It’s absurd what’s happening today, and not just because of my last post about the Facebook Nazis. We are in dire straits, folks, and, Mark my words, I have had a Knopfler. (The Sultans of Swing Voters?) Sorry. Half our country can’t motivate and the other half probably shouldn’t. The Occupy movement remains rudderless and the Tea Party has charted a clear and exact course toward some jagged rocks.

Why are we increasingly polarized? Is it based on real differences, or is it by design? We need to get on the same page, folks, and soon. As Dylan and Hendrix warn us, “The hour’s getting late.”

Check out Dictionary.com’s definition of polarized.

Po·lar·ized   /ˈpoʊləˌraɪzd/ Show Spelled[poh-luh-rahyzd] Show IPA

(who should I show my India Pale Ale to?)

adjective

1. of or pertaining to a medium that exhibits polarization.

2. (of an electric plug or outlet) designed so that the plug and outlet fit together in only one way.

Check out definition number two. We are designed to see the world in one of two ways: progressive or regressive, positive or negative, D or R. Neither side has a monopoly on the truth, yet we have been pigeonholed into black or Romney thinking.

How did so many get so misinformed? Most of the blame rests with our entertainment in the guise of news journalism. Damn you Daily Discord, damn you! If you followed the Scott Walker recall coverage, umm, it was appalling.

“Given this blatant partisan coverage, it was absolutely impossible to watch either network [MSNBC or Fox] and weed out any clear understanding of the actual significance of the event, much less what effect it would actually have on the 2012 presidential election.”

—Dylan Byers Politico

When Mr. Olbermann started acting out, MSNBC told him good night and good luck. I imagine it won’t be too long before Ed I-know-nuszink Schultz follows suit. But here’s the rub, radicalism equates to promotions on the Right. Ideology is rewarded with viewers. Oh, and lie all you want, you’re audience doesn’t care. Fox is never having to make a retraction.

I want to retract that, Mr. Winslow. See? Even I can do it. Oh, he’s printing it anyway. Well, it’s the thought that counts and someday the Right will have those.

What can we do about this? There’s obviously a slew of people who want to watch this shit, facts be damned. Certainly one of the consequences for this station was a W. second term. Could you imagine if all you had was Walter Cronkite types? Bush would have been impeached, not re-elected. But, you can’t shut down Fox, you can only choose to shut it off, and that’s not likely to happen with the current caliber of their viewers.

“It’s a 66-Magnum….It shoots through truth.”

—Joe Piscopo

As predicted, the Tea Party was hijacked by Fake News, and, whatever it manages to accomplish, God help us. Then there’s Occupy, which has thus far been meaningless. The Discord’s version sums it up.

We are Discord! We occupy space

In this environment, can any grass roots movement really lead to more political parties and/or genuine reform? Face it, this is not exactly an independent-thought-friendly-era (ITFE). That was part of the initial inspiration for the formation of the Transcosmetic Party in the first place…and, of course, stories about Facebook Nazis.

Our two party system has us by the short hairs (I knew I should have manscaped). I fear Occupy is going to get rough and tumble at some point. And if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao…sorry, Beatles flashback. If I were a betting man, I’d say we have some riots in our future. I just want our ire to be channeled toward those responsible. And is that likely to happen? Occupy can be summarized thusly, “We’re mad but not sure why” and the Tea Party can be summarized as “We’re mad and supporting those destroying us.”

Well done everyone. How about we take a deep breath and think about shit before we start gnawing off each other’s faces.

“I’m taking my cannibalistic talents to South Beach!”

—LeBron James

Some of the misinformation is directly impacted by the dumbing down effect so prevalent today. Here’s a recent excerpt from NPR.

“The sophistication of federal lawmakers’ speech patterns is on the decline, with members of Congress now talking, on average, at the level of high school sophomores. According to a new report by the Sunlight Foundation, Congress has fallen by almost a full grade-level since 2005.” [and] “The members speaking at the lowest grade levels tend to be freshmen Republicans.”

If this is true, I would like to temporally channel a young sophomore Congressman Zano. I’m sure we’ll be interrupting him from his important endeavors back in high school…actually, let’s not. He just left for a Judas Priest concert with a bottle of Yukon Jack and a baggie of stems and seeds (a real Norman Rockwell moment).

We really don’t need to talk to him, er me—let alone allow him, er me to govern. This is a key aspect of Fox’s false assumptions, dumb is the new smart (the Palin Effect?). I have covered this disturbing phenomenon for yerbs. That’s what The Right is calling years now. It’s OK, I’ve gotten usett to ip.

“That depends on what your definition of ip is.”

—Bill Clinton

I wouldn’t be concerned about a bonefied Mr. Smith marching off to Washington but this isn’t about Jimmy Stewart, or principles, or anything remotely patriotic. Today, Mr. Smith doesn’t need to go anywhere near Washington. No coherent or compelling speech necessary. He—clearly in the minority— can simply filibuster shit from his iPhone enroute to the Judas Priest concert with the aforementioned bottle of Yukon Jack. This typically occurs after a memo and an enclosed check from the Koch Brothers. Yeah team America! Activate form of nullification.

If being inarticulate were their only drawback, we would welcome these new voices into Congress, but, as it turns out, that’s their only endearing quality. The worst part is their persistent all-or-none thinking. Let’s have a contest here at The Discord. If you can find something repeated over and over again on Fox News that is not based on a false assumption, you could be eligible for cash prizes! …or a bottle of Yukon Jack.

I’ve been diligently searching for scraps of truth on that side of the aisle since long before the Discord’s inception, but, like my evenings spent at the Bellagio, I keep coming up empty. Kidding! I’m barred from the Bellagio.

No grass roots movement is likely to remain viable amidst this two party tyranny. The main problems?

1. The media won’t allow it. See Ron Paul’s coverage on Fox or MSNBC.
2. Our two glorious parties won’t allow it.
3. Our country is waaaay too full of Regressive Conservatives armed only with ideology and a romanticism bordering on delusional. In fact, why don’t you and the 1950s get a room? (I left the Schmuck’s Capacitor for you back in the DeLorean.)

Before Andrew Sullivan named it ‘The Cocoon’ or Bill Maher started his ‘Dispatches from the Bubble’ bit, I was covering the alternate reality I named The Neococoon’. In the end, I predict the Tea Party may actually do Occupy’s bidding. I think the problem with Occupy is they are vying for a full blown collapse, which they can’t seem to bring about, despite their organized camping initiative (OCI). The only way to bring about a collapse today is by repairing our existing system through stupidity.

Enter the Tea Party…

As for Occupy’s current tactics, you can count me out of any activity designed to simply hurt small businesses…that’s the Government’s job. But a full blown collapse is looming and the Tea Party’s current policies are likely to bring about Occupy’s desire—aka, starve the beast, block any payment on our bloating credit cards, downgrade and destroy.

Activate revolution form of Inept Reforms.

“I just cannot see how that argument wins against the logic that this sacrifice needs to be shared, that we all need to do our part, that, at this stage in the debt-binge begun in earnest under Reagan, we should double down on supply side economics in the face of massive evidence that it doesn’t fucking work. You need some kind of intravenous injection of Jude Wanniski to get this argument off the ground and in the air.”

—Andrew Sullivan

No, you just need Fox News and their ilk. They are the wind beneath our sails…of the just ate too much Mexican food variety. This coming from the man who wrote The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How We Can Get It Back. I don’t think it’s coming back, Andrew. Here’s what Sully recently said over at The Dish about the inspiration behind his book:

“I truly had no expectation that my book on conservatism would have an iota of an impact on the current GOP. But I wrote it anyway, as a marker to myself of what I believed, as a way to clarify for myself – and anyone else interested – what conservatism is for me, and why today’s GOP has so brutally assaulted the tradition whose name they claim.”

I promise not to go all Ted Nugent on these peeps until they impact the micro brew and specialty coffee shipments coming into my town. When that happens, no promises. I also vow to blog about my subsequent visit from the Secret Service. My actions will make Guy Fawkes look like Ghandi, MFs! Sorry, I just felt the need to top Ted for a moment. Urge to kill fading…

None of us should be defending either party anymore. Can’t we all agree on that? No? I didn’t think so. The Right is always too busy defending the indefensible and making up shit about their political adversaries (isn’t it a shame that’s too long for Fox’s slogan?). The left is ready to throw in the towel. Meanwhile, the Right is ready climb back in with Sandusky, towel or no (what, too spoon?).

Romney’s economic advisor was on Fareed Zakaria this week, A.U. Sterity. He described Romney’s approach as Simpson-Bowels without any revenue generation. To me it sounds like an austerity-only cluster-fuck. Maybe Republicans should try the animated version, Simpson-Griffin? Doh!

Look, I never claimed to know a lot about economics…just more than a Republican. Cut from the same cloth, Paul Ryan’s Budget doesn’t address defense spending or revenue generating either and is designed to be as cruel and inhuman as possible, their usual M.O. I would actually sign off on their shit, if there was a chance in hell it would work…but, the only people impressed with their record at this point seems to be them.

Meanwhile, support for Occupy has dropped in half over the last few months. Therefore, many believe this movement is DOA….umm, those people are wrong. Admittedly, they do suck at the moment. In fact, I tried to contact the organizer in my town to ask, “Why aren’t you Occupying Facebook Meetups?” Using the internet to mobilize is the only thing the Tea Party got right. Yet I couldn’t even reach the guy. Hmmm. See the Discord’s important coverage of one of those local Occupy events here.

The Tea Party will die when they get the blame for the next Standard & Poor’s downgrade and officially gridlock us into oblivion. This will likely ignite a more formidable Occupy resurgence—too late to save our economy, of course, but fun and eventful nevertheless. And those with a clue will shift teams. Ultimately, Occupy has the potential to change the political landscape forever. It might alter how society functions and I hope a key focus will remain on sustainable energy and sustainable resources, as well as an emphasis on capitalism with a conscience. Yeah, that’s me dreaming again, but er, my dreams of tomorrow have proven to be more accurate than the Republican’s grasp of reality today.

Sociopaths can no longer be our CEOs and our leaders. Gordon Gekko must die! I know the Right has posed that Obama is a sociopath, but there’s currently little evidence. However, there is growing evidence that this man makes Gordon Gekko look like, well…. a community organizer.

I realize sociopaths are the Right’s champions, but my take on that sad piece of reality here.

It doesn’t take an Einstein to predict this shit, but it does take an Einstein to make people believe the exact opposite. Kudos Herr Ailes. Could you imagine a Michele Bachmann or a Rick Santorum with the ability to target anyone anywhere with a drone strike? That is when I will move myself and my family over to virtual Canada over at NHL.com (the puck stops here?).

The image of Bachmann with unlimited drones should keep you up at night. What will keep you up, you ask? The near constant explosions as our Government targets our gay and atheistic neighbors. (Studies suggest Explosion Therapy more effective than Conversion Therapy?) I’m being a bit facetious here but Presidents have more powers than ever before and they now want dangerously incompetent people to inherit these powers? One drone to rule them all…

Matt Drudge over on The Drudge Report is jumping on the Dem’s recent disillusionment. I think this shows the ability of the Left to assess and interpret facts. How quaint. Objectivity on the Right officially died during a recent episode of Hannity. RIP. Hey, maybe Giraldo can bury it in Al Capone’s vault. There’s also a chunk of our population who believes the Right’s appraisal of Obama’s performance thus far, which has little to do with reality.

Republicans didn’t mind deficits until they drove ours into the stratosphere. Their plan remains to counter our economic situation with their dumber than W plan. Sounds lovely. And, sorry, if you think returning to an incompetent foreign policy and an irresponsible economic plan is the way out of this mess, you’re more delusional than my prior posts suggest.

Kidding, I’ve had this bunch pegged all along.

The only thing that remains consistent in this freakishly bad economic period is the right’s unwavering ability to misread the tea bag leaves. In this environment, how can they do anything but hinder our recovery? How can they do anything but Fox-block a proper revolution? The answer is, they can’t—not if they insist on approaching each issue from the perspective of, “What would Mr. Burns like me to do?”

Good luck with that. If you find any policy or issue where Fox strays an iota from this theme, hit our contact button and I will post your comments. Good luck with that. I think you would have better luck finding a Mormon in a hash bar, or a Jew in Damascus, or an Iranian gay pride parade (Pricilla, Ayatollah of the Desert?).

At the end of the day, Republicans would rather allow the union to collapse than return to 90s level tax rates…and collapse it will. The Dems role in the demise of America is destined to be a footnote, but the Republican section will make War and Peace look like a haiku.

I chose June 3rd to interpret Matt Drudge’s sad, ideological nonsense over on The Drudge Report. For those of you non-Drudgers, this guy cherry picks headlines designed to embarrass the President and reorganizes information in the guise of a news site. These headlines seem damning and they often paint quite a picture. What they don’t tell you is the artist of said picture has been huffing the paint fumes.

If you actually read these articles, the facts are typically more damning to the Right. How could they be otherwise? Every day I scan the Drudge and cringe. If you read the articles on June 3^rd (yes, one day’s worth of BS), here are the headlines followed by my interpretation:

Hillary Tours Arctic to See “Impact of Climate Change”

Universal Translator = Yes, for those among us who scorn science and reason, this trip is some pleasure cruise to the frozen wasteland. Perhaps this voyage is another example of misspent stimulus funds?

Fact: every year we lose enough ice on this planet to fill eight Lake Eries, so I think you can tear the quotes down around climate change any time now, dip shit. Call me a crazy, but studying our next potential mass extinction seems a worthwhile investment. Besides, Obama understands how sending the Ice Queen to the Pole could refreeze entire sections of our glaciers for the price of a simple cruise ticket. Touché Mr. President. Touché.’ Of course, had he mistakenly sent his big mouthed Veep instead, Manhattan would already look like Venice at high tide.

Even Maureen Dowd Begins To Turn.

Universal Translator = Umm, yeah, because Obama is too conservative for Maureen’s taste. And, sure Libs can change their minds; they actually have minds to change. Liberals are angry because Obama is still pandering to Conservatives when they deserve nothing but deportation. Kidding! Four years of Romney and all political comedians will likely join the one percent. Republicans are a national treasure, comedically speaking.

This Dowd line captures the essence of her article:

“As president, Obama has never felt the need to explain or sell his signature pieces of legislation — the stimulus and health care bills — or stanch the flow of false information from the other side.”

Yes, Matt, you can translate this as Obama’s failure to defend his achievements and failure to have you arrested. How embarrassing.

Weak Economy Points to Obama Constraints

Universal Translator = This implies Obama is restricting things, regulating the markets, and single handedly destroying our economy. Riiight. If you actually read the article—which Mr. Drudge is betting you won’t—it actually blames Obama’s “constraints” on China devaluing its currency, Europe’s woes, and an unwillingness of Congress to pass anything until the early Romney Administration. There’s only one of those three things we have any control over and who’s cock blocking whom? Check out two separate think tank gurus on our Republicans attempt to end our Republic here. Here’s a quote from the NYT article Mr. Drudge linked to:

“And now, despite their own record-low numbers in the polls, they [Congress] have next to no incentive to help an embattled Democratic president lift the economy.”

Republicans have no incentive to save us, which is a Star Spangled Bummer. Maybe a Patriotism for Dummies book could help. The Right is twice as angry at a president who in reality is only half as bad as their last guy. Distortions, delusions, and defund, oh my!

Oh, and then Mr. Drudge has this headline listed on the same flipping day.

This Summer ‘Eerie Echo’ of Pre-Lehman…

Universal Translator = This is an interesting attempt at bending logic (even by Republican standards). Maybe Mr. Drudge just missed the irony while riding the short bus to work. It is hard to see with those special helmets on. No, Mr. Drudge. Don’t hurt yourself! It upsets the other children:

Matt, by choosing this headline, is implying that our financial system is about to collapse because Obama has not regulated big banks, which the Right wouldn’t allow. The Republicans blocked finance reform back in 2010 as covered by the NYT here.

This ‘Eerie Echo’ of Pre-Lehman article believes the market’s vulnerability involves the collapse of the Euro and nothing more. They’re saying the collapse of the Euro may well be on par with the housing bubble. Oh wait but Obama is a Kenyan/European/socialist so I do see the connection. It is his fault.

Here’s another gem:

Rachel Maddow: ‘The less you talk about the election, the more your ratings go up’

Universal Translator = The implication is that the enthusiasm is low on the left and the Dems are quaking in their shoes for the 2012 election. Actually, Maddow just explained the natural lull during an election cycle after the primary season ends. Besides, didn’t we all deserve a lengthy break after 427 of the most ridiculous debates in our planet’s history? Kidding! The 2008 Primaries were worse.

Obama Gets Left Behind; Libs Turn…

Universal Translator = This is true. Many libs, like Maureen Dowd, are piping in their disgust, but it’s because Libs aren’t getting much on their wish list. And the reality that the Right will never admit is this: Obama is governing more like Reagan than Reagan did. Libs want someone more liberal. Bill Maher said it best when ranting against the GOP contenders:

“Newt Gingrich called Obama the most radical Leftist President in history. Senator Marco Rubio called him the most divisive figure in American history. Michele Bachmann said Obama is the most radical President we have ever seen in the history of the country …John Bolton said Obama just doesn’t care about national security. Honestly, there are Mexican drug mules who don’t pull this much stuff out of their ass.”

See more of that Real Time riveting rant here.

We May Have to Work Until We’re 80 Post Crisis

Universal Translator = I know Matt Drudge is again trying to embarrass Obama, but let me sum this one up for you. Keep in mind, the crisis began in the U.S. in 2008 and then spread to Europe soon thereafter. So…

Before George W. Bush was president the world could retire at 65, now, post Bush, one AIG executive thinks we should all be prepared to work until we’re 80.

Yeah team America! Let’s put the Iranian War on Visa too. What’s the big deal? There’s plenty more plastic where that came from. My sources tell me, little Chinese children mine new credit cards each day from deep within the Himalayan Mountains  (at least for our gold and platinum cards).

America is exceptional, so much so it’s ready for the Exceptional Olympics.

Debt Has Increased More in Last 15 Months Than First 97 Congresses — Combined!

Yep, true story = This is all you will hear until the election. They will present this one “fact” in every pie chart and graph known to mankind. It’s the only number that has any meaning to a Foxeteer, which is your hint that there’s more to this story. As not to beat this dead elephant, my take on the botched debt deal debacle here.

The right doesn’t want any course corrections under Obama, even though we all know these are primarily republican excesses accumulated over that last three decades (or Alex Bone’s bar tab).

This headline gives them all a boner (a Boehner?). Headlines like these will run on Drudge right up until the erection (sorry, it’s the Boehner thing). This is the only point they have…they created this problem and locked us into this decaying orbit and have successfully convinced 40% of our population they have nothing to do with it.

Republicans refuse to help fix their own mess precisely because they want a headline that reads: Debt Has Increased More Than First 97 Congresses Combined! You know, a better America through destroying it. (It’s catchy. Maybe we could petition to have it added to the lyrics of America. My country borrowed for these…wars, cuts, and Medicare D, for free I sing). Why are Republicans so mathematically impaired?

Just before sending this off to Mr. Winslow on June 5^th, I made the mistake of perusing the Drudge (that’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back…time better spent banging my head against the steering wheel). This was posted the next day but deserves an honorable mention award: ‘Pulitzer’ Newspaper Mocks Drudge For Informing Readers…

No, he’s not talking about The Daily Discord, this time. I’m sure our Pulitzer just got lost in the mail (if our Government could only have afforded to spring for overnight shipping). But notice Pulitzer is in single quotes…just like Climate Change. I think there’s a clear difference between informing and misinforming, Mr. Drudge.

 So, on that note, keep reading The Drudge “Report”.

Flagstaff, AZ—Always on the job, I attended the David Sedaris show on Friday April 27th over at glamorous NAU. Sedaris is supposed to be an autograph-friendly-legend (AFL), but one person was clearly gypped. You might be wondering who? I was supposed to ask him some questions that I scribbled down on the ride over. The plan was to ask him as many of these questions as possible until his bodyguards dragged me or him away. Then I would categorize our brief, yet turbulent encounter as “an interview”…you know, the usual.

I figured the signing would suit my needs, but man the line was long—the director’s cut of Twilight long. I was about to head back to my seat when I realized the line was down to one person, presumably because they announced, “The show is starting, so piss off.” But I managed to sneak behind the last person in line. Once I was standing before the comedic legend himself, I did my traditional unfolding of the biggest receipt in my wallet. I smoothed it out all nice like and then slid it over for him to sign. Then one of his evil minions said, “That’s it. The other guy was last.” I was shirked, rudely shirked! Now you see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed! I recovered quickly, because I am a professional, after all, and I told Dave, “Hey, I’m looking forward to the show.” He ignored my comment and zipped up his little bag of Sharpies and walked showard. The bastard! So I did the only thing a self-respecting blogger would do…I picked up the one Sharpie that had dropped on the floor and huffed the thing dry.

Actually, this was my small revenge:

That’ll teach him to mess with an important voice of the press.

Before I continue with the Sedaris character assassination, I will state for the record, he’s a comedic genius and a talented author. I enjoy his work immensely. Let’s face it, he’s approaching nearly a Zano level of talent (NZLOT). What really impressed me was his natural wit during the question and answer phase of the night’s festivities. Now, having said that, onward with the personal assault!

The show was very funny, but I had already read one of the selections he chose to recite. It was a story from The New Yorker. In fact, I think they were all recycled excerpts. Then he did the same snail joke he used on The Jon Stewart show. Sure it’s a funny joke, but the second time….?

Guy gets woken up at 2AM by his doorbell. He opens the door and sees a snail perched on his porch.

The snail says, “Hi, I’m going door-to-door selling magazines. Could I interest you in a subscription?”

Enraged, the guy boots the snail off his porch, sending him sailing.

Two years later, doorbell rings again, and one more time it’s the snail.

“What the fuck was that all about?”

[Canned Laughter]

OK, if he can do it, I can do it. Is that his secret to success? You want a great recycled joke?

So this koala bear walks into a bar…No, I can’t do it. Only original jokes here at the Discord. I have higher standards.

I was sitting waaaay in the back of the auditorium, so far back I think it would have taken me longer to get in a question than that snail. And, for all of my trouble, it would have probably ended similarly for me. The show was sold out and packed to the gills with a variety of college students, professors, and locals. Since the whole question and answer thing wasn’t working for me, I decided to catch him after the show, but, again, the line ended up being waaaay too long. Besides, I had places to go and people to see. Parole officers expect punctuality.

I decided to get on David Sedaris’ official Facebook site the next day, as I was still desperately trying to salvage some kind of a story. You see, when Mr. Winslow wants a story, he gets a story. Not a very accurate or well written one—it’s more about deadlines with him. And, for us contributors, it’s more about missing those deadlines. My boss needs to understand I have other offers in the industry. I’m just simply omitting exactly what industry (hint: it rhymes with corn).

So I resolved to ask my thoughtfully prepared question on Dave’s official FB site. Here’s what I asked:

Thanks for coming to Flagstaff, Dave! Enjoyed the show. You were great during the Q&A section. I was in the back so I didn’t get to ask you this important question: was your latest book Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk inspired by Rick Man-On-Dog Santorum?

It’s not a gottcha question. It’s a legitimate enquiry, right?

Fact Check: Mr. Santorum’s statement during the Republican Primaries, wherein he suggested homosexuality led to bestiality, was made nearly two years after the release of Mr. Sedaris’ book. You asked the question, because you are a juvenile proto-journalist with an ego the size of our defense budget.

Damn you Fact Check! Damn you! Can we disable this feature, Mr. Winslow? Otherwise I’m applying at The Onion……again.

Then I check back on the site the next morning and my comment is gone… utterly wiped from our virtual world as if it had never existed! Stripped from the comment thread like it was simply some Constitutional Amendment. Very neighborly, Dave. I think he was afraid of the question. Apparently, my cutting edge journalistic endeavors frighten him.

Well, if you tune in to his Facebook site on 5/29, I will be posting this very question on his site:

Dear Dave,

Here’s another question I never got to ask you in Flagstaff. Was your book When You Are Engulfed in Flames inspired by Michael Jackson or Richard Pryor? Take your time. Oh, and check out my complete grilling of you and your overrated career right here on The Daily Discord.

You’ll have to have near perfect timing, because his Facebook Nazis are fast on the draw. Maybe my next post should be Blogger Seeks Interview. How about an interview with the Discord, Mr. Sedaris? You will be given a fair shake. Or maybe I’ll just boot you off my porch, sending you sailing. Then I will receive an email in about two years asking, “What the fuck was that all about?”

Come on Dave. You don’t want to risk being downgraded to somewhat-near-Zano-level of talent (SNZLoT).

Not sure if the Mayan Gods are returning any time soon, but I do know neither of our presidential contenders can save America in its current form. What’s the current form, you ask? One hint, Forrest Gump stepped in a pile right outside of this very Flagstaff coffee shop where I’m writing this tripe. That’s deep, Mick, real deep. Yeah, well not as deep as the pile this country stepped in…”It happens.”

Years ago I insisted on forming a viable third party. Wouldn’t that be nice right about now? Both Romney and Obama are doomed to fail. Checkmate. Here’s the way things will likely play out:

A 2^nd Obama Administration:

An Obama reelection will bring more of the same (as predicted long ago by yours truly here)—generally a competent foreign policy and no movement at all on the economic front. In the immortal words of Buford T. Justice, “They’ve got him boxed in like a turtle’s pecker.” Everything under the sun will be filibustered. Obama will never get sixty votes on anything and he’ll become such a huge lame duck, he’ll lose even the Aflac vote. The Republicans will likely begin this ordeal with the He-picked-anti-American-colors-for-the-drapes-again! filibuster.

He probably won’t even pass any Supreme Court appointments in this environment, so it will continue to grow increasingly ideological and unbalanced (irrelevantitis?). Following in the footsteps of our Justice Department, the Supreme Court has become a joke.

Speaking of which, I love how Judge Scalia admitted he couldn’t read the entire healthcare bill. Yeah, just shot it down without reading it. That’s a great idea. Same way it was passed (full circle jerk?). The healthcare law has huge implications for our future. People worked years on this piece of legislation and, whether it’s right or wrong a judge’s job is to decide on its Constitutionality. Would you like to write a letter of apology to each of the 30 million Americans who won’t be covered now because you lost your reading glasses? Why is a joke journalist even explaining job responsibilities to a Supreme Court Justice? Because that’s how bad things have gotten. Speaking of which, I contracted Scalia once. You just have to go to the clinic and get that special ointment…oh, I’m being told it closed due to funding cuts.

Meanwhile, Obama will be locked in mortal combat with both houses and our impotent politicians will allow us to slip into a double dip recession. Republicans will do this out of spite, because they’re so patriotic.

No Bush policies are reversible at this point. Whereas the effectiveness or costs associated with Obamacare are unknowns, Bush’s policies are very known and very unaffordable. They have a half-life that makes uranium look like a Tucson ice sculpture. And no debt deal will pass muster with the delusional Right. This is a foregone conclusion after the failures in July to reach an agreement (my recent take on the New York Times coverage here). The right turned down a very generous taxes v cuts package. Ten to one was a little harsher ratio than advisable, but how long can we really go on avoiding the problem? Well, it does seem to work here at the Discord, but we’re kind of an outlier. But hey, it does increase Obama’s overall spending numbers, which is red meat for the Foxeteers.

A Romney Administration:

Mitt Romney still thinks the Iraq War was a good idea. This should immediately disqualify him for the job of Commander in Chief, but this is 2012: A Space Case Odyssey. Hey, at least Romney will scare off the Mayan Gods, but on the downside the Christian/Mormon Wars will begin in 2014. Kidding! They will occur much sooner than that.

What we will have under a Romney Administration is a very hasty double dip recession. No more of this gradual recovery shit for us. For all their empty rhetoric, the Republicans are simply not capable of making responsible cuts across the board. They won’t touch the defense budget and if they do, they’ll just gut V.A. benefits and the like, creeps. After all, government bureaucracies are all horribly inefficient, except, of course, the biggest most inefficient one. The Right identifies problems about as effectively as the Catholic Church.

So the deep cuts will be concentrated on a few areas they deem unworthy, namely: social services, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, Planned Parenthood and the like. Such cuts will…oh. I’ve been through this one too many times. Suffice to say, the misery index in our country will spike like Lindsay Lohan’s BAC after any given parole hearing. And, of course, I will become unemployed, which will allow me to work on the Discord more. Woo hoo! See? a silver lining. Support the Discord, Vote Romney! Hell, there’s always way more material under a Republican administration anyway.

Oh, and a couple more radical Republican judges will enter the scene. These C. Montgomery Burns friendly folks will push the country toward what will eventually be understood as neo-fascism, as the Koch Brothers and Monsantos of the world reign supreme. The already appalling distribution of wealth will sharply increase, if that’s mathematically possible. The Right will dismantle the last unions and further decimate regulations of any kind. But don’t worry, Monsanto has our backs…or they’ll have us on our backs. I’m sure it’s one of the two.

Monsanto: a better life through unregulated, genetically modified goodness. Mmmmm modified.

The name Earth will be changed to Exxon, which, let’s face it, is a way cooler sounding planet name anyway. There will be significant crackdowns on the Occupy Movement as it grows but fails to develop a unified message. These crackdowns will be nothing quite like Assad’s over in Syria, but they’ll be bad enough. Dems may adopt some of the rightwing filibuster tactics to try to stymie the stupid, but either way four more years of gridlock and the fat lady will be singing, or at least clearing her throat.

The dollar will not be the world standard by the end of either administration. I hope to hell I’m wrong about this. If this is allowed to happen, it will turn our country upside down, which should actually help the Right as they assumed that position long ago. Remember, our bond rating was downgraded for two primary reasons, 1.) we’re broke, and 2.) the bond raters lost faith in the government’s ability to function. They, of course, cited the Tea Party mentality as a primary problem (as does just about everyone outside the bubble). Again, when a group decides to downgrade our bond rating and then explains why they did it, this equates to a talking point. Don’t forget, in their world Facts = Talking Points and Talking Points = Facts.

Meanwhile, Andrew Sullivan is calling for an “intellectual conservative renaissance.” Whereas that would be swell, I think it’s a little late for that. Let’s face it, the Right has an aversion to all things intellectual and, besides, renaissance sounds way too French. Now if Sullivan had called for a Patriotic Fuck-the-Government Revival BBQ, maybe.

Simpson-Bowels, or even Obama’s final debt proposal last July, had some chance of moving us toward economic stability, but that ship has sailed, along with our solvency.

Political scientist Jonathon Bernstein thinks both sides have become more radical, but believes the main problem points to an unprecedented dysfunction on the Right (thus my near continuous coverage). I agree even I’ve grown more radical over the years, out of disgust. Have you heard about Thomas Mann/Norman Ornstein’s new book It’s Worse than It Looks? These non-partisan, congressional scholar types have historically been more critical of Dems than Republicans…until now. They describe a government as broken as the one prior to the Civil War.

“One of the two major parties, the Republican Party, has become an insurgent outlier — ideologically extreme; contemptuous of the inherited social and economic policy regime; scornful of compromise; unpersuaded by conventional understanding of facts, evidence and science; and dismissive of the legitimacy of its political opposition.”

Thomas Mann/Norman Ornstein

Wow, who knew I was a congressional scholar? Evidence, science, and facts be damned, or:

And when did our Government die, you ask? For me it came with the realization we are forever locked into all of Bush’s gloriously unfunded policies. I said we would never be the same after Bush. Hmmm. Will I have to retract that someday? I hope so. I did suggest a good compromise recently:

“Let’s only raise taxes to pay for Republican policies. Let’s just pay for the wars and the programs started under Bush—the ones paid for wholly on China’s dime. The rest of any budget plan can be predominately austerity measures.”

Mick Zano

And, as predicted, each European country is collapsing right on cue. Their demises coincide with their revenue to austerity ratios. This parallels my prediction from over a year ago. The heavier the austerity-only measures, the worse off the country’s recovery. Similar cuts amidst a floundering recovery triggered our own Great Depression. But, according to the right, the lessons of European economic policies don’t matter, because they’re socialist. Europe = Socialism, conversation over. They really simplify things, don’t they? In a Rain Man on crack kind of way.

“More seriously, the talk of “debt crisis” points us to the wrong question. And as I remember from my days grading university exam papers, it’s almost impossible to get the answer right if you get the question wrong. The United States does not have a “deficit problem.” It has an immediate economic underperformance problem (which depresses revenues) and it has a chronic healthcare overpayment problem (healthcare is the most important driver—at this point you could fairly say the only driver—of U.S. federal spending).”

David Frum

I can’t believe I’m warming to a former Bush speech writer. Burn off that Karma Frum, burn it off. But how long will Frum be welcome over on Fox News? In the land of the neococoon, if you start to broach the truth on any given issue, it’s bye-bye time.

Obama bought us some time and once again the Republicans squandered it. As for what Fox News economists say, do the opposite. History is not their friend—if it were then they wouldn’t need to spend so much time revising it. But let’s give them some credit; they understand short term, unsustainable gains better than anyone.

As for ignoring science, have you seen the billboards comparing those who believe in Climate Change to Bin Laden, or the Unabomber? As usual, Andrew Sullivan is on it:

“In some ways, this is an almost perfect illustration of what has happened to the `right.’ A refusal to acknowledge scientific reality; and a brutalist style of public propaganda that focuses entirely on guilt by the most extreme association.”

This is also the Hannity “strategy.” Here’s an example: so the Unabomber believed in Christmas too, so maybe the War on Christmas is justified? Arguing with the Right is kind of like sticking your hand in a garbage disposal: painful and senseless. And, yes, our country has been hijacked by extremists, just not the one’s you thought.

Meanwhile, there’s some leftist Facebook group called Americans Against the Tea Party. Sure the Tea Party epitomizes that all-or-none thinking I’m always harping about, but are they really to blame? The propaganda on the Right is effective. Forty percent of our country buys this shit. Shouldn’t we blame the entities that created this faction? At the end of the day, we need to get as many people on the same page to denounce the abuses by both the government and corporate America.

I always attack the Right, because they tend to turn a blind eye to the worst offenses of government and they aren’t programmed to even comment on corporate abuses. And getting folks on the same page is much less likely than it was just a few short years ago. We can’t ignore the abuses and overreach on either side of this equation. But I just can’t see Occupy and the Tea Party agreeing on anything amidst this polarized climate, which is precisely what those in power intended. They can’t remain in power, or even keep this a two party system, if enough of us got on the same page. And with Fox News as #1, perpetually spewing #2, it’s not going to happen. Since Republicans are having such a hard time connecting the dots, I suggest they borrow a strategy from my friend Ling Carter over at Interesting News Items and “order some larger dots.”

This is a rebuttal of some recent discussion by Fox News’s, Dr. Charles Krautwanker (that’s not name calling! There is considerable evidence he wanks his kraut, or is hammered when he…). Anyway, this is a snopes.com version of Dr. Lautyammer’s recent speech (that’s a typo, honest). So in all fairness to Dr. K, the snopeputians may have augmented his rhetoric (aka, they may have added some pink slime filler to the usual USDA prime choice Foxaganda).

Here’s Krauthammer’s main points, my comments marked with a bold and beautiful MZ:

Points 1 and 2 praise President Obama’s political prowess, so we are in agreement.

Krauthammer’s 3rd point: Obama has a ruthless quest for power. He did not come to Washington to make something out of himself but rather to change everything, including dismantling capitalism. He can’t be straight forward on his ambitions, as the public would not go along. He has a heavy hand and wants to level the playing field with income redistribution and punishment to the achievers of society. He would like to model the USA to Great Britain or Canada.

MZ: Ummm, he ran on change, Dr. Truthlittle (…and legend says, children, Dr. Truthlittle could speak to the Garanimals). You’re saying he’s a politician on a “ruthless quest for power.” What a stretch there, Captain Obvious. He’s actually the first worldcentric minded prez. I’ve covered this phenomenon here. So ruthless may prove a poor choice of words, though eerily accurate for the first 43 of his ethnocentric predecessors. Dude…you were, like, sooo close.

As for dismantling capitalism, unfortunately, an overhaul is in order. Isn’t it funny the Right thinks our system is still in pristine condition? Yeah, like the East River pristine. It’s glacier fed, really…well, 10,000 years ago. Capitalism has unfortunately morphed into something called Super Capitalism, which is based on the needs of the sociopathic few. By the way, this happened while you were busy defending every aspect of it, Mr. Groutlicker. Obama has at least identified how when one player suddenly owns all the property, hotels, and houses it’s Maddoffopoly! The free market works sometimes, but to think it works all the time is more of that all-or-none thinking. There are things the private sector does better (hat tip Tea Party) but too often they’re greedy and sociopathic (hat tip Occupy). I really shouldn’t call it all-or-none thinking anymore as that implies thinking is involved, so let’s call it all-or-none regurgitating. Reverse politistalsis? Bullemia? Sorry. I’m still trying to make up for that Gospelrexia Versevosa joke in my last spirituality feature.

Krauthammer’s 4th point: His three main goals are to control ENERGY, PUBLIC EDUCATION and NATIONAL HEALTHCARE by the Federal government. He doesn’t care about the auto or financial services industries but got them as an early bonus. The cap and trade will add costs to everything and stifle growth. Paying for FREE college education is his goal. Most scary is his healthcare program because if you make it FREE and add 46,000,000 people to a Medicare-type single-payer system, the costs will go through the roof. The only way to control costs is with massive RATIONING of services, like in Canada .. God forbid!

MZ: Obama doesn’t care much for the auto industry? Yet he saved it just for chevys and giggles. Did you forget that part again? Damn facts. As for proof of Obama’s overt dismantling of capitalism…well, there isn’t any. And if there is, it’s sooo buried in lies you’d have better luck finding Al Capone’s vault in Snooki’s ass! Oh, I’m being told they just discovered Al Capone’s vault in Snooki’s ass. Bad example.

Why don’t you and your ilk learn how to report on stuff and gain some credibility and then maybe one of your “scandals” will stick. Naaah, keep lying. It will get Obama re-elected, which is better than the alternative. Oh, and those three systems you mentioned are broken…reaaally broken…Greece economy broken (GEB).

FACT ALERT (Fox News viewers read at your own peril):

National Healthcare:

The increase in Medicare recipients is the only meat to this entire clusterfuck to facts. I will benefit from this eventuality circa 2014, but it smells like enabling to me and I’m not sure how we can fund the increase in enrollments or even if they’re medically necessary. On that note, I have approved the collective Republican lobotomy. Sorry, I’m being told the procedure is redundant.

But, hey, a point! This almost never happens. He is an intellect…well, comparatively. But would a Foxeteer ever disagree with something that would cost them money? Why didn’t Foxeteers back Ron Paul before it was fab? Oh, you want answers…they don’t have any.

You know who would vote against their wallets on the Right? Not f-ing one of them and that’s why they’re invariably dangerous. Yeah, I want to join that party…oh wait, they don’t get invited to any. Fiscal conservatives, my ass. 

Energy:

I back Obama’s attempt at sustainable energy. China over funded their own solar plants and killed the Solyndra thing. We can’t give up on these sustainable plans or plants. Your scandal is one of my solyutions. As for Crap and Turd, I would have preferred a gas tax to level the playing field. But whatever it takes. Sooo you haven’t even identified that something needs to be done? Of course not. That would require forethought. The Left has thus far botched the approach to green energies while the Right hasn’t even identified the problem. Thus I give you dumb and dumber. They are special, aren’t they? We either move to what scientists are suggesting or at some point a full collapse is imminent. The choice is clear. And sorry, sustainable energy does not translate into drill baby drill, but, hey, I do like the beached dolphin slalom as much as the next guy. Thanks BP! Sand sushi anyone?  

What we need are new alternative cleaner energies, like Dilithium crystals. Haven’t heard of them? Don’t worry. There’s plenty on Gingrich’s moon base.

Education:

As for education, another fail. For proof, look in the mirror. I’m kidding, there are smart people out there, and they tend to get their news from comedians these days. I think education needs a major transformation, into something meaningful.

I would like to hear Obama’s education proposal. I would like to hear them…as opposed to the Conservative approach, which is defund, defund, defund. Brought to you by the Uneducated for Education!

Back to capitalism for a minute. In its current form, it sucks—your pride and joy is an epic fucking fail. Hey, it worked for a while…like Fukushima. But, as I’ve said all along, I am for repairing it, not dismantling it. You know what’s killing businesses? Trying and failing to insure their own employees, that’s what. If you kill Obamacare and fail to fix our insurance problem, we’re in big trouble. This awful scenario is likely to play out in the future.

Our system rewards sociopaths who refuse to insure their employees. Speaking of which, sociopaths must be identified and weeded out, not endlessly promoted by some greedy faceless board of directors. My take on this phenomenon here. My last two bosses complained about insurance killing them, not whatever the fuck the Right is talking about. Example, Wal-Mart insures 44% of its force, compared to Costco at 96%. And Costco will suffer for its humanity. The one percent rides again! But I do love the one percent’s kitchen store (Hannibal Lechters? It’s better than Buffalo Bill’s Wild Gumbs. OK, I’m going to stop….Silence of the Libs?).

Oh, and Mr. Burns probably doesn’t even insure his flying monkeys…and most of them, as Python tells us, don’t so much fly as plummet. Pining for the fjords?! Where is PETA on this real animal rights menace?

I know you love Wal-Mart, Cranko, so you better get that blue vest ready; you’re going to need it. Insurance sold separately. But don’t worry, who needs insurance when nearly half their jobs pay over minimum wage. What you call good business has been identified by behavioral health professionals as sociopathic. That isn’t good (hint: it’s the opposite of good). We need to start rewarding good behavior in this country. I have an idea, let’s keep the Mexicans and deport the Republicans.

Krauthammer’s 5th point: He [Obama] has surrounded himself with mostly far-left academic types. No one around him has ever even run a candy store. But they are going to try and run the auto, financial, banking and other industries. This obviously can’t work in the long run. Obama is not a socialist; rather he’s a far-left secular progressive bent on nothing short of revolution. He ran as a moderate but will govern from the hard left. Again, watch what he DOES, not what he says.

MZ: Unfortunately, these days the far left translates as slightly left of Reagan. The spectrum has shifted, but not in the way you think. And Mr. Obama’s handling of the candy store has been worlds better than your guy. W made Burton’s Willy Wonka seem stable. Everlasting GOPstoppers?

Oompa loompa doopa dee doo

I have another message for you

Spending and torture isn’t a game

Why must you vote for more of the same.

Do you think Bush and Nixon surrounded themselves with progressives? Usually the best man loses in our general elections. That’s nothing new. Remember Apple V. IBM, Beta V. VHS or Kerry V. Bush? So, don’t worry, there’s hope for Mr. Etch-a-Sketch. Where is the evidence of this revolution?

Krauthammer’s 6th point: Obama doesn’t really see himself as President of the United States but more as a ruler over the world. He sees himself above it all, trying to orchestrate & coordinate various countries and their agendas. He sees moral equivalency in all cultures. His apology tour in Germany and England was a prime example of how he sees America as an imperialist nation that has been arrogant, rather than a great noble nation that has at times made errors. This is the first President, ever , who has chastised our allies and appeased our enemies!

MZ: Actually, he prefers Master of the Universe. Luckily, his handlers refused to go with his first slogan idea: BY THE POWER OF GREY SKULL!!! Dude, he’s worldcentric. Obama has reached an impressive level of human consciousness. Hooray for progress! This is going to seem new and scary for many, but I assure you it’s much less scary than global collapses, torture, and secret police. We have reaped some benefits through his competent foreign policy. It looks like some progress on the checks and balances of the expanded executive branch is occurring under Obama (according to Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Time Weiner in his book FBI). He believes we’re swinging back to Constitutional sanity. Hey, why isn’t he booked on Hannity? Hmmmm.

I do agree it’s time to stop apologizing. Hey, just in time for the next guy we’ll need to start apologizing for! Cool. Why don’t you take your own advice Mr. Krapjammer and watch what Obama does not what he says?

“We are truly and deeply sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Bin Laden.”

Krauthammer’s 7th point: He is now handing out goodies. He hopes that the bill (and pain) will not come due until after he is re-elected in 2012. He would like to blame all problems on Bush, from the past, and hopefully his successor in the future. He has a huge ego and Dr. Krauthammer believes he is a narcissist.

MZ: He may well be a narcissist. I’m not sure on this one, in which case he’s not truly worldcentric, but just posing as such. This one is a jump ball. Jesus, that’s two possible points in one lecture?! That’s equal to six months of Fox News viewing. But thus far the only evidence for Obama’s narcissism is the typical ‘I want to be president’ brand, not unlike Gingrich, Santorum, Romney, or anyone else who’s sought office for the last two centuries. As for blaming it on Bush, let’s do that pesky math again: five of the top six policies that cost us all of our treasure in the last decade are Bush’s. So, I guess to be fair, he’s only 5/6 of our policy problem. But, hey, that 1/6 is Obama’s attempt to avoid a depression. Socialist!

Krauthammer’s 8th point: Republicans are in the wilderness for a while but will emerge strong. Republicans are pining for another Reagan but there will never be another like him. Krauthammer believes Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty & Bobby Jindahl (except for his terrible speech in February) are the future of the party. Newt Gingrich is brilliant but has baggage. Sarah Palin is sincere and intelligent but needs to really be seriously boning up on facts and info if she is to be a serious candidate in the future. We need to return to the party of lower taxes, smaller government, personal responsibility, strong national defense and State’s Rights.

MZ: Deep in the wilderness? Dude, if they go any further into Mirkwood, I don’t think all the ents in entville could find them. Of course, I don’t think they’d even help you look. Another Reagan will not surface from this radical swamp. He would immediately be labeled a moderate and shunned by your batshit base. Reagan wasn’t really good for the economy. You’re just glossing up a turd. He raised taxes more than I would have liked and ran up the deficit way too much (not to mention secretly arming our soon to be enemies), so maybe he was too left of Obama? Foxeteers have moved so far to the Right, Cheney is starting to look like a Care Bear (the one with the rainbow coming out of his ass). The rest of us have only moved somewhat left out of pure disgust. In fact, I have moved further left after each and every news cycle as I recoil from this sickly Foxeteerian philosophy. Sigh-ilism? Wait, I got it, Transcend Mentalism? I’m going to work on that one.

As for your comment “Sarah Palin is sincere and intelligent”… Sir, please hand in your intellectual badge; it’s been revoked. She makes the angry petty cheerleaders I knew in the 7th grade seem like…er, the Governor of Alaska.

Krauthammer’s 9th point: The current level of spending is irresponsible and outrageous. We are spending trillions of dollars we don’t have. This could lead to hyperinflation, depression or worse. No country has ever spent themselves into prosperity. The media is giving Obama, Reid and Pelosi a pass because they love their agenda. But eventually the bill will come due and people will realize the huge bailouts didn’t work, nor will the stimulus package. These were trillion-dollar payoffs to Obama’s allies, unions and the Congress to placate the left, so he can get support for #4 above.

MZ: It’s true. We need to undo all of Bush’s policies, right now. I can’t think of any that will prove sustainable. Obama has ended the war in Iraq (one down) and hopefully he will end the war in Afghanistan soon (a 2nd coming soon). He cannot end the Bush tax cuts, no Child Left Behind, or the unfunded Medicare D drug supplemental program (not with a developmentally disabled Congress and Grover named-after-a-Muppet Norquist). The Dems would need both houses and the presidency to overturn the Bush laws. I generally prefer a split government, but if the center of gravity for the right remains where it is, as Horace Greely once said, GO LEFT, YOUNG MAN! I still want a viable third choice more than anything, but like that’s going to happen as both sides grow more radical.

Krauthammer’s 10th point: election was over in mid-September when Lehman brothers failed, fear and panic swept in, we had an unpopular President, and the war was grinding on indefinitely without a clear outcome. The people are in pain and the mantra of change caused people to act emotionally. Any Dem would have won this election; it was surprising it was as close as it was.

MZ: I agree. Meanwhile, I predicted we would not see another two term president for a long time as we swing wildly back and forth between R and D (and that’s not Research or Development) as our economy quakes. Or, as Fox News calls it, “the foundations of the economy are sound.” The Republicans should win in 2012, but they may prove way too incompetent for most independents. But I’m not holding my breath. Actually I am; they gutted a lot of EPA regs in my town. Cough.

Krauthammer’s 11th point: In 2012, if the unemployment rate is over 10%, Republicans will be swept back into power. If it’s under 8%, the Dems continue to roll. If it’s between 8-10%, it will be a dogfight. It will all be about the economy. I hope this gets you really thinking about what’s happening in Washington and Congress. There is a left-wing revolution going on, according to Krauthammer, and he encourages us to keep the faith and join the loyal resistance. The work will be hard but we’re right on most issues and can reclaim our country before it’s far too late.

MZ: I am happily a member of the loyal opposition. There really are differences between how D and R approach fixing our country. But what’s most appalling to me is how little the Right understands about how we got here. Pre our collapse, every graph known to man showed the Dems as the better budget balancers, yet the Right is running on fiscal conservatism? Still? In 2012? Their attempt at a third party, the Tea Party, is rightly a laughingstock. They have become the lackeys to the Hannitys of the world, so good riddance. There’s very little of the Conservative vision worth fighting for at this point. If this is the best you have, if this is your “intellectual” champion…umm, you just got beat by a comic spoof news blogger. You know, the usual.

Okay I didn’t ace the whole ‘no name calling thing.’ Let’s call it a work in progress.

Let’s be clear here, this is a non rebuttal rebuttal (NRR), Mr. Crank. Keeping my mouth shut is not always easy, as my librarian can attest, but I will try to keep the rebut-thing to a minimum. This post will cover our continued budget woes, what the Florida shooting says about society, and the Discord’s failed attempt at being a uniter. Who’d have thought a site called The Daily Discord would fail to bring people together? Shocking.

For the moment, we’ve given up on rebuttals here, as they have proven less productive than a certain Phoenix construction site.

The death of the debt deal last year mirrors the recent debates between R and D nicely. Picture our two-party system as an old married couple. Say goodnight, Gracie. The lack of any decision, once again, shows how damaging all-or-none thinking can be. So let’s all take a moment to thank the poster child for all-or-none thinking himself, Grover Norquist, and his tax pledge to poverty. Last week the House voted down Simpson-Bowles 382 to 38. Who does that Hugh Laurie guy think he is? For those of you unfamiliar with this plan, it was a budget proposal that just might have worked. This proposal—even more so than the Congressional Deficit Committee’s recommendations before it—seemed to strike the right balance between revenue creation and budget cuts (aka, doomed from the fucking get-go). This is a proposal that Chris Christie and Barack Obama both liked, but Obama believed it had a no-ball’s chance in Congress of passing, so our illustrious leader, showing no balls himself, never championed it…and Christie, with even less balls, never even mentioned it until it was already flat line.

Like most of our sausage making, the July debt “negotiations” between John Boehner and Barack Obama were a farce. One of my few necessary retractions was this: I thought the collapse of 2008 was all she wrote economically for the United States. But here’s what I learned over the last couple of years:

1.) Possibilities existed, albeit it slim ones, to climb out of this Bushian economic abyss, 2.) there is at least some merit to Keynesian economics (Obama at least bought us some time with his Stimulus. Most economists agree, had we stopped printing money post Bush, our country would have gone into a Lohan-like freefall) and 3.) Republicans have no intention of even starting to climb out of this hole until 2012 (ask your doctor if a budget-blocker is right for you).

A New York Times reporter interviewed most of those involved with that doomed debt-deal. It’s a long article but worth the slog. Here’s two of my favorite excerpts:

“Over time, the whole debacle became the perfect metaphor for a city in which the two parties seem more and more to occupy not just opposing places on the political spectrum, but distinct realities altogether.”

Who does that sound like? Hmmm.

“…what’s undeniable, despite all the furious efforts to peddle a different story, is that Obama managed to persuade his closest allies to sign off on what he wanted them to do, and Boehner didn’t, or couldn’t. While Democratic leaders were willing to swallow either a deal with more revenue or a deal with less, Boehner’s theoretical counteroffer, which probably reflected what he would have done if empowered to act alone, never even got a hearing from his leadership team.”

—Matt Bai, New York Times

I don’t agree with that one line. ‘Republican leadership’ is clearly an oxymoron. I know, I know that’s name calling to folks in the Heartland, a place completely devoid of any and all dictionaries—where Roget’s sounds “way too French”, where Webster’s is that old TV show with that black kid, and the existence of a Thesaurus flies in the face of Creationism. Oh wait, that’s dividing again…oh come on, I have to have some fun.

At least the Democratic politicians still have some ability to look away from ideology from time to time in the spirit of compromise. Meanwhile, the most dangerous side remains a megalith of greed and ignorance. Sphinxters? Yeah…I can’t wait until they get back into power. Frankly, this Obama thing sucks. Incompetence is much funnier. Don’t worry… coming soon to a White House near you. Don’t think of it as losing a country as gaining some traffic for an important blog/ezine thingie.

With the current political landscape, we never had a chance to fix the budget under Obama. That’s not an excuse…that’ a fact (aka, politically meaningless). On a semi related note, MSNBC’s coverage of this Trayvon tragedy has been disgusting, nearly Fox level disgusting. Seriously, yuck. And here I thought Fox News cornered the market on disgusting? You just knew, regardless of the facts, MSNBC would side with the black kid and Fox News would side with the gun-toting white-ish guy. The details? Fuck’em…we’re only supporting our bullshit narratives and facts be damned…you know, the usual. Our increasing need to fit things into an ongoing all-inclusive narrative invariably leaves the truth in the dust and me with a deficit-sized headache. My God this is an unhealthy bunch. In fact, I think our country’s zeitgeist was just seen throwing beer bottles and swerving through traffic with Linsay Lohan.

I came across this Julian Sanchez piece just as I was trying to voice a similar sentiment:

Channeling me he said:

“Browsing a conservative news site the other day, I was struck by the sheer oddness of that familiar genre of political commentary that treats liberals and conservatives, not just as groups of people with systematic disagreements on policy questions, but as something like distinct subspecies of humanity…”

And, apparently channeling Camus, he said:

“…we’ve made the mind into an armed camp—in which not only politicians and legislative proposals, but moral philosophies, artworks, even scientific theories, have to wear the insignia of one or the other army. This obviously oversimplifies—a taxonomy with two categories is not particularly rich—but also obscures the internal fault lines within each domain in a way that’s guaranteed to undermine our understanding. We’re at the point where people are morally certain about the empirical facts of what happened between Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman on the basis of their general political worldviews. This isn’t exactly surprising—we are tribal creatures who like master narratives—but it feels as though it’s gotten more pronounced recently, and it’s almost certainly making us all stupider.

—Julian Sanchez

Speaking of stupider: why is MSNBC trying so hard to mimic these basal bumpkins? …ratings and money, no doubt. It’s a futile effort. The few viewers they have will likely change the channel. I have. Not many liberals are as far left as Ed of the Ed Show or Lawrence let’s-divvy-shit-up O’Donnell. They are on par with the Rosie Os and the Michael Moores of the world. They simply add to the meager fodder on the Right. Other than Rather-gate, Keith Olbermann was the first journalistic screw up on the left. He regularly employed Fox News’s guilt of omission strategy. That will be his sad, sad legacy. So why would you replace him with Olbermann Thing 1 and Thing 2? Liberals are not going to embrace this crap. You’re barking up the wrong demographic.

For instance, it is deeply disturbing to me how MSNBC only discusses our obscene debt problems when something surfaces to further pin our woes on the Republicans. They have never covered this shit otherwise, as if our colossal debt is not a story worth telling. Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, Fox News uses guilt of omission, distortions and flat out lies (their Trio Grande).

Fox News: disturbingly conscienceless views propagandized ad infinitum (DCVPAI).

Why has, yours truly—or as the Crank calls me, Mr. No Solutions—been mentioning the Deficit Committee and Simpson Bowles recommendations all along? Where exactly are the Conservatives on feasible debt solutions? The Right does not want to fix anything until they’re comfortably back in power. Somewhere in 2012 the Romney Administration will graciously start trying to help (then we’re really screwed). At that time the last few pragmatic bones left in Dr. Etch-a-Sketch’s body will be shaken into oblivion by his base (his baseless’s base? There’s a joke in there somewhere).

Again, if you don’t like either party, I can sympathize, but if you vote for a group who wears their incompetence on their lapel next to their flag pin, I think you should consider losing your ID before the next election. There’s just no reason to support a group who embraces their own brand of shameless, retractionless, journalism-free propaganda (SRJ…F…oh, F-it). When you add the Republican’s blatant obstructionism to their economic culpability…umm, they should be stripped of those lapel flag pins, sent to Guantanamo and forced to watch Real Time reruns. But could they be permanently Mahered?! (Sorry, all the jokes can’t be funny).

Now, as warned, addressing my blogversary, the Crankster:

I’ll try to avoid addressing specific political points…operative word try. There hasn’t been a syllable directed at you personally for some time, Mr. Crank. We have on this site welcomed you to continue your political posts so your ‘epiphany’ that we’re trying to silence opposing views is as faulty as your take on most policies. I happen to think your non-political pieces have been among our funniest lately and I’m not the only one (see our CEO, Pierce Winslow’s related comments here). And, if and when we ever get a comment section, that should be a fun addition for all.

Meanwhile, my main points and themes remain as consistent as your ability to misinterpret them. My hope is that the Right’s media coverage would improve, not disband, and I am not linking back to all of my related examples for the umpteen millionth time. But if the media, in particular Fox News, refuses to improve, then by all means dis-fucking-band already! It’s useless and counterproductive in its current form as evidence by the Iraq War, the reelection of George W. Bush, and the ongoing misrepresentation of the Obama Administration. Not to mention a recent Maryland study suggesting Fox viewers are the single most misinformed group in America. You’re all turning into some type of Borgian StepfKoch Brothers, which would be fine except it’s still legal for you to vote.

And, whereas it’s true I recently referred to someone who perpetuated an Obamacare lie via email as “some right wing moron,” I wasn’t talking about you or my friend Jeff who originally forwarded me the email. Jeff is a moron but for entirely different reasons…but I still love him…oh, and by the way, Jeff, Galileo-7 was not the worst Star Trek episode ever. You just didn’t like it because Shatner wasn’t in it and that homoerotic Kirk thing you have going on. There, I said it.

As for calling people assholes, I reserve that accolade for the Hannitys and the Limbaughs of the world, because they fit that sphincterly description—a snug fit indeed. Rectublicams? But I agree, I need to tone down the rhetoric a bit and I will certainly try from here on out (hint: after this post, I promise). This is also the same line I use with my crack dealer. Just once more.

 Look, I go where the jokes lead me…to Fox and Friends. And, admittedly, I should not be flagrantly offending those with opposing views, I should be flagrantly offending everyone equally, as Mel Brooks commands us.

“I give you these 15 Blogging Commandments…oi.  Ten…ten Blogging Commandments for all to obey!”

Sorry, miles away. Nor should I be using so many adverbs so freely (or adverbidly?). But you, Crankster, need to stop taking things so damn personally. You’re wrong about a lot of shit, but that’s okay, because today there’s still a 1^st Amendment…well, until the next Republican championing our Constitution arrives in orifice (sorry, that was a Freudian slip. Honest). I can insert Rectublicams into so many orifices.

My posts are certainly not meant to be personal attacks on another blogger, except Alex Bone, who deserves it. I have always attacked those starting these lies, not the people who perpetuate them out of ignorance. I tend to go for the source, the big fish, the architects of the lies…you know, Snooki.

The bottom line, Mr. Crank, you have made up your mind on any given subject waaaaay in advance. Whether we hold the argument today or a thousand years from now, I can predict your responses every time. I can read your side like a book (illiterate redneck joke omitted as part of my new approach to blogging). See? I’m getting better already.

You have somehow managed to harness the energy from some sort of temporal-hyper-wrongness-drive (THWD), an ability scientists have only begun to understand. Oh wait, your side doesn’t’ believe in science either.

During my tenor here at the Discord, I have covered the collapse of the media, the divisions and distortions that have created two separate political realities, and our increasing inability to agree on even the most basic of facts….and, yes, the sicker, more rigid side of each and every issue has been the Right. Sorry, as the dust settles that fact will become ever more apparent.

I really feel I was among the first bloggers to keep harping on this shit and now, years later, everyone’s talking about. Today, we are effectively two countries, one that worships the bullshit on the left and one that worships the bullshit on the right. You have always conflated my arguments with the Left’s, Mr. Crank, which is the case some, but not all of the time.

I hope some find my columns both funny and informative, but words do hurt, as you say, so I will try to watch my language. I started this blog to unite not divide, but I found over the years the biggest obstacle to a sensible third party, or healing, or unity, or economic reform, or sanity, or anything at all, is the Right. And Fox News, not you, remains the 800 lb gorilla in the room. They, much like my parole officer, are largest barrier to freedom (the ankle bracelet doesn’t help either). Their propaganda has proven to be far more orchestrated and sinister than anything the left has ever mustered. Again, I don’t believe this is merely opinion…but time will tell.

You say I seek those like-minded folks to yuck things up, yet the Transcosmetic Party is all but three people…and my young daughter hardly counts. But hearing the endless, nonsensical discourse of the talking heads on cable television makes me proud to have a somewhat different view than either side. Same as it ever was. They are all an embarrassment. I think we can at least agree on that.

Long ago, in a blogosphere far, far away, I realized that changing a Foxeteer’s mind is a fool’s errand. I see my blogging as more of my own personal political therapy. I started writing when I, unlike you, saw this collapse coming a mile away. I also see it as an attempt to define the territory, so to speak. If we successfully mark the boundaries and the perimeters, maybe the next generation need not fall into this steamy pile of propaganda. I’m talking to you, Pokey McDooris!

Division and derision were certainly not the original intent of this blog, so I appreciate you pointing out my shortcoming, but until the poison at Fox News is replaced with something bordering on reporting, this widening chasm between left and right will continue to quell any attempts at a viable third party or even any revolution, should one becomes necessary (hat tip: Occupy). After all, as research indicates, no news is better than Fox News.

Obama needs to do everything within the law to get around the Right. And the Right needs to make one last ditch effort to reach for that slippery place—fading in their collective rearview mirror—called reality, or you know what? Happy trails to you, until we meet again. I hope that doesn’t Trigger something in you (sorry. Winslow feels we don’t have enough Roy Rogers jokes on this site).

Again, here’s my summary of today’s Republicans (aka, not directed at you, Cranko):

“We revel in the fact that Obama can barely recoup from our own guy’s recent fiscal horror show, so we can slither back in the ring and champion the same policies all over again in the name of patriotism!”

That’s not so much patriotic, or fiscally conservative, as idiotic. Stop pretending you care about our debt or our country as you continue to follow a whole host of sociopathic policies designed to help your own stock options for one more day. My summation is also how history will rate this faction, because history tends to be written by historians, scholars, and those able to discern facts and shit. Oh wait, they do have the shit part down.

And I will leave you with another prediction: Barack Obama will go down, not as a radical, but as a pragmatic moderate. And the story of our time will be this massive societal shift, not toward socialism, but toward what can only be described as “the bat shit Right.”

Is that name calling? If it quacks like a schmuck…

Wait, is that name calling?

Let me end by extending this laurel and hardy handshake and I will do as Mel Brooks commands, make fun of everyone and let Blog sort it out.

Next time no name calling…this time I mean it.

Yes, in your reality I’m sure Egypt is between Syria and Iran…among other things.

In hindsight, comparing John Boehner to Don Quixote isn’t very fair to Mr. Quixote. But what’s the GOP attacking now? Why are they so afraid? Even when they aren’t in power, they’re the story….a sad, sad story, yet an ever-evolving one, or in their case devolving. Look, don’t fear a reasonable amount of competence…it’s INcompetence you want to avoid. See how easy that was? Now you try to think of…just kidding, like that would ever happen.

The GOP’s premise that saying whatever the hell you want and having people cheer is not going to play out horribly well in the general election. If Rick Santorum says he hates Abraham Lincoln because he appeased the Klingons along the Neutral Zone during the Boer War, people are going to fact check that shit. For example, Lincoln appeased the Romulans, not the Klingons (Trekipedia). So put that in your sweater vest and smoke it, or your smoking jacket and sweater it.

Regardless, whoever gets the nod, Fox News will immediately try to create reality around their candidate, like Sarah I’m-Warning-the-British Palin and Michelle Jefferson-Freed-the-Slaves Bachmann. But you can’t create candidates this stupid and expect to get anywhere…or can you?

“Obama’s support among white men has slipped from 41% to 36%, with the drop being attributed to men without a college degree.”

—Lihat Terjemahan

Keep defunding education; it’s your only hope. Then, after 425 more debates, maybe you’ll end up with Rick Man-on-Dog Santorum. Someone recently said Santorum would be an impressive figure in the 1800s. I think that’s offensive to people from that era.

But the growing chorus of people coming around to my way of thinking gives me some small comfort:

“The GOP’s once credible attacks on the president’s record have morphed into an incredible attack on the country’s intelligence. That change is reflected by Obama’s double-digit lead over the GOP field. Sometimes it seems as if Santorum and the others are content with pushing each other closer and closer to the edge of idiocy because that’s easier than pushing ideas to convince voters they’re the best person for the job.”

—LZ Grandersen, CNN

So I get this email from a Republican friend of mine, apparently the word “dhimmitude” is written somewhere into Obama’s new healthcare law. The email said it’s designed to exempt Muslims from paying for Obamacare. Of course, the email said ‘please pass on and scare the shit out of your already paranoid friends and relatives.’ The email seemed scary, for sure, but I wrestled with even looking up the damn thing. I’m so sick of fact-checking some right wing moron, but alas…

Fact check.org:

Dhimmitude (according to them it is in the bill):

However, “The overwhelming majority of them are explicitly Anabaptist — that is, Mennonite, Amish or Hutterite. Those that don’t specify their denomination are still explicitly Christian. Having gone through the list, we can say with certainty that no Muslim group, and indeed no non-Christian group, has ever qualified for an exemption under the statute used to define exempt religious groups in the health care law.”

So I came up with my own, much better definition of Dhimmitude:

“A force countering the natural propensity of a society to become more intelligent (otherwise known as the Flynn Effect) through endless inaccuracies perpetuated by the early twenty-first century U.S. Conservative Party. This group, in essence, is hindering the naturally occurring cognitive acceleration of the entire species, making the world just a little dumber one Hannity episode at a time.”

There, that’s better. Now for homework please use the word in a sentence.

Geesh, you people are like the pundits who cried wolf. Henny Penny the pipeline is falling. Someday you’re going to uncover something real, or, worse yet, you already have, and everyone is going to blow it off when they consider the source. I know I will. For many, many years Republicans have been doing a huge disservice to reality. And they don’t even have to live here anymore! They can just visit now and again to check on their house plants and then climb back into their neococoon.

It’s like any other time when the right seems to be making a valid point, I make the terrible, terrible mistake of researching it (never do this). It’s astounding how little of what they say is based on anything but horse shit. Perhaps they represent the missing dark matter in physics? Hmmm. I believe that’s from the Theory of Smellitivity, which also states nothing in the Universe can lie faster than the speed of Right.

Please get some people with a clue on your side, because this is getting ridiculous…or, hey, let’s talk about Obama’s birth certificate again. I’ll clear my schedule…and my brain.

And don’t hate Gingrich, Santorum and Limbaugh, you are the party of Gingrich, Santorum and Limbaugh. You all deserve each other. This has been my clarion call for years. I gave Keith Olbermann a considerable amount of shit when he went uber-liberal, so did a lot of other people, and he’s gone…meanwhile, the Right embraces and promotes the suckage. A Dan Rather on the right would not resign in disgrace, but would inherent Murdoch’s empire. The fruits of your labor can be seen during this wonderful primary season. Oh, wait, you don’t like fruits. Scratch that.

Over the years, you haven’t been remotely interested in policing yourselves, and math? Naaaah. Math leads to socialism. So you made your bed, keep lying in it. In fact, get a room with some animals, midgets, harnesses, maybe some scuba equipment, and all those other things you’re repressing in the name of real American values, and have at it.

The scant few valid points the Foxeteers actually have tend to be issues I agree with Obama on. There are a few distinct differences between R and D; these are why we hold elections. For instance, the Right is making a big deal about the Keystone Pipeline. Obama really did vote this down. This is based on reality…whew, I knew reality would creep into this conversation sooner or later. Okay, I really didn’t, but I was kind of hoping…

But, instead of moving toward real solutions for our energy problems, the GOP fixates on temporary band aids in an effort to jury rig this psychopathic, oil-owned system of ours. Should we have done this pipe-whatsas? From my reading, it looked like a mixed bag—a measly 800,000 gallons a day of the dirtiest of the dirtiest (at best). Meanwhile, the Occupy Movement is really starting to focus on long term sustainable systems for our future. I heard some great things on a recent Coast to Coast show on their last summit and some new ground rules from another source here. Not that it will likely mean anything anytime soon, but I appreciate their sentiment. Meanwhile, the Right takes their marching orders from Exxon Mobile…well, I don’t.

“I do what I want!!!”

—Cartman

Apparently, gas prices are going to have to climb much higher before we start taking alternative energy seriously. It didn’t have to be that way, but you’ve been missing every memo on the subject of sustainable energy for, oh, about four decades now, so tough shit.

Also, after an exhaustive study conducted on approximately 1,400 professors across the nation, it found that college professors are slightly more conservative than the general population…NOT more liberal. Just add that to the long list of the GOP’s false assumptions, which now, if listed end-to-end, would reach from one end of Newt Gingrich’s ego to the other (okay, that’s an exaggeration). At this point, it’s really safe to say their entire world view is delusional—next to nothing pans out under the microscope, or even under the basement light bulb on a string.

I would have actually guessed more professors would be liberal as that’s part of the consciousness spiral, but, either way, is that the focus of each and every class? Is there really some diabolical coordinated plot? Did we all just pay our tuition fees each semester for some Loraxian-style brainwashing? “I am Dr. Lorax, I speak for the Ds.” I think I do remember him, actually…short guy, big moustache. And, I have to admit, I enjoyed taking Hollywood Celebrity Causes 101 and Advanced Sorosology as much as the next guy.

Face it, Matt Drudge combs the country for examples of this phenomenon and he comes up with about one a month. Frankly, there’s probably more teachers boinking their students than liberalizing them. Drudge, meanwhile, Cherry picks a whole host of headlines designed to anger and misinform the already angry and misinformed. Good work if you can get it. In fact, let’s look at The Drudge today: gun sales are up because people are frightened of Obama’s re-election.

Hmmmm. Soooo you’re all scared during this steady, albeit slow, recovery phase, but you weren’t scared during the whole….horrible decisions that led to …… catastrophic……… global…….. What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

I know, you’re worried about spending. So let’s end all of the Right’s unfunded policies, today. No? Congress got your tongue? Oh, I get it, you’re worried Obama is going to take away your gun rights, because clearly—no, I’m being told there’s no evidence for that either. Wow. Let’s go back to the bullshit about all higher education is liberal brain washing. I feel we’re on stronger ground there…and by stronger ground, I’m envisioning the lightening sand from the Fire Swamp.

For homework, please review the three dangers of the Fire Swamp and pay particular attention to the R.O.U.Ss, the Republicans Of Unusual Size. It might explain Newt’s head and solar system sized ego.

To bring this tangential point home, I have six years of higher education under my belt and never remember one liberal rant at a lecture. But those who have never set foot in a classroom are all convinced otherwise. And sorry Sean Hannity, but dumb should not be the new smart. That’s just fucking dumb.

I also believe the Right’s version of religion, namely fundamentalism, is not based on a deep metaphysical understanding of the cosmos, but of a collective arrested development (CAD). Check out my related article here. Yes, in almost every category I find these folks increasingly laughable. Yet they remain dead serious in their struggle to unthink their way to freedom and economic stability via a culture war of their own creation. Good luck with that.

The culture war can be summed up thusly: the people crying the loudest are actually more prone to impose their beliefs on others, than vice versa. For example, my decision to not own a dog will never affect you, but your decision may get me bitten, or keep me up all night, or force me to clean shit from my lawn. I don’t know where this analogy is going, but I feel similarly about Republicans. And I better not catch you shitting on my lawn again Limbaugh! I set up cameras!

What we do know is Fox News has an ongoing and very effective propaganda campaign that has convinced almost half the country of a whole laundry list of mistruths. That’s a fact…unlike the things you tend to cite in your articles, namely falsehoods. Our comedians, the real journalists today, have uncovered the internal memo machine over at Fox News here. The problem remains: half of the population already knows this and the other half supports it anyway.

I will continue to try to find any valid points or arguments from the Right. They must exist! They must! At this time, I would like to give a free pass to those few Ron-ulans out there (not to be confused with the Klingons). I think Ron Paul’s followers represent a distinctive third party mentality that should be nurtured and supported. They have figured out the Republican version of empire is certainly a large part of how we got here. Unfortunately, some of Ron Paul’s ilk remain enmeshed with the Tea Party, a faction of our society almost completely devoid of merit. Some are also prone to bouts of Foxeteerinism, a treatable condition, which can be countered by simply introducing a steady diet of facts into your normal daily news regiment. Let’s find real reasons to hate Obama, not make them up. I’m looking for them too and if you would just zip it long enough, I just might find some.

Ron Paul is a genuine and consistent candidate (as I have said for about a decade) and IF he’s being booted from the election illegally, which may well be true, then we no longer live in a Democracy. The Right should cover this story. It could be HUGE! I’ll just hold my breath on that one….

How about a wager? I think the Ron Paul being excluded from the Democratic race has more merit than nine out of ten of your “scandals”. There’s no info on it and no one is covering it. This is just a hunch, but my hunches have thus far proven much more accurate than your “facts”.

You see, Ron Paul getting the Democratic shaft may actually pan out, so it’s of no interest to a Foxeteer. To them real scandals are passé in their fairyland of unicorns and pixie dust. Oh wait, they hate fairies. Scratch that.

The Republican Party isn’t tearing itself apart; there’s nothing to tear apart. They’re a joke, hewn into the rock-solid-likeness of Sean Just–Splicing-in-Some-Footage Hannity, through the tried and true Chisel of Misinformation.

Oh, and by the way, I wrote a scroller joke on this site the day the contraceptive scandal broke, basically saying: well, I haven’t really looked into this yet, but if Fox News is up in arms about it, it’s probably bullshit. Well, the evangelical overreach is backfiring right on cue and Obama actually got the resulting bump from female voters. Any other bullshit scandals, folks? Then maybe we can just skip the election entirely and just pull a Putin.

The GOP is only united in their hatred for Obama. I may or may not vote for Obama next round. I have wanted a truly third party to emerge for a long time. But I’ll tell you who I won’t vote for…a group who prefers a depression over a recession, an incompetent foreign policy over a competent one, and stupidity over brains. The GOP is a group feverishly defending the very policies that got us here. If that’s not enough, they want to embroil us in another war with Iran, regardless if there are other viable options remaining. Can you imagine what the world would look like or what our economy would look like after this next Clusterfuck to Freedom? Well, it will go smoother if Obama handles it. He tends to do these things cheaper and more effectively, you know, as translated by Fox News 0 for 2.

The Republicans don’t like chess, they want to play checkers. None of that thinking three moves ahead crap, that’s for those elite European socialist types. We have bombs, drop em’! Oh, and King Me, bitch! What?….they can only move diagonally? Shit.

Now shhhh. Let Obama think. Unlike your candidates, he still has that in his arsenal. Besides, your handy work in Iraq is still lingering in the air, like the flatulent turd ball that is the GOP.

For homework, please work flatulent turd ball into a complete sentence.