Cognitive distortions are prominent on both sides of today’s political aisles, but one side is accelerating in this area like a tachyon particle in a meth lab. This is today’s scheissgiest, as I like to call it. From a psychiatric standpoint, Republicans represent the full diagnostic spectrum. I’d suggest they drop their elephant symbol for the rainbow were it not already taken. GOP Pride? Yeah, they shouldn’t have any of that. The last of their pride should have already trickled-down Reagan’s economy. Trump’s popularity exposes more of the sickness on the right, but dare we hope he represents the final gacking up of that more stubborn mucus…you know, like at the end of some bad cold? Hey, just be thankful I didn’t go with my first analogy.
This Week’s Dumb Text Goes To …Zima
by Mick Zano •
North Korean Atomic Plume Linked To Un’s Introduction To Mexican Food
by Mick Zano •
Pyongyang, DPRK—The supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea announced today the successful detonation of an H-Bomb, the first such thermonuclear detonation in the country’s history. The U.S. Air Force immediately deployed a WC-135 Constant Phoenix aircraft as a radiation “sniffer” plane to test the properties of the radiation cloud created by the blast. The sniffer plane returned 90 minutes later holding its radar dome. Results of the analysis of the plume concluded it was comprised primarily of methane and Tapatio Salsa Picante, a popular Mexican hot sauce.
Obama Vows To Spend Last Days In Office Collecting Guns & Bibles
by Mick Zano •
Washington—President Obama announced today he is not going to have a typical lame duck last term. For his final year in office, the President plans to acquire as many guns and Holy Bibles for his “personal collection” as possible. Obama told reporters, “I want to do something good while I’m still in office because, let’s face it, nothing good has happened so far. Heh, heh. I’m calling it: Operation 2nd Testament.”
Senator John Q. Republican was quick to condemn the move. “This is a clear attack on religion as well as our 2nd Amendment rights. If that Muslim son-of-a-burka comes anywhere near my gun or my Bible, I am going all Old Testament on his black ass. ”
Obama Calls For Calm As Portlandia Dispatches Troops To Counter Militia
by Mick Zano •
Kidding….they’re just heading to Colorado on a road trip.Developing: Town Of Helmand May Fall To Taliban
by Mick Zano •
On a more positive note: Helmand is kind of a shit hole anyway.
* The above image may not actually be the Afghani town of Helmand.
The Discord’s Top 10 Dictatorial TV Shows Of All Time
by Mick Zano •
1. Despot Housewives
2. It’s Always Sunny in Damascus
3. Arrested Dismemberment
4. Breaking Vlad
5. My So Called Rights
Should Auld Retractions Be Forgot?
by Mick Zano •
Hundreds Of Syrian Immigrants Succumb To Harsh Canadian Winter
by Mick Zano •
Ottawa—Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudaeu announced today as many as 40% of the recently relocated Syrian refugees have already frozen to death. The challenge of transitioning individuals from a desert region to the great white north has proven too great for many. The Prime Minister was saddened, yet confused by the news: “We gave every one of them free season tickets to the nearest ice rink as well as all the Canadian Ice beer they could drink,” said Trudeau, “I don’t know why so many died of exposure, between periods, right by the snack bar. The real tragedy is how most of them missed what turned out to be a fantastic overtime.”
