Iran Deal: For “Team Building Exercise” Kerry Suggests Dismantling Live Thermonuclear Device
by Mick Zano •
Tehran, IR—Secretary of State John Kerry suggested a team building activity designed to either build ties between Iranian and U.S. Diplomats or atomize them. The two teams split into mixed groups tasked with disarming a live nuclear warhead within the allotted time frame. Secretary Kerry told The Discord, “Most such meetings require an ice breaking exercise, but this situation required an advanced course, something that would break much more than just ice. Oh, and when I suggested we ‘split’ into two atom bomb dismantling groups, I emphasized ‘split’, get it? Get it? But no one got it. I blame the translators. My other jokes didn’t land either, but the rest of the exercise far exceeding expectations, or you would have read about it in the paper.”
How Many Republicans Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? None, They Don’t Believe In Change
by Mick Zano •
I’m furious with the mainstream media, but probably not for the same reasons you are. How dare they let republicans rewrite history? How do you let these blatant falsehoods go unchallenged on your “news” shows? Even our debate moderators seem asleep at the switch. During the last undercard round, Carly Fiorina implied Obama “fired all the good generals, like David Petraeus.” Everyone who follows politics knows why General Petraeus left the military. Everyone. I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with Lewinski.
Alan Rickman, Best Known As The Voice For Marvin The Depressed Robot, Is Dead At 69
by Mick Zano •
New GOP Up & Comer Joins Growing List Of Down & Outers
by Mick Zano •
Crying Baby In Fourth Row Derails State Of The Union Address
by Mick Zano •
Washington—A child, who apparently wanted “walkies”, became a key distraction last night during President Obama’s 8th and final State of the Union Address. Initially the President tried to make light of the situation, but the growing disruption caused him to lose his train of thought several times and eventually his patience. The President initially tried to make several jokes, some which garnered laughs like, “That kid is more mouthy than my VP” to other more offensive comments, such as “This is why I’m pro-choice, people.”
Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina shouted, “You cry!” in what many are calling an encore performance for his “You lie!” moment during Obama’s 2009 SOTU address.
Mango Chipotle-gate? Bernie’s Beer Choice Brings Into Question His Entire Position Picking Prowess
by Mick Zano •
Screw Benghazi, this is the real scandal of our age. I haven’t written much about the Bernie Sanders’ phenomenon on this blog, but his imbibing a brew from one of my main hangouts demands a response. Historic Brewing, Bernie?! You’re on my turf now. There are reasons I would love to endorse the Bernster, but I also have some serious reservations. His questionable behavior at a recent Arizona beer festival has only increased my concerns about his candidacy. Not the commandeering of the Downtown Dawg vendor truck—that was The Discord gang—the other questionable behavior at a recent Arizona beer festival.