Moscow, RU—Only minutes after the White House announced they would not be attending September’s scheduled mini-summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin unfriended Barack Obama on Facebook. Only hours before the social site snub, Putin posted, “Some people act like my friends, but they’re really not my friends. You’ll know what I mean soon!”

The White House did not officially comment on the unfriending or Putin’s decision to change his profile picture to a pair of mocking ass cheeks, but, hours after Putin’s actions, Obama tweeted, “Someone, who we will call Glad-I’m-queer Poopin, thinks I care if we’re friends or not on Facebook! ROTFLMAO!!!!”

Many feel these two world leaders are simply blowing off some much needed steam, but others fear these social site shenanigans could escalate.

“Sure Putin and Obama have unfriended one another,” said the Discord’s Cokie McGrath, “but neither have yet to permanently block the other. Such an act could trigger a virtual cold war that may even shatter their LinkedIn partnership, which has implications for both of their future employment opportunities. Let’s pray these two at least keep sexting in private.”

Moscow—Vladimir Putin is drawing a line in the sandy Vaseline today. Gay people are not welcome in the upcoming Winter Olympics in Russia. “Any rainbows better be in the sky,” said Putin. “Sure my country is known as the great bear, but not that kind.”

Putin announced the freestyle skiing event will be changed to the KGB-style and Putin wants more gun fights during the biathlon. He then sited several James Bond movies for inspiration. “Oh, and I want to make it very clear, the biatholon pertains to combining guns and skiing; let me repeat that: guns and skiing.”

Many fear the male figure skaters will be under considerable scrutiny in 2014 as Putin added, “We are going to assume those guys have a little sugar in them.”

Putin also feels curling is gay and warned anyone caught curling will be subject to possible arrest. “I’m not too worried about the ice hockey teams, hell, I might even start for team Russia,” said Putin. “The male bobsleigh team, however, needs to remain at least three inches apart from one another at all times. If anyone looks aroused during their descent I will shoot them myself. Bunch of lugers. Hey, that’s pretty good.”