Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

25 Conservatives: 37 Psych Diagnoses

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Mick Zano

Why is the GOP doomed, you ask? I came across this list of the 25 most influential conservatives of 2013. At any given moment, nine out of ten of these folks qualify for my state’s involuntary psychiatric commitment process. But, on a good note, the Affordable Care Act should help cover their inpatient stays.

Check out the list, here. How long can one political party bank on the defunding of education as their sole long term strategic plan? At this rate, I’m afraid we’re going to find out.  A reader recently asked, “Hey, both sides are crazy, Hannity, Olbermann, Limbaugh. You used to hate everybody, Zano, what happened?”

Umm, dude, Olbermann is gone—long gone. That’s the difference. The left has at least some ability and mechanisms in place to police themselves. I’m talking to you, Sharpton. Meanwhile, the GOP has waaaaay more to fix, yet incredibly, they haven’t even identified the problem. Did you read that republican list? If any of them come near my child, I’m calling the police.  Knowing people like that are wandering around our districts makes me want to rethink my position on gun control legislation. Kidding, just start funding mental health.

This list is a snapshot in time of the relative mental health and wellbeing of the Republican Party.

This list is a snapshot in time of the relative mental health and wellbeing of the Republican Party

Malkin? Drudge? Limbaugh? Hannity? Beck? Palin? Boehner? The Koch Brothers (aka, Pinkie and the F-ing Brain)? McConnell? Brent Bozo (who I destroy here and here). Really? Most influential? No Ann Coulter, but I’m sure she came in at #26.

Here’s the Dems 25 most influential members:

  1. Olbermann
  2. Olbermann
  3. Michael Moore
  4. Olbermann
  5. Nancy Pelosi
  6. Olbermann
  7. Olbermann
  8. Oprah
  9. The View
  10. Oprah while a guest on The View
  11. Olbermann
  12. (Ibid through 25)

This is what the GOP thinks constitutes the Dem’s side, but it’s a joke list. The GOP’s list is real, but is a joke. Oh, and Greg Gutfield, Fox’s Red Eye guy, also made their cut. I admit two comedians would make the Dem side, Stewart and Maher, but they’ve earned it. They give thoughtful interviews, they host great shows and sometimes they actually break news…oh, and more importantly, they’re funny. Besides, I prefer cynical and right over douchey and wrong, every time…and more importantly, I’m funny.

A successful Republican revival, especially in their current avatard, would spell doom. It would spell doom incorrectly, of course, but it would be doom nevertheless. There’s no doubt in my Malkin. The world is far too dangerous, the global economy is far too fragile, our issues are far too complex to allow their disturbing grade school ideology anywhere near The White House.  Luckily, I don’t think it’s going to happen, well, thanks to my strong work and the staunch support of my seven fans.

[Winslow’s Note: I just checked the stats and seven is a bit of an exaggeration]

The only two brains on the whole list are McCain and Krauthammer, but McCain is the Brain of Christmas Past and Krauthammer remains articulately wrong on any given topic.  And he represents the cream of their Krauthammer. I, as a behavioral health type dude, once collectively diagnosed the GOP thusly:

Axis I: Cognitive Disorder NOS

Axis II: Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Paranoid Traits

Rule out: Fictitious Disorder

Axis III: erectile dysfunction

Axis IV: socioeconomic problems caused by numerous unfunded programs and wars, while supporting ongoing unsustainable tax cuts to the rich

GAF: 35

This never gets old, because it’s accurate. Full article here.  But when I wrote this, the GOP was healthier. I will say it again, their only hope to regain power is a 2nd and final collapse, which becomes more likely with every non-decision they make.  The GOP seems insistent on our demise.

Don’t believe me? Another over-the-top statement? An Andrew Sullivan-style a Michael Moore award moment? Every time something horrible has happened in recent history, something tangible—something that personally impacted me or my finances—a republican was most culpable. Meanwhile, they’re worried about a whole host of abstractions, fantasy scenarios, and what-ifs, aka Fringe politics. And in their world I hope the Observers win.

Ben Bernanke cited one of the main reasons he’s not turning off the Fed spigot yet: the uncertainty of the GOP shutting down the government. It was similar when Standard and Poor’s downgraded us; they cited the Tea Party. If we all lose our shirts next month because a stock market crash caused by the perpetually misinformed, can we please start deporting republicans? Isn’t it time? But what country would have them? Hey, I got it! What’s one more settlement in the West Bank…between friends?
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You Don’t Know Why It’s Bush’s Fault? Syriaously?

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Mick Zano

Really? Nothing registering? The famous Foxeteer flat line?  Let me splain’. Last week England, our staunchest ally, said, “Piss off. We’re not helping.” Know why they said that?  Still nothing?  Perhaps I should resort to finger puppets, or at least one finger.

Has the GOP purged the Bush years from their memory banks or are they simply incapable of retaining or processing new information? I initially started this article because the recent Drudge Report headline entitled Carville: I Blame Bush… I share James Carville’s sentiment, not because I want to rehash shit, but in this case it happens to be true.

Listen up, the age of America’s willingness or ability to police the world has ended. Film at eleven. I am not as Isolationist as the Pauls, but a step or two in that directions is both warranted and inevitable. At the sound of the further cracking Liberty Bell, it’s the 21st century. Sure we can blow shit up, real good, but then what? We have no strategic allies and we have few options to handle Assad without inciting a potentially larger regional confrontation and let’s put this into the historical context of we’re still barely recovering from Bush’s global economic handiwork.

Credibility…
Credibility…Why we STILL don’t have any
Why we STILL don’t have any

With nothing in his hand but a pair of fours, Obama is somehow making shit happen…again. And if another Bushie comments on our foreign policy decisions I am authorizing domestic drone strikes. With a straight face, Dick Cheney recently said Benghazi was the worst terrorist attack this country ever faced, ignoring the dozens of embassy attacks on his own watch, not to mention…I’m not mentioning it. Donald Rumsfeld, last week, said the case has not been made to strike Assad, and even Sarah Palin added, “So we’re bombing Syria because Syria is bombing Syria? And I’m the idiot?”

Dear Sarah,

Umm, yes….yes you are.

Sincerely,

Reality

Of course, she’s the same woman who said the Iraq War was part of God’s plan. I guess God and Halliburton have similar goals, profit and death, but saving kids from being butchered by chemical weapons? Naaah. Wasn’t it Jesus who authorized the use of mustard gas on the money-changers? I believe that happened during his Sarin on the Mount.

I have taken a rather lengthy break from cable television, namely because:

MSNBC = Sorry, the Travon bullshit was too much. I always said Fox Left wouldn’t work on many liberals.

CNN = They hired MCs, not journalists. You can say any extreme and idiotic statement you want, left or right, and their anchors will simply smile and say, “Next up the dancing bear!” They are not neutral, they’re flat line.

Fox  = Sentient creatures need not apply.

Despite this hiatus, on what I thought might be the eve of Iraq part deux, curiosity got the better of me. I flipped between Maddow and Hannity for about a half an hour. Maddow was discussing the rationality of military strikes, what such an engagement might look like and explored other viable options. She also interviewed Hans Blix, a key inspector during the moments leading up to the Iraq War. It was a great piece. Hannity, meanwhile, straight from the Planet Kolab—well, I could only watch for about six minutes before projectile vomiting onto my flat screen.

Mr. Hannity chose to spend his time discussing how Obama lied about his “red line” quote on chemical weapons. Apparently Obama completely changed his tune by saying, “Hey, I didn’t even set this red line at chemical weapons, the world did.” According to Sean, this is a total flip flop from his original position—er, unless you happen to understand thoughts and the organization of words into something I like to call sentences.  Then the brunette on his show said something like, “Isn’t America sick of the entanglements in the Middle East, like Egypt and Libya?” Then she adds, “…and remember Benghazi where four Americans died?!”

Lest we forget, but…Egypt and Libya?

“Four dead in Libya. How many more?”

—Neil Young

Do I really need to explain how stupid that statement is? Probably, but I’m not going to. Honey Boo Boo is on.

Dear Fox News,

You screwed the pooch on Iraq and on the potential eve of a war on Syria, during prime time, you’re less insightful? How is that even possible?

Sincerely,

Reality

I said Iraq would keep coming back to bite us and, as it turns out, Shark Week over on Discovery has much less of that sort of thing. Iraq is very relevant to the world’s inability to act or back us in any action. Obama faces a terrible decision in Syria, a decision made more terrible by the historical context. Yes, the Bush years matter. Duh. If he takes action we will go it alone. The U.S. will always be questioned now and, lest we forget, historically our interventions in the Middle East make Lindsay Lohan’s exploits seem organized and productive.

Assad keeps mentioning the Iraq War as a deterrent here and, hell, it’s why Iran became so emboldened in the first place. Obama can’t mention the ghost of Iraq so he keeps citing Reagan and Clinton conflicts and Bush STILL can’t venture outside of square states, let alone the country.  Our former President could still be tried at The Hague. Of course, Bush isn’t concerned about this, because he still thinks that’s Reagan’s former Secretary of State.

[Winslow’s note: I don’t think he even gets that. I think he thinks The Hag is his mother.]

No matter what this president does, he will remain a scapegoat for the factually impaired (My Pet Scapegoat groaner omitted). The GOP bashed Obama for not seeking congressional approval on Syria and then, when he did, they painted him as a coward or as Krauthammer asserted, “An amateur.”

Dear Republicans,

You can’t have everything, both ways, yet still manage to botch every issue. That’s not even possible. Just because you don’t believe in the laws of physics, doesn’t mean you get to break them.

Sincerely,

Newton

This congressional vote is a farce anyway, presidents can do whatever they want post Bush. I seem to remember opposing that.  Obama tends to waffle and waiver and then does something for about nine dollars that gets all of our goals met without breaking an F-ing finger nail, so by all means waffle away, sir. I agree, this doesn’t look good, but I’m not giving up. This is guy is good. I am against an intervention in Syria, albeit barely. Thus far Obama has done amazingly well avoiding any major conflicts. He knocked off a lot of al-Qaeda’s leadership, including Bin Laden, with drones. He knocked the Iranian nuclear program back years with a computer virus, and his Libya intervention cost us less than one of his presidential vacations.

Obama’s results are impressive, while they tend to save treasure and lives. I still believe he will go down in history as having a crafty foreign policy. It’s not evident at the moment, mainly due to the misinformation on the right, but the truth has a way of eventually poking out, like—

[Anthony Weiner joke omitted by editor].

Dear President Obama,

About Syria, everyone in the world thinks you’re botching this shit but me. I love the way you perseverate over shit. It is soooo much better than being decisively wrong, aka the Republican Model. Questioning and planning is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.

From Zano with love

P.S. You never got back to me about the sweater. Smoochies xoxo.

Think about it, Obama’s plea has forced the EU and the UN to take this matter seriously without dropping bomb one. If the Russian plan works, it would be amazing. He’s trying to get everything we want for Christmas for about five dollars. To me, he always seems several steps ahead of everyone else, especially the GOP. Or as Andrew Sullivan puts it Meep Meep. I was ahead of Andrew on this one, as I never lost confidence—at least totally.

Meanwhile, the GOP will always shoot first and ask questions later, also known as: Operation Why Did I Just Shoot Myself In The Foot?

When I started this blog I considered myself an integral independent—yeah, I’m not explaining that again. But politically I have shifted to liberal, not out of some great love for liberals, but they at least—or should I say those liberals elected—tend to make mountains into mole hills, not mole hills into mountains. Example, Benghazi is a mole hill. Failing to prevent the real 9/11 and then invading the wrong country is a mountain. Obama is a mole hill man and we should all be grateful for that. The three or more additional land wars McCain or Romney would have blundered us into by now should give us all pause.

(pause)

Dangit, I wrote this nearly a week ago and now people are swinging around to my way of thinking. Drat.

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The Deplorable Care Act: ObamaCare 101

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Mick Zano

Republicans are derailing Obamacare! Like it needed any help. Back in the day, when I directed my blogger-wrath toward those who thought the Surge in Iraq was a good idea, I, the anti-American hippy liberal I am, still prayed it would work. And I don’t pray often, unless there’s a cop behind me or I’m providing a urine sample for my HR director.

Sure I was against the Surge, but I didn’t try to derail it. I didn’t personally go to Iraq and plant any IEDs to thwart the effort, but Republicans…?  Look, I have been pessimistic about the successful implementation of ObamaCare since its inception, here. I thought it would be difficult for a country as dysfunctional as our own to pull off such a feat but, again, I prayed it would work. Republicans? Naaah. They’re too patriotic.

I was concerned at the time, not about the concept, but about the timing. I still remember how Hillary’s Managed Care got diced up in the 90s. When our politicians got through with it, it wasn’t managed, nor was it care. And this all occurred when we had money. More importantly, at the precise moment Obama was first pushing the Affordable Care Act, I was personally on a soup line.  

No soup for you!

Actually, I was eating a lobster bisque at Brio’s, but I did have to scrutinize between Chardonnay by the glass or by the bottle. It was a tough time.

The GOP’s ObamaCare “Wisdom”:

A.) We don’t want to insure more Americans! That’s a slippery slope to giving a shit.

B.) Sure this was our idea, but when have we ever been right about anything? (Oddly, this one resonates with me.)

C.) We are content with our current business-crushing healthcare costs, minus all of that pesky competence. Yep, unless you’re the 1%, the U.S.’s healthcare system is starting to slip in every measurable category. Wait, that’s a Fox reference…never mind.

America: the Best Healthcare in the World…
America: The Best Healthcare in The World…If your name is Mitt Romney
If your name is Mitt Romney

*Oh wait, George W. Bush’s last procedure is being questioned. Check out Even U.S. Presidents Don’t Always Get The Best Health Care. Where Does That Leave The Rest of Us? See full story over on Slate Mag.

So really nevermind…

D.) We are happy to spend all of our political capital derailing a healthcare system conceived by a man who won the Oval Office, twice, running on that theme.

Got Democracy? Not so much.

E.) We will continue to ignore the other 17 countries who absolutely LOVE their universal healthcare. To find a country in the west that would rather do away with their universal healthcare system see Voyager, which has just left our solar system. Much like Republican thought, Voyager is somewhere over the Ort Cloud. Wasn’t that a Judy Garland song?

“Instead of doing anything remotely meaningful, we’re going to focus on our collective wet dream of impeaching Obama, which there’s no case for, whatsoever, outside of our own delusional world.”

—John Q. Republican

It is astounding to me that Obamcare, which was essentially conceived as a conservative healthcare cost containment solution, has been so effectively demonized. Okay, it’s not. I’ve been covering this story since the Discord gnawed through its first server. I really appreciate republicans, but they’re such socialists.

The Washington Post’s Ezra Klein thinks this is precisely why the GOP is having such a hard time coming up with their own healthcare solution, because essentially ObamaCare is their own plan. I disagree. They have always been and always will be the dupes of insurance companies, CEOs, big Pharma, and anyone else who can convince them that if they mow their mansion’s lawn just right, they can move in soon. Their plan to curb costs is to ignore the problem. They, as always, will let the one percent thrive while the rest of us flounder in COBRA land.

Summary Alert: when I don’t vote for someone I have to watch that buffoon destroy the world and then when I do vote in a president, the republicans block everything he is trying to do anyway. Lovely.

Dear Mr. Obama,

At this point you need to focus on implementing the Affordable Care Act in those states where the political environment makes it conducive and feasible to do so, aka, no square states need apply. Pick and choose your babbles.

Sincerely,

Mick Zano

P.S. Did you like the sweater?

Dear GOP,

You can’t do everything in your power to make sure something doesn’t work and then say “I told you so.” It’s similar to the GOP’s bullshit complaint #634: Obama hasn’t passed a budget! Umm, did any of them make it through high school civics class? Certainly their Congressmen haven’t.

Sincerely,

Reality

If Governor Jan Brewer didn’t show some monster cojones, the Affordable Care Act would have died in my state of Arizona as well—you know, like our freedom/economy tends to under the leadership of libertarian/fiscal conservative types. Yeah, it’s opposite world, only they haven’t figured that out yet.

But Kudos to Brewer! Meanwhile, on a national level, do what is doable, Mr. Obama. If the ACA works well in some places and lousy in others, we can do our R and D checklist….well, some of us can. I believe it will work in some places, but not so much in others. I think Ohio is a real interesting experiment. Republicans scored a huge victory by adding an amendment to their constitution that effectively blocks the ACA, here.  As usual a major victory for republicans can be translated roughly as Ohio is screwed. We will see, maybe I’ll be wrong this time ;).

Thus far those states who want this to work are farther along with its implementation. Insurance premiums have flat-lined for the first time in my adult life and many, many more people are not going to hover one illness or procedure away from ruin. 

Sorry Republican peeps, but personal responsibility ends at cancer. What you’re going to do, shoot it? Good luck with that.  Hold the phony! The Right thrives on fear. That’s it! That’s why they hate being insured. You can’t take away their fear; what would be left? Let’s just insure democrats. I wouldn’t want to upset the already edgy and think of the money we can save? It’s win-win.
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Fox News Mini-Series: Our Shrinking Deficit

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Mick Zano

Okay, maybe not. The right is ignoring the fact our deficit has reached pre-collapse levels. Actually there’s two important numbers, the deficit as compared to GDP and our overall debt. The first you won’t hear mentioned on Fox News and the second you won’t hear mentioned on MSNBC. But if current projections hold true, what will Fox News focus on then? Hint: it rhymes with Hi-Dumb-Deployment.

History has shown that Dems are much more adept at helping the middle class while decreasing deficits.

I always wonder what republicans think when they see a chart like this. Then I realize they’re always ready to produce some Bachmann-style counter:

Touché republicans, touché.

Here’s another glance at Obama’s handiwork.

So why is Obama’s economic approval rating reaching Bush levels of tankage? We still have the strongest recovery in the West. There are ever more positive signs emerging, so why is everyone going nuts?

Certainly Drudge’s and Fox’s Operation: Scare the Base has had some impact on perception. This is easily done, usually by showing repeated images of a black man in the Oval Office. Sometimes I think the GOP is funded by the makers of Xanax. Still other times I turn on Fox and need to score some. There’s a connection here…speaking of which, I need to meet mine outside of the Circle-K.

Remember when I was freaking out in 2007 and warned everyone of an imminent collapse? Well, this same blogger is saying, take a deep breath. We are certainly not out of the woods yet, but if our numbers are getting better, albeit barely, and republicans are even more worried, well, do the meth. Sorry, I think there was something in my Xanies.

The GOP is never worried when they should be and always worried when they shouldn’t be. Much of my confidence stems from their unease. Republican fear has always been a clear indicator of a hope.

Just before the great recession Fox News was suggesting that everyone “keep buying shit to avoid a market slump.” I’ll never forget this because I had an entirely different take, involving a global economic collapse and eating bugs.

The GOP remains a decade or more behind the times. They’ve figured out—just this week—that parts of the Patriot Act have implications for our civil rights, and any day now I’m waiting to hear, “Hey, you know, I don’t think Iraq had anything to do with 9/11.”

Whereas I, too, am not convinced our economic numbers are as great as they seem, it’s still an improvement—at a time when I doubted improvement was even possible. Basically our overall debt is still increasing while our deficit as percentage to GDP is shrinking. Some of this is due to something the Feds call less-projected-debt (LPD), better known as semantics. And these numbers are also positively impacted by the ongoing devaluation of our currency, which remains scary. But, keep in mind, I predicted we’d be toast already. Obama is playing our last hand well. Sure he’s bluffing, but it’s a good bluff. Why do we need to bluff? (See: republican economic policies).

And, actually, I rate success by avoiding a complete collapse. I put success into the context of our ongoing decline, which I would rather see take generations than minutes. Hint: we’ve been circling the drain since W departed. Bush, the other white meathead.

Look, the Fed and the Paul Krugman’s of the world have shown much more insight during this economic crisis (this republican created crisis). They’ve done things that I can’t claim to understand, but they have fairly accurately predicted the economic impacts of their actions. The GOP…umm, has never done that, regardless of the topic.

Here’s an assessment of Obama that will make no sense to Republicans—but it will to historians.

“Obama has always been a pragmatist (not a leftist) in economics, and I’d argue that his response to the Great Recession was easily the best of any Western leader because of it. Maybe this isn’t clear now; but in the end, it will be and is already validated by the evidence. I believe that, in the end, that evidence will be critical, if Obama can deploy it effectively to make his case. And in the context of the strongest growth among Western developed countries, he can.”

—Andrew Sullivan

I will take a party any day that gets things occasional right over a bunch who can’t seem to realize they’re always wrong.
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Say It With Me Republicans: Re-Trac-Tion

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Mick Zano

The IRS “scandal” lives. Sorry, I seem to get totally sucked in every time I approach the GOP’s non-event horizon (a Barack hole?). This time I demand a retraction! Dear Fox Newsers, no one ever “refutiated” the IRS’s targeting of the Tea Party, aka, you’re new evidence is not new. But the other findings from the IRS investigation are relevant. Our next term is confirmation bias.

Say it with me everyone: Con-Fir-Ma-Tion Bi-As.

The Oxford Dictionary:Confirmation Bias (noun)

The tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories.

The Answer: Confirmation Bias
The Answer: Confirmation Bias, The Question: Why Fox News turns a profit?
The Question: Why Fox News turns a profit?

You can’t keep changing the subject or asking another fool question, or repeating what we already know to keep a scandal alive. Yeah, I’m talking to you Brent Bozo over on NewsBusters. First, you need to admit you were wrong and try to move one-flipping-iota closer to something I like to call journalism…you know, before shifting your attention crapward again.

Specifically, I want the GOP to make a retraction regarding Obama’s involvement in the IRS “scandal”. Hint: it’s not a White House scandal if the White House is not involved. Weird, I know. Keep in mind, your retraction can be submitted in prose, sonnet, haiku, or whatever format will work with your base (I would go with a limerick: there once was a man from the Potomac?).

Let’s take one liberal for example, me, I never denied that the IRS was targeting conservatives…but one more bullshit headline and I will likely approve the practice. I called bullshit when the GOP turned the story into bullshit. Hint: this usually happens somewhere amidst their first headline.

Here’s my initial comment the day the story broke:

“The IRS thing has yet to be linked to the White House. If a connection is found, Obama is in big trouble. That is not the case today, nor am I predicting a connection will be made. But that won’t stop the GOP. I can’t wait until they get desperate.” 

—Mick Zano, The Daily Discord

Dear reader,

I, Mick Zano, would like to make a retraction. I’m not nearly as excited as I originally thought I would be about the whole “can’t wait until the GOP gets desperate” thing. 

Sorry. My bad.

Zano

See how easy retractions can be? Now you try it. Here’s an example:

“Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if we’ve ever been right about anything since Reagan.”

—John Q. Republican

Here’s what happened immediately after the story broke:

Peggy Noonan called the IRS “scandal” Obama’s Watergate, Darrell Issa said the President lied, Dick Morris predicted impeachment, and Fox News—in true Iraq-was-behind-9/11-fashion—immediately implicated that the President gave the order to target the Tea Party.

Dear Bill O’Reilly and the rest of the wrong brigade, say it with me: Re-Trac-Tion:

Once again a spoof news bloggerist has shown more insight than everyone else on the Right combined. Hint: sadly, it’s not really much of an achievement. If I put in one tenth of your collective effort I could post much more damaging posts on Obama, aka, you’re not helping. You’re not competent. You’re simply a distraction.

The IRS investigation found several interesting things:

1.) The IRS targets everyone applying for tax exempt status (shocking).

2.) The numbers for those scrutinized has recently been higher for right wing groups (thus the GOP’s first headlines).

3.) The investigation found systemic problems, for sure, to the point of dysfunction in some offices. But there was little to no coordinated partisanship in amongst IRS employees.

4.) There’s still no evidence whatsoever of any mandate to target conservatives from the White House.

Here’s my prediction for how the IRS will “fix” their problem. They will increase scrutiny on progressive groups seeking tax exempt status as well. That’s it. Wow. Thanks. Soooo, I ask again. Who cares?  You’re taking one fact, which in and of itself is pretty meaningless, and extrapolating to the point of—oh, who am I kidding, one fact is improvement for these folks. Nice work everybody.

Here’s what the next Drudge headlines should look like:

Every Rock in D.C. Overturned and Still No IRS/Obama Link

IRS Investigation: Workers Not Partisan and Don’t Know Much About the Tea Party

IRS Functioning Similarly Douchey for Over a Century

Have you ever noticed the headline progression from Fox News? They typically go from fact, to extrapolated fact. Then, once all their premises are disproven, they shift to the bullshit question phase:

Do Obama’s Children Know About Their Father’s IRS Transgressions?

Will Biden Take the Fall for Obama’s IRS Mess?

“Who’s To Blame?” Demands One Asshole Republican Who Still Wants Answers

Despite the inability of the GOP to birth a retraction during the Bush years, or a relevant scandal during the Obama years……no, I think I’ll end there.

Or, on second thought, maybe here:

“The IRS Scandal Is Worse Than Watergate” —Peggy Noonan
“The IRS Scandal Is Worse Than Watergate” —Peggy Noonan Next week kids see Noonan jump an embassy in Libya
Next week kids see Noonan jump an embassy in Libya
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GOP Moving More Conservative? Whaah?

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Mick Zano

Really? Moving further right? And here I thought some of the Foxeteers were starting to Google words like insight and reality. Oh wait, that could get you on the terrorist watch list. The good news is this: a shift to an even more radical conservatism means they will never hold power again. In that case, proceed Governor.

I recently posted an article wherein I pointed to some signs of life from the moderate republican lands, here. In retrospect, I should have known… 

Here’s the New York Times quote that triggered this rant:

“Fifty-four percent believe that party leaders need to move in a more conservative direction, while only 40 believe that they need to move in a more moderate direction.”

—Charles Blow, New York Times

Where do they find these people? And let’s reiterate that old meme, what is the matter with F-ing Kansas? When you make less sense now than during the Bush years, umm…DISBAND!!! Hint: there wasn’t supposed to be a “down” from the Bush years (Barock O’Bottom?). On a good note, this may help prove the existence of other dimensions as identified in physics’ String Theory.

I’ve given up on the GOP. We’re probably better off when they’re inventing scandals, as opposed to implementing economic policies. You see, I don’t fear stories like “guy still dead on border” or “guy still dead in Libya.” I fear these headlines:

Ryan Plan in Effect

President Cruz Inauguration

Iran Nuclear Sites Hit By Israel

U.S. Ground War in Syria

Don’t like those headlines? Then keep republicans out of office, aka, let them keep doing their thing; it’s called imploding. To me it’s a beautiful, beautiful sound—unless, of course, you’re into unnecessary wars and economic downturns—in which case, they will be missed.

Why don’t republicans spend time researching the causes and breakdowns of the 13 embassy attacks under Bush? Hint: there were twelve more of those—just think of all the bullshit headlines! Hey, as it turns out, the Middle East is Dangerous: who knew? Here’s a list of all the well-handled Bush bombings as listed by Bob Cesca here.

January 22, 2002. Calcutta, India: Gunmen associated with Harkat-ul-Jihad al-Islami attack the U.S. Consulate. Five people are killed.

June 14, 2002. Karachi, Pakistan: Suicide bomber connected with al-Qaida attacks the U.S. Consulate, killing 12 and injuring 51.

October 12, 2002. Denpasar, Indonesia: U.S. diplomatic offices bombed as part of a string of “Bali Bombings.” No fatalities.

February 28, 2003. Islamabad, Pakistan: Several gunmen fire upon the U.S. Embassy. Two people are killed.

May 12, 2003. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: Armed al-Qaida terrorists storm the diplomatic compound killing 36 people including nine Americans. The assailants committed suicide by detonating a truck bomb.

July 30, 2004. Tashkent, Uzbekistan: A suicide bomber from the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan attacks the U.S. Embassy, killing two people.

December 6, 2004. Jeddah, Saudi Arabia: Al-Qaida terrorists storm the U.S. Consulate and occupy the perimeter wall. Nine people are killed.

March 2, 2006. Karachi, Pakistan (again): Suicide bomber attacks the U.S. Consulate killing four people, including U.S. diplomat David Foy who was directly targeted by the attackers. (I wonder if Lindsey Graham or Fox News would even recognize the name “David Foy.” This is the third Karachi terrorist attack in four years on what’s considered American soil.)

September 12, 2006. Damascus, Syria: Four armed gunmen shouting “Allahu akbar” storm the U.S. Embassy using grenades, automatic weapons, a car bomb and a truck bomb. Four people are killed, 13 are wounded.

January 12, 2007. Athens, Greece: Members of a Greek terrorist group called the Revolutionary Struggle fire a rocket-propelled grenade at the U.S. Embassy. No fatalities.

March 18, 2008. Sana’a, Yemen: Members of the al-Qaida-linked Islamic Jihad of Yemen fire a mortar at the U.S. Embassy. The shot misses the embassy, but hits nearby school killing two.

July 9, 2008. Istanbul, Turkey: Four armed terrorists attack the U.S. Consulate. Six people are killed.

September 17, 2008. Sana’a, Yemen: Terrorists dressed as military officials attack the U.S. Embassy with an arsenal of weapons including RPGs and detonate two car bombs. Sixteen people are killed, including an American student and her husband (they had been married for three weeks when the attack occurred). This is the second attack on this embassy in seven months.

To be clear, for our less than insightful friends on the right, I’m not blaming Bush for all these attacks, I’m blaming the GOP for….umm, whatever hay they are trying to make out of Obama’s numero uno. We could bring these other Bush attacks under scrutiny, but my time is valuable.

Of course, if we add all the American embassy attacks in Baghdad between 2001 and 2008, even Steven-fucking-Hawking couldn’t count that high. This never even hit my radar during the Bush years, yet a single attack with four dead—in tranquil Libya—is somehow Obama’s biggest scandal? Rrrrright. Oh I get it, we needed a land war in Libya to remove Kaddafi. That would have kept the death toll down, fer sure. Do you have any idea how much money we saved having a liberal handle our foreign policy for the last five years? Of course you don’t (I defer to Hawking).

Hey, that’s it! Obama only had one attack on his watch, which allows the right to talk about it endlessly. The trick is to have something go horribly wrong every day so the scrutiny is kind of lost to the backdrop of all the bombs and the bloodshed. Well played President Bush, well played.

Here’s the fatality score card:

Embassy Deaths

Bush: 96¹

Obama: 4

War in Iraq

Bush: 5,000 +

Obama: 0²

War in Afghanistan

Bush: 575

Obama: 1,576³

Domestic Terrorism Deaths

Bush: 3,000 +

Obama: 4

1. This is minus the Baghdad embassy attacks, because I have to be at work tomorrow.

2. I’m not attributing any deaths to Obama. He didn’t support this war and he ended it quickly. All deaths are on Bush’s and Blair’s hands. Macbeth quote omitted.

3. Bush took Kabul and left the real war effort for his replacement (admittedly Obama should have bailed).

Make no mistake, something could go horribly wrong tomorrow, but to bludgeon Obama again and again on his, thus far infinitely better record sounds a bit republican… Oh, and today, as I write this post, Senator Lindsey Graham said, “Al-Qaeda is on steroids after the Benghazi attack.” Okay, so what exactly were they on when embassy attacks were more deadly and more frequent? It must have been some really potent terror-enhancing substances.

Republicanism has become an illness, one I hope never goes airborne. Their version of reality makes no sense anymore to anyone but themselves.  If we keep them out of office, there’s hope for this country, albeit not much. The damage they have done, in my opinion, remains insurmountable.

Trying to create a scandal out of some sheer force of will says more about republicans than it does our president. Back in the day we didn’t have to invent scandals. They grew naturally right from the fecund soil of republican policies. We never had to look hard, or extrapolate, or ask questions like:

Doesn’t The President Realize Libya Is A Dangerous Place?

Can We Build A Wall Along The Southern Border Of The U.S. To Keep Libyans Out?

Ambassador Killed In Libya Still Dead at This Hour

Are Illegal Libyans Mowing Your Lawn, Right Now?!

Now they’re saying CIA operatives were on the ground in Benghazi at the time of the attack. Hold the phony, it’s from CNN! Okay, let’s find out what’s up with that. It’s stunning to me that the CIA has covert overseas operations going on. What next, cops brazenly donning badges and guns in public?! It’s an outrage.

Here’s a wonderful comparison:

Cheney starting the Secret Police who could pick anyone up anywhere, American citizen or otherwise, without due process and then torture them = being a Constitution-loving American

Covert CIA operations in a fucked up part of the world sworn to secrecy for reasons of national security = impeach!

I too would like to know what the CIA was doing there and if there was an opportunity to intervene in the embassy attack. Other allegations have thus far been “refutiated”. Today this remains a bullshit witch-hunt (BWH). Hint: let’s leave scandals and the questioning of pertinent people to journalists. Hint #2: you should get some of those.

As for Benghazi, thus far the only Fox headline that proved accurate was the day of the attack:

Embassy Bombed In Libya: Four Dead.

They should have stopped there. In fact, they should just stop.

Historians have their own top 10 scandals for U.S. history and, as of yet, no Obama “scandal” seems to rate. Currently out of the top 10 scandals in U.S. history 8 involved a republican president and a mere 2 involved a democrat. And the two Ds, well, let’s put it this way:

Republican scandals = screwing the American people

Democrat scandals = screwing (just screwing)

If republicans got laid more often maybe they wouldn’t be so unhinged. Oh, and three of the top 10 occurred during the Bush years:

#1. The Downing Street Memo (2002): Don’t remember the number one scandal in U.S. history? Of course you don’t. News from that same day over on Fox was: Is Iraq Really To Blame For 9/11?

#2. NSA surveillance program (2001): Check out the vintage on this scandal. And here I thought it started last week. On that day Fox News was covering: Why Are Dems Questioning Important Tools Needed For The War On Terror?

#5 Abu Ghraib (2004): On this important day Fox News was covering Benghazi. I know weird, right? But a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger arrived in a time bubble and told them to start the diversion now. “Come with me if you want to lie.”

Nice work, George, #1 and #2. Hey, republicans are number one! Yet they still smell like number two. Sorry, just trying to reach a level of discourse they can understand.  I don’t know why torture isn’t on that list, but I’m sure it will eventually be added.

Bush never said “stop talking about my phony scandals” because, as it turns out, they weren’t phony. In fact, they were all true and many had huge implications for our civil rights, our economy and our collective future. Obama scandals, meanwhile, have huge implications for the five people who died and their families.

I have read all the info on these Obama scandals and, I’m not defending the president, I just don’t understand them. Scandals require facts, not a series of nonsensical leads or open-ended questions. Now there’s a coordinated effort to remind us each day how these bullshit scandals are not bullshit. Why would you have to do that if what you’re saying has any merit? I would say these diversions are actually impacting the functioning of our government but HAH! The republicans already took care of that.

Speaking of which, Sullivan is convinced Republican “thought” can’t exist too long outside the bubble:

“And in the end, you do actually have to leave the Fox News studios and actually do the minimal amount to keep the government actually functioning. When they get there, they fall apart. The solution? A huge effort to throw these nihilists out on their ears in 2014, or to forge some kind of alliance between the Senate and a sane bipartisan majority in the House. The latter won’t happen if Boehner wants to keep his job. The former is deemed unlikely or impossible.”

—Andrew Sullivan

Aka, good luck with that. Liberals understand we’re in a decline. At least Obama gives lip service to the actual problems we face (despite his mixed record regarding fixing things)—again, I give you dumb and dumber.

No matter how bad the liberals get, the Republicans are likely to remain infinitely worse. I believe this is by design. Keeping one group misinformed while keeping the elite fixated on the train wreck, well, it’s a great way to keep everyone’s eyes off the ball.

I for one must admit to looking like a catatonic blogger with a tick disorder. I can’t seem to divert my eyes (Republer-necking delays?). Every day they say something more outrageous and less factual than the day before.

Luckily, the GOP remains hopelessly divided between the Tea Party folks and the worst rand of libertarianism (pardon the Paul). This is my Venn Diagram-version of the state of the GOP. I believe it is accurate. Notice how someone who can link the Tea Party to reality is still sorely needed.

Zano's Venn Diagram

It’s funny because it’s true. This republican schism is a problem. I believe both sides rather tenuous relation to reality is going to make it very difficult for anything but a continued GOP-nosedive. And today I’m okay with that. We’ve reached a point of absurdity on the right, actually we reached it long ago. Republicans break shit, block any chance of a robust recovery, and then bitch about our decline. This is not just my opinion; this is how history will judge them. Actually our decline will be a stairway—steep downward steps under republican power and a continued holding pattern under the Dems. Much is unforeseen, but thus far I see no reason to think this predicted trend won’t continue—well, barring anything unforeseen like:

Was Obama Lounging By The Pool With His Cell Phone Off During The Assault On Benghazi?

Fun Fact: during 10 of the 13 embassy bombings under Bush he was clearing brush. I remember liking those times when he was clearing brush. It was so much safer for everyone as compared to when he was on the job.

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So What If I Pissed Off Parapsychologist Dean Radin?

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Mick Zano

Dean Radin is about the most prominent parapsychologist on the planet. But as the head of the Discord’s Elite Para-Abnormal Research Team (DEPART), I pack some serious blog clout myself. We had nearly a dozen page views yesterday. But I’ll let the readers decide who won this important impromptu iPhone exchange.

First off, I love Radin. I read his Conscious Universe a long time ago and I plan to get my hands on his latest book Supernormal shortly.  I am always trying to keep up with all the latest paranormal research. What? You thought I just learned this stuff from watching Ghostbusters?

Tell him about the Twinkie, Ray. It went Chapter 11.
Tell him about the Twinkie, Ray. It went Chapter 11.

In my opinion, Radin and Rupert Sheldrake are two of the greatest parapsychologists the 21st century. They are two scientists pushing the envelope in a forbidden area of research, often delegated to the factual freak show, the consciousness carnival (Bill Lie the Pseudo-Science Guy joke omitted).To the chagrin of the scientific community, they conduct scientific, peer-reviewed research that often casts into doubt the established scientific paradigm. Skeptics tend to dismiss their results, mostly because they haven’t actually read the research or they refuse to believe its implications—at least that’s what Alex Tsakiris is always going about during his popular “Skeptico” podcasts.

These guys bring great research to bear on the hot topics of psi phenomenon, alpha wave meditation, animal psi, remote viewing, and remote hot girl-on-girl psi alpha sorority viewing. Okay I made that last one up, but it sounds like I should look into that.

Here’s an overview: I believe science will eventually discover the mind is not limited to the brain. I know, I know…heady stuff (pardon the pun), but there is no—absolutely no—evidence that consciousness is housed solely the brain, so if there’s some evidence emerging to the contrary, do the math, or at least don’t be afraid of the math. That’s supposed to be the point of science.

I believe the brain is a filter which allows us to better function and understand this dimension. As I watch Alex Bone stumble over toward the bar I would like to add, some of us better than others. Anyway, I listened to the latest podcast on “Skeptico”, but I was kind of annoyed for a couple of reasons. For one, our host, Alex Tsakiris, took us on a side tangent wherein he takes the republican position that climate change isn’t happening.

Here’s the excerpt from “Skeptico”:

Dean Radin: So we are faced almost daily now with extremely unusual weather patterns and yet when we look at what’s happening in politics it’s as though this is nothing. And it actually doesn’t even matter what the cause is. What matters is it becomes a topic of discussion about what we do about it.

Alex Tsakiris:   But that’s really problematic because if we look at climate and we look at it scientifically, it’s just another rat’s nest. The biggest news scientifically in climate has to do with both the UN governing body and NASA coming out and saying that in the last 17 years there’s been no global warming.

So I sent this to Tsakiris:

Zano: I watched the latest Radin podcast: first off, I don’t know how anyone can refute climate change. Not only do 9 out of 10 climatologists think it’s happening, but—I don’t know why it’s never explained like this—but if you turn up the oven to 450 and it holds there for a time, you’re still cooking the bird. These are still the hottest years on record, pause or no, amidst the hottest century. The hike will resume at some point to 475 and at some point the bird will certainly burn.

Tsakiris:  Beuller? Beuller?

I am still awaiting his reply, but hey he friended me on Facebook, which is almost as …….jerk.

Back to parapsychology: Tskakiris is convinced the tables are finally tipping toward proof for a whole field of parapsychology currently regarded by the scientific community as “GOP House level bullshit.” But if no one “credible” is even looking, what’s the point?

I understand why there’s some hesitancy. When I once broached the subject of eastern wisdom and integralism, a professor friend of mine said, “I don’t want to believe that.” And that’s the problem.  Worse still, she also made me pay the tab.

You see, a scientist would say, eventually science will prove or disprove psi phenomenon. Umm, not really. Not if no one reads relevant studies, its results, or its implications. Here’s a relevant Sheldrake study here.  I am not particularly interested in whether or not my dog knows when I’m getting released from jail, because 1) I don’t own a dog, and 2) I was acquitted. But any pursuit of knowledge deserves a fair shake…not a roll over and play dead.

I am not, as yet convinced about psi research, but I have found the skeptics in this area are biased and somewhat douchey. I take exception to the fact that science refuses to even glance over and say who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? They have dismissed the whole matter without actually investigating it. Hell, that’s my job.

Oh, so then I went on to fill Tsakiris in on my exchange with Radin. What’s interesting about this is, not only did I get a response from Radin (which is exceedingly rare), but he iPhoned me back in less than five minutes…at about 11PM Pacific Time (obviously annoyed).

Zano: I just heard your recent “Skeptico” bit and I have enjoyed your work, but I was stunned no one mentioned Ken Wilber. A lot of the themes you discussed were mentioned in his Marriage of Sense & Soul. He would climb into your lab and has done similar things with controlling brainwaves, even halting them, while hooked up to an EEG. He wants to bring the scientific mind to the yogic and meditative traditions and would endorse anything that would get people more involved with meditation and integral thought.

Dean Radin: Yes, (through gritted teeth) I know Wilber’s work. I could have mentioned him along with many others (you insolent, punk). My new book is intended more for those who are practicing yoga and meditation but have never heard about the siddhis or Wilber, and may not be aware that science has been studying these ideas for over a century (are you aware it’s 11 PM Pacific Time and my iPhone makes this noise, you see. Bastard!).

Italic are implied.

Sent from my iPhone (which makes this annoying noise, you see)

So, essentially, I pointed out how I kind of already heard most of Mr. Radin’s themes from his recent podcast in a book I read more than 15 years ago.

See? That’s how you get a response, kids. Strike a chord (a discord?). Piss them off; it’s the only way to fly.

A pioneer in this area is also Daniel Goleman who covered the results of putting accomplished Buddhist monks into MRI machines. During his next study he plans to let them out. Oh, and Radin ignored my next comment about this because I was far too placating and conciliatory in my follow up email to his iPhone (which makes this annoying noise, you see)…and I probably should have never mentioned midget porn—an oversight.

The rest of the “Skeptico” podcast in question is essentially about Radin’s latest book, Supernormal, where he tries to use scientific technology to explore the states associated with mediation gurus and yogic masters. I have always believed this is important stuff. For those who don’t agree, science cannot explain how anyone can stay healthy squatting in the snow for a week or two, devoid of food and water, while streaming nearly endless midget porn. Okay, I made that last part up, but let’s see you try that Richard Dawkins. Are you up for the challenge? If so I can recommend some websites.

These monks can increase blood flow to little understood parts of the brain and even control their brainwaves. Integralist, Ken Wilber, has been encouraging folks to bring the scientific method and technology to bear when studying these ancient and powerful altered states of consciousness. Actually, so has the Dalia Lama, who can’t seem to get enough midget porn these days. Kidding, I’m sure he limits himself.

Wilber believes these siddhis, or altered states of consciousness, can be studied but they can only be validated by those fellow meditators. He believes only then can the scientific method be applied.

“The people who raise this objection are almost always people who don’t want to look through the instrument of meditation, just as Churchman refused to look through Galileo’s telescope and thus acknowledge the moons of Jupiter. Let them live with their refusal. But let us – to the best of our ability, and hopefully driven by the best of charity of compassion – try to convince them to look, just once, and see for themselves.”

—Ken Wilber

If Wilber is right then quite a reversal has occurred. Organized religion has squelched science for a long, long time but now, at least in one area of human knowledge, science is trying to return the favor. They are ready to dismiss any and all evidence.  They are, as Wilber asserts, “throwing out the (spiritual) baby with the bathwater.”

You may be wondering what spirituality has to do with meditation…well, that’s the kicker. People highly skilled at meditating start to share a similar world view similar to pantheism, as covered in my perennial philosophy feature here.

I have always marveled how we can so easily dismiss ages of human insight. Not everything subjective is bullshit; admittedly most of it is, but not everything. Let’s keep in mind, a highly skilled meditator’s mind is more efficient and is, by all accounts, working more optimally—even according to science. So why dismiss all of its introspective insights?

I am not at war with science. I’ll take a scientist over a republican any day of the week, but—and there’s a Kardashian style butt—if you truly let the science lead you where it will, you’re going to start feeling uncomfortable in the years ahead. Are you up for the journey?

Speaking of which, “don’t stop believing.”

Sorry. Edit that out.
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The Brewery Trap: “Let’s Get a Little One”

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Mick Zano

Flagstaff, AZ— We stepped right into it—right into a Hefescheiss as it’s called in Deutschland. Clearly the powers that be wanted us to stay. For the record, it was the only time I had ever gone to Mother Road Brewery for Purposes Other Than Ale (POTA). Hey, wasn’t POTA just struck down by the Supreme Court?

By the way, the Discord/Mother Road video is set to release July 13th… and I am just thankful we made it out of there before then. Our cameraman, Greg, and I needed to see about a P. A. system for our next video release extravaganza (VRE). Earlier we ran into Lauren @ Flag Brew, a Mother Road barkeep cheating on her alma malter, and she recommended a place adjacent to the brewery. As the dark clouds loomed, we drove the whopping two blocks southward.  I pulled into the brewery parking lot—something I never do—thinking, well, we’re only going to be here a few minutes…

As I have come to learn, never think…especially in italics.

Shit, the P. A. equipment is booked for the 13th, so we head back to my Impala, greatly saddened. Then we find a beer truck blocking our egress. The master brewer of Mother Road, Urs Riner, tells us they have a few pallets of malty magic to Mother Load, sooooo…

…Let’s just get a little one.

The guy’s name is Urs (Oars) Riner; isn’t that the coolest name for a brewer ever? I actually prefer Urs Light myself.

So we get a beer, which at Mother Road is not a great hardship. Their black IPA, Lost Highway, rocks. Just as we down the last of our hoppy goodness, the beer truck pulls away. We say our goodbyes to Sharon, the barkeep, and again head toward my Impala—we might has well have struck off for Mordor on ‘shrooms (which I have).

Just then a second beer truck pulls across the exit.

Crap.

Urs tells us it won’t be long to load but, still…

…Let’s just get a little one.

Halfway through this loading procedure the skies have some unloading to do themselves, and the area is assailed by dime-sized hail—which would have been awesome, were it legal tender.

Zano vs. the Hail

So, this freak storm of ice and rain grinds this beer loading procedure to a proverbeerial halt.

“Hey, Greg…”

“What?”

…Let’s just get a little one.

Did I mention they have 10 OZers @ Mother Road? …which is usually reserved for my filet mignon or NY strip, but these were desperate unsure times, like that time I wore a Free Mubarak T-shirt in Tahrir Square.

Finally the storm ends, the beer loading is complete, and those trapped by the weather and the business related activities were free to go…or so we thought.

The truck refused to move from the entrance.

Hey Greg…Let’s NOT get a little one.

We jump into my Impala and pull to the end of the parking lot and beep. The truck pulls forward and the beer gods finally permit our escape.  However, the flash flooding caused by the storm made for a harrowing ride home.

The Ride Home

The moral of this story? Never go to your favorite brewery in your hometown without ordering a pint; otherwise the Beer Gods have a way to exact revenge…on your entire town.

 Stupid Beer Gods.

Hey…Let’s just get a little one.
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Freedumb

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Mick Zano

Only three days after my post entitled Scandal Quest, wherein I discussed the only significant White House scandal, President Obama caved faster than a Bourne Ultimatum Jenga match. Sorry to drone on about this, but do you know why Obama is addressing my concerns? (Hint: they’re real.) Do you know why he’s not addressing the GOP’s concerns? (Hint: they’re not.)

The real issue is—and has been—the gross expansion of executive power that occurred post 9/11. Yeah, I’m done following Republican “logic”. It’s like watching my screen saver on ‘shrooms…and I’m never doing that again.

12 Hours Later:

Was that a unicorn? Anyway, I am sick of the GOP’s version of reality. Hell, I get more real meat off the Del Taco value menu.  And I’m not alone, it seems the White House has also been unable to crack the GOP’s Liable Code. Here’s my related cartoon this week:

Acronym Scandal Kit Score (ASKS):
Acronym Scandal Kit Score (ASKS)

Benghazi: WTF?

Solyndra: MGEIP (More Green Energy Investments, Please)

Fast & Furious: HST (Happening Since Truman)

NSA: MPB-GOP (Made Possible By GOP)

AP: MPB-GOP (Made Possible By GOP)

IRS: NLWH (No Link to White House)

Scandal Score Meter Reaches “Meh”

Sullivan weighed in on the IRS scandal:

“Watching Bill O’Reilly argue – with no evidence whatsoever – that the Obama administration had decided after the 2010 mid-terms to target Tea Party groups by using the IRS as a politicized bludgeon. This utterly unsubstantiated claim is now the dominant meme, the working assumption of the propagandists at Fox News.”

—Andrew Sullivan

There is no link between the IRS’s behavior and the White House. My funny take here. Listing this alongside the rest of your bullshit scandals is….(see: bullshit).

I am not protecting Obama; this is simply an accurate assessment of the facts as we know them. I still marvel the GOP isn’t curled up in a ball sobbing somewhere. Talk about collective wrongness. They’re like the emotional support Borg. Consistence is futile! And I can’t believe some of the comments from the Bushies on this shit. Politics on the far right continues to be surreal². Case in point, Yoo weighed in on Obama’s drone program:

“Neither of these standards — near certainty of the identity of the target or of zero civilian casualties — applies to wartime operations. President Obama is placing impossible conditions on the use of force for what can only be assumed to be ideological reasons.”

—John Yoo

So we shouldn’t strive to protect the innocent? I was initially in favor of our drone program, hell, I thought police action/surgical military strikes were the only way to go in the Middle East. The Biden model…you know, “the moron” who just happened to voice the only sane approach to the War on Error.  Yeah, that guy.

Meanwhile, Greenwald looks back at a rare voice of reason—a person who Fox News-types crucified at the time:

“Barbara Lee’s lone vote against the 2001 AUMF (Authorization to Use Military Force)—three days after the 9/11 attack—was an act of incredible and rare courage that is worth commemorating in its own right. But it was also prescient and wise, using America’s past bad acts to warn of the dangers likely to be unleashed by enacting it. If Dick Durbin wants to acknowledge his gross error in voting in favor of such a blank check for presidential war-making—one that led to 12 years of war in numerous nations with no end in sight—he should do so honestly.”

—Glenn Greenwald

The GOP doesn’t acknowledge “gross errors”. They’re position simply “evolves” into the gross error of the moment (GEMs).  And by evolve, I mean, stumbling around in a semi-decomposed state craving brains.

“All things are treasonous under Obama…even the shit we did.”

—John Q. Republican

Not three days after my post, Obama showed regret about his new powers, which is not a coincidence….okay it is, but Gallaher has a worthy read on the matter over on slate:

“Obama seemingly acknowledged that his administration has come down too often on the side of secrecy over transparency, and of excessive security over liberty.”

—Ryan Gallagher

Is Obama going to restore anything? No. Such invasions of privacy will remain the law of the land. See Winslow’s take here. But again, I appreciated aspects of Obama’s speech. It is, once again, a step better than the GOP’s stance of:

“We haven’t quite figured out yet—nearly a decade later—that we created this problem.”

—John Q. Republican

Liberals are not likely to fix this. No one is. But I appreciate a meaningful discussion. The GOP seems ever more devoid of this ability. They remain reminiscent of, well, this says it best:

Old Man Yells at Cloud

Look GOP, you can’t have it both ways, on each and every issue, regardless of the facts or the outcomes. Lately I’m finding less spin over at the coin-op laundromat on Mad Dog. The GOP, particular Dick Cheney, warned Obama if he didn’t use these tools and we got hit again, the blame would be all his. Could you imagine the outcry of a major terrorist attack on U.S. soil after Obama rolled back this expansion of executive power? I am not condoning any of it, but I predicted all of it. It’s not rocket surgery. Besides, I believe there is at least a chance that Obama will create some oversight for these programs.

As for the latest problem, Syria, there are no good options, aka, the GOP demands action! Hell, I liked inaction. It’s a much better move 9 times out of 10. The GOP will charge in where angels fear to tread…not because they’re brave, but rather because they’re certifiable. I really blame Clinton on this one. You’re going to have the GOP advocating for the wrong move, every time (see: history). They are very easy to ignore at this point.  But apparently the international pressure and the recent Dem pressure became too much. Obama was dragged kicking and screaming into this cluster, but I will not kid myself, the fault will be placed on him…and rightly so.

Final Rant Alert (FRA):

Sorry, but I watched 8-years of mind-numbingly poor decisions/scandals under Bush—after which I predicted our country would never be the same—but now during our fragile, improbable recovery, the GOP has the balls to spend their scant political capital either making shit up or pointing to their own pile of dookie and crying foul? Really?

“If society lacks the unity based upon the commitment of men’s wills to a common objective, then it is no more than a pile of sand that the least jolt or the slightest puff will suffice to scatter.”

—Émile Durkheim
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The Horny Goat Weed Question

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Mick Zano

Somehow it looks suspiciously droopy

What exactly is Goat Weed, let alone Horny Goat Weed?  Moving west has taught me many valuable life lessons, like the importance of staying east.  In the dank underbelly of some seedy Nevada truck stop, I found myself enthralled with a urinal condom machine (it wasn’t the first time).  On this metal cultural microcosm of western wanking were emblazoned the words “enhance your sex life with Horny Goat Weed”.  Below were the words “Proven Effective”.  Proven, not just “studies suggest”, or “emerging research indicates”, but “proven” to help me in an area that can always, always be kicked up a notch.  What the heck?  I’m not beyond enhancing my sex-life through 75 cent restroom novelty items.  Who is?  But what exactly is Horny Goat Weed?  I immediately envisioned one of those shady accident lawyers warning: “Have you or loved one ever tried to enhance your sex lives with Horny Goat Weed?  If your testicles turned several shades of red and then exploded in the aftermath, you may be eligible for a large cash reward.” 

I couldn’t handle that—I hate those commercials. 

Is Horny Goat Weed too good to be true?  Is it just a pipe dream?  (Pardon the unintentional imagery.) How does it work?  Is it flown in from the jungles of South America, or is it growing wild in my own backyard?  Is it something the Ghetto Shaman swears by? What is the side effect profile?  Is it safe to take with a bottle of Xanax and a bucket of Slurm?  Was it worth my last three quarters, or should I go with the old stand by, the ribbed French tickler?  Decisions in the back of greasy truck stops can change the course of history.  Some call this the latexfly effect.  OK, I just made that up, but now that it’s bandying about the morphic resonance, who knows?

My laptop is my trusty companion, my Samwise Tonto if you will, and the baby changing station has, no doubt, witnessed many an unsavory act, except the changing of a baby.  In fact, using this ‘station’ for its original intent would now probably constitute a phone call to Child Protective Services. In a pinch, it worked nicely as a laptop table.   The chances of getting online in the middle of the southern Nevada desert is about the same chance as some trucker saying, “Excuse me, sir, do you mind? I’m trying to change my baby.”  If, by some divine inter-net-vention, I were to get online in this stink pit, I would probably be breaking some fundamental law of the Universe by not searching porn.  Civilizations rise or fall on the decisions made in greasy truck…sorry. 

Alas, the gods mock me.  The search for more pertinent information about Horny Goat Weed would have to wait until I was comfortably situated in my hotel room.  

The next morning, to my horror, I discovered the Monte Carlo—in the heart of Las Vegas, Nevada—has only pay internet.  The nagging question about Horny Goat Weed would have to wait.  As the day wore on, the question became more of a burning sensation, a sensation that made me question the effectiveness of 75 cent French ticklers in the first place.  As it turns out, the internet is not free in any of the major hotel/casinos downtown.  When Las Vegas falls, I must remember to fiddle. 

Bald Tony arrived, but the booze and Thai hookers would have to wait; I needed answers and possibly ointments.  Failing miserably, all day, at getting anywhere with my web search, I gave Bald Tony explicit orders what to Google and to print out the results before returning to the Monte Carlo (under pain of death).  True to his word, Tony completely forgot.  So the next day, my curiosity about this strange but promising product had reached a fevered pitch, possibly C minor. 

[Scene missing for drunken Thai hooker orgy]

Sunday morning, Tony handed me three sheets of paper.  I scanned the documents with both fear and wonder.  Horny Goat Weed pertains to Chinese Herbalism (aka, ancient Chinese secret) and it goes by the name Epimedium Sagittatum, which is Latin for ‘Sir, your goat is humping my leg.’  Twelve minutes and two pages later I felt like an expert on what certainly sounded like some good clean, herb-induced boneage. But let’s get one thing straight; this is not your father’s Viagra…for one thing it’s called Horny Goat Weed and that, in and of itself, is worth risking your scrotum’s future.  And, if it ever fails, my offspring may be eligible for a large cash reward.  How could two billion China balls be wrong?  So my last three quarters may well be ‘change to believe in.’ 

Bald Tony, looking somewhat balder on this sunny Vegas morning, also arrived with a warning.  If you wish to verify the validity of any of this information, Tony strongly suggests implementing the safe-search feature on your web-surfing preferences when Googling the words ‘Horny Goat Weed.’  Otherwise, if you’re not careful, your eyes could melt out of your head like the end of that Raiders of the Lost Ark movie. 

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a dollar fifty worth of rest room novelty items on the line…

Onward to Vegas baby, and Vegas baby changing stations!
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