I live in a very red state. The move was quite volitional, kind of like when I pick at a scab, or order nuclear wings, or luge naked. Yes, I’m a luger, baby, like that song. It may just be a coincidence, but I can’t get MSNBC on the telly anymore. Lately my remote skips from CNN to Fox News. True story. I’m sure this has not been orchestrated by my Governor, Jan Brewer, as I have seen both my cable company and Mrs. Brewer in action, first hand, and neither of them could pull off something this sophisticated.

Please Suddenlink Cable, I need my liberal shelter from this imbecilic storm! OK, I don’t like MSNBC much either, but I tend to only groan now and again at the television as opposed to Fox, which triggers my Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). Oh wait, I get Fox News on multiple channels now. That’s helpful. Not! My IQ is dropping five points a week! I’m starting to grow an inexplicable appreciation for Bill O’Reilly and I can even make it all the way to the first commercial break on Hannity without the vomit bag. Mostly.

Have you been following the Republican debates? This particular Super PAC propagandic extravaganza makes the last days of Rome seem like The Garden Reiki Wellness Center (where the Ghetto Shaman and I spend our weekends hitting on enlightened chicks). To summarize events, Mitt Romney has not sipped sufficiently from the Cup of Stupid. Apparently, you must alienate everyone with a clue as well as every independent voter in the country to get “the nod.” It’s a nice vetting process, for those who wish to remain the minority.

The misinformed masses just won’t settle for someone who might secretly have a brain, so Enter the Santorum. The then PA Senator voted with George W. Bush on every issue. I lived in PA under his watch. I realize this period of time has been stripped from the memory banks of about 40% of our population. Should you be a Foxeteer, please ignore this last point and repeat the words: Obama is a socialist. Thank you.

For the rest of us, let’s review what George, and by proxy Rick, got right between 2001 to 2006:

1. Well, W’s first pitch at that ball game wasn’t bad, but we can’t really give any credit to Rick for that one.
2. Please see number one.

So….ZERO! Let’s do the recount…ZERO! Not sure what Santorum’s Senatorial record was like pre-2001, but it’s a safe assumption it involved sweater vests and important sweater-vest-related legislation.

I wasn’t feeling well the other day, so I abandoned my post at work and crawled into my favorite Archie Bunker chair. I can only claim this valuable piece of real estate when no one else is home, mind you, because as Dylan tells us The Times They Are a Changin’. If my boss happens to be reading this, I can assure you, my illness had absolutely nothing to do with Flagstaff’s recent Brew-Ha-Ha. Honest. I did not even attend that unsavory event, so please ignore my related post on the subject. Really, it’s just another strange coincidence, like that time when my monthly reports had that paper shredder mishap.

So, completely devoid of my Hannity-proof-harborage, I hesitantly turned on Fox News. This can’t really happen much in the evening anymore. When my daughter is home, she makes me turn it off by reminding me, “Dad, I’ve only ever heard you curse when you’re driving or watching Fox News.”

Even if the house is empty, like today, I can only watch Fox News until my heart monitor starts erratically beeping, then I need to switch to something more calming, like those Saw movies.

So for one hour, and one hour only, I turned on Herr Murdoch’s channel. This was the result:

Code blue: Zano’s living room…

No, it wasn’t that bad. I have learned a series of breathing techniques that allow me to lower my blood pressure between bouts of profanity. Wouldn’t you know it, Megyn Kelly is interviewing Liz Sith-Apprentice Cheney. Oh boy, returning to work was starting to sound pretty good. I reached for my Tums as a preemptive measure.

Here’s some of that magical Liz Cheney interview with my thoughts in parenthesis:

Liz on the State of the Union:

“To see a president stand up at a SOTU and act as though our prestige is at an all time high (yeah, your father made that impossible, didn’t he?). It’s not the first time he’s made such mistakes (to assume the Bush years are easily reversible is very insightful, if you’re a strain of bacteria). When you see that naivety combined with arrogance it’s really concerning (BIN LADEN, BITCH! Al-Qaeda dogs finally in their kennel!).”

Sorry, that was uncalled for. My apologies to Al-Qaeda.

Liz on the Arab Spring:

“They’ve (The Obama-Nation) had absolutely no strategy across the Arab World. Our response has been inadequate (what we really could use is just a couple more land wars in Asia to help your father’s Halliburton stocks, right?).

Come to think of it, if only Dick had been as smart as that fictional character Vizzini from The Princess Bride, this never would have happened.

Liz on Syria:

“This administration doesn’t have enough prestige to put together even a bare minimum coalition to condemn what’s happening in Syria (because of your father).”

This is kind of like burning down the only bar in town during a drunken blackout and then going to the press the next day and asking, “Why can’t our neighborhood even sustain an acceptable drinking establishment?”

You see, Liz, I remember waaay back in 2002 all those coercive tactics your father used to build a coalition to invade the wrong country under false premises. You don’t think that impacts our ability to coalition-build a mere few years later? Really? I know he’s your father, but the chances of him killing the Emperor to save Luke Skywalker is remote at best. And, lady, if you cared about the rule of law, at all, you would march your father to an airport and pick some civilized country as a destination, preferably one that would arrest him on the tarmac.

Then Megyn Kelly finishes her show with a completely erroneous summation of the situation in Iran. Well, it’s the same thing echoed in every other Fox show, so it remains a true story to those residing squarely in the neococoon. Basically to sum up Megyn’s “journalistic” segment, Obama’s doing nothing about Iran…and we are all in danger…and he’s weak…and we’re not going to back Israel because Obama’s is a Muslim, living in a madrassa, plotting the downfall of America through socialism. The usual.

I’m done. I’m shutting this shit off in favor of C-Span’s coverage of the latest Labor Relation Act for the vertically challenged. The unemployed are really falling short on this one.

Megyn, Megyn, Megyn. Admittedly, I don’t know what Obama is up to, but we will likely find out at some point how he outsmarted Iran, again, just like he outsmarts the Foxeteers each and every news cycle. Do I know how this will end? No. Is there a clear potential for something terrible to happen? Yep. And it was just as critical when Bush left office, but, luckily, Obama has an understanding of people, foreign policy, and nuance. Through a series of chemical and neural impulses firing within his frontal lobes, he can make something called informed decisions. This has been a problem with you and your candidates for a long, long time. Each election cycle the right is opting for people with less and less of these aforementioned chemical and neural messengers. Enter the Santorum!

Obama’s skills have thus far been light-years ahead of Incurious George’s, placing him well within the mediocre realms—a place the Foxeteers hope to reach someday with just the right amount of spin and Zyprexa.

A small dose of reality:

How we handle this Iranian scenario is absolutely critical. This is a monstrously delicate situation. In other words, let’s elect Gingrich! Obama is trying to avoid, for the moment, regime change and a full blown American Depression. He already sent a computer virus that pushed Iran’s uranium enrichment capabilities back at least a year or two (by even the most conservative estimates). And, Iran is undergoing the most sustained and painful sanctions ever put into place, which is why they are currently threatening to block shipping lanes. Our own foreign affairs minister and many other sources claim these sanctions are very coordinated and are having a greater impact than any previous attempt. Sooo, you just happened to leave those parts of the equation out, Megyn? That’s crap, like most things that come out of your mouth.

Fox News information is based on either lies, false assumptions, or my favorite, lies of omission. This is why reality never plays out quite the way the Foxeteer predicts. Their endless patriotic march from surprise to surprise to surprise must be very vexing. And then they have to work feverishly to create a whole slew of other false assumptions to explain their last round of false assumptions. They’ve done this so much and so effectively, they might be the first group to actually reach Zen through their own rectums. I believe the Ghetto Shaman refers to this phenomenon as a self-Nirvanaloscopy.

I need transcripts for Fox’s shows. It’s comical. I know, I know…you love America so much you want to crush it into a small congealed ball of stupid, but I just don’t want any part of it. The closest conservatives have come to being right about anything in recent years is our exploding deficit. They are so close to nailing this issue, they can smell it—except the whole being nearly dead wrong part. They didn’t care about deficits, at all, until every reputable economist in the country said, umm, if we don’t keep printing lots of funny money we’ll sink into a depression. So at that very moment when we couldn’t stop, is the same moment when they had this bright idea that deficits matter and to stop. Now on other issues…ummm, they haven’t fared quite as well.

I have been on this story for years, but recently Andrew Sullivan has picked up the torch. And he has an audience about million times mine. I know, I know, we should get a room, but he’s married.

“The Republican Establishment is Rush Limbaugh, Roger Ailes, Karl Rove, and their mainfold products, from Hannity to Levin. They rule on the talk radio airwaves and on the GOP’s own ‘news’ channel, Fox. They have never quite reconciled themselves to Romney since he represents a gray blur in a stark Manichean universe they have created for more than a decade now. In this universe, there is only black and white. There is only them and us. Anyone who diverges an iota from this schematic is speaking without a microphone in front of a revving airplane engine.”

—Andrew Sullivan

I usually give him all the credit, but this time I think he’s actually channeling me. Hey Fox News, you really want to humiliate Obama? Take a page from the Daily Discord:

Obama Humiliated by "Singing Frog" Sensation

This post isn’t actually for reading purposes; it’s just my version of blogular therapy. I’ve tried to make a few points in a few posts over a few pints, but reality is a tough nut to crack when you’re dealing with…er, nuts. The truth has little meaning in today’s discourse (or, Discord…). Modern conservatism, in particular, has its own truth, its own facts, and its own version of history. They’re no longer interested in debating events occurring in this dimensional plane of existence, unless it involves Snooki’s antics.

Review time: the Right still thinks, and always will, that all of the causes for our economic collapse occurred after the actual collapse (Obama’s fault), that all numbers and charts regarding the policies that brought us here are false (the Congressional Budget Office’s), and that our current Constitutional crisis was brought about, not by those who gutted the thing (R), but by those who failed to restore it (D). They invariably side with those who, by choice and policies, brought about our economic collapse (R) over those who failed to fix it (D).

Most disturbing, they fear above all else the onset of socialism, during the same time period when all of our wealth is funneling to about six people. They choose to Tea Party instead of Occupy. They have been on the wrong side of history on about every key issue of our time. They have made up their minds on so many subjects without looking at anything but their own doctored data, wrapped in ideology, and served with a side order of propaganda. Elephantitis? I am not a journalist, I’m a human Baier! (Sorry Bret).

As the last lights fade upon this reality, the Right has started to ask some hard questions like Is Obama in an Alternate Universe? Compared to you? Yep…and thank your God for that.

And it’s not just this ‘weakening of Fox News’ premise from my last post. The right needs to start policing itself properly. We have needed a stronger Conservative brand for a long time. The results are a Gingrich Administration. Hah!

There are some valid concerns on the Right, but their inherent inaccuracies cloud each and every issue. I have written multiple posts on the need for a legitimate conservative media source. You can find a couple of them here and here, and if you’re a real glutton for punishment, here.

I want to know the truth—just not their twisted, faulty, hateful version of it. Last week, Michael Savage, a man clearly sinking to Limbaugh levels, said, “This is the most corrupt, incompetent, dangerous tyrannical administration in American history.” Um, sir, where the f*%$ were you between 2000 and 2008? Why don’t you and the rest of your Savage Nation climb back under the rock? Don’t you read Zano? Obama is a B+ on foreign policy.

Today’s Fox News and Drudge mentality has so confounded, so inundated the discourse with crap that it’s really hard to filter out what’s important. One would think Obama has had hundreds of scandals at this point. I want to know what those are! Scandals need to be based on reality, like Jersey Shore. If the Fast & Furious thing pans out, Obama will still be about 427 behind his predecessor (which in your Universe was Bill Clinton).

I have said time and time again, I can’t focus on the left when some Republican is waging war on clean air, or clean water, or climate change data, or science, or evolution, or worker’s rights, or critical services, or Wiccan Drag Queens for Elvis (WDQEs). God, I love those guys, perhaps a bit too much…

You can’t enact into law the same things under Bush that you’re now railing against Obama about. It shows another keen ability to bend logic into a partisan pretzel (Auntie Anne’s Coulters?).

If you read my feature on a recent Facebook thread, these same people last week were spitting venom at Obama’s failure to roll back provisions of the Patriot Act. This time I remained silent. What’s the point at this point?

“Now Dumbama can pick you up off the street without due process and lock you up forever!”

–Foxeteer number 3, Facebook (last week)

Umm, that hasn’t been news since 2003. The sheer lack of understanding of the Foxeteers remains such a profound story that our ongoing economic collapse seems to almost pale in comparison. Someone else actually said later in this same thread “to arms! to arms!”

That’s impossible! Obama’s already pried them from your cold dead hands and he’s now sending someone over to detain your corpse, right now. Oh, and before they even plant you, he’s going to redistribute all of your accumulated wealth to poor black people. I believe that was his platform in 2008.

As for indefinitely detaining American citizens without due process, I showed some similar outrage when the Constitution was actually being dismantled, over eight years ago. How did you miss all of this? How can you all see reality in such a disingenuous way? Sure there’s some racism in there, as someone else commented later in the post how, “he’s getting away with this because he’s black.” So Bush got away with it because he’s black? I thought that was Bill Clinton.

You felt very safe when your Constitutional rights were being gutted—you even waved flags as you patriotically grabbed your ankles and took one for Uncle Sam—but okay, okay, I’m beating a dead elephant… In a nut shell, the Right is incapable of accurately critiquing a Democratic administration and they go the f^*& to sleep under a Republican one, which has worked out so well lately.

The Crank weighed in on the issue, “Obama just wiped his ass with what’s left of the Constitution.” I agree with this statement, but here’s the snag: Obama was put into a corner. If he rolled back provisions of the Patriot Act and we were successfully attacked by a terrorist group, could you imagine the outcries from the right and the left? And, of course, the subsequent Darth Cheney interview? Remember Cheney told Obama he’d “thank me someday for expanding executive power.” This is why I predicted in 2003 the Patriot Act would never be overturned. This is just more selective outrage generated by someone else’s agenda. Hey, it could be worse, Tea Peeps …you could actually be making up all this bullshit yourselves.

I just want the hacks on the Right to zip it long enough for people with some credibility and insight to tackle the issues of our day. Oh, that’s right, there aren’t any with credibility. Conservatives outside of the echo chamber have been banned from Fox News for a long time.

MSNBC is not policing the Obama Administration and the Right is so discredited, so full of shit, so partisan, you’ll likely lose the election even if unemployment climbs another 10%! I would turn to CNN, but I fall asleep almost immediately. CNN…proven more effective than Ambien in most clinical studies.

You just have to watch Fox or read the Drudge Report for their ‘scandal of the day’ mentality to see the stunning level of obfuscation. Let’s see, there’s:

1. The Obama’s ‘Holiday Card Picture Isn’t Christmassy enough’ scandal.
2. The Obama ‘Doesn’t Share Our Values’ scandal.
3. The Obama’s ‘Daring to Fund Alternative Energies as We Run Out of Oil’ scandal.
4. The Obama ‘Celebrated His Birthday this Year During a Recession’ scandal.
5. The Obama ‘Received Loans as a Foreign Student’ scandal (that’s this week’s, courtesy of Mike Shmuckabee).
6. The Obama is ‘On Vacation Again’ scandal.
7. The Obama ‘Spends His Nights Strangling Puppies’ scandal (admittedly, he shouldn’t do that.)

Your scandals are scandalous! Here are the other recent ones:

1. SOLYNDRA – if we had any sense we would find a way to save and fund places like this, but we don’t. The real scandal is this: we’re not funding green energies as oil supplies screech to a grinding halt, or as the Republicans call it ‘seizing the engines of freedom!’ I know, I know, the Canadian pipeline could have let us ignore the problem for another 30 to 40 seconds (hint: you’ve had 30 to 40 years).
2. Obamacare – I didn’t support this either, folks (it’s not the right time), but I at least understand how it will not end life as we know it (Bush already did that). Besides, how much worse could it be than a system with costs rising higher and faster than college tuition and Starbucks coffee combined?

Oh, and it looks like Greenwald checked out one of my recent posts. OK, maybe not, but more and more people are starting to take notice of some of my major beefs within the left-right political discourse:

“Worse still is the embrace of George W. Bush’s with-us-or-against-us mentality as the prism through which all political discussions are filtered. It’s literally impossible to discuss any of the candidates’ positions without having the simple-minded — who see all political issues exclusively as a Manichean struggle between the Big Bad Democrats and Good Kind Republicans or vice-versa — misapprehend ‘I agree with Candidate X’s position on Y’ as ‘I support Candidate X for President’ or ‘I disagree with Candidate X’s position on Y’ as ‘I oppose Candidate X for President.’ Even worse are the lying partisan enforcers who, like the Inquisitor Generals searching for any inkling of heresy, purposely distort any discrete praise for the Enemy as a general endorsement.”

—Glenn Greenwald

I wrote a recent article about this same point. Heck, even our own Crank had this to say on Facebook recently:

“Before voting, one should have to prove that one gets their news from more than one source. There aren’t any honest journalists anymore, and if you only listen to one side of any issue, it would be too dangerous to allow you to vote. Having an opinion today means a little work. If you are too busy or lazy to put in the time, you are not automatically entitled to an opinion. There are very dangerous people on both sides.” 

–The Crank

Well said, sir. But, as usual, Andrew Sullivan is the best at summoning things up:

“The idea that Obama is trying to create a European socialist entitlement-state in America is literally surreal. Again, we have a fantasy about what has happened these past three years, and an even greater fantasy about the eight years before that.”

—Andrew Sullivan, while live blogging the Republican debates.

Andrew, of course, is being assailed right now by Megyn Kelly for his recent Newsweek article Why are Obama’s Critics so Dumb? I can answer that question in two words, Fox News. Kelly won’t have Sullivan on her show, of course, and the misinformation giants have actually blurred out his name in her feature. God forbid some of her listeners go to his site and actually learn something from a knowledgeable Conservative. It’s time to turn off that shit, people, and, yep…more and more people are taking notice of the story within the story of our time.

Today this passes as journalism. Hah! I promise to stop harping on this issue when this “News Station” gets on something to control their collective delusions, Integrizex? Profactz? How about some Retractionol? When’s the last time they admitted a mistake? Oh right, that’s Un-American.

Many are mortified how well right wing radical, Stephen Colbert, is polling in the South Carolina Primary. He’s holding at 5%, polling considerably better than John Huntsman, who since stated, “I might as well join the f*^%ing Peace Corps.” Some feel this comedic surge may eventually shift Colbert into the position as the anti-Romney candidate. These same folks feel this eventuality could change life as we know it forever!

There was a recent post on CNN.com that addressed this Colbertian phenomenon and it was a funny article indeed. CNN is now boasting they’re the ‘Colbert No Nomination’ channel. I think, since this “journalist” never admitted he was joking, he’s fair game, so let’s begin:

“Simply put: Colbert must be stopped! He is an existential threat to our way of life and to the exceptional nature of our nation.”

— Dean Obeidallah CNN

Well said, sir! The Colbert demographic is an interesting one. His supporters are comprised of a Conservative amalgam, half of which are so disgusted with their own party they’d rather vote for a comedian in lieu of a legitimate candidate, and a second group so stupid they think Colbert is actually a Republican. These are two factions of our society so sinister that, were they to join forces, it would create a tsunami of neoconservative nonsense not seen since the last Republican debate. That’s my quote, not Dean’s. We are of one mind on this. Colbert could well capture the evangelical vote, because 1.) they are not happy with Mormons or any candidate from that “Cult”, and 2.) the best adjective that describes this faction of our society sounds very much like the word “Mormons”.

“I know some will dismiss the threat posed by Colbert — these apologists will defend him as ‘harmless’ or say he’s no more than ‘a charismatic speaker’ — but that is exactly what they said about Hitler.”

— Dean Obeidallah CNN

Yes, Hitler was a comedian too. As people were marched into the gas chambers, Hitler would often announce things over the loud speakers like, “Later hosens!” or “I shot a Jew in my pajamas this morning. How he got in my pajamas I don’t know.” But if the drummer missed one of the ba-dum-dums, he’d shoot them in the head. Hitler took comedy seriously; what else could possibly explain his moustache? A covert group known as Monty Python believed Hitler was actually trying to counter the creation of the funniest joke—a joke which proved lethal to all within earshot. The joke, now just a footnote of history, actually helped America and its allies win WWII. True story.

“In 1945 Peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in I950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.”

–Eric Idle

Dean also had this to say:

“Colbert has not been hiding his extreme views. Night after night (or four nights a week to be exact) Colbert has been spewing his venom. However, for some reason, the media have given him a free pass.”

It’s kind of like Ann Coulter, only he has admitted it’s a shtick, well, not in some many words, but it’s implied.

“And let’s not forget that Colbert admitted that he makes up facts to support his own political arguments, as he gleefully boasted once: ‘I can’t prove it, but I can say it.’”

— Dean Obeidallah CNN

Holy shit, maybe Colbert is ready for Fox News! While Fox News is ideology and opinion in the guise of a news station, Colbert is a comedian in the guise of a Republican. Now, CNN, infinitely complicating the matter, has a journalist posing as a comedian, posing as a journalist, condemning a comedian posing as a Republican. Some people might say I am further complicating things as a comedian, acting like a pseudo journalist, acting like a fool. But who the hell are you to tell me what to do? You’re not Winslow, so just piss off. You aren’t Winslow, are you? Because he’s kind of mean and grumpy lately (SOPA?).

Here’s some of Obeidallah’s other concerns with Colbert’s views:

On unemployment: “Suck it up, unemployed. It is your own damn fault that you don’t have a job … So stop scapegoating Wall Street.” Do we really want an American president who sides with Wall Street over workers?

—Herman Cain, er…I mean, Stephen Colbert

On Gays: “There is nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.”

—Rick Santorum, er…I mean Stephen Colbert

Immigration: “This is America. I don’t want my tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan, and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.”

—Michele Bachmann, er…I mean Stephen Colbert

When are Republicans going to get the joke, it’s them?

“Colbert has only two qualities I like: 1. He’s a friend of Jon Stewart and 2. He has good hair. Besides that, he is a danger to our Republic.”

— Dean Obeidallah CNN

That’s a good one, Dean. I would like to further lend support to Mr. Colbert by adding, he exudes truthiness and, in both polls and his comments, remains well within the margin of error.

And that’s tonight’s word.

The plan in Afghanistan, even under General Stanley McChrystal, was to reach out to the moderate brand of the Taliban and bring them back to the table. This has been the “the plan” since, umm, ever. So, we finally start to implement the thing and everyone goes ape shit? Attacking moderate and radical Muslims alike, as they represent approximately a third of the planet, is madness…or, as I like to call it, modern conservatism. This route will surely find us all committed to a Santorium somewhere. Sorry, Rick. Your turn.

This is where the Republicans need the likes of Christopher Hitchens on their side. Unfortunately, Hitchens always balked at any truce with the Taliban, but, at this point, most strategists are of one voice on this matter (which is two less than Michele Bachmann is hearing at any given time).

Here’s what Vice President Joe Biden said last week about the Taliban:

“The militant Islamist group only represents an inherent threat if it allows Al-Qaeda to strike at the U.S.”

And during an interview with Newsweek, Biden warned against “labeling the Taliban as an enemy.”

Oh, the horror. They’re couldn’t possibly be some good and some bad Taliban, given that it’s a major faction in Afghanistan. After all, we are team binary; good or evil; you’re with us or against us; Fox News talking point or Satan worship.

Even our generals on the ground have been talking about the need for a political solution for many many years. There is no ‘military only’ solution, period. Most have come to the realization moderate Taliban members must be approached…er, especially the ones who score me my shit.

“Western diplomats in Kabul said that even under the Bush administration, the United States had grown more receptive to the idea of talking to the Taliban.”

—Carlotta Gall, New York Times

Admittedly, most Middle Easterners are more tribal or fundamentalist than we’d like. Of course, most Conservatives are a little more tribal or fundamentalist than I would like, so deal. The Arab Spring will likely see a resurgence of Sharia Law, as the dictators we propped up fall to Islamic Brotherhood types. This is inevitable. These countries and their people need to grow up and that’s not going to be a pleasant process. But they have to do the growing—forcing their hand is a fool’s errand, or, as I call it, modern conservatism (it’s such a big tent these days, from the misinformed all the way to the sickeningly greedy).

Let’s see, setting up petty dictators failed, removing said dictators failed, occupying them failed, bombing them failed, and nation building failed…umm, let’s take a little pill from Ron Paul’s medicine cabinet, shall we? He’s in New Hampshire, so it’s probably unattended. Oh that’s right, he’s the one who’s nuts. Riiiiiigght. Less is more in these situations. So what does the right want to do? Hire Rick I-want-to-push-the red-button-already Santorum. Onward Christian soldier! Don’t even get me started. I lived in PA while the Rickster voted with George W. Bush 99% of the time…for his entire senatorial tenure! I think the one time he broke from Bush was the one time Bush was right about something. Now what was that again? Hmmm. I’ll have to get back to you.

Whereas I am all for continuing to attack those who pose a clear and present danger to America, I am not going to condone this broader stroke approach so prevalent in Foxsylvania. If we follow the hawk’s lead, it will once again end any chance for moderate thought to take hold (pretty much anywhere we intervene). When General McChrystal said, nearly a decade into the war, we have a presence in about 1 of 100 valleys in Afghanistan, umm, that should have been your first clue this mission was going to be Mission Tom Cruisable. It’s been about as effective as Alan Colmes trying to hook up at the Fox Christmas party—though it was priceless when Megyn Kelly stood up and slapped him in the face. Next time he’ll say Merry Christmas, not happy holidays, the heathen. That’ll learn em’.

Sorry, but a hundred year war will not go over horribly well with the American people or their bank accounts. But what could possibly go wrong trying to nation build in the Graveyard of Empires? What next, the Necropolis of Nations? The GOP, flat-lining our way to Freedom!

Even Bush understood this! Eventually, well…during his lucid moments, after his meds and before nap time. But Bush’s initial strategy in the Land of the Lost had the effect of driving any moderate Taliban factions underground. Where I believe they then formed a sinister alliance with the Morlocks and the CHUDs!

“Afraid of ‘death or Guantanamo,’ some moderates concluded they had no alternative but to return to Mullah Omar. With the war ongoing, he contends, the Taliban as expanded its original commitments to ‘sharia, security and territorial integrity,’ to encompass an international dimension including demands that the U.S. leave Saudi Arabia.”

—Guardian.co.uk, Thursday 2 December 2010

The Guardian doesn’t mention the CHUDs or the Morlocks, but they’re implied. Isn’t it amazing how you can deny the existence of something that you’ve chased to the brink of extinction? Speaking of which, beer in my fridge…what beer in my fridge?

“Reconcilees represent a silent majority in the Taliban who simply want to end the war, and had publicly accepted the constitution though they would favor amendments to enhance the constitutional role of Islam; — Negotiations, reconciliation and restoration of security can and should be followed by elections, and some ex-Taliban would like to be candidates. — Only when key moderates are removed from the 1267 List will they have the credibility needed to convince insurgents they can guarantee agreements they broker with Karzai or the international community.”

And, from the same UK summary of the war:

“The U.S. must identify who within the Taliban is moderate or amenable to dialogue, and work with them to seek peace and agree on how Afghanistan is to be governed.”

—Guardian.co.uk, Thursday 2 December 2010

Obama is going to reach out to moderate Muslims, because it’s the only strategy that has a prayer-rug of working, not to mention it’s the right thing to do. Santorum calls this line of reasoning treasonous, because it’s logical, cheaper, and more prone to generate results (aka, 0 for 3 for the GOP). Not many Republicans are likely to understand this approach, but this President has proven that doing the smart thing is much more effective than whatever the hell the right wants to do. He’s using Bush’s expansion of executive power effectively. I wish last week he’d rolled back provisions of the Patriot Act, but I knew he wouldn’t…no one likely ever will. This was predictable, er….which is why I predicted it back in 2008. And the Foxeteers all supported, because you’re such “patriots.”

The Discord, as usual, sums it up nicely:

2012: The Choice between Smart Unconstitutional Power, or Incompetent Unconstitutional Power

I have been generally silent on the war in Afghanistan, because I don’t know what the hell we’re going to accomplish over there and, frankly, never have. I am also very concerned about the distribution of opium for “personal reasons.” I have suggested a move to predator drones and an intelligence angle on the “War on Error” from the beginning. I always frowned upon nation building anywhere…but I do see why you thought occupying the Crypt of Countries was a swell idea. Those who wanted both land wars are the same people suggesting we continue with Bush’s failed economic policies. It’s the same people bitching the loudest about how broken our economy is. It’s the same people heading to New Hampshire right now on the short bus to Freedom!

It’s time, once again, for what many hail as the chart of the year:

It’s the Policies, Stupid

Funny how I have always blamed Democrats for about a third of the problem and, lo and behold, check out the graph again. It’s the two thirds—the choice part—that should bother us all. $5.07 trillion attributed to Bush’s policies and $1.44 attributed to Obama’s. Our current President’s only choice was “depression now” or “depression later.” This chart sums it up nicely, so you can distort the truth all you want by repeating the words Obama’s deficit and Obama’s spending, until the pundits come home, but that’s not the whole story—it’s a third of the story; the only third you’re permitted to comment on.

Could Obama have immediately stopped both wars? the Bush tax cuts? the unfunded Medicare drug supplemental program? It would have been nice, but then there’s that Republican “patriotic” opposition again.

As for the war, the hawks and neocons had over a decade to win Afghanistan, yet we’re so far from mission accomplished even Bush would hesitate to raise a banner. The double dip recession will get our troops home soon enough, but what a way to do it. This is one point where the late great Christopher Hitchens was wrong. This battle for a higher consciousness—his battle against totalitarian thought—blinded him to how best to bring about such a victory. The health of our economy is inexplicably linked to our security. We seem to be content on having neither.

As I have said all along, the war will be won or lost by the Muslim people themselves. If we’re not careful our actions will only exacerbate the situation. All the military interventions in the world are not going to help the situation (see Iraq), especially if one adds the words incompetently, or Republican President to the mix. There are so many other countries falling under the dark shadow of radical Islam that other non-military solutions must be doggedly pursued. We can help the people of each country grow, or we can foment hatred; the choice has never been clearer.

Nah, just kidding, let’s occupy, bomb, nation-build, and set up a petty dictator! Hooray for the hawks!

Santorum/Bachmann 2012

Blessed are the Nukes

Occasionally I have been wrong here on The Daily Discord. I know, I know, say it isn’t so Zano. But a few of my predictions have clearly gone astray.

I still believe, Sanjya!

Surely my biggest miscalculation involves the time frame for the double dip recession. But here’s one I’m taking back. My relatively small list of boo boos just got smaller. I did not support “The Surge” in Iraq. I felt, at the time, it only acted as a Bushian human shield, so he could quietly sneak away to go clear brush or conduct some other task more suitable to his relative skill set.

In an article for the Discord in 2008, I said, “the catastrophic decisions by Bush and company are swept away by the success of the surge, which equates to a billion dollar a week pause button in the endless clusterfuck that is the Iraq War.”

Back then, this “Surge” marked my only retraction and, likewise, the only bragging point on the Right. Soooo, if that becomes meaningless as Iraq deteriorates then what, exactly, have you been right about? Never mind, I don’t want to hear your version of history; it makes my ears bleed. As we leave Iraq, it seems the country is doing what many predicted, tanking right on cue. So what did this surge accomplish, exactly? …besides weaken our economy, of course. So, my fairly short wrong list just got shorter and the already staggeringly long Republican wrong list, well, I think it’s approaching Santa list length (SLL). Who’s been a naughty neocon?

I’m still waiting for a Foxeteer to cite something that, years later, has proven to be anything but dead wrong. It would be an interesting experiment in futility, or, in their case, a better life through revisionist history. Oh wait, they were against the bailouts and so was I. Uh oh, I sense another retraction in my future.

Christopher Hitchens was about the only person on the planet who could clearly explain the justification for the War on Terror and the necessity of the Iraq War—at least in any meaningful way (aka, he was never allowed on Fox News). These days anyone who can articulate their position is suspect. The day Hitchens’ passed, a collective gasp rifled through my friends and colleagues, many of whom did not even share his political views. The Hitch-22 is this, an irreplaceable rational voice was lost to us last week and our fight against totalitarian thought just became a much more arduous task without him.

Hitchens made a compelling argument for taking up arms in the war on Islamofascism. Although I am more dove than hawk, any given Hitchens’ article found me ready and willing to nuke the friggin’ Amish. There are scant few logical opposing views these days, and that’s a shame. The right, of course, will not grieve his loss. They look on any intellect with disdain and suspicion—after all, dumb is the new smart, which is working out so well for them. Besides, Hitchens was an atheist so why bother? He used to get thrown off  of  the Sean Hannity show regularly for making something that has no place in Hannity’s America…sense!

John McCain had the most stunning comment on the final withdrawal of troops from Iraq:

“Over 4,000 brave young Americans gave their lives in this conflict. I pray that their sacrifice is not in vain. I hope that their families will not mourn the day that their sons and daughters went out to fight for freedom for the Iraqi people. Unfortunately, it is clear that this decision of a complete pullout of United States troops from Iraq was dictated by politics, and not our national security interests. I believe that history will judge this president’s leadership with the scorn and disdain it deserves,”

– John McCain

And to think, we almost made this moron president. Sir, with all due respect, Obama was elected in part to get us the hell out of Iraq, which marks a rare moment of lucidity amongst the electorate. If we left now, or a hundred years from now, the Iraqis themselves have some things to sort out—messy things that involve mortars and martyrs (which, by the way, is also my favorite Iraqi game show; it’s almost as good as Wheel of Fatwa).

Here are two points for Senator McCognitive problems to ponder (the right can, of course, ignore both of them and jump right to my comment on socialism):

1. Obama followed Bush’s time line. Bush wanted oil and revenge, but realized at some point he needed to keep himself out of prison, so he shifted away from the policies of his sociopathic Vice President and set a time table for withdrawal. Yeah of history!…happy clap!
2. Obama tried to keep bases and a presence in Iraq, but we were asked politely to leave. The only way we could stay was if our troops agreed to obey Islamic Law. After forgetting to pay, I love having my hand chopped off leaving the local Iraqi Chucky Cheeses. That would have gone over so well with the military families, eh? Look, Iraq is a sovereign nation. Wasn’t that the point? What are you suggesting, sir? Here’s what I—as a behavioral health professional—am suggesting is your problem, Senator…it rhymes with cement-sha.

Shortly after he died, I caught Hitchens’ last interview with Richard Dawkins. These are two very bright people who share an enthusiasm for atheism, but otherwise come from very different disciplines. Hitch the journalist and Dawkins the scientist made for a fitting last interview. And what did they talk about? The very point I’ve been trying to make since long before the Discord’s inception:

DAWKINS: I’ve always been very suspicious of the left-right dimension in politics.

HITCHENS: Yes; it’s broken down with me.

DAWKINS: It’s astonishing how much traction the left-right continuum [has] . . . If you know what someone thinks about the death penalty or abortion, then you generally know what they think about everything else. But you clearly break that rule.

HITCHENS: I have one consistency, which is [being] against the totalitarian – on the left and on the right. The totalitarian, to me, is the enemy – the one that’s absolute, the one that wants control over the inside of your head, not just your actions and your taxes. And the origins of that are theocratic, obviously. The beginning of that is the idea that there is a supreme leader, or infallible pope, or a chief rabbi, or whatever, who can ventriloquise the divine and tell us what to do.

I’ll give you a hint which side of American politics has been more totalitarian in recent years. It rhymes with preservative. Speaking of which, do all preservatives suffer from cement-sha?

Hitchens represents one of our last gasps of independent thought. Only a few recognize the dangers of totalitarianism, this absolute all-or-none thinking so rampant in today’s politics. As Dawkins asserts, we shouldn’t know all of someone’s political views if, say, they happen to be in favor of gun control. But we do and therefore can predict, with a stunning accuracy, where they fall on every other issue from that point on. Why is this, you think? Well, you don’t think…that’s the point. Cable television does the thinking for you.

Where I would expand on the Dawkins Hitchens premise is this: religious zealots are not the only issue. Although the evangelical branch of the right is clearly problematic, fundamental thought is not only driven by the preachers but also by the pundits. Fox News, in particular, has had a staggering impact on the “real American” psyche. Are you wondering why you can’t find a candidate? The one’s you have must all drink from the Foxian Cup of Stupid. It’s why Ron Paul remains an outsider. Independent news died and what’s astounding is how quietly it scampered off. The blogosphere promised new views and new opportunities to hear endless voices on endless topics. Yet, here we are, listening to dumb and dumber, those talking heads on cable television—who you all magically agree with. It’s all variations of the same two voices, let’s call it KochSoros Syndrome.

As for our foreign policy blunders of the recent past, Ron Paul exposes all the Republican Party’s failings in this area, which is precisely why they despise him. As usual, The Dish master gets it:

A (Ron) Paul win in Iowa would completely discombobulate Fox News. That’s good enough reason in and of itself to vote for him. Any restoration of decent, intelligent conservatism must start with a weakening of (Roger) Ailes.

– Andrew Sullivan

True story…er, my story. Meanwhile, Republicans want Obama to go away, as if that will magically solve our problems. I’m afraid the global economy is in its death throes. Look, if Obama loses in 2012 that may or may not be a good thing for our country, but if tomorrow marked the last broadcast of Fox News? Now that would truly be a great day for America. If there were only more independent-minded conservatives like Andrew Sullivan, or even the late hawk Christopher Hitchens, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. Sullivan actually supported the Iraq War but at some point was struck with the realization that Bush was grossly incompetent. What a rare individual…and on the Right no less!

As the last people in the know leave this dimensional plane of existence, I can’t see this battle for a higher level of consciousness ending well. It reminds of a recent Onion article, Last American Who Knew What the Fuck He Was Doing Dies. As for hawkishness, Christopher Hitchens was clearly that man. He marked the only person who could explain your position on foreign policy in complete sentences. Well, I guess you still have The British are Irish Palin.

What strikes me as sad is this: the only people who did not even take notice of Hitchens’ passing are the very people who needed his voice the most.

The following was originally an 85-post comment thread. I rarely got a word in edgewise, but a few inconvenient facts ruffled some Foxeteer feathers, right on cue. What was really funny about this dialogue—which spanned three hours and completely interrupted my pornography download session—was the fact that I was the only non-Foxeteer in the virtual jungle. I am the reason this became an 85-post thread from hell. And I’d do it again…

The Facebook thread occurred on 12/3/11. The non-political posts and any and all identifying data were omitted to protect the misinformed. The “Not Z”s constitute about ficw or six peeps, all of one mind. The stuff in parenthesis is mine, added later. With near simultaneous posting at times, it was hard to keep the flow of the argument. The post started after Obama announced he was spending the next 17 days in Hawaii. This is just some highlights:

Not Z	Isn’t that precious? You go Mr. President, I’m sure there’s nothing in Washington, DC that just could just, you know, use a little elbow grease to get accomplished…I mean, it’s “just” the economy.
	2 hours ago Like  Unlike

Not Z	What really bothers me is the total lack of compassion and this isn’t just regarding Dumb-bama, it’s all of the politicians who are living high off the hog while citizens suffer through the current economic crisis. There are people who have lost their jobs, their homes and their belongings due to the economy. Have a heart!
	2 hours ago Like Unlike 3 Loading…

Mick Zano	actually, day for day, Obama’s taken the least amount of vacation for any president in recent history, but who’s counting? oh yeah, Fox News.
	2 hours ago Like Unlike

Not Z	…right now, our country is in trouble from within and he’s going to be busy doing the hula while the rest of our representatives go home as well. OWS should be occupying ODC “Occupy DC”.
	2 hours ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

Not Z	Actually I don’t care how much more or less any of them have taken. The fact remains that the timing is inappropriate.
	2 hours ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

Mick Zano	we need a third party and have for a long long time.
	about an hour ago Like Unlike

Not Z	Join the Libertarian party. I did.
	about an hour ago Like Unlike

(agreed, but the Ron Paul section, not the Michele Section-8 Bachmann one)

Not Z

I would have preferred that he stayed on vacation for the entire time he has been in office, the economy would be straightening itself out it would be painful but it wouldn’t be as prolonged as it is now, and you haven’t seen nothing yet…..My hope for change is that he is gone next year we can’t handle another 4 yrs of him, One last thing… to Barney Frank, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out! I wish we could keep him from getting his pension, it’s sad we have to pay one of the main causes of all of this for the rest of his life. His ass should be in a jail cell!

about an hour ago Unlike Like 1 Loading…

Mick Zano	…of course, the auto industry would have collapsed outright and we’d be in a full depression, but other than that i’m sure it would be swell.
	about an hour ago Unlike Like 1 Loading…

Not Z	Good UGH the bastard! Must be nice GRRRR
	53 minutes ago Like Unlike 2 Loading…

(even though this makes no sense and is directed at me, it’s my favorite post)

Not Z	Oh yeah… and that $528 million loan to a solar-panel company Solyndra…
	50 minutes ago Like Unlike 2 Loading…

(blah, bah, blah, scandal, scandal, scandal).

Not Z

Not to mention handing GM to the unions, and screwing the shareholders who had a stake in the company including Chrysler, plus shutting down private dealerships to go along with it. We lost money on GM and Chrysler we took a hit on the shares when they were sold. GM and Chrysler could have filed bankruptcy and reorganized, cut the union stranglehold. Instead they ran with hat in hand to the government.

46 minutes ago Like Unlike 2 Loading…

Not Z	Who’s bailing out the citizens of our country. The MEAT and bones of this country? The auto industry isn’t the USA. The citizens are. People have lost their jobs, their homes, their belongings. The auto industry was losing their asses to foreign countries who built better products. So be it.
	44 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

(I agree wholeheartedly with that statement, but if you think the Republicans are the answer, ummm, good luck with that.)

Not Z	Some people will simply never admit that Obama was a mistake. He was voted into office because people thought they were making history. That’s not a reason to vote for anyone.
	42 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

Not Z	Biggest mistake besides Carter.
	39 minutes ago Like Unlike 2 Loading…

(the Obama/Carter comparison goes on for some time. They’re forgetting that Bush was the biggest mistake since Buchanan. Sorry, I’m switching back to porn.)

Not Z	I am an independent, but there will be all R’s on my ballot next year, I will never vote for a democrat again until this party is purged of the liberal progressives that are destroying it, it is not the party that our parents and grandparents used to know.
	35 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

(And the Republicans are still the party of fiscal sanity? Please. Independent means capable of independent thought. Hint: thus far you haven’t had any.)

Mick Zano	the economy ended in november of 2008, i believe obama was a senator then. sorry you’re all just getting the message now.
	34 minutes ago Unlike Like 1 Loading…

Not Z	Ah-hem, which party had control of congress in 2008? Yeah.
	32 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

(Much cheers and accolades for that one.)

Not Z	You beat me to it, girlfriend, Democrats had the house, Senate, and presidency for 2 yrs, instead of helping of fixing things they pushed a health care law no one wanted, and is unconstitutional, oh remember this……
	27 minutes ago Like Unlike 2 Loading…

(So Obamacare was pushed pre-Obama?)

Not Z	We’d better watch what we say on here. The latest bill passed that allows the military to arrest and detain US citizens indefinitely.
	26 minutes ago Like Unlike

Mick Zano	actually, the congressional budget office states the biggest deficit creators were 1) the bush tax cuts and 2) iraq (why?) and Afghanistan, and then 3) fannie and freddie
	21 minutes ago Unlike Like 1 Loading…

(Oh, and that bill you mentioned is called the Patriot Act and it passed under Bush.)

Not Z	Oh… well that’s settled. If the congressional budget office says it’s so… I’d be more likely to believe the credibility in a report from the National Enquirer
	58 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

Not Z	Tax cuts are only a deficit if there is no control on spending, If I take a pay cut at work i’m not going to go out and buy a crap load of stuff I can’t afford, same for the government, entitlements are killing us, look at europe, it’s our future if we don’t stop spending
	55 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

Not Z	It is a proven fact that the government makes more money when taxes are low, there is more investment, more spending, you keep taking away from the people who create the jobs they stop investing and hiring and spending
	54 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

(when anyone on the right says ‘proven fact’ take notice. It would seem to make sense value but a comprehensive look at global economies by Annie Lowery at Slate Magazine found no such correlation. For a recent example, look at growth under tax-happy Clinton vs no-taxes-no-jobs Bush. Always remember, Fox News is based on false assumptions. Then they simply focus on those few facts that support their ideology…and it’s working.)

Not Z	Precisely why there are fewer and fewer jobs here that pay well, dude.
	52 minutes ago Like Unlike

(Yes, the one percent are the job creators. Hey, look at that, lesbian bondage!)

Not Z	China’s is going to get sick of paying for us to borrow from them and give to other countries. It’s going to be rough when they tell us they want their loan paid in full.
	50 minutes ago Like Unlike

Not Z	If this idiot (Obama) would unleash the oil and natural gas we have in our own country, cut taxes, get rid of Obama care we would be on a turn around like we have never seen
	47 minutes ago Like Unlike 1 Loading…

Mick Zano	i wasn’t for the bailouts (dailydiscord.com) and i protested on ‘shock and awe’ day when we bombed Iraq, so not sure i need the lecture about spending. i have also found arguing against a slew of fox news talking points very entertaining.
	47 minutes ago Unlike Like 1

(I shouldn’t have done that. Here comes the shit storm.)

Weed the People, in order to roll a more perfect spliff, establish justice, and ensure domestic tranquility. If you want to do one thing to save an ungodly amount of ‘lude, I mean loot, legalize marijuana. You will immediately save on enforcement, generate revenue, cut violence on the border, keep the Ghetto Shaman happy, and free gazillions of non-violent prisoners. Admittedly, the Ghetto Shaman should be jailed for other reasons.

I don’t actually smoke pot, I just joke about it because it’s good weed fun (GWF). GWF, we’re not the ones who smoke the pot; we’re the ones who joke about the societal consequences. But here’s the argument for not legalizing it: more people will do it so there will be an increase in associated DWIs and ultimately there will be a spike in cannabis dependence. Sure we’ll need a better mechanism to determine how much THC is legal for driving and we’ll need to educate the population on the dangers of addiction…oh, and we might want to deport the Ghetto Shaman, either way. That’s about it. There’s actually not much of an argument against legalization anymore. Oh wait, there’s greed and stupidity, or as I call it Fox News. As usual, you can break any issue down on the right into the greedy people looking to make money (in this case the drug companies) and their misinformed lackeys (the Foxeteers). Look, the people against legalization haven’t been right about anything in…well, here’s a list of what Republicans have been right about in the last decade:

Crickets…

Bullfrog croak…

…of the lambs

That’s about it, so let’s MoveOn.org. Since conservatives are against the legalization of marijuana, there must be something to it…that alone should be a ringing endorsement for legalization.

I was an addiction counselor for years and counseled about five alcoholics for every one person addicted to pot (if that). Pot is addictive, sure, but not nearly as addictive as alcohol. In fact, next to hallucinogens, it’s about the least addictive illicit substance out there, aka, somewhere between Twinkies and Twilight (there’s a zone in between there somewhere, the Twinkie Zone?).

Besides, isn’t conservativism about freedom? Pot will have the unfortunate side effect of extending the users lives a bit (over alcohol), which is the only other negative…er, if you’re a conservative (hemp panels?).

Most, but not all, of my colleagues—working in the field of addiction—agree it should be legalized. The legalization of other substances among professionals varies, but most agree on freeing the flipping seed already (FFSA). And not many claim to understand what the War on Drugs is trying to accomplish at this point, certainly not in its current form.

“Have no illusions about the true nature of the so-called “War on Drugs” and the actions of the DEA. The War on Drugs has always been about protecting the profits of the drug companies which have a long and well-documented history of copying street drugs, repackaging them as “medications” and selling them to children as FDA-approved drugs.”

—Mike Adams Natural News

So don’t just legalize medical marijuana. It needs to be free and clear for public consumption. Otherwise this is just another ‘one percent’ scam. Big Pharma and the DEA are in cahoots and, if pressure is placed on them, by anyone, a slew of Fox News talking points will surely result. Then about half the country will immediately side with the drug companies. I’m so sick of this game—it’s yet another reason to back the Occupiers. The legalization of marijuana certainly needs to be part of their platform, that, and demanding Netflix stays in line.

Meanwhile, the medical marijuana businesses are under siege:

The Treasury Department has forced banks to close accounts of medical marijuana businesses operating legally under state law. The Internal Revenue Service has required dispensary owners to pay punitive taxes required of no other businesses. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives recently ruled that state-sanctioned medical marijuana patients cannot purchase firearms.

—Ethan Nadelmann

A long time ago our society drew the line at alcohol. Fact, in every category alcohol is more dangerous, more addictive, and more destructive to the body than pot. Can you name a category, any category, where pot is worse? I didn’t think so. Harder on the lungs, of course, so how about filtered pot? Hmmm. Better than crystal menthol.

Also, the main premise of the Gateway Theory will evaporate. The current “wisdom” is this: befriend a dealer and start with pot and you might eventually try something else because you’ve already made these seedy connections with unscrupulous drug-dealer types. So once it’s legalized, umm, thus ends the Gateway Theory. But don’t worry. Who knows? Maybe the Gateway Theory could lead to other viable theories (the Gateway Gateway Theory?).

Look, even if you are a stoic, fundamental type—you know, one of those ‘life isn’t about having fun or choices’ person…I hate to tell you this but…you lost. Game over. We’ve seen an absolute unimaginable amount of funds go to the War on Drugs as drug cartels get richer and substance abuse becomes increasingly more prevalent in our society. You lost on a scale not seen since John Huntsman’s candidacy (a guy with brains for the GOP? Fuck that shit). Even if you are a Christian zealot, what makes you think paying Mexican drug cartels is a better idea than generating revenue for the U.S. Government? Oh that’s right, starve the beast; the government is the devil and Wall Street is the Messiah. There really isn’t any way to reason with some of you, is there?

Bottom line, you lost. Chalk it up as just another thing you funded the shit out of and completely fucked up. As we go broke, if you think continuing to fund this lost cause is a good idea than you might be a Republican.

There’s also a strong spiritual argument which stems and seeds from within the New Age movement. Some are demanding the use of certain mind-altering substances for religious practices…these practices likely go back slightly farther than Jesus (2735 years farther) and have half the calories of the leading Messiah. And on the third day, he dosed. Meanwhile, there are shamans doing time right now for practicing their religion. Some even feel criminalizing ayahuasca, peyote, and Ibogaine is akin to one of the greatest civil rights violations of our time—a movement stifling the very development of consciousness itself:

Other than being against arbitrary rules that the state has imposed on us, personal drug use by adults is not a “crime” in any true moral or ethical sense and usually takes place in the privacy of our own homes, where it cannot possibly do any harm to others. For some it is a simple lifestyle choice. For others, particularly where the hallucinogens such as LSD, psilocybin, and DMT are concerned, it is a means to make contact with alternate realms and parallel dimensions, and perhaps even with the divine. For some, drugs are an aid to creativity and focused mental effort. For others they are a means to tune out for a while from everyday cares and worries. But in all cases it seems probable that the drive to alter consciousness, from which all drug use stems, has deep genetic roots.

—Graham Hancock

Keep this in mind, people who don’t do drugs tend to end up Republicans. Is that what we really want for our children? Isn’t life cruel enough?

Also, hallucinogens are currently the focus of numerous studies. They have been found to help improve personality, decrease depression and anxiety, as well as influence mood positively, especially in those not responding to more traditional treatments. You know who needs pot and hallucinogens the most? The same people that are against legalizing them. Just watch the next Republican debate and think, these people are on legal pharmaceuticals?…good God! What have we done?! Meanwhile, folks like the Ghetto Shaman feel the use of such substances are our birthright and is there a more upstanding citizen anywhere in our country than him? Bad example, but otherwise a good argument.