Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

White House Offering New Staffers Choice Of Very Own Free Range Lawyer

by Mick Zano • December 21, 2018

Tweet Tower—The White House has remained woefully understaffed throughout President Trump’s first term and, since legal jeopardy is rising for cabinet and staff members alike, the president has proposed an innovative solution. Anyone who accepts a position with the administration will now get to hand select their own personal free-range attorney directly from the White House lawn. The Trump Administration hopes this new perk will increase the number of applicants, which have recently fallen to slightly below zero. In related news, the HR director is unavailable for comment and is facing significant jail time.

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by Mick Zano • December 19, 2018

Tweet Tower—The White House announced that all flags in the U.S. are to be flown at half-staff as the default position until further notice. President Trump told the press today, “With all the constant illegal immigration activities, rats, shootings, rat shootings, witch hunts, and even rat shooting witch hunts, the flag will be flown at half-staff all the time. I only have half the normal staff to run this dump, so it’s fitting. The flag can be returned to the usual way up high position when I say so. This will be easier than all that up and down for every shooting, misstep, tragedy, or important guy kicking the bucket. Eventually I might have the flag raised or lowered based on my mood, you know, when I get laid, acquitted, whatever.”

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by Mick Zano • December 15, 2018

Most of us get up in the morning for work and drive over the structurally unsound bridge and then pass the accident at that same place …you know, the dangerous intersection the city keeps ignoring. But it’s all good. The cop writes the tickets while the mechanic, the tow truck, and the hospital get their cut and, hey, now they captured it all on camera to maximize litigation. Then you make it to work and report to the Board-selected sociopath—who, surprise surprise, the governing board identified as the only personality disorder anywhere near the top of the food chain—a person whose sole, yet soulless, job is to figure out how to do more with less human resources. And you are a salaried employee, possibly in a right to work state, which translates as: you’re on call 24/7 and please work 50-80 hours a week or we’ll find someone else who will. Oh, and we can fire you without cause, just ’cause. You wander to the window where the facility guys have resumed emptying those skull & crossbone labeled barrels into in the culvert across from the park. Sure, the drinking water’s getting a little Flintier and the food is getting a little more salmonelliear, but we’re saving money, right?

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by Mick Zano • December 11, 2018

I’m going to cut my friend Pokey some slack. He’s just being used by our rightwing friends and lucky for him the inability to process information is not a crime. Devin Nunes and my friend Sean, on the other Hannity, are actively aiding and abetting a known felon. I’ve touched on this before, because I like to discuss what’s going to happen and avoid my friend’s approach, namely the misinterpretation of everything that already has. Many of us remain 90% sure that a variety of felonies are heading Trumpward. But others close to the president have known about this wide array of wrongdoing for a long time. Likely charges on the low end of the spectrum = obstruction of justice and a wave of white collar crimes. High end of the spectrum = full blown conspiracy + that other shit. The former should—and the operative word here is should—trigger impeachment proceedings. The latter should—and the operative word is should—trigger the full annulment of this administration. Team ass-clown is likely compromised to the Russians and the Saudis. Who knew? Uh, well, most of us. If it walks like a Trump and tweets like a Trump #ItsATrump. My above equation shows the results of such misdeeds in a functional democracy, which we no longer have. Yes, we ran past the point of no return on our environment and our democracy while half the country was too busy investigating the Clintons. Thanks? Today I want to talk about those enablers among us. Not my friend Pokey, a man blinded by the right, but those who are clearly aware of the wrongdoing and yet are protecting the enemy’s of democracy. Post Mueller’s findings, here’s who needs to fry for protecting Trump:

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by Mick Zano • December 10, 2018

India’s North Sentinel Island—The Sentinelese tribesmen responsible for the recent death of an American missionary man on a remote island off the coast of India are finally speaking out today about the slaying. In an exclusive interview, tribal spokesman, Bob the Elder, told The Discord, “Yeah, we have some pretty tough immigration laws here on Stay The F’ Off Our Island. We’re closely watching what’s happening along the U.S.’s southern border and we really don’t want any of that shit here. A caravan of kayakers paddling over from Honduras is not our idea of good time. Hey, but at least we don’t snatch children from their families and detain them on separate sandbars. That’s some crazy Sheriff Joe like shit. We are satisfied with our current process for asylum seekers. We, the inhabitants of Stay The F’ Off Our Island, will continue to carefully review each and every application, *cough* between arrow volleys.”

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by Mick Zano • December 8, 2018

A picnic ensemble will be available for the holidays! Batteries sold separately.

by Mick Zano • December 6, 2018

Yeah, we’re a little late on this one, but so his he.

by Mick Zano • June 7, 2017

We didn’t say it was a good theory.

by Mick Zano • December 14, 2016

What’s to come of spoof news in a post-truth world. It seems a tad surreal defending satire as we approach the end of our republic, but why not? This site probably won’t survive what Trump has planned for the internet anyway. 4G Notspot? Neither the folks in charge or the general public can distinguish between spoof, satire, fakeiness or truthiness anymore. In a post-truth world there’s more overlap with these newsy flavors than a Venn diagram with codependency issues. Hell, it took the rightwing years to even figure out that Colbert was making fun of them, so of course they’ll lump all these “fake news sites” into one bucket. Bucket of …hmmm. Uh, Zano, Trump doesn’t even know the difference between Shiite and Sunni, so don’t we have bigger Daesh to drone? Maybe, but this subject is near and dear to my heart and has huge 1st Amendment implications. In fact, I’m betting Ass-Clown Hitler will use this fake news controversy as the impetus to end net neutrality and sell broadband to the highest bidder. That’s called irony.

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by Mick Zano • November 28, 2016

This isn’t about healing anymore, it’s about collapsing. I’m afraid that’s the only trick left in the republican bag of tricks. Speaking of bags, why not stuff your political party into one, light it on fire, and leave it in on someone’s porch? I would say ‘wake up’, but it’s probably best to stay asleep at this point. Trumptophan? In 2017 why bother having a political opinion at all? Our political fortunes are akin to Sartre and Camus collaborating on a country western song during a Walking Dead episode. So let’s focus on what matters now, hoarding Ramen. If you’ve read some Zano, my political posts are essentially a funny, yet damning indictment of the party that will eventually be our undoing. Despite my 11 followers, the political right has grown into the strong, delusional force that we see today. It’s not histrionics to say we’re history. Them’s the facts. Now that the republicans have a super majority, let’s channel some Zevon as our ride is here. So I propose a toast, to being toast!