he unveiled the three potential prototypes for his Great Wall of Stupid. The President told the press, “I call the one that looks like an old Bavarian-style castle, Wall Disney. It’s amazing! Amazing! But I really love the yuuge gold wall design, because, as Ivanka tells me, it will match all regions of the southwest, any season. If we choose that one, I’m using the same folks who installed my golden thrown over at Trump Tower. Great people. The third choice doesn’t look as pretty, but it’s a structure patterned after the wall on Skull Island, the one that kept out King Kong. So it’s bigly durable. I’m really in love with all of them and I look forward to the final selection and then the construction of said wall, by liberals, who will be forced to build this monstrosity. And the Mexicans will be paying for the liberals who will be building the wall …on weekends.”

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by Mick Zano • October 3, 2017

Tweet Tower—President Donald Trump is blaming his military Generals, not his related tweets, on the latest confusion that resulted in tons of hurricane relief supplies arriving in N. Korea and an armada of U.S. Navy warships being dispatched to Puerto Rico. Kim Jong Un was reportedly “as surprised as anyone” that four supply freighters filled with food, water and medical supplies arrived at the port of Chongjin for target practice. On a happier note, the Navy fleet sent to Puerto Rico has successfully taken the port of San Juan as well as the Hilton, the Sheraton, and the bar area of the Villa Herencia.

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by Mick Zano • October 2, 2017

Despite the ongoing collapse of conservative ‘thought’, each news cycle still brings a barrage of new and intriguing rightwing dimsights. At least Puerto Rico has a storm to blame for knocking it back 30 years, what’s the Republican party’s excuse? Today, as the Antarctic Pine Glacier retreats another 100 miles, the GOP’s brain capacity retreats another 100K neurons. Meanwhile, our President is mulling trade rules that could lead to tariffs on California solar, at the same time his crony, Rick ‘can’t-remember-all-three-things’ Perry, is bailing out coal and nuclear. The juxtaposition is astounding. This would be dumb twenty years ago, but today we have to invent a new word (luckily I have, later in the article).

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by Mick Zano • October 1, 2017

Washington—Soon after Tom Price was fired for his questionable use of a government airplane, the former director of Health and Human Services is back in the news today. This time he apparently charted a government plane to lug his family and his personal belongings from DC back to his home in Roswell, Georgia. Many pundits are calling the move ‘ballsy’, while others are employing terms more associated with the shaft of the male genitalia.

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by Mick Zano • September 29, 2017

Tweet Tower—President Trump is not afraid to use the bully pulpit to push his agenda, but will he soon be bullying the Gloroius Leader of North Korea, literally? The White House has confirmed the military is reviewing scenarios for carrying out both the Noogie and the Wedgie. When Defense Secretary General James Mattis was asked about deploying the Wet Willy or the dreaded Purple Nurple, he said, “As for North Korea, no options are off the table. If called to do so, our Special Forces can execute incredibly painful and long-lasting Purple Nurples. This is the stuff we train for.”

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by Mick Zano • September 28, 2017

It’s good to be the King.

by Mick Zano • September 27, 2017

Puerto Rico—Texans responded so well to the aftermath of hurricane Harvey that the White House is dispatching the same gutsy boat owners to deal with the impact of hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. President Trump told the press today that Houston residents are prepared to make the nearly 2,000 nautical-mile journey to the island of Puerto Rico in an effort to save lives. John Miller of Houston said, “We know this is a longer trip, but we also know we’re the only people up to the task. Granted, we’ll have to go through the Bermuda Triangle to get there, but we’ll all be packing heat. So if any of those aliens try something funny—and you know what I mean—we’ll teach ’em a thing or two about our Second Amendment rights. It might not be aliens, because I listen to Coast to Coast AM, but we’ll also be ready for sea monsters, vortexes, bigfoot, or whatever anomalous phenomenon is occurring in that region of the ocean. We are Texans, so by definition we got this shit.”

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by Mick Zano • September 26, 2017

Puerto Rico—After hurricane Maria ravaged the island of Puerto Rico last week, Donald Trump attempted to survey the damage done by the category-4 storm. Unfortunately his HHS Secretary, Tom Price, had already booked Air Force One for a foliage festival in New Hampshire that same weekend. Despite the travel setback, the President remained determined to do “something for the people of Puerto Rico.” Knowing he would not get any kind of a hurricane relief bill through his existing congress, the President resolved to drop tens of thousands of Trump University degrees from helicopters. “They are all just honorary degrees,” said Trump, “but they do afford the recipients all the same honors. Sadly.”

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by Mick Zano • September 25, 2017

by Mick Zano • September 24, 2017

There’s no indication that Fox News is tacking back toward sanity. A Laura Ingraham slot on primetime represents another doubling down on their conservative suckage. She’s the only Foxeteer arguably right of Hannity. Nothing should be right of Hannity, well, unless it has a shaved head and a Thor’s hammer tat. Don’t you realize if you make your viewers any less insightful they’re going to need 24-hour supervision? Oh, you’re already providing them that. Touche’. So it’s skewed Pew polls during the week and skewed church pews on Sunday. Skew Skewitt? It’s the perfect crime …against humanity. Meanwhile, today’s conservatism represents a pile of cultural, spiritual, and economic garbage. But please don’t tell your Republican friends that our taxes go toward garbage removal, or we’ll never be rid of them.

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